WACO, TEXAS ── a.buttle ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚
summary: when you and alfie broke up, you both knew it was your fault, but even now, you can’t help but call him when things get rough content: angst , use of alcohol to numb feelings , alcohol reliance/ addiction , toxic relationship , ex-boyfriend!alfie , cheating (i don't condone, it's just for the sake of the plot) , mentions of self-harming , implied domestic violence , brief mention of sex , sad ending notes: this is obviously a very deep piece of work, so if any of the content warnings make you uncomfy, lease don't read this! // italics are moments from the past // i cried writing this + it's really long so get your tissues ready xx @wherethezoes-at @ghostwrittenbygrace @luvbuttlestv @lilyyxoii @majknn @tiaxoxo8 @tinysweetmoon @miya-111 @golden-hoax @loveheart-123 @iheartsophie @theoreticallythe @ocea1cperl @an0nym0nst3r @abizzlex @reidnweeptv
─────── YOU AND ALFIE had had the perfect start to a relationship. It was all rainbows and butterflies, all smiles and giggles. That was, until, harsh realities came to light, and mistakes piled up on top of more mistakes, and it got the point where you were arguing more than talking. And that's when the break up happened. After three years. You were a mess, as was he, and it was full of tears and screaming, and curses.
But even now, as you stood outside the apartment block belonging to your current boyfriend after a rather violent fight, phone pressed to your ear as you silently begged Alfie to pick you up, you still had some hope that he still cared.
Even if it was all your fault.
my honey's heart is blue and a second offbeat
You were ridiculously battered. Incoherent, couldn't see straight, couldn't walk properly, but you still insisted on drinking more. Alcohol was flooding through you, causing your heart to thunder in your chest, nearly vibrating your ribcage. You'd had an awful day and just wanted to numb it all.
"Hey, c'mon." Alfie muttered, grabbing the neck of the bottle you were going to take a sip from, "Enough now, this is getting stupid."
"I've had a shit day, let me do what I want!" He could just about make out your slurred words.
"You're gonna get fucking alcohol poisoning. I get you're stressed and sad, but talk to me instead."
You glared at him, snatching the bottle back and taking a large chug while staring him down. He just sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
yeah my baby acts cool but they all know something ain't right
Later on, you were sat on his lap, laughing and giggling with one of his friends, getting way too comfortable for his liking. You nearly fell forwards into his friend, but Alfie wrapped his arms around you tighter, holding you up and bringing you into his chest.
His friends shared a look, and then to him, giving him a quizzical look as if to say 'what the fuck?'. Alfie just shook his head, sighing and giving your thigh a squeeze as a silent way to convey his annoyance, but you paid no mind to it.
i hope i die today, save me from another late night of red eyes
"You fucking humiliated me in front of all my mates!" Alfie exclaimed once you were back at the grotto.
You were perched on the bed, watching him pace rapidly, while holding a bottle of water. He had tried to sober you up, but you refused his help, and he'd blown up on you.
"I'm sorry!" You cried, sniffling and fidgeting uncomfortably.
He ran a hand through his hair and then over his face, "Fucking hell, reader. Learn to control yourself."
"I didn't mean to! It just happened!"
"Yeah! It 'just happened' because you didn't fucking listen to me when I told you to stop! I wasn't doing it to be controlling! I was doing it because, clearly, I know your limits better than you do!"
You squeezed your eyes shut, fat globs of tears spilling down your cheeks. You hiccupped, chest heaving, and Alfie huffed at the sight of you, messily sobbing in front of him.
"Okay," He muttered, moving to crouch in front of you, "Okay, hey, darlin', stop crying, okay? I'm sorry for shouting, you just ... no, never mind."
"I-I'm s-s-s-sorry!" You got out, words still barely forming.
"I know, okay? I know." Alfie rested his forehead against yours, tucking your hair behind your ears and stroking your nose with the tip of his own, "Please stop crying, I hate it when you cry."
but then, the morning comes, you were there looking for me
When Alfie woke up, he turned over, expecting to see you there, but you weren't. There was, however, a you-shaped dent in his mattress, meaning you hadn't been gone long.
"Fuck me." He huffed, pulling the covers back and sitting up.
He reached for his phone, seeing hundreds of texts from the boys group chat about the night before. Doing a quick skim through, he could already tell what the whole chain was about.
You.
More specifically, about how you were an absolute handful, a mess, an embarrassment to be out with, are just some of the words they'd used.
Alfie's face screwed up and he switched his phone off before burying his face in his hands. This was the fourth time in a month you'd done this.
Gone on a bender. Lost all control. Decided to put your faith in the hands of a cocktail glass rather than your own boyfriend.
but i, i was gone, turned my back for a moment and you had fallen apart
You'd only gone to the bathroom, just to freshen up and empty your stomach of the ridiculous amount of alcohol you'd consumed the night before. But, when you came back into the bedroom, Alfie was sniffling into his hands.
"Hey, what's wrong?" You asked softly, sitting next him and stroking his back, "Alf?"
He just shook his head, leaning into your embrace. You tightened your arms around him, frowning and resting your chin on his shoulder.
"You need to stop, reader. You need to stop this ... this going out and making a mess of yourself. it's draining me having to look after you all the time. Please, promise me you'll at least try."
terrified on this side of a conversation, a conversation we'll never come back from
Two years after that issue, was when it all blew up. Because, yeah, in the moment you promised him to stop, but you never lived up to it. You continued to drown yourself in nights out and the immoral attention of other men, despite having the best connection with a man then you would ever achieve for the rest of your life.
You were arguing in the kitchen, hands flying around around, voices getting achy and tired from the constant yelling.
"I didn't fucking cheat on you, Alfie!" You shouted in his face.
"Oh, reader, don't make me out to be a fucking twat! I'm not stupid. I saw you two flirting in my fucking face," At that, he got right into yours, as if to emphasise his point, "What? And then you just magically disappear for a few minutes?!" He walked away slightly.
"A girl can't go for a piss anymore?!"
Alfie turned back to you abruptly, pointing a finger in your face, "Don't. Don't you fucking dare." He scoffed shaking his head, "You're becoming a fucking alcoholic, and it's so draining. If it was just the alcohol, I wouldn't mind as much, I'd help you, even. I did try to help you! But it's not just the alcohol is it?! It's the flirting with other guys, it's the snogging them 'round the back of the fucking pub!"
"I—"
"Don't even try to deny it! Josh saw you!"
You swallowed thickly, a lone tear trickling down your cheek.
"Fuck's sake." Alfie huffed, scratching the back of his neck and turning away from you, "I'm done, man. I'm so done with you."
Panic flooded you, the alcohol tearing free from your conscience and being replaced by an overwhelming sense of dread and guilt.
"Alf ..." You whispered, approaching him and placing a hand on his bicep, "I'm sorry ... Please, I'm sorry."
"Nah," He shrugged you off, "Nah, you're not."
"I love you. I do. I promise I do. I just ... lose myself a bit after a drink."
"A drink?! Just one?!"
"Okay! Okay, I drank a lot, I know! But I still love you!"
He shrugged, "Maybe. Maybe you do love me. But I won't let myself be treated like shit on the bottom of your shoe any longer. I tried to help you when I first noticed it to be a problem, I tried, reader, I really fucking tried. But this," He gestured between the pair of you, "It isn't working anymore. And maybe, just maybe, if you'd kept your lips to your fucking self and shut your legs, I'd be willing to work this out."
"I didn't sleep with him!" You scoffed.
"Oh, what, and that just magically makes this all the more better?! Congratu-fucking-lations, you kept your legs shut for other men while you were in a relationship with another man! Well done, I am so, fucking proud of you!" He clapped with sarcasm.
"I didn't mean it like that! I'm just ... Please, Alfie, I'm begging you. I love you, I need you. Please don't leave me. Please. Please." You latched onto his torso, bringing one hand up to hold his cheek and turn it to face you.
He sighed heavily, unable to stop himself as he leant into your touch, resting his forehead against yours. With the close proximity, he could feel the slamming of your heart in your chest, and you could feel the angered pants of breath coming from him.
"Please." You whispered. "I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
Alfie grabbed the sides of your head in his hand, planting a firm kiss on your forehead and then hugging you tightly.
You sagged in relief against him, smiling into his shoulder, which vanished with four words.
"Go pack your stuff."
You pulled back, frowning, "What?"
"I told you, I'm done. I can't do this. I love you, but you're killing me, and this isn't healthy for either of us."
'cause goddamnit, i did it to myself in hindsight
You were sat in Alfie's car, elbow resting on the door, chin in your hand as you sniffled, fidgeting with your phone in your lap with your free hand. You kept checking it, wondering if your boyfriend was going to call you or text you.
"You need to stop calling me when you need me, reader. We broke up for a reason. You chose him. Not me."
"I know." You whispered, voice hoarse from the previous argument you'd gotten in with your boyfriend, "I know it's my fault we broke up and I shouldn't call you but ... it just ... I needed you."
"How bad was it?" Alfie muttered, stopping at a red light.
You just shrugged, wiping your jawline as your skin tingled with a tear coming to a halt.
He reached across, bringing your hair into his fingers and pulling it back to rest behind your ear, baring your face to him, including the red mark on your cheek bone.
"Jesus Christ, reader."
"It's fine." You croaked, "I hit him back."
Alfie's tongue rolled on the inside of his cheek and he shook his head, his hand tightening around the steering wheel.
"You shouldn't have to."
You turned your face to look at him, your large, watering eyes taking in the annoyance and protectivity that radiated off of him. When you'd called him, begging him to pick you up in the middle of the night, you'd expected an angry lash out full of barks and glares of indifference, but what you'd got was the opposite.
When you got into his car and broke down sobbing, he was all docile paws and tender licks with gentle caresses over your skin.
Your bottom lip trembled again at the sight of him, still so willing to hold and care for you, despite the turmoil you'd put him (and yourself in the process) through.
He saw the tears coming and reached over, wrapping you up in his arms. Thankfully, the roads were quiet, so even when the light was green, there was no pressure to continue.
"Hey, hey, it's okay." He whispered, cradling your head, "I'll take you back to mine, yeah? You're alright now. No need to go back to him."
i loved you when it hurt inside to, but in the low light, you know i'd do anything for you.
He'd left you in the bathroom to get a shower. You stared at the image in front of you, taking in your appearance.
There were the stains of tears on your cheeks, partnered with the incoming bruises from a forceful hand. You huffed at the sight, squeezing your eyes shut and reaching into the shower, turning it on just as you had all the times before.
But something was different.
You never used to be alone.
You swallowed thickly, wrapping a towel around your nude body and opening the door a crack.
You hesitated, "... Alfie?"
"Yep?" He hummed from the bedroom.
"I ... I don't wanna be alone."
It was silent, and then you heard a sharp exhale before his feet shuffled along the floor, standing on the other side of the door.
"Open the door properly then."
You stepped to the side, opening the door properly for him. He stepped into the bathroom, looking down at the sight of you in just a towel.
He hadn't seen you look this vulnerable in months.
You looked like a wounded animal, all wide-eyed and body trembling with little shakes, whether that be from exposure to the cold, nerves, or fear.
"Will ... Will you join me?"
Alfie swallowed thickly before nodding stiffly.
You blinked, and you were under the steady stream of water coming from the showerhead. Your forehead was pressed into his chest, nose nuzzling his damp skin. One of his hands was around your shoulders, holding you close and feeling your back wrack with the force of your sobs, while the other cradled the back of your head, his fingers buried in your hair.
"I'm so sorry." You cried brokenly, fingers squeezing the skin of his waist, "I know it's all my fault. I know, I know, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"I know you are, darlin' ... I know." He sighed, ignoring the tear that travelled the curve of his cheek.
you know i'd do anything for you, you know it's true 'cause i've said it to you.
You laid in his bed, the one that once belonged to the both of you, facing him, the tips of your noses grazing and your breaths mingling in the small slip of space between you.
"Please don't go back to him." Alfie mumbled, reaching out and stroking your side.
Familiar goose bumps arose on your skin at the touch, as if your body recognised it was him and no one else.
"He's no good for you." You gulped at his statement, "You can stay with me until things settle."
"Will you take me back?" You croaked.
His chest rose and sagged with the drastic exhale he let out, "I don't know ... but I'd do anything for you. You know that. And, it kills me that I know it to because you treat me like shit, reader."
You nodded, "I know I did ... I'm sorry."
held in my arms, i swore i'd be good to you, be good to you
"Are you gonna stop the drinking?" He held your face in your hands.
You nodded profusely, "Yes, yes I promise."
He shook his head, "I don't even know if your promises are meaningful at this point. Every time you promise me something, you break it."
"No, no, I won't break this one. I'll get better for you. I promise. For you. For us."
and then sat and watched, as you walked away from me
You were cursing loudly, infuriated as you threw all your belongings into a suitcase. Every time one of his hoodies got caught up in one of your shirts, you threw a mini tantrum and launched the article of clothing at Alfie, who was stood in the door way, observing the meltdown.
"I'll get you an Uber." He muttered.
You wanted to scream, the way he was being so nonchalant about the whole thing, as if he didn't desperately want you to stay, was aggravating you.
"No! No, don't even call me an Uber. I'll fucking walk to my dads!"
"It's 2AM, you're not walking anywhere!"
"Like you give a shit about what happens to me!" You screamed, slamming your zipped up suitcase on the floor and storming down the hall to the front door.
"Hey!" He yelled, voice booming as he followed you out of the Grotto and onto the gravel path, "Don't you fucking dare turn this on me and make me the bad guy! You're lucky I'm even offering you any transportation! I should just leave you to walk home, but I won't! I can't! Because I do care about you, even though I really fucking shouldn't!"
yeah, you've changed but did i ever know you? or did i hold you, facing away from me?
"You've changed," He'd whispered a few minutes prior when you were still chest to chest, "I ... I don't know why. But I want the old you back. The one that wouldn't leave my side when we went out. The one that helped make the plans and was actually willing to come and see me."
"I am! I am willing to see you. I love you, Alfie."
"I ... I actually don't think I ever knew you. This behaviour doesn't just come out of nowhere. Unless it's just the booze talking. Is that it? Drinking gets you all messy and daft?"
You nodded, "Yeah."
"Yeah, at least you're aware."
no one's watching ... do you hate me? when this is over, maybe then we'll get some sleep
Your head rested on his chest, feeling his heartbeat echoing into you ear relaxed you, your brain finally taking a rest after working overtime tonight.
"Are you drunk?" Alfie muttered into your hair, his hand dancing along your spine.
"I was. So was he ... That's why we got into a fight."
Alfie nodded, sniffing and tightening his arms around you.
"Do you hate me?" You whispered into the dark.
He was silent, but shook his head, not that you would've known.
"Alfie? Do you hate me?"
"No." He whispered back, "No, I could never hate you."
"You probably should," You chuckled, but there was no humour behind it.
"Get some sleep. You need it."
i've been picking names for our children, you've been wandering how you're gonna feed them
"Tommy." You hummed one day, your feet in his lap as he held the controller on top of them, clicking away as he played a video game.
"What's that?"
"For our kids." You laughed, "Tommy for a boy ... Polly for a girl."
"Polly, is it?" Alfie smirked, raising his eyebrows as he paused the game.
"You got any other options?"
"Nah, I like your choices but ... we gotta make that baby first." He put the controller down, shifting to hover over you.
Your face screwed up as you started laughing, hands coming up to cradle his face as he took your lips against his own. They moved against each other in a dance that you'd gotten familiar with, letting him lead the kiss as your legs came up and hooked around his waist, bringing him down and closer to you.
When he pulled back, he was panting and smiling dazedly, "I love you. And, I promise you, when I get out of that shitty fucking warehouse job and get some real money in my pockets, we can have that baby. Sound good?"
You hummed and brought him in for another kiss.
love is not enough in this world
The morning after, you sat up in his bed, back resting against his headboard and dressed only in one of his t-shirts. He was sat on the edge of his bed, feet planted on the wooden floor, elbows resting on his knees and in a pair of boxers.
"I blocked him." You said after a while of silence.
"Mm, that's good." Alfie nodded, "Did you live with him? Need to go and get any stuff?"
"No, I'm still staying with my dad so ... all my stuff's at his."
"Good." He nodded again.
"... Do you want me to move back in with you?"
"Are you asking me to ask me, or are you asking me to hint at the fact you want to live with me again?"
"I— ... Both?"
"I can't ... I can't be with you again."
Your heart shattered in your chest, the tears building again, but you nodded in understanding, eyes flickering down to where your fingers fidgeted in your lap.
You felt him shuffle closer.
"Reader? Can you look at me?"
Hesitantly, you opened your eyes, meeting his green iris'.
"I want to, okay? Please believe me when I say I want to be yours again, and I want you to be mine again, but—"
"But I'm a shitty girlfriend, yeah I know, I get it." You got out quickly.
"No, no, that's not what I was going to say. Yes, it's partially true. You were an awful girlfriend at the end but ... I still love you, and I know you still love me too. But ... That's not enough anymore."
"I just ... I'll never meet someone like you ever again, and I really want to try again." You sniffled, eyes flickering over his face.
He nodded, "I know. I know you do, and I do too."
"Then ... please." You whispered, sitting forwards, holding his face in your hands and nuzzling your nose against his.
'cause i'd rather die, then be anything but your girl
"I'll be better, I promise. I ... I'll stop the drinking, start a programme even. I ... I can't breathe without you, Alfie. Seriously. It kills me to know that it was all my fault, and it kills me even more to know that you don't want me back."
"I do. I do want you back, I just ... I don't know if I can do myself the disservice of that. My friends already think I'm a mug for not moving on like you did."
"I didn't want him like I wanted you. I need you, I don't need him. I don't love him. He was just there to fill the void. I was never his girl. I was always yours, Alfie. Always. I'd rather die than be anything else."
i never meant to hurt you, but somehow i knew i would
This was about the 20th argument you'd had with him this month about your habit of letting men get too friendly with you when you were out.
"It hurts me to see you act like that! You're practically throwing yourself at these other men while I sit there like an absolute dickhead, watching you!"
"I'm sorry." You said, blinking slowly, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings—"
"Oh my fucking God, you're not even sober right now! You're still drunk! You've eaten, drank water, and thrown up! How much fucking vodka did you have?! Are you even listening to me!?" He grabbed your biceps, "You're, hurting, me, by, acting, like, this!"
will it be like this forever? forever?
"Is this how we're going to be from now on?" Alfie asked at another time where you sat across from him on the sofa.
You swallowed thickly and then shook your head, "No."
"No? Well, it feels like it. All we've done these past few months is argue and it's exhausting."
are you angry? do you hate me?
Makeup sex. That's what happened at the beginning of the end.
Before your problem really became a problem, you'd just cement your lips to his and let him ram into you for the rest of the night until his anger was gone and you were satisfied.
You were both sweaty and panting as he flopped down next to you, brushing his hair out of his face.
"Are you still angry?" You asked, smirking and turning to lie on your side and look at him.
He chuckled, bringing you on top of him so you were straddling his hips.
"I dunno, but you could make it up to me again."
You laughed, it turning into a moan as you sank down on top of him. He adjusted so he was sat up against the headboard so he could hold you close as your hips rose and fell.
You panted into his neck, arms latched around his shoulders as his were around your waist.
"Do you hate me?" You asked teasingly, kissing below his ear.
"I could never hate you, angel."
you know i'd do anything for you, you know it's true, 'cause i've said it to you
You sat down across from him after two months, grinning. You handed him a calendar of this month. On each box was a smiley face. That was your system. For each day you went without a drink, you could put full smiley face on the box according to it.
He put his phone down, taking the calendar into his hands. His face lit up and he dropped it to the floor, throwing you into his arms and hugging you tightly.
You squealed and laughed, wrapping your legs around his waist.
"A month?! I am so fucking proud of you!" He laughed, spinning you.
"I'd do anything for you too, Alfie." You said.
held in my arms, i swore i'd be good to you, be good to you
"Six months!" You screamed as you came home, throwing yourself at him, "I did it! I did it! Six months sober!"
"Oh, my angel girl." He squeezed you tightly, kissing your cheek rapidly.
"I'm doing it for good this time. No more ups and downs. I'm going to be good. Be better. For you. For us."
then sat and watched as you walked away from me.
There was no more walking away. Your six months sobriety proved to Alfie that you had changed and you were trying to be better, so he gave it another chance, and it was better than ever before.
You didn't go out to clubs anymore, for he was too scared it would send you into a relapse, but you went on picnic dates, and he started his YouTube career, getting more and more famous by the day.
Your heart swelled in pride for him, as his did for yours.
You'd both come so far.
You were determined to not let anything ruin it.
so i bled, 'til i cried, 'til i felt, i might die
"Fuckin' hell, hey! Hey, hey, hey, what—" Alfie crouched down in front of you as you were sobbing on the bathroom floor.
It was then that he took note of the trickles of thick red coming down your hands.
"Jesus Christ okay, okay." Alfie huffed, running a hand over his face before cupping yours in his hand, "What happened? Hm? Talk to me— Wait, fuck, how deep is it?"
You shook your head, too overwhelmed to get any words out.
"Not that deep? Okay, okay, good." He was clearly panicking, but was trying to mask it for you, "Talk to me, angel, please—" His voice cracked, "Please."
"I-I-I-I can't!" You sobbed. "I lost it! I fucked it up!"
Alfie sat beside you, kicking the razor away and bringing you onto his lap, cradling you tightly as he shushed you, trying to calm you down.
"Lost what, angel? What did you do?"
"I drank!" You wailed, chest heaving and fingers pulling at the injured, lose skin.
"Stop that, don't do that!" Alfie took your now bloody hand into his own. "What do you mean you drank? Alcohol?"
You nodded, collapsing into him.
"Oh, darlin'." He sighed, holding you tightly, "Okay, it's okay, it's just a blip. Just a bad day."
to be loved the way you should is to put yourself through hell
"I'm home!" Alfie called out, kicking his shoes off, "Reader?!"
He frowned as he didn't get a response.
He walked further into the house, opening all the doors, but he couldn't find you anywhere. But, when he looked out the back window, he saw you sat in the field, back to the house.
He smiled at the sight of you amongst the grass.
He opened the front door and rounded the Grotto, walking up to you.
"Hey, angel, what you doing out here?" He asked, but you just stared blankly out at the horizon.
Then, he saw what was in your hand.
"Are you— Are you joking?"
You gulped audibly, but still staying silent.
He reached down, yanking the bottle of vodka out your hands. He jogged to the edge of the grass mound before launching the bottle as far as he could with a loud yell.
"Fuck!"
When he came back over, he was fuming, hands clenched and jaw tight.
"Get inside."
You didn't even move, nor did you flinch at his aggressive tone. You were completely numb, just like you were all those months ago when you were in so deep you didn't think you could see the end.
He grabbed your bicep, yanking you to your feet and dragging you inside. He slammed the door shut and then pushed you forwards. Your head hung low, knowing you were in the wrong, but too intoxicated to care.
He was shouting, screaming even, pummelling his fist into the side of the fridge.
He stormed forwards, taking your chin into his hand, "Do you even care?"
You blinked at him.
"No, of course you don't, because all you care about is yourself. I can't believe I was dumb enough to believe you had changed, that you could get better. I'll tell you, reader, you're fucking clever, tricking me like that." He chuckled humourlessly, "I think you even convinced yourself a little."
You gulped, "I'm so—"
"You're what?!" He yelled, "You're sorry?! Really?! Well guess what, I don't fucking believe you. You— You fucking liar!"
You shook your head, nose scrunched up and eyebrows furrowed.
"Why? Hm? Why? I'm here. I'm literally right fucking here for you! You're telling me that bottle does more for you than I do? It supports you more than I do? I can't believe you're picking alcohol over me."
You had absolutely nothing to say, because he was right.
"You— How are you the only person to ever love me like this, to know me the way you do, but you're also the only person I've shed genuine, proper tears over? Hm? Explain that to me. Why does loving you hurt me? Why does being loved by you hurt?"
still i waited, and tried, 'til it killed me, 'cause you're right
You were sat in your new boyfriends apartment, staring at him as he sat next to you, headphones on and talking down the mic to his friends as he played some video game.
You were in the room, but you weren't in the room.
Your mind was back at the Grotto, cuddled up with Alfie like nothing had ever gone wrong. Like everything was perfect.
The way things were supposed to be.
But you were waiting, waiting for him to call you back or text you back and beg you to come home. The second break up was uglier than the first. It also hurt more.
Because you'd actually tried to get better for him this time, but you couldn't. Your urges and desperation was stronger than your sense and love for him. And that was dangerous for the both of you.
Some of Alfie's last words to you stung harder than any slap.
"You're ruining your own life, sure, but you're also ruining mine. So I fucking give up on you."
They stung, but only because they were true.
i can wait if i want, but it'll never good enough like i wanna believe it is
"Alfie?" You croaked down the phone, sat on the sofa in the middle of the night as your boyfriend snored in his sleep down the hall.
"What do you want?" He huffed.
A soft, feminine giggle came from the background of his end of the phone, and your heart dropped.
"Are you busy?" You asked.
"No— Well, yeah, but what do you want? Just make it quick.”
"I ... I just saw you moved to London. I wanted to say congrats."
"Yeah, thanks." He cleared this throat, "How you holding up?"
Your bottom lip trembled violently as you sucked in a deep breath, nodding, "Yeah." Your voice broke with emotion, "Good."
"You sure?"
"Yeah." You laughed, sniffling and wiping your nose, "I—"
"Reader, come back to bed!" Your boyfriend called for you.
"I gotta go." You muttered.
"Okay, yeah, me too— Hey, wait."
"Hm?"
"Is it the same guy?"
Your jaw fell slack and you gulped, resting your head back and staring at the ceiling.
"Reader?"
"Yeah?"
"Is it the same guy?"
"I've gotta go, Alfie."
"Don't, please don't hang up if you're at his house."
"I'm sorry." You cried weakly, "I'm so sorry, okay? I know it was all my fault and we'll never work out."
"Are you sober?"
"No." You shook your head, "No, I can't do it without you. It's not the same. It'll never be the same. He'll never be as good as you, and I hate it. I hate myself."
"Don't say that." He said softly, "You've gotta get better, yeah? Do it for yourself. I'm, um, I'm actually coming home this weekend. Wanna meet up?"
"No, no I can't. He'll get mad."
"He's not helping you, angel."
You let out a quiet sob at the old pet name, biting your lower lip.
"He drinks too, he's making you worse."
"You're the only one who made it better." You said.
"Reader! I'm serious! Come back to bed!" Your boyfriend shouted, his tone impatient.
"I'm gonna go, Alf."
"Okay." Alfie sighed. "Please call me if he ... if you need me."
"Will do. Bye."
"Bye, reader."
