Isolated Thoughts

|| Personal Daily Writings ||

[daily-isolated-thoughts]

11:44 p.m. 8/6/18

The quietness can be destroying to ones mind. It can stretch the brain like taffy and meticulously control your deepest thoughts. The quiet can cause your mind to slowly collapse on itself without notice. It just happens, it all happens so quickly that you can't even stop before it starts.

The quietness can turn the smallest whispers into violent screams. Before you even know it, you're screaming back into the darkness in the early morning. You can't help but lose what little sanity you had left that you were holding on to. It all begins to slip through your fingers once you no longer can control your deepest emotions.

You're screaming out for help, praying someone will make it all go away. You grab tightly at your chest, breathing heavily as the screams enclose around you. Hearing deadly words to poison your soul that seep through the darkest corners of your mind. It all becomes too much for your fragile mind to defend. You feel like you're going crazy and no one seems to notice as your inner soul is pleading to be set free from your own personal hell.

Your heart is thriving and beating louder by the minute. The roaring screams have been replaced by the intense sound of your heartbeat. You can't help but scream louder as another hour goes by. Then, suddenly your body feels numb and you’re staring up at the ceiling questioning if the quiet will swallow you up again tomorrow night.

[daily-isolated-thoughts]

8:37 p.m.   7/15/18

Life can be overwhelming to deal with at times. We never really know how to handle stressful situations. Many times, we don’t fully understand the complexity of reality. We never know what life throws in our directions. It feels as if we are always caught off guard. People decide to pop in and out of our lives whenever they please. Everyone finds it okay to come around for what benefits them. To you, it feels as if you don’t hold any importance to them. Only then, do they start coming around until they need you for something as a last resort. 

In this day and age, some people use anybody for their convenience. Only for what is in mind for their best interest and not yours. We shouldn’t have to worry about if the next person we come in contact with is temporary. We shouldn’t allow ourselves to be a temporary fix for someone else. 

[daily-isolated-thoughts]

12:17 a.m.   7/13/18

The heart can be deceitful of those who choose the wrong path in life. It can be tricked by pleasures the mind can conjure up. The heart can be forgiving so easily with just the right amount of excuses creatively put together in a few sentences. A person’s heart is fragile and soft. At times it is very easy to bend and flex with someone else’s thoughts and emotions. We often confuse our minds with our hearts and we too begin to make excuses to conic ourselves into the lies. We try to make the wrong choice into the right choice by simply covering up all the bad things in the process. Little do we know, we start to forget our own morals. Our hearts can cause us to get into trouble or start it. Our minds just take a joyride for anything that comes along the way. In the end, was it all really worth it? 

[daily-isolated-thoughts]

10:20 p.m.   7/9/18

People can take other people for granted at times. You have to try and learn with what life gives you. At times people will ruin you and cause you to think that you are worth less than dirt. 

I thought I knew a person full of life and wonder. A person who stood against the crowd instead of with them. Turns out I was proven wrong. I was blind sided by their lies and two-faced personality. I fell for the trap they set and couldn’t break free for some time. It took a long time to find myself again. I had to learn to not be so trusting and carefree with myself. It took time for me to remember who I was without that person and I had to realize I was better off without them in my life. I realized who I needed to be instead of who they wanted me to be. I needed to break away from the rhythm I was chained to. I needed to get away from the toxic mess that was slowly taking control over me. 

[daily-isolated-thoughts]

2:30 a.m.   6/29/18

Sometimes the world can feel like the biggest weight in your chest. Other days, people can feel like the biggest weight in your entire life. I find it strange that certain people in your life can create such a major impact. They can change your image, thoughts, choices, lifestyle, and more importantly, they can change who you are overall. Sometimes we don’t realize that we have changed until it’s too late for us to try and fix things. We become so caught up in everything else around us that we begin to lose ourselves. We start to forget who we actually are. We start to fade away into the crowds and become part of the “group.” We begin to destroy our identity for something we thought was better. In the end, we all just fade into the distance.