[daniellee95]

blessed beyond all measure

[daniellee95]

i should be sleeping

but i am nervous and excited and blech

Lord will You keep me faithful as You have been for the last 21 years of my life? Thank you for all that you’ve done and I am SO excited for what’s to come. You are so, so good, Father.

I will go make you proud, even though you already are, and I’ll come back an even better person.

Love You, my family, my famsquad, and my friends. Through trials and tribulations I will forever sing Your praises. Even if it doesn’t work out. I trust in You and Your sovereignty.

peace out hehe

[daniellee95]

One of those days when everything seems to fall apart... and nothing makes sense... and emotions run rampant over my last bits of sanity...

it fucking hurts

넌 잘지내고있나봐 난 아직도 아프고 힘들어 나랑 그렇게 쉽게 해어지니깐 그렇게 쉽게 까먹고 지나갈수 있겠지... 난 너한테 다 줬는데.. 진짜로 열심히 노력했는데.. 그 노력한게 부족하다면.. 더이상 노력하기 싫다... 오늘 교회에서 줄리 봤는데 걘 나 모르는척? 못본척? 하고 쑥지나가더니.. 맘이 쫌 아팠다.. ㅎㅎ 계속 아프겠지.. 잠자는것도 힘들고, 매일 빨리 지나가길 바라는나... 완전 깨트러진 나... ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ 내 자신이 존나 한심하다

[daniellee95]

what a week

got piss-drunk for the first time ever... def wouldn’t recommend it to anyone but i thoroughly enjoyed the experience! good company + good vibes = great time eddie had to take care of me HAHAHAHAH

been bulking.. so far so good! at around 163 lbs now and im looking not too shabby... shredding my belly fat is so hard though bc i eat so often :3 maybe I should just do a pure cleanse to completely rid my belly fat :3

이제 거의 한달이 지났다... 그래두 매일 니생각만나..ㅠㅠ 시간이 지나가면 좋아진다고, 시워진다고 했는데 존나 힘들다.... 그래두 바쁘게 사니깐 널생각할 시간이 점점더 쭐어지네.... 너의 목소리 듣고싶다.. 너의 손을 잡고싶다.... 너의 눈을 쳐다보고싶다.... 왜 나한테 이런 상쳐를 줬니..... 내가 무슨죄를 졌다고.. 쥴리한테도 너 어떻게 지내냐고 물어봤는데 걘 내 문자를 읽고 그냥 씹었다.. ㅎㅎㅎㅎ 이제 니 아파트도 나를 싫어하는건가?

에휴

삶이 힘들다... 하나님.... 도와주세요

[daniellee95]

you came up in my dreams again... and we were smiling and talking as if nothing happened... sigh woke up mid-dream cus i knew it was only a dream... and that made me even more sad why... 😔😔😔😔

[daniellee95]

오늘도.. 널 보고싶어했다... 내가 줄리한테 너 어떻게 지내고있는지 물어봤는데 답장 없는거 보니깐 줄리도 나랑 더이상 얘기를 하기 싫은거 같다... ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 시간이 왜케 느리게 지나가는지... 참 궁굼하다

tried a sip of whiskey for the first time yesterday i def did NOT like it so nasty idk why people drink that stuff im just chill with margaritas and fruity alcohol HAHAHAHAH tried white wine and it was g0000000d

lea invited eddie me and jinwon to dinner at her apt and she cooked my fav.... chicken T____T also became friends with her entire APT and they invited me tomorrow night to drink a lil and play some board games... i guess it’d be nice to get my mind off things

lea 를 보니깐 또 니생각났다 ㅋㅋㅋㅋ 내가 lea랑 OC fair 갔었을때 너 엄청 삐진거..... ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 첨엔 나한테 괜찮다고 말했다가 그 저녁엔 니가 나한테 말도 안하고 삐지고... 에휴 what i wouldnt give to be next to you rn

진짜로 힘들다

[daniellee95]

got a birthday package from Christine today... today was pretty darn crappy but the package was yet another reminder that I am seriously loved by the people around me. I lav it so much hehe I wore it the moment I got it until now.. and it makes my shoulders look even broader OP #gains 너 같은 친구들이 있어서 난 행복하다

turned in my USC app! revised and refined by three people I respect as a writer: Christine, Eunice, and Hanna Jun

All I gotta do now is trust that the Lord will take me where He wants me. I think the hard part is accepting that USC might not be the place for me to go in the case that I win... :3

today was freaking long... probably because I slept at 2AM yesterday, woke up at 6AM, and now I don’t want to sleep. I should though.

하나님만 믿게 해주세요 혼자 못해요 하나님... 그리고 너무 감사해요 제가 힘들때도 옆에서 사랑해주셔서요..

all is well that ends well (i think thats how the saying goes) started the day off on the wrong foot but at least I get to sleep on my back HAHAHAHAHA im so funny

[daniellee95]

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gg

[daniellee95]

오늘 같은 날에 너를 아주 보고싶다.

어제 누가 내턱을 팔꿈치로 때리고.. 전에 다친 무릅들이 많이 아픈데.. 이럴때 니가 항상 걱정스러운 목소리로 잔소리 하는걸 듣고싶다.

내가 매일 인스타 그램을 체크 했는데 드디어 니가 우리사진을 지웠구나.. 제발로... 잘살고.. 좋은 친구들많이 만들고... 열심히 살고.. 너를 미워해 하고싶어도 도저히 못하겠다.. 너를 너무 사랑해서...

친구들은 시간만 필요하다고 말하는데.. 시간이 지나가야 들 아프다고 하는데... 난 니생각만 들은다...

i wonder if these thoughts and feelings are going to haunt me for the rest of my life.. i really hope they don’t i need to move on... i need to focus but you keep popping up

damn it

[daniellee95]

Today was extremely fun...

I woke up, drove Lyft for a bit, talked on the phone with Christine, chilled, Lyfted some more before I had to pick up my mom from work. I then ate dinner at HHD with Sungho and Eunice and waited there for Sam to finish work. Sooyeon and Sam came along and afterwards we chilled at my house.

Sooyeon went home at 12am and Sam came back after dropping her off.

Me, Sam, Alison, Sungho, and Ahra played monopoly deal and took some shots and drank beer and chilled til now.. .and its 4:01 HAHAHAH

we talked about the most random things and had fun and im slightly buzzed (post 12 shots of soju, 2 bottles of makguli and 3 beers) but nonetheless I was very grateful and happy to have spent the end of my birthday weekend with some of my closest friends. 진짜 나는 좋은 친구들이 많아서 너무 감사하다. 나를 항상 사랑해주고 돌봐주고 힘들때 옆에있어주는게 너무 고맙다....

하나님, 난 지금 살짝 취했지만 나를 항상 돌봐주고 지켜주셔서 감사합니다. 이런 힘든 시절때 저를 안떠나구 내 옆에 믿을만한 친구들을 많이 보내주셔서 너무 감사해요. 사랑합니다 하나님. 아직도 힘들지만 힘들어도 너무 행복해요... 사랑스러운 가족이랑 친구들이있어서요 ㅎㅎㅎㅎ

i hope i don’t wake up tomorrow with a hangover... im not drunk + im drinking water rn.... regardless, today was a day well spent with some of the people I love and treasure the most. Learning to take it one day at a time and just chillin

[daniellee95]

Not a day went by without me hoping, me earnestly waiting for you to call me and tell me that you've made a mistake... sigh

[daniellee95]

I guess there must be an end to every beginning.

I took that potential game-winning 3 pointer and missed it.

Something I will never understand is why you won’t let me be there for you... you keep saying that it’ll hurt me and that it’ll break whatever else you have.... 내가 이해를 못해서 미안하다 ㅎㅎ

So many thoughts going through my head but for my sake I’ll only recount some of them. 미래가 안보인다고..? ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ 그래..  ㅎㅎㅎ I really tried. 너의 아픔을 보면서 내 맘이 다시한번더 찌져졌다.. 근데 니가 나한테서 도움도 안원하고, 옆에있어준다고 하는데 그것도 못하게 해주니깐.. 난 더이상 할것도 없고 할말도 없다.

진심으로 말하는건데 there are people who really do care and love you. 잘 찾고 그사람들 꼭 붙잡아.. 쉽게 못찾거든. 사랑하고 좋아하는 캐리스 배. 잘가. 진짜로 우리는 끝인가봐. 너랑 끝까지 한번 가보고싶었는데 그 기회를 놓쳐서 내가 미안해. ㅎㅎ

그리고, 오늘 미안했어. 너를 더 힘들게 만들기 싫었는데 나의욕심땜에... 미안해 힘들게 만들어서

adieu, mon amour

[daniellee95]

I was watching The Office (6th time through wau) and S7 EP26 Phyllis Vance tells Erin that if she really wants to be with someone, she just needs to go after that person.

지금은 좀 힘들어도... 우리 버티면서 살면 안되나..? 내가 더 잘해주고, 내가 더 열심히 해줄께.... 너를 못잡아서 너무 아쉽고... 너무 슬프고..

I want to fight for you. I am willing to do whatever it takes to be with you... 내가 말을 이렇게 해도... 행동을 이렇게 할수있어도... sigh 처음부터 다시 시작하면 안될까..? Not a day goes by without me wanting to call you, wanting to text you, wanting to see you... 매일 사진을 보게되는데.. 매번 볼때마다 아퍼.. I promise that it’ll be different this time... ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ I keep telling myself that I’ll move on but that’s a nice try

에휴 넘 보고싶다....

On another note, YAY I’m a lyft driver. After I complete 100 drives, they’re going to send me a mini mustache HAHAHAHA time to finally make some money.... I’m going broke :3

[daniellee95]

마커스 워십 feels rn

부르신곳에서 나는 예배하네 어떤상황에도 나는 예배하네

부르신곳에서 나는 예배하네 어떤상황에도 나는 예배하네

내가 걸어갈때 길이되고 살아갈때 삶이되는 그곳에서 예배하네

내가 걸어갈때 길이되고 살아갈때 삶이되는 그곳에서 예배하네

부르신곳에서 나는 예배하네 어떤상황에도 나는 예배하네

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

그사랑 변함없으신 거짓없으신 성실하신 그사랑 그사랑 날 위해 죽으신 날 위해 다시 사신 예수그리스도 다시오실그 사랑

죽음도 생명도 천사도 하늘에 어떤 권세도 끊을수 없는 영원한 그사랑 예수

[daniellee95]

2:23AM / buzzed

I am... currently buzzed. HAHAH i took 10 shots of soju and i’m barely buzzed... pretty surprised that im such a heavyweight i feel slightly lightheaded but wow I sure can drink a lot...... i’m drinking a ton of water so i dont feel like complete shit tomorrow morning

my 21st birthday was okay. I wanted to spend it with you but obviously circumstances aren’t allowing us to spend it together...

i ate a 300 dollar meal at a sushi restaurant LOL it was pretty damn good tho ngl... drank hot sake for the first time and it tasted like assssssss

picked up the gaybois including 쫀쫀 from biola and stopped by galleria to buy some liquor. sam lee knocked out after 4 shots HAHAHAH he’s such a lightweight

John, Kevin, Andy, and I all took 10 shots before we ran out of soju but.... kevin’s on the verge of knocking out. Andy looks pretty done and John and I are talking about high school ministry and what we can do to help + the never ending rivalry between james jundo and me AHAHAHAHHA

being buzzed is a pretty good feeling.. 그냥 별 걱정도 없고, 생각도 없고, 그냥 좋다...

근데.. 지금 이 시간엔.. 니가 너무 그리워. 오늘 하루종일 너한테 전화랑 문자하고싶었어........ 나를 보고싶냐고... 아이구 너를 까먹을라해도.. 불가능 ㅋㅋ i told you charis!!! i can hold my liquor hahahahaha 나 10잔 까지 마셨는데 i’m not drunk im barely buzzed ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

okay maybe a little more than barely buzzed but def not drunk

okay I should probably stop typing before I seem like a fool

thankful to have spent my 21st birthday with my shekkis.... andy’s so cute when he’s drunk he kept saying I love you hyung HAHAHAHAHAH 존나귀엽다 ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ

I drank like 3 cans of beer, 10 shots and half a bottle of makguli and I’m pretty solid hehe YAY happy 21st to me

[daniellee95]

니가 내옆에 없으니간 생일이라도 별 특별한 느낌이 안오네 ㅎㅎ

우리 제법으로 한잔도 못해봤는데 ㅎㅎㅎㅎㅎ

can’t believe im 21 already seems like it was just the other day when I was celebrating my 18th birthday all happy and shiz cus I was finally not a minor HAHAHA

담번에 만나게 되면 꼭 생일노래 불러주세요 n___n ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

[daniellee95]

21

so.. I am now officially 21 HAHAHAH honestly doesn’t feel like anything has changed except for the fact that I can legally purchase and consume alcohol LOL

always thankful for my gaybois they’re always down to spend time with me and be dumb and childish hehe also thankful for my mom... she’s literally my number one fan keke

although I’ve only spent 1 birthday with her, it feels like a certain tradition has been broken by me not spending my day of birth with her. meep. people tell me to keep my mind off of it and they help try by spending time with me and/or giving me pointers but honestly, at the end of the day, i can’t...

너를 까먹고, 너를 잊고 싶어해도... 도저히 안될꺼같다.. 그게 좋은건지 나쁜건지.. 모르겠다... ㅎㅎㅎㅎ

eating habits are slooooowly kicking back in.. went to AYCE gogi with the gaybois and I think my stomach is slowly letting me eat again PRAISE THE LAWD still feelin sorta queasy cus gogi is lowkey nasty..... i don’t think i can do ayce anymore... my body is weak :3

so many plans this week.. lunch with will tomorrow, dinner + sleepover w gaybois, thursday dinner with amy friday dinner with josh and alexhong saturday dinner with ma squaaaad

honestly, im kinda sick of people rn but.... o wells happy birthday to me? ㅋㅋ thank you Jesus for yet another year filled with trials, tribulations, revelations, and successes. Let this year (and the rest of my life) be fully dedicated to You and You alone