Quotes from the Cloudiest WebScaliest DevOps Teams

The stories you are about to read are true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent and/or bitterly cynical.

[daily-devops]

Eng 1: Can you run date +"%Y" on your machine and tell me what you get? Because I just got a disk space alert

Eng 2:  I actually did it :D

[daily-devops]

I'm just going to sit here and eat my doughnut while the script I just complained about does my job for me.

[daily-devops]

Eng 1: Quoting: Algorithmically, we traverse propagated inputs, accumulating every propagated dependency’s propagated dependencies and adjusting them to account for the “shift in perspective” described by the current dependency’s platform offsets. This results is sort of a transitive closure of the dependency relation, with the offsets being approximately summed when two dependency links are combined. We also prune transitive dependencies whose combined offsets go out-of-bounds, which can be viewed as a filter over that transitive closure removing dependencies that are blatantly absurd.

We can define the process precisely with Natural Deduction using the inference rules. This probably seems a bit obtuse, but so is the bash code that actually implements it! They’re confusing in very different ways so… hopefully if something doesn’t make sense in one presentation, it will in the other! Got it?

Eng 2: I was like "right, right, yes, very good" until I got to this bit:

> but so is the bash code that actually implements it

Monsters!

Eng 1: I thought everybody wrote shell scripts when they were trying to prune blatantly absurd dependencies from their transitive closures?

Eng 2: It's the natural choice

[daily-devops]

Having just read that S3 is now strongly consistent I think the best example of eventual consistency has now got to be the amount of time it takes the Cloudformation developers to support new functions and services (measured in months)

[daily-devops]

"They're all dead. Everything's dead, Dave."

"Kinesis isn't, is it?"

"Everything's dead, Dave!"

"Not Cloudwatch!"

"Gordon Bennett! Yes, Cloudwatch. Everything. Everything's dead, Dave!"

"Athena?"

It's dead, Dave. Everything is dead. Everything is dead, Dave."

"Wait. Are you trying to tell me everything's dead?"

[daily-devops]

Wiki - (n.) The Hawaiian word for "badly formatted jargon salad".

[daily-devops]

Sooo much of what we do is just cloud barf. This is my new favourite phrase. "What do you do for a living?" "I'm a cloud barf generator"

[daily-devops]

I am a full stack engineer which means if you give me one more task my stack will overflow

https://twitter.com/ReinH/status/1101179223098748928

[daily-devops]

myth: AI's going to take over the world and turn us all into slaves. fact: AI can't draw a fucking cat.

comment on https://thiscatdoesnotexist.com/

[daily-devops]

Eng1: Add that to your LinkedIn. _Got Big Giant Bank to implement new software things_

Eng2: Nobody who has worked here would believe me.

[daily-devops]

Inchohate?  Is that like inchoate but with a tiny hint of _hate_? If so, then it is a *good* word, and I will use it myself.

[daily-devops]

Type 1 Kubernetes can be managed but never cured

[daily-devops]

Scale without scaling? Is that a Xen koan?

[daily-devops]

I remain convinced Serverless should be called Containerless. Knock that hype cycle right into a cocked hat and get to the actual end-game.

[daily-devops]

Eng1: [2:05 AM] Fuck me. It's just taken me 6 goes to remember what syslog is called

Eng2: [2:06 AM] Yep. We need to run this and GTFO. AWS support have said: "hey I just talked to an expert, since you will be sending almost 300 request per second we don't currently foresee any limitation it could cause however we do recommend to implement a retry logic so as if request fails you can retry."

Expert has signed off on it. We're onto a winner

Eng1: [2:07 AM] Yeah you write retry logic for a distributed shell script run by a for loop at 2:07 am

it appears to be working but why only on one box?

[daily-devops]

Eng1: The eternal question - What do consultants do?

Eng2: Tell you the time by stealing your watch.

[daily-devops]

Yammer is just full of everyone moaning about stuff. It’s the Mos Eisley of chat systems.