This Coffee's Getting Cold. @daniinahat - Tumblr Blog

despite all the pain, the tears and the rain. it's got to get better. no matter how lost, no matter the cost. it's got to get better. the infinite fall, the distance I crawl. it's got to get better. and maybe I'm wrong, but I pray that I'm not. it's got to get better.

As It Is - The Hurt The Hope from The Great Depression

This past year, to date, has been a rollercoaster. I thought 2019 has tested my boundaries, then 2020 came knocking and opened my eyes. For everyone, across the world, the year we leave behind is a unique one and we have all had to face demons we never saw coming.

For me, it was a year to face my own demons, demons I had been holding onto for far too long. I felt emotions that I had blocked out long ago because I was too scared to feel them. Regrets, grief, heartbreak and everything in between, crashed over me like a tidal wave.

Yes, there have been days where I just couldn't stop crying. I'm not afraid to admit that. There were moments where I was so consumed in my misery, I couldn't even speak to those around me. Of course, there were times I felt numb to the core. But each ot those moments, each of those emotions, gave me a lesson.

I have learnt to be more open, especially with myself; recognise the moments where I need a minute; ask the questions that eat me inside out; and most of all, appreciate the small things in life again.

I have learnt that all the time you spend looking back on the should haves, could haves and would haves, is time spent missing out on what is in front of you.

I have learnt that the people that mean something in your life, and I mean truly mean something, will always keep their arms open to you. There is no judgment or second guessing - just trust and love.

I have learnt that life without my family by my side can be empty and meaningless, but at the same time, I've never been so independent.

I have learnt that it is okay to give your mind and your body the rest and love it deserves, no matter who tells you any differently.

I have learnt that your past hurt can make your stronger, not weaker. That negative events can sometimes have a silver lining.

I have learnt that I am happy. I am happy with who I am. I am happy with what I have in life. But most of all, I appreciate all and everyone in my life.

My heart and my sympathy goes to all those who have lost loved ones throughout this pandemic, covid related or not. You are heros and your loved ones would be proud.

I wish you all a safe New Year, with the hope that 2021 shines brightly for us all. Remember, you are not alone in this world. It is okay, not to feel okay. It is okay to say, 'actually, I'd rather just be by myself today'. But above all, it is okay to ask for help.