i zone out a lot. Before, this wasn’t really a problem. I get back real quick and work fast, I’m never missing anything. Either it’s me stressing myself to do it or just.. doing it. Recently? Zoning out is fucking dangerous. I’ll zone out and come back and i’v cut myself Multiple times. i didn’t want to! I didn’t meant it! But I still do. And people get mad. I cant explain I just.. zoned out and hurt myself. I’ll be cutting my nails and suddenly I’m picking at my thigh. I don’t understand . I only shower once a week. I barely brush my teeth, I never drink water, I rarely eat and feel ok, I don’t get enough sleep. What’s wrong with me? Why cant I be ok? I know I was at one point! Then what’s the issue now? I did it so easily back then. I’m just being lazy, at this point, and I don’t know why.
I get it all dear. The two most important aspects of it are that, first, it is you alone who knows it and second, no one will get ir right no matter how much you try to say. The time is tough, the feelings are hard to get rid off of, the outcomes are painful yet the mind keeps going there and keeps repeating the same overtime. But, I would like you to know that the purest of hearts are the ones who are least understood. You are beautiful, my friend. Your heart is beautiful but it has undergone damage and that's why it believes that this world has only sadness. That isn't true. Ask your heart the great amount of love it wants from you. Ask your body the great amount of care it wants from you. The external world is just a figment of falseness and deception. Don't rely on it my friend. Let the outer world not affect you. It is you alone who can love yourself and care for yourself. Start meditating and start doing breathing exercises. Feel gratitude for yourself, your heart and your body.