My take on Azriel’s POV
Long post incoming but if you’d like one psychologist’s take on Azriel, please keep reading! This is my first time posting. I came to the fandom ~2.5 years ago, and I thought that everyone had said everything that needed to be said at the time but with a new book, I’m very interested in participating in the fandom theories and interpretations!
So I’m a psychologist and part of my job is to take data and interpret what I think it means. I have a specific set of lenses that I look through, and am I sometimes wrong? Absolutely, but that’s something I always disclose, that it might be trial and error, I try to make all the information make sense, and ask for feedback. I am also always very intentional with my language and word choice in my work. I am by no means trying to say I have the best grasp on mental health or think that my viewpoint is 100% accurate, but I just want to explain some of the psychological things and writing choices that stood out to me.
I think the thing that has bothered me most is people being upset and uncomfortable with Az’s POV and how he views Elain. More so because I think it’s a misunderstanding, but of course, everyone is entitled to their own interpretation and reactions.
SJM is always intentional about what she does so I was curious as to why she left out emotional/romantic words and writing in Az’s POV and maybe that is what bothered others about it (it didn’t bother me, give me more horny Az please). He didn’t express any longing or emotional/romantic feelings towards Elain (and neither with Gwyn and I’m not going to discuss shadow interaction at all because that’s a whole other post). His behavior, to me, definitely did convey longing and romantic interest though. I wouldn’t say it was normal, but it wasn’t abnormal that he keeps the medicine gift on his nightstand and stares at all the time and hasn’t used it once. It’s meaningful to him in some way (I have my own interpretation as to why but I’ll leave that out for now and just focus on what it does mean behaviorally). He pleasures himself in the dark of night with thoughts and images of Elain after even his Shadows have gone to sleep (which I interpreted to mean that he doesn’t want this separate entity but also part of him to know about how he wants and desires Elain).
I think Azriel, who has a history of not feeling worthy of his romantic interests per Mor, doesn’t allow himself to be hopeful for himself. As he’s contemplating kissing Elain he thinks, But he could have this. This one moment, and maybe a taste, and that would be it. To me, Azriel just wants this one moment of happiness and to give into his desires and then he’d be satisfied for the rest of his life (I don’t think he would, but it still says a lot about how he views himself and what he wants out of life IMO). So I think he hasn’t allowed himself to fully be hopeful and give into the growing feelings for Elain because he doesn’t think he’s worthy of her and doesn’t believe that they could actually have a relationship for whatever reasons (mainly the mating bond it seems, could be more to it). After he leaves Rhys, he thinks, He'd been so vigilant about keeping away from Elain as much as possible, and had stayed up here to avoid her, and tonight...tonight had proved he'd been right to do so. So some internal belief he had (that is most likely untrue because that’s how anxiety works. Not that anxious feelings aren’t valid, just that we overthink or think things will be worse than what is actually real), was “proven” right to him.
Furthermore, when Rhys says, “So you’ll what? Seduce her way from him?” (Another word choice example that stood out and bothered me (but is intentional), as if Elain belongs to Lucien, which in this world with the mating bond, it is seen this way, but I think Elain would disagree with Rhys.) the book says Azriel said nothing. He hadn't gotten that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to. I’ve seen plenty of people cite this is as more evidence of Elriel not being endgame because Azriel hasn’t thought of a future with Elain. But if we continue down the trail of the psychology of Azriel, I think it’s more representative of him NOT allowing himself to go that far, because if he dreams and fantasizes about this grand love story with Elain, and then it doesn’t come true? That’s more hurtful for someone like him, to have dreamed and lost, than to have never dreamed at all.
So it just bothers me when people say “Elain and Az are so toxic, he definitely needs to be with Gwyn, and she can help him better than Elain could.” Um no, Az the is common denominator in all this (insert TikTok sound: We are not rehab for broke men), so neither of these girls should be seen as more worthy or better for him. Az needs to work through this on his own and unlearn the mental pathways he has in his brain, and if either girl is by his side and makes him realize things, good. But they are not in any way responsible for his mental well being and recovery, they can definitely help if they wish to.
I don’t want to say that that Az’s behavioral/mental patterns are unhealthy as in it’s bad (because that conveys judgment in my world and I try to stay away from that language unless something is clearly unhealthy), but I think you could say it’s not healthy as in it’s not good. Because I don’t want people to believe that people who have this mind frame or mental pathways (because I’ve seen children and adults that demonstrate this mindset) to think that it is wrong or bad, or that they can’t have meaningful relationships while they have this mindset, because it’s possible for people to have meaningful relationships and be on the road to a healthier mindset simultaneously, but definitely something that needs to be worked on so that relationships to be more successful and have less barriers.
Because also saying that he can’t be in a relationship with Elain (while simultaneously pushing a relationship with Gwyn, and I know this isn’t all of Gwyn and Az supporters) also then disparages all the characters and relationships that SJM has ever written. All of her characters are processing trauma and feelings when they enter relationships. These relationships aren’t perfect which is what makes them realistic. When Feyre accepts the mating bond with Rhys, she tells him, “I want you to know that I am broken and healing, but every pieces of my heart belongs to you.” Azriel’s mental state does not make him any less deserving of a relationship. In the real world, is it best for sometimes to take time for yourself, maybe go to therapy? Yes, but this faerie world, therapy the way we know isn’t an option and so healing happens in different ways and through relationships.
Do I believe Elriel is endgame? I so want to believe it because I think both Elain and Az compliment and balance each other. Other people have made glorious posts on this, so I won’t go into it. But I think Elain’s journey and book would focus on her identity, standing up for herself, being the person who she wants to be, going for what she wants, being more than just a pretty face and seen as someone who needs to be protected all the time; which I think is something her sisters AND Azriel need to learn (Yes, it was cute and made me squeal when Az told Amren that there was a darkness to the Trove that Elain should not be exposed to, but buddy, Elain is going to surprise us all, you included).
So if this is route that is taken, I think Azriel could learn a lot from Elain being that optimistic fighter and believer in love, that no mating bond itself is going to dictate who she can want and can or can’t have. Because whether she ends up with Lucien or Azriel, the only thing I believe is certain is that the mating bond with Lucien will be addressed, and that will require her standing up for herself and being clear about what she wants.