Trying My Best

24 years old, she/her. Name’s Dasha :) I’ve written some stuff for Deltarune, but i also lurk in other fandoms (ASOIaF, Skyrim, Centaurworld)

[dashastoudenova]

I made my fic into a hardcover book!

I’ve been working on this on and off for like half a year, and now it’s finally finished! It feels so surreal to hold it. Into The Abyss is now a physical 340 page book, how insane is that?!

A huge thank you to @alonzoarts and @constinconst for letting me use their incredible art!

[anywhoozles]

When you hear Debussy’s Claire de lune do you think of

Ocean’s 11

Twilight, Edward’s favorite song

neither, something else (tags)

Voting ended onMar 17, 2023

[constinconstancy]

Happy Halloween!

[dashastoudenova]

So prettyyyyy

[dashastoudenova]

It's boop time

Update your app, press "start" at the top of your feed, and boop away

Boop me as many times as you need to, it's not annoying :)

[sashasparrow]

not doomed by the narrative but saved by the narrative. yeah i know you'd rather die than keep suffering but the story doesn't actually care what you want. you have to keep going, even when it hurts. even being erased from existence won't stop you from being salvaged from the wreckage of un-being. get up. keep pushing. keep bleeding. keep living.

[dashastoudenova]

YES. YES!!!

THIS!!!!

[doublism]

my instagram explore page loves showing me those like erotic dark romance novel tiktoks and i really have to wonder: why do all these straight women desperately want to fuck a mafia boss

[no-terfs-no-swerfs-no-fascists]

Okay, let's try and break this down.

Sexual fantasies are, by their very nature, transgressive. Yes, even the fluffy, romantic ones. As long as general culture remains negative about sex and sexuality in any form that isn't cishet procreative sex within the confines of matrimony with the woman not as an equal actor but an object sex is performed onto, this is going to remain true.

And the thing about fantasies is that our brains like to take the things we crave the most and mix them up with our fears, anxieties, pain, and trauma into a melange of, sometimes, truly epic levels of fuckery.

But here's the secret - things we fantasize about, from the most wholesome to the bizarre to seriously fucked up? They are very, very often NOT what we literally want.

Being into dubcon or noncon doesn't mean you actually want to be raped or rape. Being into monsters doesn't make you a zoophile. And fantasizing about violent, obsessive men doesn't mean you wouldn't run as far the fuck away from a man like that the second one of them set their sights on you.

If you're really interested in the subject, I recommend reading My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday, a compilation of anonymously submitted women's sexual fantasies. And, as it turns out, women fantasize about a lot of really violent, uncomfortable, and just plain screwed up stuff.

And, for most of them, even when they don't actively realize it, it's about reclamation. Of fear, of trauma, of loss of power. It's about THEMSELVES and how THEY feel. As weird as it's gonna sound, the men featured in those fantasies don't really matter, they're just a vessel, a manifestation of the extreme version of what you're dealing with and/or crave. A safe, cathartic way to experience something profoundly unsafe, unwise, and terrifying.

For women fantasizing about criminals, villains, monsters, and anti-heroes, it's very often about the idea that someone like that - intense, violent, with single-minded focus, and immense power - would love her, want her, always put her first, go against all his instincts/training for you without a second thought and be a clear and present danger to everyone but warmth and safety for her and only her, and burn the world itself down for hurting her in even the slightest of ways. It's a sexual version of the fantasy of having a pet tiger, one that would never, ever attack you or hurt you in any way.

And just like the people who want to boop the forbidden snoot, the women fantasizing about their fantasy Mafia Boss Lover are very well aware of the fact that 1) men like that don't actually exist, 2) the criminal world of their fantasy has all but nothing to do with reality, and 3) that the thing they're actually fantasizing about is being loved, wanted, and safe... just in a REALLY intense, exaggerated way. And, let's not mince words, there's also often a more or less strong D/s dynamics at play in the scenario, too.

Now, you can choose to be judgy bitches about it (goodness knows plenty of you in the replies, comments, and tags are), in which case I would suggest you examine why you're feeling such a profound need to shame women for enjoying themselves in their own little world, or you can apply the YKINMKATO mantra and understand that straight women, living in the constant state of preyhood, sometimes consciously or subconsciously reclaim power over that situation through transgressive sexual fantasies.

Also, fuck this idea that queer people only fantasize about healthy and wholesome relationships, romantic, sexual, or otherwise, as if at least half of Tumblr isn't simping for, oh, for example, Hannibal fucking Lecter. Do you have ANY idea how many Mafia and Thug BL content there is out there?! FFS, Tom of Finland, a WWII veteran who fought against Nazis, drew art of exaggeratedly masculine men in Nazi uniforms in pornographic situations as a way to dissociate himself from those traumas and fascists themselves as far back as the 1950s!

So yeah. Less judgement, and more taking some responsibility for curating your online experience if seeing someone's kink truly offends you this much.

[headspace-hotel]

"Booping the forbidden snoot" is a good way of putting it

[prosocialbehavior]

prev tags, text ver. below the cut

#humans#there's also something here about healing from repressive cultures and purity culture#by fantasizing outside of what's Allowed#fantasizing about a sweet small town hallmark movie guy who looks like he'd be good with kids is somewhat tainted#because that's what was expected of you. forced on you#purity culture is about conforming to what's allowed at the expense of actual desire and pleasure#the thing about a taboo fantasy is that it's YOUR fantasy#and like dubcon/noncon is about the desire thing as well#what if someone WANTED you#it's not about a one to one translation of the thing to real life—it's something that has meaning inside the context of your inner world#when you grow up with purity culture the conventional nice vanilla fantasies can FEEL gross and scary and coercive#in evangelical purity culture desire is BAD and you shouldn't pursue what you Want sexually#sex is about emulating a social norm whether you like it or not#so the tame and 'vanilla' fantasies often have this coercive feeling and it's very hard to explore desire and pleasure like that#therefore lots of people fantasize about being fucked by an alien or mafia boss or werewolf or vampire or something else safely imaginary#thats my read of the situation anyway#nazi mention

[bemusedlybespectacled]

I'm going to try to explain this without sounding completely deranged but like, okay: IMO, there are two kinds of fantasies. let's call them horses and unicorns.

a horse fantasy is something that is theoretically possible. I do not currently own a horse, and the reality of owning a horse would involve boring stuff like paying for its food and mucking out its stall, but it is something I could do in real life. like, horses exist and can be owned by humans. lots of fantasies can fall into this category: traveling to a foreign country, living in a cute house with just you and a cat, winning a marathon, basically anything that is technically achievable even if it would be difficult to do so in real life.

a unicorn fantasy is something that is definitely (or almost definitely) impossible. I do not currently own a unicorn, and there is no version of reality where I could own a unicorn, because unicorns are not real. the actual logistical issues that might arise from owning a unicorn, like paying for its food or mucking out its stall, are completely immaterial because it's not something that could ever actually happen. and like, it's in my brain! I control it! I can imagine a unicorn that only eats marshmallows and shits potpourri if I want to!

I think the disconnect comes in when people assume that a unicorn fantasy is actually a horse fantasy. to use the tiger example from upthread: you can own a tiger. you can't have a completely domesticated tiger that would never hurt you, not even by accident. so saying "I want a pet tiger" is a unicorn fantasy, because everything necessary for that fantasy to work (it being completely domesticated and incapable of harming you) are not things you can have in real life.

now, serial killers/war criminals/normal criminals/etc. are all things that exist. and there are definitely people in relationships with them in real life! so it's tempting to assume that something like "I want to fuck a serial killer" is a horse fantasy: something you would want to do, and could do, if given the opportunity.

but for the vast majority of people, that's not the fantasy. the rest of the fantasy ("he's a serial killer, BUT he only kills bad people and he's nice to me and is both able and willing to protect me from literally anything and has sex exactly the way I want to because he magically knows what I want because, again, this is happening in my brain") is what makes it a unicorn.

[darlingofdots]

This is obviously not exclusively a cishet woman thing but cishet women do deal with a different flavour of sexual repression than queer folks (not better or worse, just a different flavour!) and those fantasies really are about power, just not how you think.

The fantasy is that here is a powerful, aggressive, even violent man, and he wants you and needs you so much that he would burn the world down for you. The central fantasy of the romance novel is that the heroine is so desired and loved by the hero that he is both metaphorically and literally forced to his knees for her. I'm not with my books or notes right now so I can't remember the exact quote, but I think it was Jayashree Kamblé who said that this aggressive/Alpha male subtype of romance heroes is "a lion among men who is a lamb before his woman". That's the fantasy. It's really powerful! If your life experience has told you to expect to do all the care work and to minimise yourself and your needs to be palatable to others and to be grateful for any crumb of attention because you're too fat or too outspoken or just generally not perfectly feminine enough, the fantasy of someone going absolutely feral because they want you so much is really powerful and empowering!

Again, not exclusively cishet women, and also sometimes you just think a scenario would be hot if it happens within your mind where you are 100% in control and can just stop if it feels bad. That's also fine! That's normal! We need to stop shaming people for their romantic or sexual fantasies, especially those of us who clearly have no idea what a fantasy is and what it does for the person indulging in it 🙄

[kyraneko]

A lot of the "you're supposed to like X" cultural baggage is, IMHO, effectively dubcon with the coercion outsourced to some other actor, usually society, but with the "love interest" willingly profiting from that coercion, at your expense.

The effect is something like when you've got a persistent unwanted suitor doing "romantic" shit like sending you flowers at work and lovebombing you and otherwise making a big deal out of his feelings and your coworkers or your family or your friends are all encouraging you to give in because "it's so sweet" or "he wants you so badly, it's cruel of you to deny him" or "I wish my boyfriend did that for me, you're so lucky" and none of them will understand that a) what they want isn't what you want and b) the persistence, the control, the disregard for your wishes all make him the romantic equivalent of food that's been pissed on---and neither does he.

The whole effect is viscerally uncomfortable, and even the echoes or memories of coercion taint the whole concept.

And I think a key factor in the fantasy is a variant of that unicorn situation up above, to wit:

Your church, family, repressive upbringing, and/or purity-focused socialization will never approve of you dating a mob boss or a monster

Therefore

Your church, family, repressive upbringing, and/or purity-focused socialization will never force you to date a mob boss or a monster.

Therefore

Your fantasy about the mob boss or the monster is effectively free from the coercion you're used to in your real life and trying to escape.

It is, ironically, coercion-repellent, directed at the existing dynamics of coercion that might be present in your life or in your past.

[obimomkenobi-deactivated2020062]

[kitchikishangout]

MY NAME, IS FRICKIN MOON MOON. I’D BE THE MOST IDIOTIC WOLF. ‘OH SHIT WHO BROUGHT FUCKING MOON MOON ALONG?’

[amusette]

the post that started it all

[star-spangled-jackass]

oh god

[danthefrickinking-deactivated20]

Never not reblogging.

[clarinetfool]

I’ve only seen this post in screenshots

[salamencerobot]

I’m very surprised this post hasn’t broken a million.

[heritage-post]

date of origin: April 28th, 2014

[myothertardisisonthemun]

Happy 10 years moon moon

[worldheritageposts-official]

World Heritage Post

[dashastoudenova]

I'm Ancient Temptress. In other words, a Milf

[alonzoarts]

Day 5: CANT' GET [The right color for you] RIGHT [[HUE]]...

[dashastoudenova]

I’m sorry, I’m so sorry

But… why is he picking his nose?…

[lynxindisguise]

[avalonjoan]

hey now...

[shesailsships]

Honestly like how did it know??

Tagging others because this was too fun: @hyperbolicgrinch @radiowrites @dotoftheriver @beatrixacs @karinaisloud @sy5starplaty

[hyperbolicgrinch]

Yuuppppppp 😌

Thank you for tagging me @shesailsships 🤗

@joestarry-eyed @tibuki @schwazombie @theotherwhybietoldmeso @killerandhealerqueen @king-of-kaoss @lolacouldnotcareless @wyvernslovecake @danthebookworm @jigensass @soranatus @nalhegrande @tootiredtoosadtooangry @castiels-destiny 💕💕💕

[jigensass]

God I am old and lame

@lawva-girl @bolontiku @isabeauwolf @lawsimp2024

[bolontiku]

Wowwww... thanks for the tag darling!!! Lol

@star-trekkin-across-theuniverse @cevans-is-classic @magellan-88 @tilltheendwilliwrite @i-might-haveaproblem @suometar @silmarillogirl idk who else might want to try this lol

[suotar]

Thanks for the tag @bolontiku 💜

I almost spat my coffee on the table 🤣🤣🤣

[dragonflylady77]

I wasn't tagged but I had to do it!

I think this will not surprise @shieldofiron in the slightest...

No pressure tag @spaceofentropy @medusapelagia @robthegoodfellow @onthewaytosomewhere

[daddiesdrarryy]

Can’t say I’m surprised 😭 I do like AU

No pressure tag: @queereldritch @bebx @nelweensfic @valoale @zlarirosa and whoever wants to do this!

[drizzlytech9113]

lmao love this

Tagging @caeseum-psyche,@thatrandomnerdyouknow, @binart, @kestrel-wylde

[kestrel-wylde]

:O I was not expecting that

@godspeed-michael-valentine @lynxfrost13

[lynxfrost13]

My life summarized in one uquiz 😂

No pressure @some-pers0n @star-ar512 @bi-pan-whiteout @whoseri @0ctorage @zazanyanya @the-lonelyshepherd @sloppy-disc @beanthazar @otiksimr and anyone else who wants to ^^

[otiksimr]

I guess?

@ohabeeeeeee @some-chaos @avianreptiles @coolguyoninternet + anyone else I’m forgetting/wants to join in.

[acatonkepler]

@gert-the-disaster @kingren64 @quinnmcducko

@containedconspiracy @for-the-throat

+ anyone who wants to join!

[all-wxxnd-up]

um . k then.

@aestophobia , @willsperotruther , literally anyone else idk free tag :D

[aestophobia]

thank youuuu for the tga!!!!!!

aw shucks.

@corbin-is-sleepy @aroaceblackhole @professional-termite

[corbin-is-sleepy]

Well..yeah that sounds about right. Why not! Thank you for the tag!! @squiggle3worm @starshower1215

[squiggle3worm]

Thank you for the tag!!!

I guess it’s not wrong lmao

@liesmultixxx @mentalillnessing @vlindaaa @ihadhopeoncetoo @apollosothertwin + anyone else who wants to join:))

[liesmultixxx-deactivated2025090]

Thank you @squiggle3worm 🫶🏻🫶🏻

sounds about right. I too wonder how I made it through life this far 🤪

npt: @love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie @secretlyofthefeywild @daughterofpersephone4 @riordanness @demigoddess-of-ghosts @peachymaryobrien @blujfire @nachthimmelschwarz @wannabetokiorockstar @iwasmidnight-rain @barnacle-butch @backtodecember-taylorsversion + everyone else who feels like doing this 🩵

[love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie]

Thank you @liesmultixxx for the tag! Sorry that it’s taken FOREVER for me to do this 😅 x

lol got the same one. Not at all surprised because 😏😂 x

Tagging: @caughtinapokeball @tortelli-ni @writer-or-whatever @sweetfool @love-geeky-fangirl and anyone else

[theonethatwatchesalotofshows]

Thanks for tagging me

@stellaluna33 @zenmasterlover @saltygilmores

[emmafallsinlove]

tagging @jewvian, @katenotbishop, @mayalice18, @now-that-i-saw-you 😊

[now-that-i-saw-you]

Lmao

Tagging @stedesbonnets @cinnamon-notes @isopodonanescalator @forgetfulfish & anyone else who wants to join

[isopodonanescalator]

THANKS FOR THE TAG THIS IS SO FUNNY 😭

and scarily accurate..

no pressure tags: @fatallyaddictedtofiction @richie-shitlips @annahanover @chompisatheatrekid @bistec-37 @whizzerwinss and anyone else who wants to join!

[fatallyaddictedtofiction]

Omg this was so fun thanks

Love being basic 💕

@little-doggy-girl-kisser @automaticsoulharmony @onlymyleftsideisgay @fortunecookievlrnt @katertot-the-obsesssed @duomaxwellandducks

[onlymyleftsideisgay]

Thank youuu

Throwback to yr 11 drama much?

Too tired to think, so open tags x

[little-doggy-boy-kisserstraight]

not the year 11 drama- i fucking forgot about that

[dashastoudenova]

GOD DAMN IT

[ziracona]

Love that everyone in Breaking Bad gets fucked. So funny. Like every single montherfucker is in jail, dead, or if let slightly off the hook or incidentally involved (Skyler, Walt Jr,), life ruined. All of them. 87 years jail for the looney tunes lawyer, Stoic Dad 2 is dead, the gay classy bitch got Harvey Dent’d fatally, Walt doesn’t even get to die on screen, Marie loses everything, it’s a tpk. Every bitch in the show straight up Hayes Code’d.

Except Jesse

Who gets to go live free and start over in Alaska.

Unreal. And like god bless if anyone ever deserved to be a creator’s pet, like straight up earned it, to such a degree it is “We’re going to kill you in S1 Mr. Paul” to S5 “You can kill me off but everyone will quit watching” Jesse Cap’N Cook Pinkman. The acting Oscar worthy, the breakdowns, the range, climbing into a box to see if a body would fit, go-karting sadly, ‘Yeah bitch! Magnets!’ to the revenge killing, truly, he had it all.

Kid went through enough in s1 to last a lifetime and then Walt just kept on happening again and again after. Even the ethics rules of the show’s universe unmatched by the power of a pathetic little guy literally everyone is rooting for. God bless enjoy Alaska bitch you earned it.

[quasi-normalcy]

Jesse Pinkman gets to be the Horatio

[dashastoudenova]

Ahh, makes me want to rewatch Breaking Bad again. Jesse Pinkman, my dearest blorbo

I even made an edit of him a while back

[dashastoudenova]

I also made this little mockup of what the eyes would look like, before I carved holes in the actual cover.

It keeps looking at me

[constinconstancy]

THE BOI IS FINALLY HERE!!! *happy screeching*

thank you again @dashastoudenova, you're a real BIG SHOT

i'm forever grateful for this =^.^=

[dashastoudenova]

Yoooooo I’m so happy for you!! Enjoy your little guy 💛💛💛

[dashastoudenova]

My girlfriend, whom I loved very very much, just broke up with me.

It really does feel like getting stabbed in the heart

[girl-sim-deactivated20230806-de]

motherofmemes

[girl-sim-deactivated20230806-de]

No because it IS hot

[catrinecat]

Queen stuff

[7718-deactivated20220924]

[im-a-dragon-cawcaw]

Can someone translate what she said 

[thelivingmemegod]

"Oh really? YOU'RE going to teach me Russian? Well you better bring the vodka and caviar, *sweetheart*." -Translation from @cripplepunk-sylveon

[dashastoudenova]

Борщ

[starvationxa]

some of u bitches r trying your hardest to stay positive and hopeful despite all the bullshit you’ve been going thru and it really shows and i’m proud of u

[austin-n-oli]

Confession: I have a friend who likes to text me at like 4am when he’s had nightmares or he can’t sleep or he just needs a friend. He thinks I’m always awake at 4am but really I go to bed around 12am and I change his text-tone to the loudest one I have just so it wakes me up when he needs me.

[cryptv0id]

you’re the kind of friend everyone needs

[austin-n-oli]

I think that since its been a year since I made this post its time for an update. In the past year I’ve watched this post grow and grow, people I work with have told me about it as “this post I saw the other day” and they have no idea it’s my post. The person I wrote this about has even reblogged it. He is no longer texting me at 4am. Not because we no longer speak but because the nightmares have stopped. He and I both are in a much better place. Most often the only times he’s waking me up at 4am is when he’s pulling me closer to him while we sleep. He’s more than a friend now and I’m forever thankful to have him. Everyone messaged me saying he was lucky to have me but I think I was just as lucky to have him and I would do it all over.

[paradoxolotl]

[dashastoudenova]

My beloved cat Musya died yesterday. It’s been rough, but I’m managing.

Bad puns and dad jokes are appreciated if you want to help