Palace of Psalms

I am the voice of Never Never Land/ The innocence the dreams of every man/ I am the empty crib of Peter Pan/ A silent kite against the blue blue sky/ Every chimney every moonlit sight/ I am the story that could read you real/ Every memory that you hold dear.

[memecage]

Dr. Sus

[memecage]

Double Revenge

[davidsdragonlair]

Some Paladin Ideas

I just watched Web DM’s video on roleplaying Paladins and I thought of some interesting character concepts that I or those of you more inclined to play might want to try out.

Devotion: For starters, lets cut the pantheism. This Paladin didn’t swear an oath to one god, he or she swore one to them all. More specifically, this Paladin would follow an ideal quite like the great chain of being, believing that all things must fit evenly into their designated order, and if that order is broken, the world will be worse off for it. There are many Shakespeare characters that would fit this archetype.

Ancients: As a bit of a twist, this Paladin would be a misanthropic nature lover who took this oath believing that civilization was destroying everything good in the world and needed to be stopped. This might make for a better villain than player character, but is worth considering nonetheless

Vengeance: This paladin took an oath of vengeance because they came to the conclusion that the only way they could slow the tide of violence that surrounds them is with more violence. They know that fighting violence with violence won’t stop it forever, but it will serve to mitigate losses. This particular character would be the type to look for immediate solutions rather than long-term ones.

Redemption: To this paladin, even for a hand thicker than itself with brother’s blood, there is enough water in the heavens to wash it white as snow. They will try their best to redeem anyone and I mean anyone. Of course, if their words fail them, they will do whatever they can to strike them down, for death has no sting.

Conquest: I imagine a conquest paladin who isn’t evil like Xanathar’s suggests they should be, or at least not in the unempathetically megalomaniacal way one might expect a conqueror to be. They’ve taken their oath because they’re so sick of wretched things roaming the world and causing problems that they have to crush and utterly destroy them whenever they get the chance.

The Crown: My crown paladin doesn’t follow a ruler, he/she is one. The purpose of the oath to the crown is to model the standards this ruler’s people would be held to. Like any good leader, this paladin leads by example.

[david-the-psalmist]

When you realize that your father wasn’t present long enough to allow your sexuality to develop properly according to Freudian psychoanalytic theories and then realize that you had to carry out your own as well as your brother’s metaphoric castrations by autotomizing two limbs and have in the process effectively become your own father who you also hate.

[emememes]

The Wretched Bears of the Sea

“Wouldst though tell me of all I must not do if I wish the wretched bears of the sea to come not near?”

“Indeed, good Squidward. Firstly, thou mustn’t play thy clarinet.”

“Yea, I will not.”

“Furthermore, thou mustn’t wave thy torch about, for torches are their natural prey.”

“’Tis terrible. Surely you just.”

“Thou must also never swagger about, else they take that as a challenge.”

“Aye, such monstrous things.”

“The eating of cheese is forbidden.”

“Pray, sliced or cubed?”

“*whispering” Cubed. Thou may eat it sliced.”

“I prithee, continue.”

“Never wear the shoes of a jester, nor the skirt of a noble woman.”

“Thou must certainly never wear an inquisitor’s hat in a foolish manner.”

“An above all else, thou must certainly never shriek as though thou were an ape!”

“Lo, ’tis astounding how many things the beasts detest.”

“Aye, they are a horror of Hell’s fieriest pit.”

“Why, methinks we be in grave danger of a sudden.”

“Pray tell, why is that, good Squidward?”

“I cannot say… *puts on skirt, hat, and shoes while holding torch and platter of cubed cheese* ’tis only a feeling!”

[memecage]

When anyone tries to show me a meme on Facebook that I already watched die on reddit

[memecage]

This is the title of this meme.

[emememes]

“This is thy first lesson in righteousness. Thou hast seen a man drop his purse (Patrick, drop thy purse). What shalt ye do?”

“Good marrow, sweet fellow. Thou hast dropped thy purse.”

“Alas, I recognize it not.”

“But dear sir, I have just seen thee drop it.”

“Nay, ’tis not mine.”

“But soft, ’tis surely yours. I am come, a good Christian, to return it to you.”

“Return thee what to who?”

*facepalm*

“Art thou Patrick of house Star?”

“Aye.”

“And is this not thy token of identification?”

“Indeed.”

“I happened upon this token of identification upon my appraisal of this purse. Be it so, then surely as I live and breath, this must be thy purse.”

“Verily, thou speakest wisely.”

“Then wilt thou take it?”

“Nay, ’tis not mine.”

[david-the-psalmist]

[emememes]

“Onward, good hound, lest I deprive thee of thy snacks of Scooby."

[memecage]

This is no good

[david-the-psalmist]

This is TOO good.

[veryextraincorrectfegbaquotes]

What pronouns does the tactician use

The dude ones for tough boys who flex muscles and drive cars and respect wamen

[david-the-psalmist]

My pronouns are He-Man/He-Manself

[dice-pics]

Fate

[david-the-psalmist]

Anyone know where I can get me a pair of these?

[emememes]

“But is that not bondage, Richard?”

“Nay, Mortimer, for they labor for one another.”

“Is that not but bondage with extra steps?”

“*sarcasm* Surely thou shalt bed many women in thy schooling days.”

[hawk-and-handsaw-blog]

The Pugs of Middle Earth: Faramir, Frodo, Boromir, Thorin

[emememes]

“Mortimer, use this.”

“Richard, I wish not to pistol these men.”

“Think not of it, Mortimer, for they are automatons. ‘Tis not a sin to shoot them.”

*shoots*

“Glen bleeds. Send for his wife and babes.”

“Richard, I fear they are not automatons.”

“‘Twas a turn of speech, Mortimer. They are puritans. I bear them no respect.”

[david-the-psalmist]

My heart... it’s broken.