It’s been a while since I posted and also realizing how wise my younger self was. The Good People post was definitely worth reading again. I still stand by the same thought even 7 years later lol. It’s not just the people I met in the MBA but this also goes for in the workplace.
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This one is about my journey back home. Much like Odysseus’ journey back to Ithaca (why can’t I find the gifs??), the last 7 years was full of ups and downs… and I liken the end to his time on Calypso island. I was an excited, wide eyed bushy tailed wannabe slave corporate employee back in 2019 and offered my life energy to big tech. I learned a ton, not just about licensing and enterprise selling, but also about people, their motivations and reasons why most people are not the best at making the right decisions for their life. The longer I hang around my colleagues, I realized I didn’t want to approach life the same way and I want to surround myself with those who take life by the reigns and proactively move toward it. 7 years being comfortable… eating the lotus flower.. being in a trance, passively moving through life. That’s what I mean by the parallels I’m drawing with the Odyssey.
I will explain with some examples what I mean:
Subject A: my manager for almost 7 years
It didn’t end well for her unfortunately. She died just a few months ago and I am shocked by the choices people make. She knew she had a condition for years and it was manageable. However, there were some events last year that really rocked the team and greatly affected her (in my view). I was on maternity leave for the last year so I only intersected with her in her last month of life but isn’t it crazy? How people choose to suffer unknowingly because it’s familiar? I knew she had dreams of volunteering for charities and all but why would she choose otherwise? I guess at this point I will never know. But man, that didn’t really sound like a good decision. Passing away in your 50s and working til your last 2 weeks of life? I don’t know what to think of say tbh. But that left a deep mark on me and made me question myself on how I should go about living my life- especially what I choose to spend my time.
I had dreamed of working at big tech or a startup since before my MBA days and I successfully bagged big tech. Not gonna lie but the pay and benefits have been great but because I wasn’t in a high visibility role and I didn’t know how to play the game properly, I pretty much stagnated. Same role for most of my time here, one promotion in 7 years. That’s insane… but it made me realize, maybe I didn’t want to play that game anymore. The work felt repetitive and I thought I was done by year 2-3 in. I don’t understand how people can do the same thing for decades.. I guess it just wasn’t for me anymore. The longer I stayed, the more complacent I became and I didn’t like that. Only until I took a year long break that I realized that I was wasting my life/time there. That was an aha moment as I realized my time was more valuable. Even doing nothing was more productive than working there being online. I wasn’t even that busy! I wonder how many people actually feel this way at work but they needed to stay because of the money. Especially anyone who works at big tech for more than 5 years would definitely have given the enough cushion to take some risk or make a change. Lots of thoughts here and I want to write more about it.
Subject C: the new self I am becoming
They say when you are about to change, your old self dies. I feel like I’m literally at the cusp right now and that is why I made the difficult decision to remove the golden handcuffs. I have two weeks left at work and I am overcome with some grief, regretful thoughts, but also excitement. I don’t think I’ve been this excited for a while. The unknown suddenly feels more appealing even though I have no idea what’s coming, I am all here for it. Even when I graduated from my MBA, I don’t really think I was intentional with my options. Especially when everyone is stressed with looking for a job (similar market sentiment right now), it feels a bit cruel if you are choosing or rejecting good lucrative offers. Of course, the debt and loan had to be repaid. I even had to borrow rent money from my sister the first month of work because the company hasn’t paid me yet. Crazy times. And now I am intentionally choosing to be unemployed, try some new things again and find joy in my work.
It has definitely helped that last year, the thought of coming back to work was so repulsive to me that I hired someone as a mentor to help me get out. Clearly it worked… he knocked some sense into me and for that I am forever grateful. We are infinite and unlimited. It takes time to really understand that. But once you do, you cannot go back. And this year has been full of experimentation. I’ve connected with likeminded people, learned a ton about online sales, and even got my first client! Offline through referral and yet to get online ones but I’m excited. This is the feeling that I know I want to have everyday and I am essentially living my best life.