datademon @datademon - Tumblr Blog

Bahaha I return from the hellhole that is Threads just to see we're still stuck in syscourse over here well after 12+ fucking years, my oh my tumblr, I miss you dearly

Meanwhile in Germany ppl are discussing whether DID or MPD is the correct term to use (newsflash, we use ICD over here and both ICD 10 and ICD 11 are in use, so it depends on your psych but both are officially, legally valid diagnoses)

Happy DID Awareness Day or something :'D

#did osdd

I miss screaming into the void, so here's an update for that clusterfuck of a year 2025 was.

Still unable to work, fighting for benefits so I can pay rent, got dumped by my therapist, got kicked out of rehab bc of my ARFID, completely fucked up the "friendship" with my 2 co authors who continuously treated me like shit, maybe also with my bestie of 20 years.

Existencial crisis continues. I'm not good enough and too much at the same time.

What made me survive this year: partner person. As of Jan 3rd, 2025. 1000km distance.

She's legally blind yet I've never felt so seen in my life. She has DID too. She understands me/us at a level no one ever has. She loves me not despite, but with all my flaws. I don't have to hide my demons from her. She wants to get to know them. She can handle me at my worst. I'm never too much. She understands my trust issues better than I do and patiently waits for me until I'm ready to take her hand.

She saved my life. Maybe 2026 marks the year I start spending the rest of it with her.

We're looking for apartments right now.

Here we are again, at a point where there's literally only one (1) reason left for staying alive. And that reason is a person. Never wanted to put that kind of manipulative pressure on anyone ever again. Well.

Delivery person: "Careful, this parcel is heavy!" Me: "Thanks, I know, it's books!"

My books Books written by me I'm the author 😍😍😍

I'm going to my first ever kink event today o vo" Coincidentally, 3 months ago bestie and I slapped the label of queerplatonic relationship onto us. So I can officially say I'm going to a kink party with my girlfriend tonight, hehe It's a poly thing. I was my metamour's best man. Always thought I was too jealous for being poly and too aro to be in any sort of relationship but nah. Still aro, still pan, consent is fecking sexy

Yesterday I was happy though. Christopher Street Day in my city ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

So Europe basically voted for n@zis today. Well that surely helps my will to live.

Finally played Detroit: Become Human. What do you mean, Connor is the most popular character? I thought I was special.

Tumblr mobile just accused me of using an ad blocker. Huh? I literally got YT Premium because iunno how to use one on my phone, I think you're trolling me

... sent 30 seconds before he scrolled over 3 ads btw

TW for suicide mention and hospital stuff

Mom keeps sending me incoherent speech messages since 5am (it's 10 over here), begging for me to come to hospital at 6 and giving her meds (which I don't have), mentioning she's soon offing herself if the pain doesn't get better. I genuinely do not know how to react. And lowkey getting really nasty unhinged thoughts. I don't wish pain or illness upon anyone but bitch, I've been battling suicidal thoughs since my youth, you have no right to even consider that because of one miserable year, I had literally 20 (and you didn't care once), how am I still going I wonder. I should feel bad for this thought but I don't anymore, I hope she listens to her own messages with a clear mind at some point and feels pure and utter shame for what she's doing to me. She won't. But one can hope.

My crush is from the UK btw and he reactivated my long forgotten Manchester accent like it's unreal. The other day I had a dream that someone accused me of having a fake British accent and my reply was "my wot mate"

Dragon post #2, friends 3D printed me this beauty! Sunflower dragon, UV active/glow in the dark! Aren't they marvellous?

Oh hey but look! I adopted a baby dragon the other day. They're my emotional support animal now. Wanted to name them something epic and majestic. Say hi to Pips!

Rant into the void because this is still the only safe space not observed by anyone I know irl.

Shit hit the fan. TW for suidical ideation I guess.

My (occupational disability) insurance (not sure if that's the right term) considers my healthy enough to work and is not paying me a single cent. I'm currently living off my savings and will be completely broke within a year. Contacted a lawyer. Yeah. Didn't think I'd ever say that but I do have a lawyer now that will help me battle these shitheads in court. Fun.

Could apply for another form of disability pension. If it gets granted (unlikely) 100% would be about 450€. Haha. Ha. Life in luxury.

My apartment was sold. I can stay. My rent went up though. I expected it but still, almost broke, lol, 45€ less for food and stuff per month. Two days ago my kitchen tap broke. New landlord is fixing it but ugh.

My mom is in hospital, high as a kite off pain meds, sending me incoherent speech messages at unholy times (it's fecking 1 am).

My spoons are at minus 100 I swear. I almost shut down completely at a cafe with a friend last week and felt like I'm set back to where I started when I got too ill to work.

Honestly the only thing keeping me going is part 2 of one of my favourite video games coming out in 2025. My crush noticing me on stream. Two book publications planned this year. My YT channel getting way more views than expected with a really shitty camera. Oh and I'm going to a convention in 2 weeks, first one after Covid hit.

Not sure if it's all worth it though. What did I go to therapy for for 3 years again?