Cyn Cyn

Eh

[cyra21]

I wonder what it feels like to be in a state of mind where everything is actually okay. Where you actually look forward to be alive. Not the pressure of bills causing so much stress to your brain and most importantly your body.

Some people live in a peaceful environment and I am happy for them. I want to be just like them just so I can finally be happy.

They get to go on adventures whether local or foreign.

They get to be more knowledgeable about other cities and countries.

They are able to attend concerts from their favorite artists.

They are able to go out to eat wherever they want and get whatever they want.

They are able to drive in a decent car.

They are able to buy useless items that bring them joy.

They are able to actually be happy.

They are happy. Not. In. A. State. Of. Survival.

Some of us are born learning to survive and that’s so tiring. We are tired Spiritually, Mentally, Physically, Emotionally. Just everything.

When can I get a little bit of good karma and just get stable…

[cyra21]

When you realize your “feeling” of being numb is actually you disassociating since you don’t really know how to deal with emotions

[cyra21]

We want to let go of people and we do… until something small triggers memories. Sometimes birthdays don’t feel fulfilled anymore. Sometimes new songs from the same artist hurts. Just a name can send your head spinning. I wonder if these triggers are only for me or if you feel them too.

[thespilledquotes]

“Living with anxiety is like being followed by a voice. It knows all your insecurities and uses them against you. It gets to the point when it’s the loudest voice in the room. The only one you can hear.”

— healthyplace (via thoughtkick)

[cyra21]

As much as night is suppose to be time to recharge, I waste more energy. It’s the only time I can be alone and reflect how I truly feel. Stress is one hell of a way to break a person down. When you add in the anxiety and depression, it gets harder to stop your brain for one second.

[qvotext]

[cyra21]

Sometimes it feels too heavy

[cyra21]

Sometimes I just want to be held. That’s it. Just held and listened to without talking. I want a partner who is obsessed with me and constantly wants to talk to me. I want attention without asking for it. I want to be held in bed too. I just want to feel loved and I haven’t had that. I want to be appreciated. I want to be looked at like I am the prettiest person they’ve seen (even though it’s not true). I just want to love and to be loved in return :(

[cyra21]

I’m kind of tired being too much for people who don’t know how to handle me. I’m sorry for being a lot to handle but I’m trying to be better

[cyra21]

it is so hard to make the right decision. I just want to stop everything and just breathe. I am so unsure of everything, i just want to give up. I feel like I’m letting my family down if i take a semester off. I am mentally tired and just want to stop

[cyra21]

Money is always an issue but full time work is a no-go because of school.

I can’t go to school full time because of finances.

I used to be able to do both but everything is hard now. I am not sure if i will actually graduate next year. I just want to stop time to process everything. Everything moves so fast for me that I can not take it all in, I am broken and weak compared to other people. 

[cyra21]

I am tired of everything. I hate not feeling normal. Can I just shut everything out? 

[cyra21]

Daily thought

I tried to fit in where I did not belong. I thought I could be friends with people who couldn’t empathize with what I was going through. I always put my self in their shoes but they couldn’t even try to imagine what I was going through. We came from two different worlds yet we still met at the same place. It was a beautiful journey as it had lasted but I think it was for the best for us to part ways. We tried to hold on to on our juvenile years, but the reality is that we were growing or at least I was growing mentally and emotionally. I needed people who could understand without judgment. I needed help from people who could relate. I needed a change. The way that everything happened was not the best way for anyone but it happened. We can’t change what happened and I am glad that it happened the way it did because the rollercoaster from then to now has been a very bumpy one yet I think I have reached a smooth part for now...

[cyra21]

35 credits. Summer, fall, spring. And then it will be over. One year from now, hopefully you’re about to graduate.

[cyra21]

Places to travel:

Japan

Colorado

Las Vegas (at least once)

Rome

Italy

Hawaii

The Andes mountains?!

Ruins in Mexico

Historic places like Easter island or Stonehenge

Mexico para Mama Ceci

[cyra21]

It’s been a year since we last communicated.

It’s been a year since all of friendship deteriorated.

It’s been a year that I reached rock bottom and you were nowhere to help me.

It’s been a year that I last seen you.

It’s been a year that I cried out for help.

It’s been a year that I wanted to die.

It’s been a year that all my burdens were too much for you.

It’s been a year that I seen my soulmate disappear from my life.

It’s been a year that I have missed you endlessly.

It’s been a year.