What is a limit? A limit is widely considered to be a point in your interaction with your partner(s) that you deem to be going ‘too far’. These can be highly personal, individual, and unusual.
It is very important that you discuss limits in the early stages of any BDSM dynamic relationship! They can be sexual or non sexual, and both Tops and bottoms can (and should!) have limits.
a part of your body which is off limits in all play (feet, neck, and face are common here)
a nickname, derogatory or otherwise, which you do not want to be called
an act that you have no wish to engage in (diaper play, spanking, and restraints are common limits here)
an implement that you do not want to use in play
Explanation: Some things are considered soft limits. These are generally disagreeable to you, and something you do not think you would enjoy. However, you may try them under the correct circumstances.
Others are considered hard limits. These activities are absolutely off limits in your interactions, for all of the foreseeable future.
Limits can change. Something may become a limit which was not before, or you may decide to try an activity that you previously considered a soft or hard limit. This is okay! It is important to always have ongoing communication with your partner about what your feelings are regarding limits.
Red flags: a partner who tells you that you should not have any/so many limits is not a healthy, respectful partner.
A partner who constantly pushes your limits, or criticises you for having them.
A partner who makes you feel guilty or silly for having the limits you do.
A partner unwilling to discuss and define limits within your interactions.
Resources: for lists of possible limits, try looking at mojoupgrade for BDSM based activities. Here is a list of potential activities within CG/l. It can be a very useful activity to go through lists like these, and mark what would be a potential or definite limit for you.
Written by NotQuiteRapunzel
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