29 January 2015
Dear Luke,
It’s been half of my first year in high school. It’s not as scary as I thought! I met cool people, I have some good grades. My school is on the other side of city so every day I need to wake up super early (I miss the bus most the time anyways). It’s very friendly school and I like being there, but I can’t wait to finish it. Just two and half years more!!! I don’t know how american or australian school system works but in poland we have 6 years of primary school, 3 years of middle and 3 years of high school. Yay, almost finished this awesome journey! Anyways, a lot of things have been changed for last 5 months. I joined hip hop dance class! Our teacher said I’m a good dancer! But I’m still 100% sure that I look like a jumping monkey when I dance hahah. He’s incredibly amazing and quite famous dancer, I’m glad to have lessons with him! And oh, I started to draw again! I stopped months ago and I’m really proud of my art work! Some of them looks pretty good, but unfortunately when I try to show to someone my art, they just ignore me. So sad. Since me and my friends from middle school had choosen different schools, we meet every friday in a restaurant. Well…its not even a restaurant, it’s more like school cafe. We talk a lot, we always take the same meal and we always take the same seats. It’s our friday tradition. I feel like we annoy everyone around us cuz we’re always so noisy haha. Sounds like pretty good life, doesn’t it? (no it doesn’t) Everything seemed perfect untill one day. I thought I’m in a bad mood but it stayed. It’s been few weeks now and I feel like it gets worse. Sometimes I have weird panic attacks. After I have an attack I feel so weak, I feel like I’m not good enough because I cry without any reason. The worst part is when I cry while this attack and my body starts to shake and all I want to do is scream. I try to calm but it doesn’t work. I have them in the evening most the time while my parents are watching tv next room, weird, isn’t it? They never noticed. Poor parents. I had attack on my dance lessons once. I didnt know what to do. it was terrible, I just fell on the floor and started to cry without any reason! I said that my stomach hurts. They believed. Oh silly people. I didn’t tell anyone about my panic attacks. So shhh… I hope you don’t mind that I told you. And I hope you don’t mind if I will keep writing letters to you, cause you’re the only friend I’ve got now. And the only one who cares.
Keep hidding, keep smiling.
forever yours, alex