don’t feel good enough about this on it’s own so here is a collection of my pieces of trans people or about transgenderism :)) (majority eddie munson…)
Head spinning from blood loss, Eddie still manages to keep up a steady stream of curses as he lies in Steve’s arms, as he feels the jolt of Steve sprinting through The Upside Down.
“Fuck,” Eddie breathes. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fucking bullshit, fuck.”
“Good,” Steve says, frantic and out of breath. “Good, that’s—keep it up, Henderson says it can be, like, a sorta pain relief? Something about—”
“Fuck.” This time, Eddie chuckles through it. “S’not why I’m saying it.”
“No?” Steve says in that weird, measured tone that just silently screams panic, panic, panic. “Why?”
“Jus’ making sure,” Eddie says, and he knows that doesn’t make sense yet, can’t quite get his brain to work everything out. “Those’d be shit last words, so. They won’t be. You… fuck, ow. You know? Here lies Eddie Munson: fuck.”
Steve laughs, maybe a little hysterical, a little desperate, but mostly genuine. “Yeah, you’re right. That’d be really embarrassing, man.”
Eddie suddenly can’t find the energy to act insulted, even though he badly wants to make Steve laugh again—but it turns out, he doesn’t need to say anything, because Steve keeps talking.
“D’you know what that would be, though? A damn good yearbook quote.”
And Eddie laughs, too—laughs even though it hurts. “C’mon, man, Higgins would never let—”
“Eddie,” Steve manages to drawl out, even as he dextrously weaves through the vines on the ground, like Eddie’s just said something particularly naive. “You think Higgins looks over the yearbooks? You just gotta sweet-talk the yearbook committee, they pay the printers to turn a blind eye, and—”
“Yeah, ‘cause that’s what I’m known for. Sweet-talking,” Eddie says. He tries very hard not to cough, has the horrible feeling that he might tear himself in two if he does.
“Don’t sell yourself short, dude,” Steve says.
And Eddie would blame that on the blood loss for making him hear things, but then Steve’s hands gently squeeze around him like he means it, and…
“So what… what was your yearbook quote, Harrington?” Eddie says. He firmly ignores the fact that his voice is becoming increasingly slurred.
Steve picks up the pace, kicks through the door into the trailer. His breath hitches once, but not from physical strain; Eddie knows that he’s frightened.
“Ah, ah, ah,” Steve replies, chiding, because he’s so goddamn brave, too. “Not telling you that until we get out of this.”
“Tease,” Eddie says.
But he must not get it out very clearly, because as Steve heads to the Gate, he murmurs, “Stay with me, Eddie.”
There’s some rope Steve had stashed in the corner of the living room, just in case, and Robin and Nancy must’ve made use of it to get Dustin through, because it’s already hovering in the air, waiting for them.
“Okay,” Steve says, half to himself. “I’ve got this.”
Eddie attempts a nod. The room spins.
Or maybe it’s just that they’re moving somehow, that Steve’s pulling them both up the rope, somehow not letting go of Eddie; and then he can hear muted yells from the other side, and he’s being lifted up on his own, like he’s ascending to heaven or some bullshit like that, and he almost wants to demand a re-mark on his English paper, because religious symbolism is fucking hilarious, actually.
“You’re a goddamn trapeze artist, Harrington,” he says, and Steve must hear him this time, because there’s a laugh from just behind him, a fucking beautiful laugh, and then Eddie’s falling, and he’s—
“Oh,” Eddie gasps, and his hand goes to his side instinctively, and he didn’t think he had much more blood in his body left to lose, but… “Oh, shit.”
His vision tilts sickeningly, and right before he passes out, he sees Steve appear in front of him, sees his face turn white.
“Eddie,” he’s saying, “Nance, what do I—oh my god—”
-
When Eddie wakes up, everything is fuzzy, his head full of cotton. There’s a metallic taste in his mouth that he has enough awareness not to panic about, that he somehow knows isn’t blood.
“So?” he says through the fog, lifts his eyelids just enough to see Steve is beside him. “What’s your yearbook quote?”
“Christ, you’re annoying,” Steve says with a smile, but he’s speaking in the thick, nasal tones of someone who’s been crying. “Thought you were on stuff that makes you forget all the stupid shit.”
“S’not stupid,” Eddie says indignantly.
For some reason, Steve’s eyes soften. “If you say so. Just rest right now, Eddie.”
“Can’t,” Eddie moans. He’s already made the mistake of looking up: the lights are too bright, quickly turning into nauseating swirls. “Feel sick.”
“That’s okay,” Steve says. “They said that’s normal. Hey, shh, just lie back. It’ll pass.”
But Eddie shakes his head and—ooh, shit, not a good idea.
“Y’should move, man,” he says. “Don’t wanna puke on you.”
Steve scoffs. “Eddie, you could literally throw up in my hair, and I wouldn’t give a shit.”
Eddie laughs, feels a bit pathetic that it comes out wet around the edges. “I just… wanna sleep,” he says, because he does, but he knows the nausea will keep him up—feels abruptly tearful, like he had done as a child with whooping cough, up for the whole night despite his fatigue.
“Here,” Steve says. “Close your eyes.”
And as he does so, Eddie feels a soothingly cool palm across his forehead. Steve. It’s such a gentle touch, such a kind touch that Eddie thinks he might cry—thinks he can only partly blame whatever drugs he’s on.
“Better?” Steve asks.
“Better,” Eddie agrees. And then, like a fool, he hurriedly says, “Don’t stop, though,” out of fear that Steve will draw his hand back at the answer.
Steve doesn’t laugh, doesn’t tease him even the slightest bit.
“I won’t,” he says, like an oath. His thumb rubs over Eddie’s temple. “M’sorry you feel shitty.”
“It’s okay. You’re right, it’s passing. Think… think it was just… lookin’ at the lights.”
Eddie sighs without meaning to, lulled by the repetitive path Steve’s fingers are tracing, over and over.
“Mm-hmm. Keep your eyes closed, then.” Steve hums softly, just in thought, not even close to a lullaby, but Eddie feels himself starting to drift off to it anyway.
“It’s a nice room you’ve got,” Steve says. “I would’ve rioted if it wasn’t. Big window. Just a view of the parking lot, sorry, not exactly five stars.” Another hum. “Kinda pretty in its own way, though. It’s getting a bit warmer. I saw—the other day, I looked out and saw these kids, there’s some grass a little bit away from… they were making daisy chains, I think. Was never good at… couldn’t get ‘em to tie right. So I’d just kinda tug at the grass, and… Hey, d’you know, some of the kids—like, our kids, I mean—they don’t even know about the buttercup thing, holding it to see if it like, glows, under your chin? I told Max about it when she got outta here—shh, she’s okay—and she just looked at me like I was crazy. She’s good at daisy chains, man, she told Lucas it was five dollars per flower and he paid it all, wore the damn thing on his wrist for the whole day. Stupidly sweet, but I couldn’t even say so or she’d, like, punch me.”
And Eddie’s used to painting a picture with words, used to creating fantastical landscapes out of thin air during campaigns. But as Steve goes on, talking about the kids (their kids), and flowers, and all the little signs of spring that he can’t see, Eddie falls asleep thinking that Steve’s given him the most beautiful, ever-changing view: how he sees the world.
-
Eddie doesn’t forget about the yearbook, but he doesn’t bring it up, simply because Steve keeps quiet about it.
It’s after a few weeks of the dust settling, reassurances that the nightmare’s over: of seeing Wayne and breaking down in tears of relief, of countless visits from everyone—mostly Dustin, second only to Wayne, of course; Eddie still says Steve’s tied for second place, at least, but Dustin insists it doesn’t count whenever Steve’s only there fleetingly to drop him off before heading to work.
It’s on an afternoon when he’s not expecting anyone, and Steve comes in, drops the yearbook right on top of his blankets.
Eddie looks down at it, hovers his hand over the front cover until Steve raises one eyebrow, as if to say, go ahead.
It doesn’t take long for Eddie to find him. The picture is… there’s something beautifully imperfect about it, as if Steve had been caught by surprise by the flash going off when it did, lips tilted into a smile that’s relaxed rather than the typical rigid, picture-perfect look.
Eddie thinks that he finally gets what Wayne means whenever he says someone has ‘soulful eyes.’
And underneath the little box framing Steve’s picture, there’s…
There’s nothing. It doesn’t stand out, because not everyone on that page had opted to have a quote, but…
Eddie looks up. Steve shrugs, but his eyes are downcast.
“Yeah, sorry.” His voice is quiet; Eddie can hear a touch of embarrassment, and he hates it. “It’s not even… I didn’t even choose to keep it blank, really, the yearbook committee gave the deadline so far in advance, it… I had the time. Could’ve put anything.” He shrugs again. “Guess I couldn’t… guess I just, um… had nothing to say.”
Eddie closes the book. Sets it aside. Doesn’t take his eyes off Steve.
He gets it. If it’s even possible for him to be included in a yearbook, he’s confident he’d do the same—how do you even begin to sum up…? There’s nothing he could say about this year.
There’s no words for it. For all of it.
But Eddie knows the ones that count.
“Tell me about work,” he says. He has the feeling Steve’s determinedly squeezed in a visit during his lunch break, his name tag askew.
Steve smiles, wrinkles his nose uncertainly. “But that’s so boring.”
“Nah,” Eddie says. “Maybe I like hearing what you have to say.”
Steve looks up finally; he smiles a little like he had in the photograph, as if something like a flash has surprised him.
And he talks about work.
But it’s more than that; it’s so much more. Eddie’s getting to see through a precious window.
He hears about how Steve noticed Robin wearing odd socks, and he only teased her about it when he was sure it wasn’t a deliberate twist on fashion she was trying out. How the sun meant it was hard to see the T.V, so he drew the blinds when no customers were around, made it feel like him and Robin had their own private cinema. And Eddie smiles fondly when Steve recalls smelling some kind of coconut perfume he couldn’t place, and Robin had started a list guessing names, just because he said it reminded him of a family vacation when he was four.
Eddie sees it all.
He doesn’t need clever one liners, or statements of grandeur.
oh sure when i have memory problems before i hit twenty it’s “alarming” and i should “go to the doctor” but when steve harrington does it he’s babygirl??
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