DANGER BEAR!

It's like the Second Amendment, or the right to arm bears... wait, what?

[danger-bear-chats]

Could I go another day without seeing this?

Minnesota, on the criteria of inspirational papers

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The perils of outsourcing.

Background.

A graphical abstract (joke’s on me! I can’t read Chinese, either):

A discussion with The Family:

Me: Some, maybe inappropriate, lessons learned: 1. Sometimes, if you want a job done right, do it yourself. Alternatively, hire good people; corollary: you get what you pay for 2. Cut out the middleman 3. Don't low ball bids too much

The Mother: How about some more: 4. Establish timeline and deliverable (e.g. left ear as proof) 5. Establish accountability (e.g. crime scene selfie)

The Sister: Always #1 there, Danger Bear.

The Mother: Must have a selfie to assure no outsourcing The Sister: Oh god, no selfie. You don't want evidence! Or do you... The Mother: Delete afterwards, like Mission Impossible The Sister: Because at the end of the day, everyone is just a businessman? Lol, this reminds me of my day job (procurement). The Mother: Because at the end of the day, everyone HAS TO BE a businessman.

In other news, apparently The Mother got shit done in her work-life.

[danger-bear-chats]

I always thought of myself as a sort of a Jet Li figure.

Lyft Driver: You know who you look like? Jackie Chan.

Me, remaining unflappable: Oh, thanks!

Lyft Driver: Where are you from?

Me, knowing the real question being asked: California.

Lyft Driver: No, where's your home country?

Me: Oh, right, uh, Taiwan.

Lyft Driver: Huh*? I was going to say that you just really look Chaponese**.

Me, pausing: I couldn't hear you, can you say that again?Lyft Driver: Chaponese, right?

Me, still not sure: Like China? Yeah, you could say I'm Chinese-Taiwanese.

Lyft Driver: So, do you know Jackie Chan***?

Me: I wish I did, that would be awesome.

Lyft Driver: So you really don't know Jackie Chan? He's really good at Taekwondo****.

Me: I totally agree. I wish I knew him.

* It's possible he didn't know what Taiwan was.

** I really don't remember what he said--it wasn't a real word.

***O n reflection, I think he was asking me if I knew who Jackie Chan was, rather than whether I knew him personally.

**** That's maybe not the first discipline I would have guessed, but whatever.

[danger-bear-chats]

Found this from someone else who, apparently, found this on @thesasslass. Anyway. Plato: man you're lucky Plato: I'm in season 9 where the writers are trying to sneak character substitutions by the audience as actors move on to other projects Plato: after working in the same lab for a while I start to see students, grad students, and post docs that way

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SWORDGAI: A not-so great anime from Netflix.

I’ve made an observation shared by many others, which is that Netflix has been good for anime. They seem to be producing or co-producing a lot of anime which means more material out there for us to consume.

That being said, they did put out Sword Gai: The Animation, which is terrible.

I might follow up later with a more detailed analysis (probably not, due to limited discretionary time), but here’s my snarky and hopefully also pithy description:

It feels like Netflix bought or funded someone's Ph.D. in machine learning where the end result was a program that learned, poorly, on what makes a shonen and tokusatsu anime appealing. With that in hand, the program then, equally poorly, generated Sword Gai.

If we’re going with the more contrived, the other possibility is that Netflix is developing human-like robots or cyborgs, one of the products being Toshiki Inoue, who also happens to make terrible anime. Take your pick, I guess.

[danger-bear-chats]

Sometimes I feel like a Tough Hero in a Smart Hero world.

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Almost equal in importance.

Me: I *almost* jumped in front of an undergraduate carbon.

Chicagoland: What?

Me: I almost got ahead in the queue of a carbon?

Chicagoland: Oh, I thought you said that you almost jumped in front of a car. I was about to say, Danger Bear, do you need to talk?

Me: Well, I mean, I need that insurance money. I have expenses, Chicagoland.

[danger-bear-chats]

Transimidation, alright.

Dayton (Yesterday): Transimidation is easy!

Dayton (Today): Transimidation is a bitch.

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Dayton's on fire!

Dayton: I think it's just you, Danger Bear.

Me: Yeah, well you can go fuck yourself.

Dayton: That's just the right amount of hostility for this office.

Me: It took me a few years to titrate it just right, so thank you for noticing!

Dayton: I think I understand why you drink so much La Croix.

Me: ...why's that?

Dayton: Because it's awesome.

Me: Well, duh.

Dayton: Can I use this rotovap?

Syracuse: Go fuck off, Dayton. Right, Danger Bear?

Me, with no hesitation: Go fuck off, Dayton.

Minnesota: Hahaha... Danger Bear, did you just tell Dayton to go fuck off without any context at all?

Me: Why, of course. It's the correct move about ninety-five percent of the time.

[danger-bear-chats]

The mission went horribly wrong.

Cincinnati: Did you get that flight reservation?

Me: Yeah, the reservation is on hold pending the funding approval.

Cincinnati: Good, just checking.

Me: Okay, you're not even my real--

Cincinnati: Mom? But I am.

Me: Well, that's awkward, because I'm pretty sure I'm older than you.

Cincinnati: Yeah, some weird stuff happened.

Me: Time travel was involved? Also, you're a man.

Cincinnati: I'm actually a woman.

Me: See, weird again.

Cincinnati: Actually, you just budded off of my arm.

Me: Like a fungus?

[danger-bear-chats]

Oh, imidates, you do you.

Dayton: Why are imidates so hard to me?

Me, laughs very loudly.

Me: I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh but it's so funny. This isn't even a you problem, this is an--

Dayton: This is your problem, too!

[danger-bear-chats]

The other kind of pie.

Fort Wayne: Dinner tonight, as a team celebration plus my birthday?

Me: Sure, when and where?

Fort Wayne: Say around 7 PM at Pies and Pints.

Me: Oooh, I've never been. Do they have savory pies as well?

Fort Wayne: ...it's pizza, as in pizza pies.

Me: Oh. Well, of course I like pizza too, but now I want a savory pie.

[danger-bear-chats]

Very matter of fact.

Me: Oooh, what are the BDEs for?

New York: Trying to oxidize shit.

Me: Heh, spoken like a true graduate student.

[danger-bear-chats]

White lightnin'!

Versailles-Ohio: If you want to try some clear liquor, let me know. I'm white lightning; I'll blind ya. All that methanol.

[danger-bear-chats]

What's a tittermatorter?

Me: I'm with Harrisburg. How do we justify the terrible life choices that we made?

Macomb: It's not a terrible life choice; it's a different choice.

Me: Wait a minute, I thought I was the supposed to be the liberal, hippy-dippy flower child from California.

Macomb: It's like a teeter-totter.

Me: Also, what's a teeter-totter? I assume you mean a seesaw. Who calls it that?

Harrisburg: Yeah, I asked Fort Wayne. He said that he used to call it a teeter totter when he was a kid.

Me: ...but then he became an adult, right?

Harrisburg: And realized that it sounds fucking stupid to call it a teeter-totter.

New Jersey: It's a seesaw. What kind of deranged person calls it a teeter-totter?

Me: YES, TEAM SEESAW.

[danger-bear-chats]

Always have a back-up career choice.

Dayton: Hey, Danger Bear, do you have any extra degassed toluene?

Me: Dang it, if you had asked ten minutes earlier, I could have prepared some more.

Dayton: I'm sorry, Danger Bear, I'm just really stupid. I guess I should start thinking about other choices, like being a stripper.

Me: I like how your immediate first choice was to become an exotic dancer.

[danger-bear-chats]

Excuse me while I cry into my avocado toast.

Mobius: They'll publish an RCA once it's resolved

Me: I don't speak your hip, young, millennial lingo.

Mobius: Root Cause Analysis

Me: Someone called me a millennial.

Me: That upset me.

Mobius: According to lines drawn by people arbitrarily put in charge of such things we are technically millennials by the wiki definition

Me: That was, more or less, the qualifier that followed the label.

Me: This did not diminish my ire.

Mobius: If it makes you feel better you could always use the Generation Y label

Mobius: We somehow got lumped in with millennials, the page even redirects now

Me: Fuck millennials, dude.