☆ .。* — dezzie ;

-

[dczzic]

( ariana grande, cis woman, she/her, twenty-three, muse five ) I was walking by the beach and saw dezzie loveless ! I wonder what they’re doing here all by themselves. they’re apparently compassionate and free-spirited, but also reckless and opinionated. When I think of them, I think of smoking weed on the beach at 3am, longboarding down the road with airpods in, a girl trying to find herself. Well, I hope to run into them in the future! 

☆ .。* — ; hi lovelies ! i’m autumn, and honestly i have a huge problem with writing long intros so im gonna try my best to keep this one short especially since this is my brand new baby. i also suck at coming up with wanted connections so i apologize in advance for not having any, but if anyone wants to plot or just become friends you can im me on here, or just shoot me a message on discord ! either works for me, and i can’t wait to get to know all of you !

dezzie was a wild child from birth. her mother said that from the time she could talk she could argue, and when she started walking is when the real trouble began. the girl had a mind of her own from the very beginning and nothing was going to change that about her. 

when she was 4, her dad left. her mother says he just couldn’t handle responsibility, but when she was 6, he got remarried and had another child, forgetting all about her, so there’s always been apart of her that feels as if though it had to do with her. 

from a young age, the girl loved longboarding, surfing, and just having fun. she started smoking weed in high school to help cope with the anger she felt towards herself and her father, and she mellowed out a lot. she still got into fights and was still her usual self, she just didn’t feel as sad all the time. 

when she was seventeen the girl went to a party where she got drunk, and one of the older boys took advantage of her, and posted pics of her online, labeling her as a slut, and easy. it was torment, but the girl knew she only had a little while left of school and she’d come out of it. she never told her mother in fear that it would just make the situation worse. 

she graduated high school and got a job at one of the restaurants around town because she’s afraid to leave her mother alone. she currently still works there, and doesn’t plan on leaving. at this point she’s happy with her life and she doesn’t want to change it. 

she lives in a small apartment, with her black and white huskey, brutus. she loves parties, and doing wild things like breaking into abandoned buildings, long drives at night, etc. she just feels like life is fleeting and she has to make the most of it while she can. 

[dczzic]

everest: hurry ☹️ ill dresss u up

everest: dont tget too high!!!!!!! i have surprises 😈

dezzie: lmao u would like that too much

dezzie: okay, okay! but wait... what are these surprises?

[dczzic]

text :: 𝙙𝙚𝙯𝙯𝙞𝙚

ivy: much like being perfect and beautiful in every way !!

ivy: see? just like i said! all cute for NO REASON

ivy: they really do D; i don't know who i was kidding trying to go without

ivy: BRUTUS

ivy: it's okay because even if he does sit on me, that's on me! he caught ME slipping in HIS home and that's what i deserve!

dezzie: girl ur gonna make my head grown three times the size it already is and we;re all gonna be in trouble

dezzie: alf;alksjd well i gotta be cute for you? i think that's a good reason

dezzie: exactly but the best part is now you get one for free

dezzie: alsdjflfdj he'll lick you to death so be prepared

[dczzic]

fvckingnix·:

Dezzie had a point but Fenix would never admit to it. It was a reflection how fragile his mind was. Whether it was insecurities, toxic masculinity, or lack of emotional intelligence Fenix would never be comfortable letting it all hang out. Fenix took a moment to think about the sun on his skin. He was still shirtless and it was easy to feel the heat warming his skin as they approached spring and summer. “Yeah so take it off now.” He teased her nudging her arm. “I’m actually not a fan of the sun. I like the cold. I think I’ll probably end up going to Canada or Russia just to be in constant cold temperatures, or Seattle. That place sounds like rainy wasteland.” 

It was the first time ever Fenix wanted to speak his mind. Surely, he did it on a whim every time he had gotten a chance to, but it was superficial. The raw truth had always been sealed away. He would never talk about his feelings or the impact it left on his life. Fenix was a man filled with anger but the tiny parts that felt something for Dezzie ached. Fenix’s brows furrowed as he pulled a knee to his chest listening to her talk.

Fenix finished the last bit of the joint and left the stub in the ash tray. “I’ll roll another if you want more.” He told her. Fenix knew better not to exude his forceful energy upon Dezzie. Though he wanted to. He wanted to take control of the situation and remind her she was someone worth the love and time a person could give her. “I’m not bored of you.” He said. “I can’t- fuck. I suck at talking like this, like feelings. but I may be fucked up in the head so maybe I’m the one person immune to your bullshit.” He realized it wasn’t a good response after Dezzie poured her heart out to him. Instead he stayed quiet, “You know they’re billions of people in the world. Many will hate you but there are a good handful that will stick around until the end. I dunno I think you’re special if it counts for something.” 

dezzie laughed, playfully shoving him. “absolutely not. a nude beach is one thing. just out in the open in public is a whole different story.” she chuckled. the girl shrugged. “i suppose to each their own, but for me i like the warmth. i mean sure, i could probably do cold, but there’s just something more relaxing for me when it comes to being warm. Probably one of the main reasons I’ll stay in Cornell.” her words were genuine, but it did give her a small ting in her chest. 

it wasn’t that dezzie hid this stuff from other people, it was just that she never really thought about it all that hard, nor did anyone ever ask her this question. if it had been anyone other than fenix, she probably would have lied, but he was one of the few she felt understood her. 

the girl nodded her head, taking the last puff of her cigarette before tossing it to the ground below them. “yes please.” she hummed softly. dezzie smiled at his words, looking over at him. “well, i appreciate that.. but at some point, it’ll happen. i mean, i’ll be happy for you, but it’ll come one day. maybe not in a week, or even a year. but it’ll happen gradually before finally hitting all at once.” she noted, no emotion on her face aside from a small smile, as if to tell him it’ll be alright. she laughed, shaking her head. “maybe, but still. i’m sure one day you’ll see it and be like ‘oh shit, she’s horrible.’ “ the girl mused playfully. his words were sweet, but she still had to take them with a grain of salt. “that’s very sweet of you, fe. i think you’re special too.” 

[dczzic]

text :: 𝙙𝙚𝙯𝙯𝙞𝙚

ivy: i bet it is :( you're too good at it though, that's not fair!

ivy: i haven't but now i would LOVE to see that. i can just imagine you handsome squidward falling all over, still looking a graceful mess as you do it

ivy: i think it's probably been years since i had a really good one. can we add that to the coffee agenda?

ivy: i do want them!!!!! i can pick you up tomorrow morning, if you'd want to?

dezzie: it's a natural gift, what can i say?

dezzie: i feel like it's more like a whole goat in skates on a frozen lake type situation, but i like ur description more

dezzie: ummmmmm, yes!!! you know better beans has the best donuts in town

dezzie: of course!! i'll be ready, tho when u knock be fare warned that brutus may sound furious but the worst he can do to someone is sit on them

[dczzic]

fvckingnix·:

-

“Say less I’ll find one now.” He joked pulling out his phone. He had never heard of nude beaches in the United States but there had to be some. If bath houses were a thing then nudist beaches had to be too. The amount of people comfortable to sit in a hot tub together naked was alarming. Fenix would be wondering who peed in the water. “That man has no pride that’s why he can have his dick and balls hanging out. I’m trying to hold onto the last shred of my dignity.” Fenix scoffed, “That man isn’t better looking by a long shot just no dignity. But give me a few more years and I’ll do it.” 

Fenix wanted to argue that coughing up a lung wouldn’t happen but smoking kills, but he realized he didn’t give a fuck what she did. It was her life. Fenix had no say especially when he made bad decisions himself. They were all just vices they used to help cope with the shitty hand they were dealt. The time was passing them by. As much as he tried to remain in the present moment he did notice life passing by. The fear of fading into obscurity terrified him. There was a lot of things that freaked Fenix out. Although he would never admit it. “It makes you wonder how we waste every single day of our lives doing shit we hate doing to get by.” He mumbled. “I think I get why old people retell their stories or push us to do more because they did the same shit and ended up regretting doing more.” Fenix shrugged his shoulders. Uncertain if he would miss it. But like every villain there needs to be a hero. Without the hero the villain doesn’t exist. Without the horrible school life he suffered he wouldn’t have lived the way he has. 

He loved asking the question because people’s answers varied so differently.  As Dezzie answered a small smile crept on his face. Fenix was quick to hide it biting down on his bottom lip until he tasted blood. The more he thought about Dezzie’s answer the more cynical he became. “So you would make everyone’s dreams come true and then ride off into the sunset to do what? Live your happily ever after?” Fenix questioned. “What happened if someone’s happy ever after is you? Would you stay or go live your life?” 

-

“please do.” the girl giggled, shaking her head. dezzie rolled her eyes at his remark, a smile on her lips still. “please, if anything he has more dignity. do you know how much confidence you have to have to not care that other people are definitely going to be looking at you? why is there no dignity in letting it all hang loose and just enjoying the feeling of the sun all over? i mean, come on. think about how nice it feels to just bask in the sun regularly? it feels so soothing. now just imagine that feeling all over your body. literally every inch. i imagine its the most stress relieving thing you can possible do.” she admitted, shrugging her shoulders. “but i guess it’s just to each their own.” she concluded. 

“tell me about it. if i could just make money sitting at home instead of having to put on an apron everyday, my life would be perfect. sadly, i didn’t get into the trend of being a youtuber when it was all the rage.” she hummed. the girl laughed, nodding her head. “it makes sense. i never listened to my grandma when she said to cherish my younger years, but i guess i’m still in those. even if i am almost a quarter of a century old.” she noted softly. she hated that fact that she had nothing to show for her life. it all just felt like so much was happening, and she was just watching it all pass her by. 

his question was one that made her laugh. a full belly one too. when she finally came back the girl waved him off, a somewhat sad smile on her lips as she thought about it. “that’s a nice pipe dream, but i don’t think i’d be anyone’s happily ever after, fe. i’m not saying that people wouldn’t want me to be, but i think it’s just the idea of me. i’m an easy target, i guess you could say. i’m sweet, trustworthy, and i’m always looking out for others. but at the end of the day.. i’m nothing special. i’ve worked at the diner since i was sixteen, and i barely graduated high school. i’ve got no plans for my future, and no means to even make any in the first place.” she noted, taking another hit off her cigarette as she looked out towards the horizon, a somewhat dazed look on her face. “it’s all just a pipe dream, and in reality i’ll be left to my own devices once everyone finds their happily ever after. it’s just not in the cards for me, even if i wanted it to be.” his last question was loaded, but she shook her head in earnest. “i’d go on and live my life. because a life with me i imagine would become something that they would regret in the long run. i’d tire them out, or they would get bored of me. something would happen, and in the end they’d grow to resent me. it would be easier if i just made them resent me now, instead of however long it takes down the road.”

[dczzic]

ofwyatts·:

𝒘𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒕     :     are  we  surprised  ?  they’re  cheap  as  fuck   𝒘𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒕     :     angelic  my  ass  ,  but  thanks  for  the  boost  of  confidence  .  but  yes  ,  drinks  .  maybe  after  i’ll  splurge  and  get  you  a  drink  from  the  good  bar  down  the  street  . 𝒘𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒕     :     thought  you  were  gonna  tell  me  to  picture  everyone  naked  .  yours  was  a  lot  more  pure  . 𝒘𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒕     :     i  might  have  to  go  underwear  .  picturing  someone  i’m  close  to  ,  i  might  get  even  more  nervous  . 𝒘𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒕     :     it’s  weird  ,  i  will  sing  in  the  fucking  car  with  you  there  ,  no  problem  but  when  i’m  on  a  stage  ,  i  start  freaking  . 𝒘𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒕     :     one  of  my  many  talents  ,  loveless  .

dezzie : i mean no, but it still sucks lmao dezzie : keep talking shit about ur abilities and u will get ur ass kicked before u go on stage. oooooooh, i’m down for some good drinks  dezzie : ew. i would never. imagine there’s like twenty old people there. i couldn’t do that to u dezzie : lmao true. the underwear is a good one, its what everyone always says to do.  dezzie : well then just imagine we’re in the car together. just driving and having a blast. no pressure there.  dezzie : i think you’re better at singing

[ssweetener]

@arianagrande: 🪴

[dczzic]

fvckingnix·:

Fenix stopped and gave Dezzie a once over. Fenix gave no shit about a person’s body. He was the type that didn’t even idolize a person over their body. Though he had a habit that they needed to have a pretty face. Still, the idea of Dezzie walking around naked was something he could get behind. Despite it being weird to think about. “One day I’ll take you to a nudist beach. See if you put your money where your mouth is.” He teased. Honestly, if Fenix ever did go to a nudist beach he would freak out and be the only one fully clothed. “I dunno how anyone can be a nudist. I hate seeing my body naked like something has to be covered.” He admitted leaning forward on the railing letting his hands dangle through the spaces between the metal bars. 

“I got told its like the best way to conserve your weed and if you are a smoker it just works to hit two birds with one stone sorta deal. I mean it has to be somewhat better if you get straight tobacco, right? like its not all that extra shit like tar that goes into a cigarette. But what do I know? I don’t know shit.” He said. Fenix laughed fully imagining Dezzie trying to save the poor souls who did nothing yet to piss him off. “I mean it would be fucked but I’d tell a few people not to go to school then next day if I was going to. If you went in there that’s your own damn fault.” He told her. Fenix nodded thoughtfully, “Like what?” He wondered taking another hit from the joint. Dezzie wasn’t wrong. They were the worst time of his life but every song he listens to glorifies high school even if it was ‘fuck the majority’ mentality. “Hence setting the school on fire.” He probably would still do it but the animosity wasn’t there anymore. It was just a general disdain for the building. “Mmm so if you can do anything right now at this point in time. What would you do?” 

-

dezzie laughed at his notion, quick to roll her eyes. “i promise you, if you ever took me to a nudist beach, i would absolutely run around naked just to see the look on your face.” she said, matter of fact. it was true, she did like to surprise people. it was fun to get people’s react when she did something they weren’t exactly expecting from her. it was the main reason she did anything. the girl shrugged, a smile leaving her lips. “that’s because you think too much. at the end of the day, i can promise that there are far less attractive people at that beach than you. and if they can let it all hang loose, why shouldn’t you too?” she asked curiously, raising an eyebrow at him. “i mean think about it. if a sixty three year old man who’s got more wrinkles than a balled up wet paper towel, can go around that beach with all his bits hanging out for the world to see, why can’t you have that confidence? are you telling me that wrinkly man is better looking than you?”

she thought about what he said for a moment before shaking her head. “nah, i’ll stick with my blunts. my lungs handle the tar just fine, and i’d much rather die from smoking in thirty years than to die within two days because i keep coughing up my lungs every time i hit it. i want to be comfortable when i’m high, not freaking out because i can’t stop coughing.” she offered. the girl laughed  dezzie thought about his question, and honestly she wasn’t sure. “i miss just being young. having the world at my finger tips, but not even realizing it. i miss the ignorance, i guess. or the time i had, because now i just feel like it’s slowly running out, y’know? when i was a kid, it felt like i had nothing but time.” she answered truthfully, taking another drag off her cigarette before flicking it towards the ground below. she laughed, nodding her head. “yeah, i get it. but that just means you lost a place with all those memories, even if most of them were shit.” she pointed out, a smile on her lips. for her, it would probably be more bad memories than good, but at the end of the day she wasn’t sure she’d want it completely gone. 

his question was a loaded one. what would she want to do? hell, she couldn’t even answer that in a day dream kind of way. be famous? no, she couldn’t handle everyone in her business like that. maybe to be a writer? no, she wasn’t that creative. all the options that most would answer with, she couldn’t see herself as even in her wildest dreams. it was a lot to think about, but she finally shrugged her shoulders, a somewhat sad smile on her lips. “i guess i’d just help everyone in my life find their version of happily ever after, so i can get on with the inevitable road trip with brutus across america.” 

[dczzic]

adlerfoster​:

seeing dezzie smile made him weak, he missed her endlessly; however, he noticed that his letters that he sent to her never seemed to reciprocate some of the emotions he conveyed. now that they are adults ( hard to believe that adler was much of an adult ), he decided it was the best to partial reel back the emotions he had for the girl in front of him. any time he received a letter, he knew not to get his hopes up. nothing had changed between the two, not even from when they were younger. adler knew deep down inside, dezzie would never look at him the way he does with her. but sometimes, living in ignorance is the best choice. “pizza versus dezzie,” he weighed the two between his hands, the dezzie side lifting quite high to show his appreciation for the girl. grabbing his keys and wallets, he opens the door for dezzie. “i’m glad to hear everything is good, glad i don’t have to fight anyone right when i got back…unless you need me to, y;know i would do it in a heart beat. not the best income? i can get you a job…anywhere, really that is better than the diner. i know people and…i just want to make sure you’re getting treated right.” adler shrugged his shoulders, noticing that he seemed to care a bit too much once more about her. “tell your mom congrats on the promotion, she deserves it.” shoving his hands into his pockets, the walk to the pizza joint. “me? just…living life. i now am a home owner, i have a dog named aoife–i’m “fighsure brutus and aoife would make a great friendship. a rooflationship.” he laughed, before scratching the back of his neck. he thought about bringing up this weight in his shoulders, but once more, he bottles it up. “my neighbor doesn’t like me, she says i’m too loud.”

-

the girl laughed, shaking her head. “wow, if i’m that much better than pizza, maybe i should start charging people to hang out with me.” the girl mused. adler would always be someone that the girl appreciated. they had known each other so long that it would be insane to think of her life without him. perhaps that was why she never thought of him as anything but one of her closest friends, or perhaps it was her low self esteem that prevented her from ever seeing anyone in that light. it was just easier this way, because at least this way she could never be disappointed. “fight anyone? please, adler. i can handle myself. i sure enough fought off plenty of bullies growing up.” she teased, thinking back to the old days. it was so weird to think back to their childhood, because in her mind it felt like it was just yesterday. dezzie could understand if it felt miles away for the other, he had gone off and seen war. he’d been out of here and experienced so much more than she ever would, and she was sure that most of it wasn’t in the best way. the girl shook her head at his offer, holding her hands up almost as to signal him to stop. “oh no, i could never leave aj’s. i mean, sure i’d love to be paid more, but i like the environment there. i enjoy going to work, and that’s about as much as a girl can ask for.” she hummed softly, shrugging her shoulders. “i promise that i am. i get paid the same as everyone else there, and i’ll get by. i always do. i appreciate it though. it’s good to know i have someone in my corner.” the girl assured him. dezzie nodded her head at his request. “definitely. i’m sure she’ll be happy to hear that your back as well. you should definitely pop over to see her. i think she hates that we’ve all grown up and aren’t running around the house bugging her now.” she said with a chuckle, but it came out more sad than happy. perhaps her mother wasn’t the only one who missed it. “well congrats! on both the dog and house. i’ve never owned a house, but i have a dog and i can promise you’ll never regret that one. but we should definitely get aoife and brutus to hang out sometime. brutus always loves new friends.” she laughed at his pun, shaking her head with a roll of her eyes. “i think you’re being roofdiculious.” she retorted, a smirk on her lips, proud of her own wit. the girl furrowed her eyebows at his comment, a frown coming to her lips. “too loud? why does she say that?” 

[dczzic]

ofwyatts·:

*     𝐒𝐍𝐀𝐏𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐓     .

𝒘𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒕     :     i’m  playing  at  that  shit  bar  tonight  !  𝒘𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒕     :     the  one  that  serves  the  whiskey  that  tastes  like  lighter  fluid   𝒘𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒕     :     pretty  sure  everyone  will  be  too  wasted  to  hearing  anything  i  play  𝒘𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒕     :     but  hey  ,  this  is  progress  . 𝒘𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒕     :     also  feel  like  imma  throw  up  ,  so  there’s  that  . 𝒘𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒕     :     but  if  you’re  looking  to  ruin  your  liver  ,  your  ears  and  get  thrown  up  on 𝒘𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒕     :     you  should  come  .

dezzie: good to know. i’ll definitely be bringing my own whiskey then. means they water their shit down  dezzie: so what you’re saying is i get to get drunk and hear your angelic voice? i’ll be there dezzie: oh come on, don’t get sick! just close ur eyes and pretend ur only singing to someone close to you dezzie: or picture everyone in their underwear, i hear that one works too  dezzie: you have a way of making a situation sound absolutely irresistible alves

[ssweetener]

arianagrande: forever n then some

[dczzic]

everest: deZZIE!!!!!!!! pregame @ my apartment rn

everest: im a liltle bit tipsy already 😈

dezzie: ooooooh i just got off work so let me go home and change and i'll be right there

dezzie: it's cool, because i'll probably be high by the time i get there

[dczzic]

text | dezzie

rikkie: fuckin i believe it

rikkie: we love an internet famous pup

dezzie: so when are we doing this? because a bitch needs it

[dczzic]

wrencaldwell·:

“no? oh my gosh, poor land lord. at least your mom told him that she doesn’t date. but wait, do you think the land lord would fall in love with me? and i could date him and maybe we could get even cheaper rent.” she rambled off on that idea, part of her thinking about the concept seriously, but mostly in a jokingly manner. wren pursed her lips, thinking about what was inside of her van. “i do have a mattress, but that frame? that would be lovely–dezzie, you’re one of the nicest people i’ve ever met in this world.” wren gushed, standing up from her seat. “i do need a dresser…and…most…bedroom furniture. are we sharing a bathroom? but thrifting sounds great and i’m all ready to go.”

-

dezzie laughed at her notion, nodding her head. “oh definitely. i would definitely be happy with that one, plus he has the whole building so you’d basically have a sugar daddy at that point.” the girl teased, of course she’d never actually let the other put herself in that situation. unless of course she really wanted to. the girl smiled, shrugging her shoulders. “oh for sure. i’ll get my mom to bring it over with the truck, because i don’t have a car and that’s probably the only way it will fit. if i can make someone have a little more faith in the world, then i’m doing my job.” she hummed. “yeah, we’ll be sharing a bathroom. but it’s pretty decent and the water tends to stay pretty hot for a while. so we won’t really have to worry about taking a shower after one another. but yes, please! i love furniture shopping, especially at the thrift shop.” she mused, eyes bright at the mere thought of it. “they normally have some really cute dressers in, not to mention a good amount of other random furniture as well.” the girl said, walking over to the door and holding it open to for the other. 

[dczzic]

ofwyatts·:

⏤         🥀        ⏤

        in  a  way  dezzie  and  wyatt  were  a  lot  alike  .  they  didn’t  like  too  much  attention  on  themselves  ,  if  any  ,  but  the  difference  in  that  was  that  dezzie  would  put  everyone  in  front  of  herself  .  she’d  find  the  good  in  every  single  person  and  she’d  put  them  first  .  wyatt  didn’t  do  that  .  wyatt  saw  the  ugliness  in  everyone  and  everything  ,     (     especially  himself  ,     )     there  were  only  a  few  people  that  that  ugliness  didn’t  show  up  for  and  it  was  those  people  that  wyatt  would  put  before  himself  .  wyatt  kept  to  himself  because  he  was  selfish  ,  not  because  he  wanted  to  focus  on  anyone  and  everyone  else  .  he  was  selfish  because  he  felt  like  he  was  better  off  not  known  .  he  was  better  off  hidden  .  nothing  could  hurt  him  if  he  was  hiding  all  the  deepest  parts  of  him  .  sure  ,  he  had  this  thought  that  his  issues  weren’t  worth  it  ,  that  he  was  saving  people  time  by  not  speaking  about  it  but  again  it  all  came  back  to  this  selfishness  in  him  .  it  all  came  back  to  his  own  fears  .  his  issues  weren’t  worth  it  because  he  wasn’t  worth  it  .  he  was  saving  peoples  time  because  he  was  worried  they’d  find  him  a  waste  of  time  .  it  all  came  back  to  him  and  that  was  the  honest  truth  .  as  much  as  he’d  like  to  believe  he  was  more  selfless  ,  he  wasn’t  .  he  was  more  selfish  ,  stubborn  ,  and  prideful  than  selfless  .  as  much  as  he’d  like  to  believe  that  he  was  more  like  dezzie  who  so  willingly  threw  herself  on  the  train  tracks  to  save  everyone  else  .  that  held  her  tongue  because  she  wanted  others  to  focus  more  on  themselves  than  her  …  that  wasn’t  him  .  or  maybe  he  was  just  hard  on  himself  and  couldn’t  began  to  believe  that  he  was  anything  but  selfish  .  he  couldn’t  see  himself  as  anything  other  than  something  bad  ,  something  ugly  .  he  grew  up  with  ugliness  around  him  ,  he  was  raised  by  the  hands  of  those  ugliest  ,  wouldn’t  it  make  sense  for  him  to  be  the  same  ? 

keeping  his  eyes  down  on  their  hands  as  she  bandaged  it  up  ,  wyatt  clinched  his  jaw  a  little  due  to  the  shoots  of  pain  he  felt  go  up  his  arm  when  his  hand  was  being  messed  with  .  not  that  dezzie  wasn’t  being  gentle  ,  she  was  doing  great  .  but  …  his  fingers  were  broken  ,  there  was  no  getting  away  from  the  healing  process  of  pain  .  pain  was  all  part  of  it  and  he  knew  that  better  than  anyone  .  he  knew  a  thing  or  two  about  feeling  pain  and  healing  from  it  ,  at  least  when  it  came  to  the  outside  .  when  it  came  to  the  inner  pain  that  suffocated  him  …  he  hadn’t  quite  figured  that  one  out  yet  .     (     honestly  ,  that  was  something  he  wasn’t  sure  he’d  ever  figure  out  .     )     he  didn’t  have  that  much  hope  in  himself  .

      glancing  back  up  at  her  ,  wyatt  couldn’t  help  but  bring  up  his  free  hand  and  place  it  on  top  of  hers  as  she  was  wrapping  his  hand  .  more  so  trying  to  get  her  to  stop  focusing  on  wrapping  his  hand  and  more  so  focus  in  on  him  .     “     hey  ,     “     the  male  spoke  softly  ,  he  didn’t  know  why  but  there  was  something  about  her  words  that  broke  his  heart  .  maybe  it  was  the  fact  that  she  was  putting  so  much  worry  and  so  much  trust  in  someone  like  him  ?  someone  that  no  matter  how  hard  he  tired  not  to  ,  he  disappointed  people  .  although  ,  he  knew  dezzie  ,  he  knew  she’d  always  been  like  this  but  there  was  something  about  this  time  …  and  him  blatantly  lying  to  her  face  …  making  promises  that  he  probably  couldn’t  keep  …  that  hurt  him  .     (     possibly  because  he  was  thinking  about  possibly  hurting  her  .     )     but  there  was  that  pride  again  telling  him  he  couldn’t  admit  ,  not  even  to  the  person  that  had  known  him  longest  ,  he  couldn’t  admit  that  he  wasn’t  okay  and  that  it  felt  like  nothing  would  be  okay  .     “     you  won’t  see  me  like  this  again  ,  okay  ?     “     he  attempted  to  smile  .     “     now  chin  up  ,  kid  .     “     wyatt  teased  ,  raising  his  hand  up  and  putting  his  index  finger  under  her  chin  ,   he  tapped  it  a  couple  time  .     “     you  really  think  i’d  wanna  face  the  wrath  of  dezzie  loveless  ?  i  know  i’m  a  little  off  my  rocker  but  i  know  better  .     “     and  in  a  way  ,  he  felt  like  he  was  making  a  promise  to  her  that  he’d  do  his  best  to  stay  away  from  fenix  .  although  ,  would  he  keep  it  ?  like  stated  before  ,  he  had  a  knack  for  disappointing  people  .

-

the fact that they were so much alike was something dezzie had thought of often. she believed it was what made them so close. it was almost as if they knew what each other were thinking before the thought even had time to process. perhaps that was why she was so protective of him, because she saw pieces of herself in him. it was weird though, because in all reality, dezzie did hate herself. she hated herself for not being enough for her father to stick around, and hated herself for letting certain situations happen in the first place. but, yet she loved those parts of wyatt. maybe that’s why it was so easy for them. sure, they were normally sarcastic with one another, but it was just easier that way for them, at least that’s how she saw it. even in their sarcastic moments, they could see past it and get the small bits of truth that dimmed through their words. it was refreshing, because at the end of the day she knew that at least one person in the world understood her, even if she wished he didn’t. because they maybe, he could love himself and see just how much he truly deserved. but then again, dezzie was selfish in that light, because then he wouldn’t be around her. he’d finally see that she was just some stupid girl who wasn’t going anywhere in life. in fact, she didn’t even know where she wanted it to go. she worked at the diner, and that was as far as she ever got. the girl knew that if he ever did realize he deserved the world, and far greater things than cornell could offer, she’d obviously have to go. because she was stuck here, and cornell would always have it’s grasp on her. 

his words struck her like ice through her chest. while most would take that as a comfort, dezzie knew him better than that. the boy was a gluten for punishment, and would take it wherever it was dished out. it was something she’d come to realize about the other in the long while that they’ve known each other. so instead of thanking him for his comfort, she frowned at him. “don’t you dare say it like that either. i know what that means, wyatt. that’s not a ‘i’ll be okay, this won’t happen again’ that’s a cope out in saying that even if it happens you won’t let me see it.” she huffed, her eyebrows knitting together. “and fuck, i might get mad but don’t fucking push me out because of it. i’ll get over it, no matter what, but let me be there for you.” she could have been wrong, but that’s what it felt like, and that hurt her worse than anything to think that he would go to someone else, or suffer in silence by himself. 

she rolled her eyes as he called her a kid, playfully swatting his hand away. “i’m not the kid, mr.barely legal to drink.” she said, sticking her tongue out at him. sure, if the two stood next to each other, the height difference alone would make anyone believe dezzie was definitely the younger of the two, but she held pride in the fact she was two years older then him. it made it so easy to tease him about it. “keep calling me kid, and i’ll make sure you do face that wrath.” she teased, a laugh leaving her lips before she went to finishing up his hand. dezzie reached her arm around, pulling it across one last time before securing the wrap in place. “there, perfect. now please, do not take this off. if it starts hurting, just use icy hot, or go between an ice pack and heating pad. i might be able to get my mom to get you some low grade pain killers from the hospital if you need. she’d definitely do it if i told her it was for you.”

[dczzic]

fvckingnix​:

“Wasn’t he mostly naked?” He questioned trying to remember what the Buddha statues always looked like. He was pretty sure at least the top half was naked. Fenix gave up on trying to learn the different strains and names. As long as it was a good high he didn’t care. The only ones he truly cared about was name brands when it came to his pen. It was a touch and go on how potent the cartridge was. “You need 6 people for a team. Two for support, dps, and tank. Unless you do open queue than its goddamn nightmare. If you get the game you should play with me. I’ll carry you.” He mused. Fenix wouldn’t be surprised that Dezzie was better at the game than him. She seemed like the type to have raw untapped gamer skills. 

“Seriously? That’s fucking rough. I don’t care much for the feel it gives me. It makes me lightheaded and then I end up getting nauseous from the high.” He commented. Fenix sipped on his coffee as he took in the scenery. Wasn’t much to look at it but it was better than nothing. “I met Wren like once. She went to a party of mine and ate a laced cupcake. I felt bad but it was a brightly colored pink cupcake at one of my parties.” He shook his head. He felt bad but he was also too high that night to properly make sure she was alright. Fenix ended up staying with her the whole night until she came down from the high (or at least where he thought she could handle herself). “Just living the fast life.” He leaned back setting the coffee off to the side. “You can fucking say that again. Can you believe we’ve been friends since we were teenagers. That’s fucking nuts.” Fenix said. “Sometimes I wish I went back to school and did a major redo. Be who I am now than what I was when I was 15. But I think I would probably set the school on fire this time and not chicken out.” 

-

“exactly! could you imagine the freedom he must have had. like just let it all hang loose all the time. i think i could definitely be a nudist, if the need ever arose for me.” she hummed, a laugh leaving her lips. it was all teasing of course. the girl was much too self conscious to ever go that far. but what did it hurt to dream? dezzie nodded her head along with what he said, pulling her mouth to one side in thought. she had been looking for a new game to play, so why not? she shrugged her shoulders before nodding her head. “alright. but if i’m the worst at it, i’m never playing it again.” she chuckled. it wasn’t that she was horrible at gaming, she just tended to stray away from over complicated games. 

“exactly. i just don’t think it’s a good time for anyone. i don’t even understand why people use it in the first place.” she noted, pursing her lips in a sour face. “i just stick with my blunt wraps, bongs, and rolling papers.” she hummed. dezzie liked the simplicity for most things, and her weed was no exception. she just liked to get high, and the if she could find a quicker way to do it, she would. she leaned back, her arms resting against the flooring as she looked out onto the city. it wasn’t much, but again, that’s what dezzie liked about it. sure, there was drama almost every single way you looked, but at the end of the day you could look out and see a beautiful sunset and all your stress melts away with the colors of the sky. the girl laughed, shaking her head at the other. “oh god. if you are ever able to, make sure i’m out of the building and not trying to save all the freshman.” she mused, a smirk on her lips. “but, in all honesty if i could go back, i don’t know if i would change much. i just want to go back sometimes to relive moments i didn’t truly let sink in when i was younger.” her voice soft but meaningful. that weed really was good if it was making her talk like this. “ugh. what am i saying? those were some of the worst moments in my life.” she laughed again, sitting up.