Itās been exactly four months today at the time of posting since you broke up with me
And yet I still donāt know WHY. Why did you break up with me??
You said āI fell out of love with youā- ever considered that was because of the fucking THREE MONTH LONG BREAK??? WHERE DID YOU GET THAT IDEA FROM ANYWAYS???
Also- you ruined my trip to Japan- a week in the most beautiful place, in peak Sakura season and what did I do? Spent the whole time thinking about you.
AND WHY AM I THE DICKHEAD HERE??? All I ever did was try and be a good girlfriend. Is it my issues?? My fucked up wrists??? The way I project onto characters??? Tell me what I do wrong, I can fix it.
But you said there was nothing to be fixed.
On that day, letās rewind to what you said.
āI think we should break it offā
I thought I prepared. Our friend group all thought you still loved me. I thought you still loved me. How stupid- oh wait.
āI still love you, just- as a friend.ā
As I stormed off, after you broke me, looking like a wreck, tarnishing my reputation. You cried in public. You never cry in public. And I wasnāt there. I was trying to wipe away my tears in front of the entire world.
After I tried to contain my hatred for you- I couldnāt. I vented to you over text.
āI said I will never stop loving you, and itās true, I never will. Even when I begun* to get annoyed with all the useless things u^ were sending me [,] I still love you just as a friend. I told you this when we broke up and Iām telling you now. Iāll always be hereā, Iāll always love you in just a slightly different manner, and when youāre ready to accept that, Iām ready to help.
* - you canāt even be bothered with proper grammar. Itās begAn, ex-darling.
^ - you used the right āyouā, for the rest of this fucking paragraph? Why is this different.
[,] - ideally there should be a comma here, but you care less about grammar than you do did about me. And thatās saying something.
ā - no you wonāt you liar. you havenāt texted me first ever. Before or after the breakup, I was the initiator for E V E R Y T H I N G.
Why am I seeking YOUR forgiveness?
I have every right to be an asshole.
I cut myself so. many. times. Over you.
I scratched my wrists repeatedly in front of you and what did you do? Nothing.
And donāt say you didnāt notice, because that shit was BLEEDING. Thereās still a mark, a scar, FOUR MONTHS LATER and Iām not over your pathetic purple arse.
I risked getting my phone- and the internet, my one source of help now that you left and took MY friends with you - thrown against a wall and taken away because of how shitty YOU made me feel.
You had made me so, SO happy. Loved. When my mother found out about me hurting myself, you held me through the next day, when I was empty, when I couldnāt deal.
I know you donāt have tumblr.
but I hope this finds you. I hope you know how much agony you put me in. Over a fucking breakup.
It hurts because you were my friend first.
My best friend within our friend group. And I wasnāt yours. I knew that.
And after all this, I donāt know how to feel about you. Because I miss you.
I know your favourite colourās purple.
Mine used to be red. But now your least favourite and my favourite are the same-
So, what else do I have to say? A lot, actually. But the majority can be summed up in three, concise words: