Mystère

Marlene Elena McKinnon. 19. Beauxbâtons alum. former Slytherin. I got some damn bad intentions. "It really was a prefect analogy. How she could be light and dark at the same time, the bright blue-green of the sea nearest the sun, brightly colored fish and plant life and the dark depths, filled with creatures who had never seen the light and never would. Something that could be stormy or calm, and a safe haven or a dangerous port. And always, always impossibly beautiful."

[dearmckinnon]

witticisms-of-a-wolf‌:

13 October, 1977

The Scottish wind was fierce as it raced through the courtyard, dragging with it the harsh rains that poured down from the slate grey sky. He was moving slower that day, bandages covering the worst of the fresh marks that had been carved into his skin just days before. Every step felt labored and out of place, and the young werewolf was pale with the effort from the long day. Madame Pomfrey had instructed him to take the day’s rest in his dormitory but he had been insistent on returning to his classes, craving whatever normalcy he could manage. The wizard was halfway back towards Gryffindor tower when he was forced to stop to rest, leaning against a tall stone wall just out of reach of the rain.

He was steadying his breath and shutting his eyes when he heard the sound of her voice, and it snapped him back to reality. Shit.

Pushing himself from the wall with a hastily masked wince, Remus turned on his side, bag sliding lower on his shoulder. He didn’t have a chance to respond before the witch had reached the space in front of him, thin arms wrapping around the werewolf in a way that caused him to freeze in surprise. His arms didn’t move for a moment, muscles stiff as the rain crashed down behind them.

“Hey you.” He murmured, voice low and rough as he forced himself to respond, arms gingerly wrapping around her waist. For a moment, he simply stared out at the rain droplets as they fell behind her, mind racing as she held onto him tightly. After a beat, he lowered his head by instinct, face burying into her rain-soaked hair. The smell of sea salt and coconut was sweet as it blended with the crisp Scottish air, and he let his fingers curl into the fabric of her robes. A fractured rib protested in the background, but this had barely registered in the young man’s mind.

It was only as she had finally let him go that he met her gaze, where droplets of rain clung to her eyelashes. The words came sooner that he had wished.

How’s your mum?

The question cut into the air, carried away with the wind just as quickly as it had been uttered. Remus swallowed tightly, a mask falling over his face as he blinked, as if to remind himself where he was and who he was. He watched as her gaze fell to a mark the wolf had left behind, visible above the top of his shirt collar. Lowering his head, he let wet curls fall to the side of his face as he answered, the words cool and controlled.

“She’s alright.” He paused for a beat, eyes flickering back to hers with an indecipherable expression. He shifted the strap of the bag at his side from where it had dug into the bruised bone of his shoulder. “Who told you?”

25 October, 1976

He had wrapped a scarf around his neck, the scarlet wool of his house colors conveniently helping to mask the crimson line of a healing scar. Wet gravel crunched under the soles of his boots as he walked, careful to keep pace with the slight girl at his side. There was a mist rolling in over the mountains in the distance, and the cool fog hung thick and low around them. Ahead of them, the stands of the Quidditch pitch stood tall, school banners bright against the evergreens.

Remus hadn’t expected to see Marlene again. Or at least, he hadn’t expected the girl to seek him out again after running into him the way that she had. He had worried that he had scared her away, either with the way that he had lied or perhaps by allowing her to see too much. He wasn’t quite sure which had bothered him more. However, the following day she had sat by his side at Potions, moving on as if nothing had changed.

The Gryffindor versus Slytherin match would be the first to start off the Quidditch season. James was playing today, and he had asked Remus to come. Things had been different between all of them since that late Spring day that the werewolf had tried to forget. It wasn’t easy like it used to be. He could see the concern in James’ eyes, his affectionate and protective nature something that Remus had always admired. Things had changed, and there were still days where it was difficult for him to be in the dormitory with all of them. And yet, the werewolf desperately wanted things to be normal again. He craved the closeness that they had once shared. He had never spoken about the incident, and yet the rift was evident to anyone looking in.

Breathing in the cool Scottish air, Remus stood at the base of the stands for a moment, pausing in the base of a muddy puddle. To one side, Slytherin students filed into the stands in lines of green and silver, banners hung high in the sky with pride. To the opposite side, Gryffindor students steadily took a different path, weaving their way through the edge of trees to a rowdy gathering of scarlet and gold, warm and familiar.

Remus paused, messy curls falling in front of his face as his eyes locked on to an unmistakeable grey gaze in the distance. For a second, they both froze in place, a mouthed invitation hanging on familiar lips before the moment was broken. A girl tugged at the edge of Sirius’ sleeve and pulled him away, pretty cheeks pink in the cool breeze. He swallowed thickly and lowered his head, turning in the other direction and starting out instead towards the line of Slytherin students chatting as they started up a wooden staircase.

Glancing towards Marlene, his lips curled into a small smile, freckles standing out in sharp contrast to his pale skin.

“Do you think they’ll throw me from the stands for cheering for Gryffindor?”

25 October 1976

It was cold that morning, a fog settling across the grounds as the entire school made their way towards the quidditch pitch. Marlene donned a silver and green scarf around her neck, thick black stockings covering her bony legs. Despite the calm happiness that had settled over her in the past few months, she was slighter than she ever had been. She passed it all off, of course, a dirty little secret behind her pretty smiles and mysterious eyes. But the reality of the situation was that she was withering away, every passing day a different punishment on her body (inside and out). Remus walked beside her with his hands in his pockets and she resisted the urge to wrap her arms around one of his. It was something that had been interrupting her thoughts more than she would ever admit. Every time he was near, she found herself wanting to reach out and touch him.

As always, Marlene wore a seemingly easy smile on her pale, angular face and made eye contact with nearly every person she passed. The front was going stronger that day as her housemates looked inquiringly at the boy beside her, raised eyebrows in their direction. The two of them were usually natural at going unnoticed, but quidditch was a gruesomely public event.

As they crossed into the arena, someone across the field caught Marlene’s eye and it took everything in her not to stop in her tracks. Sirius Black’s gaze was fierce, looking at her as though she were the devil herself. He mouthed her name, gaze going blank a moment later as he turned it. Marlene didn’t have to look. She felt the pause in Remus’ walk and held her breath. That single moment seemed to stretch on into eternity. She felt her head swim, a lightness from her lack of nutrients and the general exhaustion of the situation. 

She chanced a glance at Remus as they approached the steps and the air seemed to rush back into her lungs at once, making her equally dizzy but with a much more pleasant undercurrent. Remus was looking at her, dazzling little smile on his pale face. Do you think they’ll throw me from the stands for cheering for gryffindor? Marlene laughed, tilting her head back as she did so. “They might,” she reached over and decidedly wrapped her arms around his, still stuffed in his pocket. They took the stairs together, side by side. “But lucky for you, you’ve got an excellent bodyguard.” Marlene winked, a grin on her face as they ascended up to the bleachers. Perhaps it was petty of her, but she suddenly felt as thought she had won a grand prize.

31 October, 1976

In less than a week, the temperature had changed from mildly chilly to viciously cold. It wasn’t yet snowing, but Marlene was shivering as she made the familiar trek from the school to the quidditch pitch. The arena had been completely encompassed by what looked like a giant white tent set forth by the most innocent troublemakers the school had ever seen. The teachers all knew of the party, turning a blind eye to allow it to transpire. That was the true magic of the Marauders, who seemed to have rectified their issues in the last few days. They could hold a school-wide party with every intention of debauchery and their charm would allow them the success in putting it off. As much as people hated them for it, they loved it all the same.

Marlene had seen the four of them talking during meal time a few days before, a quiet acceptance of each other she recognized as forgiveness. The first sighting caused her nerves to quiver in secret, unforgivable ways, but remus had sought her out that very night. She had let it go, reveling in the notion that he could actually be friends with more than just them. She was dressed like a flapper, a revel of muggle literature and a time she would’ve fit into like silk. Her dress was silver, draping down to her feet with a slit that traveled almost all the way up her thigh. Her hair had been charmed to fall half an inch below her chin and her lips were a dark, blood red. She was barefoot.

When she entered the tent, a warmth surrounded her instantly and she shivered from the shock of it. There were crowds of students on a magically lit up dance floor, but beneath her feet there was grass everywhere else. There were transformed couches and chairs along the nylon walls with a corridor of rooms that were all shielded by curtains. Marlene could only imagine what those were for. She made her way down the narrow hall, eyes wandering around the expansive space. She was mesmerized by it all, barely able to imagine what kind of powerful magic those boys had in them to come up with it all.

Marlene had just rounded the corner back into the open area when her gaze met a pair of blue eyes she would’ve recognized anywhere across the room. An involuntary smile took over her face as she turned and ventured down the hallway, golden hues locked on his until she passed out of sight. She knew he’d get it, as he always did. Follow me.

Marlene ducked into the first empty room she found, her smile turning devilish as she waited. When she heard approaching footsteps in the dry grass, she took her moment and reached out from behind the flap that hid her. Slender fingers wrapped around something of tweed material and yanked. She pulled him into the space in front of her, the sinister smirk turning into a childish grin. She had assumed correctly as a very shocked Remus Lupin came into view. There was laughter in her eyes when she looked up at him, but all she said was a quiet “Hello.”

[dearmckinnon]

twinbones‌:

Amelia was listening intently to what Marlene was saying.  “Yeah I thought that’s what he was getting at. That and how we have to trust each other no matter what.  I mean if we don’t then really who are we going to trust?” Amelia didn’t know Remus very well at all.  Aside from the meeting she really never saw him, so it was totally beyond her realm of thought to even consider him a werewolf.  “I never would be have even begin to think that.  I mean honestly besides a few of them I don’t really know anyone in the Order very well.” Amelia didn’t want to say that some of that was her choice and some of it wasn’t.  She had been taking care of other things in her life and just hadn’t gotten comfortable enough not having to do that yet.  “Knowing that doesn’t really change anything I guess.  I mean he’s still the same person. Right?” Amelia knew how she felt, but she wanted to ask the question anyway.  

marlene wasn’t daft. there was trouble in unconditional trust and she genuinely believed there was no one on the earth she held it for. not even herself, who was prone to slippage. not amelia, who she loved and admired dearly but would understandably save her brothers life above marlene’s if she really had to. nor edgar, who would nobly do the same. at the mention of remus, marlene cleared her throat. “well i haven’t seen him in two and a half years, so no. he’s not really the same person - in any respect.” she thought about it, though. considered what she knew about werewolves and how she felt about remus. he had always been undeniably good. there was a small part of her that wondered if it hadn’t been his secrets that drew her to him initially, but the light that filtered from the depth of his soul. she supposed she wouldn’t go looking for him at midnight on a full moon, but any other time, she had never once felt afraid of him. “he’s a terribly good person. even if i want it to, this isn’t going to change the way i feel about it.” and that, asking marlene, was the real tragedy.

[dearmckinnon]

twinbones‌:

Amelia couldn’t help but laugh as she heard Marlene. “Right then, Natasha.  The tea is in the top cabinet.  Do help yourself, although if you’re looking for much besides just standard tea you may be disappointed.”  Amelia slid a bit to give Marlene some room as she sat down.  “You can’t start yawning we haven’t even talked yet.” Amelia teased as she yawned. 

“I was going to ask you the same thing.” She paused for a moment making sure that her thoughts were gathered and that they made sense before she started talking.  “It was heavy.  I mean that had to be hard for Remus; I’m sure that wasn’t the way he wanted everyone to find out.  I mean it definitely helped Dumbledore make his point, even if it was a bit dramatic.  He’s not wrong though.  Obviously the only enemy we really have is the people who want to make everything worse.  It makes me wonder if Dumbledore has a greater point behind all of this, and if he does what it is. He wants us to trust each other, but what else, you know?” Amelia shifted slightly in her seat to see Marlene a bit better.  “What about you then? What do you think?”

marlene listened to amelia talk in silence, her eyes trained on her feet where they rested on the coffee table. “i think he wants us to understand that our enemies aren’t our first assumptions.” she knew from experience because she had lived with them for so long. those boys and girls that preached hatred because it was all they knew, running wild with the ignorance of their parents and their parents’ parents. “and our allies are greatest than we think.” she took a deep breath and blew her hair out of her face, leaning her head back against the edge of the couch. “i think...” she fell silent as she tried to come up with the right words to say exactly what she was feeling. “i think some part of me knew he was a werewolf.” she bit her lip, knowing full well that she had never told amelia about what transpired between them before she left hogwarts. she’d told edgar in the midst of one of their sleepless nights, neck deep in the swamp of her own mind. she wanted to say that it didn’t matter anymore, but marlene found herself opening her mouth to speak anyway. “we were friends once. i mean, i guess we were friends. it’s hard to find a word to actually describe how it felt, but we were both pretending to be people we weren’t and we bonded over what we never talked about aloud.” marlene crossed her arms over her chest, eyes on the ceiling. “it never would’ve been my first assumption, but now that it’s been said, i can’t imagine what else it could’ve possibly been.”

[dearmckinnon]

witticisms-of-a-wolf‌:

Remus hadn’t been sleeping much since their meeting last week. The transformation had been more difficult than usual, the werewolf not allowing the others near him this time. He couldn’t risk the thought of something happening. The wolf was increasingly unpredictable, feeding off of his insecurities and weaknesses. Lately, it seemed that he lived in the grey space of uncertainties more often than not. 

There were dark marks under his eyes from a lack of sleep, and his face had seemed more hollow than usual, soft freckles and flushed lips seeming out of place with the roughly cut angles of sharp collarbones and a lean form. Maps of the city had been scattered around his bare room, marked in places where he had found reports of incidents listed in several newspapers, both wizard and muggle alike. He wasn’t sure if any of this would be useful, but had been unable to sleep when the idea had come to him on his way home from work the night before. It was difficult for the wizard to stop himself once he started a project, especially if he could see its potential value. More importantly, it had provided him with a much needed distraction from the events of the week and the conversations he had done his best to avoid.

Reading through the previous week’s edition of the Evening Standard, Remus hadn’t noticed the hasty shift in the weather outside. The evening heat had quickly changed into a heavy downpour, and it was only as he reached for a page and felt a sudden dampness that he looked up to find rain spilling out through the open window and into the small room he occupied in the flat.

“Shit.” Remus murmured to no one in particular, leaning to his side with a small wince from the effort and sliding the window firmly shut. Looking down at his papers, he bit down on his lips, standing to retrieve a towel from the other room, silently damning London for its unpredictable weather.

He was walking down the hallway when he heard the sound of a fist pounding on the front door. At first, Remus had assumed that it was just the rain, moving through the kitchen by habit. None of the guys would have knocked before entering, and he wasn’t expecting any company that night. In truth, he could scarcely remember a time when he was expecting company at all, let alone this night. However, as he dried his hands, the pounding continued. It was a familiar voice that followed, causing the werewolf to freeze where he stood, fingers tightening in his grip on the towel.

Marlene?

“Shit-” Remus swore again, pointedly this time. No, it couldn’t be her. That wouldn’t make sense. He hadn’t seen the witch since the last Order meeting, and even then could barely remember meeting her eyes. He hadn’t been brave enough to glance over and see what they might hold, wanting to push the moment away for as long as possible. The werewolf turned in place, reaching for a discarded jumper that had been laying on the sofa and pulling it over his head to cover the t-shirt he had been wearing. It was too big for him, and loose around the neck as the knitted material slipped down towards his shoulder. However he didn’t have time to remedy this, as there was very clearly an impatient Scottish girl standing outside, and by the sound of the heavy downpour, she was not happy.

Pulling open the door, the sight that greeted him took the werewolf by surprise. Marlene was drenched from the rain, her hair clinging to her neck, eyes electric and bright. His stomach twisted, and the moment brought Remus back to an old memory with a quick flash. Of course it would be raining.

“Hey you.” He replied automatically, the words slipping out just as they had once before. His eyes had lowered by habit, briefly flickering to the transparent fabric of her t-shirt before he forced them back to her face, freckled cheekbones flushing and unspoken words hanging on parted lips. His mind had moved through a disordered amalgam of emotions in the short moment, none of them clear enough to be articulated even if he had wanted to try. 

Instead he held the door open wider, hoping that the witch would take his invitation. “Come inside, you’re soaked.”

hey you.

something in marlene’s distant memory snapped. it took her a moment to locate it, but when she did, she could’ve sworn her heart fractured in an old and inexcusable way. almost three years had passed since that rainy october day, but the situation was mirrored in a lot of ways. she was standing in front of him with the wind whipping her hair around her face, calling him out on his extended absence and he was passing it off with a greeting that made her want to grind her teeth together with the amount of adoration she had for him. he was even tilted the way he had been, leaning heavily to one side as if he were in pain. it occurred to marlene that he probably was in pain, and had been that day as well. back then she had ignored it, adding it to the list of things they didn’t tell each other.

as her past leaned forward to kiss her present, marlene laughed. It wasn’t a pretty sound, or a flirty one, or even one that spoke of genuine humor. it was short, pointed and an obvious show of her no longer taking the bait he held in front of her. how’s your mum? she almost said it but the notion made her angry. her frown deepened, “shut up.” but then he was telling her to come inside and marlene looked up to the sky, rain splashing down on her face. she had to squint to protect her eyes, the fury that was suddenly leaking from her holding her back for a fraction of a second. she looked at him, permanent crease between her brows. marlene pulled her wet arms from across her body and lifted them, letting them fall a moment later down to her sides. her hands made an audible slapping noise against her bare thighs. “i don’t care,” she told him. “i love the rain.” you know that. she didn’t say it aloud but she knew he was already thinking it. he loved the rain, too. with a sigh, marlene reached up and pulled her hair over her right shoulder. her fingers were surprisingly steady as she twisted her messy locks, wringing the water out on his doorstep before stepping over the threshold of his apartment compliantly.

“you’re retreating,” she told him. without considering what she was doing or really even where she was, marlene sat down on the floor of his flat and started undoing the laces of her shoes. she was still angry, but her socks were wet and it was only making it worse. marlene preferred being barefoot anyway, always had. especially when it was raining. with a bit of forced effort, she yanked one of her boots off and dropped it onto the mat by his front door. “and I’m over it.” her bright eyes were focused on the task at hand, despite her obvious irritation. getting her sock off was tricky and she made several tries of pulling on it before her hand slipped and she accidentally hit the wall next to her. marlene tried again without even acknowledging that anything had gone wrong. “i get it, okay? i gave you space.” eventually, the article came off with an unattractive slapping sound against the floor. with a grimace, marlene picked it up and laid it across the top of her boot. “i allowed you the time to process and regroup.” much easier than the first try, she got her second shoe and sock off, placing them precisely in line with the others. finally, marlene got to her feet.

now barefoot, she was an inch short than she had been and standing directly in front of him, she realized she barely reached eye-level with his chin. his face was flushed, presumably because of her blatant berating of him. “we’re gonna talk about it now, because if I wait on you, I’ll probably meet the end of time before you come to me about it.” her voice came out a bit breathless, eyes scanning and committing to memory the sight of him - though admittedly this was one she knew well. “so. you’re a werewolf.” her hands were on her hips again, frown still placed upon her mouth. marlene allowed herself the pleasure of looking at him now, taking in the sharp lines of his collar, jaw, and cheekbones. there was a softness in his eyes, downy curls falling into them, and the way his lips curved down in the center of his upper lip made her stomach churn. his freckles were stark against his pale skin, the pink tinge in his cheeks that much more obvious. marlene exhaled through parted lips, eyelids drooping as she unabashedly memorized the painting of his face. her voice was quieter when she finally spoke again, “there it is. i said it out loud and the sky didn’t fall.”

marlene supposed she had known all along. she paid too much attention to him not to. then again, she had kept herself naive enough, aware of the desperate way he tried to be someone other than himself, to stay just beyond the realm of deception. she teetered on the edge of awareness and ignorance for years until she let go of him entirely. he had almost done the same, though he had known her secrets and simply respected the fact that she wasn’t ready to talk about them. “and, what’s more, you’re still remus lupin. the terribly tragic boy who hides from his problems as if that’ll make them go away. werewolf. chicken’s more like it.” marlene raised her eyebrows at him, always a challenge in her golden stare. this time, however, the corner of her lip moved up into a smirk. she was teasing him, letting him know that despite the fear inside of him she was still the same old Marlene. “i always knew you were more interesting than anybody else at that dreadfully inattentive school.”

[dearmckinnon]

twinbones‌:

Late Night Chit Chats

@dearmckinnon

Amelia was lying on the couch in their flat, eyes closed.  She knew it would probably going be smarter to just go to bed, but she wanted to see what Marlene had thought of the meeting.  She also wanted to make sure that Marlene got home alright, but Amelia didn’t think that one would be too much of a problem.  She hadn’t seen her roommate or brother all day.  She had been out all day and when the meeting rolled around she got there after both of them and left before them.  This time after the meeting had given her time to really mull over what Dumbledore had said, and what his greater point probably was. She was assuming there was a bigger point anyway. She had made her decision up about everything she learned today, and was now thinking about whether or not it would be worth the effort to get up and make some tea. This thought, however, was cut short by the sound of the door opening.

“If you aren’t Marlene or Edgar, I’d just turn around if I were you. I’m not in the mood, and therefore not responsible for my actions right now.  However, if you are one of them would you please put the kettle on? I’m quite comfortable and really don’t want to move.”

marlene hadn’t gone home after the meeting. she’d left as soon as it was over in search of coffee. she found it at the shop right around the corner from the flat she shared with edgar and amelia and took a walk down the shopping district as she sipped it after. she had to process. being at home would suffocate her that night and it was a warm enough night that she was comfortable in her shorts as she made her way down the road. it had been a handful of hours later when she finally wandered up the steps to their home, tossing her empty cup in the bin by the curb.

amelia’s voice carried to her as she let herself inside and marlene had to smile. “they call me natasha. i’m here to steal the tea.” she went into the kitchen and put the kettle on habitually, kicking her shoes off in the entryway. she padded through the living room to the couch and dropped down beside her on the couch, barefeet moving to prop up on the table. “so” she began, stifling a yawn behind her hand. “what did you make of the meeting today?”

[dearmckinnon]

times up // 15 July 79

@witticisms-of-a-wolf

it was late afternoon and even as the sun was setting, the air was thick and muggy. it was the kind of heat that made a persons clothes stick to them uncomfortably. marlene mckinnon wore black hotpants and her usual ratty boots. her shirt was white, loose fitted with a red neckline and the words ‘i’m a pepper’ stamped crookedly on the front. her hair was loose, sticking to the back of her neck as she made her way down the crowded sidewalk. people were hurrying in all directions as the clouds rolled in, but marlene wasn’t paying them any attention. her golden hues were scanning the shop windows for a particular pair of roller skates she’d been trying to find for weeks now. summer just wasn’t right without wheels on her feet these days.

quite suddenly, however, marlene found herself stock still in the middle of the walkway. she glanced around, brow furrowed, as she wondered absently where the hoards of people had all disappeared to. she was suddenly and terribly alone. for the briefest moments, she felt panic ceasing her. was this about to be her first death eater experience? certainly not, she thought. she was on an inherently muggle street. as if the sky was answering her question, the bottom fell out. the rain was viscous, coming down in hard, heavy streams. she was soaked to the skin in a matter of seconds, but she remained still. her face turned up to the sky and her eyes closed. for the first time all week, she let her brain wander down that forbidden path.

marlene hated letting people come to her. she hated the waiting for a response, the hoping they’d make the first move, all of it. she much preferred doing the acting herself, that way the timing was in her own impossibly controlling hands. she didn’t have to wonder what someone was thinking when she made them talk. but exactly a week ago, she’d decided to give him space. remus lupin had been called out in a way that was empowering to her as an onlooker, but obviously traumatizing to him as the subject of conversation. she left that meeting with every intention of giving him the space he needed. surely he was going to be bombarded with more than his secret-keeping brain was used to. the shock to his system had to be paramount. so she left with the hope that eventually he would approach her.

naturally as the week wore on, it occurred to her that he would never come looking for her. it wasn’t in his nature, it wasn’t something he had ever done. he was probably terrified none of them wanted anything to do with him. marlene understood it, but she also knew that she was brought up on morals of acceptance and kindness. he couldn’t help who he was. and marlene knew enough about wizarding history to know that unless his father was a wolf, he was likely turned against his will long before they met at hogwarts.

it was a split second decision when she ducked under an awning and pulled a piece of paper from her pocket. scrawled there in her friends familiar hand was an address. taking a deep breathe, marlene closed her eyes and turned on the spot.

apparation wasn’t one of her better abilities, but she supposed she was in the right neighborhood. dingy-looking flats lined the road on either side of her. they looked as if they were painted white once upon a time. marlene looked down at the number on the paper, smeared by her wet, shaking hands. deciding that it was hopefully an eight and not a three, she put the paper back in her pocket and made her way down the street until she found the front door she had been looking for.

marlene turned her face to the rain again and took a deep, steadying breath. she had no idea what she was going to say if he was even home, but she couldn’t wait anymore. she took the steps two at a time and rapped her fist against the door. marlene took a step back and crossed her arms over her chest, a frown forming of her face as she waited. as the seconds ticked by, she bounced impatiently on the tips of her toes. “oi,” she called out over the sound of the rain. “open the door, you walloper.”

[dearmckinnon]

witticisms-of-a-wolf‌:

Marlene had always been able to see things that others overlooked. For that reason, her words didn’t come as a surprise to the werewolf. What surprised him was her unabashed honesty. He listened without the need to answer, taking in her words in the same manner he always had, without judgement or defense. There was no need for formalities or pacifying of the words. Everything about the witch was honest and raw and real, something that the werewolf found to be refreshing in the hollow night. His eyes followed hers as she leaned back, a challenge hanging in the space between them.

“Is that what you thought you were?” Remus finally asked, the question low and quiet. “A glass doll?” He frowned a little as he spoke, the words coming out before he could stop himself. 

When he thought back to the girl in his memories, fragile and breakable never came to mind. His mind went back to a flash of cherry red lips and golden eyes, bright in a dimly lit room. The only thing slight about her had been the size of her wrists as he held her hands in his. When he allowed himself to think back to this time all of those years ago, Marlene McKinnon had seemed to burn as brightly as ever in his eyes. She was brave where he was cautious, warm where he was cold. Even now as she spoke of secrets, he knew he wouldn’t be able to say the words she had wanted to hear. The words twisted in his stomach in a way that he was far too familiar with. No, she had never been breakable in his mind. If it had taken her transferring to realize this for herself, he supposed he should be happy for that change. 

“Beauxbatons.” Remus nodded, eyes softening. “You have to tell me, are the Pyrenees more beautiful than the Highlands? I know they were always your favorite.” He wondered when the witch had last been to Scotland.

The first time I really banged up my knee, I let it heal the muggle way. I needed it to prove that i’m real, even when I flipped in such a way. 

The lines of his fingers hardened as she continued, hands pressing down at his sides into the rough concrete of the steps. A part of the werewolf understood why she had done something like that. It was the same part of him that understood that not every mark that scarred his skin had been the wolf’s doing. He had convinced himself that it was just another white lie, harmless unless he gave it power. He wondered now, looking back at the other girl, if she would agree.

The sounds of conversation spilled out from the inside of the house, and it reminded Remus that they weren’t alone. He wished for the moment to last longer, wanting to hold onto this space for as long as he could. With a pang of guilt, the werewolf remembered wishing for the same thing on one of the last days he had spent with the witch.

It brought a small smile to his lips, hearing that she had someone in her life. The name was familiar; he remembered Amelia from their time at school, and though he didn’t know her well, he was happy that she had been able to be there for Marlene in a way that Remus couldn’t. “Are you living on your own now, or are you moving into one of the safe houses here?” Remus asked, his head tilting back towards the witch. The other questions he wanted to ask hung unspoken in the night air, far too difficult and important to be crowded into the spare minutes they had been granted. 

The sound of her laugh made his stomach twist, his eyes tracing over the lines of her lips and committing them to memory. His expression was lighter and more gentle now, and a small laugh escaped his lips. For a moment, it was as if he was sixteen again. Remus nodded after a beat, forcing his eyes back out to the outline of grey clouds on a dark night sky. “I remember.”

His trunk at school had never been overflowing with items in the same way his roommates’ had been, so it was easy to notice when something was out of place. “I’m surprised you kept it,” he answered, stomach tight with indecision. 

It was strange to be talking to her like this, and yet the conversation felt for a moment just as easy as it had always been. Selfishly, he wished he could turn to his side and tell her to stand up and leave. He wouldn’t even ask for his jacket back. Remus wanted the witch to go and find Amelia and run as far as she could from here without looking back. She was healthy and happy and good, and he wasn’t sure if he could promise that the war would allow her to remain like this for much longer. The thought was one that would linger in his mind for a long time after their conversation had ended.

marlene looked at him for a moment in silence. his question hung in the air around them. is that what you thought you were? a glass doll? the corner of her mouth just barely pulled up into a smile, lashes shading her eyes as she looked down at her hands. “you always thought too highly of me. sometimes i was very breakable, other times i was like a statue and nothing could move me.” she was set in her ways at only sixteen years old. 

remus’ memory of her love for scotland made something twist in marlene’s heart. she found herself smiling at him, genuinely. it was a sideways, confused sort of smirk that held more than a little affection. for a moment she didn’t say anything, but then she decided to play along. “the fact that you even have to ask makes me want to sing you flowers of scotland.” marlene tried to give him a challenging sort of look, but she dissolved into laughter a moment later. “what kind of scot do you think i am? there is nothing on this earth more beautiful than the highlands. tæ think again and whatnot.”

the ease with which their conversation flowed was something warm and familiar to marlene. if she ignored what she had been through in the past two and a half years, they could’ve been sitting on a train talking about the point and incredulity of everlasting ink. but then he asked her where she was living and it reminded her that there were reasons for everything. their time together hadn’t lasted and perhaps it was never meant to, but they were also being given another chance as they tried, however pointlessly, to save their world. “i have a flat in london. edgar and amelia bones live with me for now, but i may eventually move into arabella’s safe house. it’s right outside of hogmeade.” she smiled nostalgically, looking down at her fidgety fingers. “which means i could be home.”

a sigh left her lips as laughter spilled out from inside the house. the sound made her skin itch with indecision. she didn’t want to go back in there, but the hardest part was over. she’d seen remus again, talked to him, felt him out. they were going to be fine, if a tiny bit awkward. she knew why she had kept it, but she wouldn’t relive that horror story to him. he probably remembered it with the knowledge that it had been the very reason they’d stopped speaking in the first place. marlene cleared her throat and stood up a bit too abruptly. it was clear there was a time limit to how long she could talk to him without drifting out into the sea of her oceanic mind. “i think i’m gonna head out,” she told him, eyes glancing reluctantly at the door. “i’ve had about as much social interaction as i can handle for tonight.” before she ascended the steps, however, she did her best to memorize the look of him in the span of a few seconds. he looked so much fuller than he had the last time they’d spoken. gone was the dejected little boy who missed his friends. before marlene in that moment was a man who radiated a protectiveness and an ability to fight for his life and the lives of those he loved. they hadn’t planned for it to end up this way, but for better or worse, they were in it together.

[dearmckinnon]

gideonprwtt‌:

He recoiled at her response as if stung by a bee. There was a burning determination in her gaze as they stared at each other, and Gideon realized, belatedly, that he’d judged her too soon. Shame coiled in his stomach, and although it was the best kind of shame to experience, as now he knew Marlene was someone trustworthy, a woman of sharp edges and a decent sense of fairness, Gideon realized that he’d just let his fear get the better of him. He used to be much more open-minded—hell, he got into fights with his parents over the right to befriend whoever he wanted regardless of their opinions. When had the war changed him so much? 

He scratched the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. 

“Sorry for that,” he said, and he meant it. Interrogating her—if you could even call that interrogation—left a bitter taste in his mouth. He figured that was a job best left for Moody.

“I’m just … It doesn’t come easy anymore, making friends I mean.” Betrayals, false informations, close calls—the Order had faced too many of that over the years, despite Dumbledore’s best efforts to filter out information, and somewhere along the way Gideon’s trusting nature had been eroded. It felt strange to witness such change in himself; he wondered, tentatively, if he’d always been a cynic and Fabian was the idealist one, and now Gideon’s true self was coming out because Fabian was gone. 

“But that’s not really an excuse. I trust Dumbledore, so I’m gonna trust you. Not to mention you gave a pretty good speech there—so, no more House judgement.” He chuckled. “Let’s give it our best out there, I suppose. Kick some Death Eater’s asses.” Try to stay alive. And win the war, hopefully.

marlene narrowed her eyes, the corner of her lip quirking up into a smirk. “i have to admit,” she began, leaning her elbows onto the step behind her. “i thought it would be a smidgen more difficult to get you to cave.” one of her eyebrows arched with a grin from her lips. marlene thought gideon would be the most difficult when it came to learning trust. it was honestly surprising he even trusted dumbledore given the circumstances they were in. marlene certainly wouldn’t, but maybe she had been removed long enough to have a differing opinion.

she had five brothers of her own. four of them were older, one of them younger. she couldn’t imagine a world without a single one of them. the idea of losing an actual twin wasn’t something she could fathom. she commended gideon for his determination. “i get it,” she told him, shrugging one of her shoulders. “it can’t be easy- being back here.”

marlene said it without caution. knowing the right thing to do in these situations was lost on most individuals. marlene found that her own brand of brutal honesty was the best way to go about it. “i feel like it needs to be said that i’m never going to apologize for what you’ve been through.” there was a slight frown on her lips as she spoke, eyes looking out past his shoulder. “everyone wants to say they’re sorry for your loss, and while i am empathetic because i have a family of my own that i would die to protect, i have no fault in what happened to yours. so i’m not sorry, but i am an excellent listener. and i would be happy to hear anything you have to say about it.” she looked back up at him, a flat determination in her gaze. she had been as gentle as possible about it, but for marlene that was a difficult feat. it was better for the both of them if she said it like it was instead of avoided it or apologized like everyone else. “for instance, i’d really like to know what his favorite meal had been. and perhaps if you have a stomach for whatever it is anymore.”

[dearmckinnon]

barestofbones‌:

“3:20,” he whispered, eyes closed as his face mimicked a grimace of a dying man, but when he took his next breath, the corners of his lips betrayed his lacking gumption. As his eyes opened again, he noticed her lost nature, the unfocused training of her eyes just before she closed them. Edgar was used to the frenzied moods now, understanding of the lunacy that plagued her when the sun went down, for he knew how the rabbit hold undulated down and away from light and logic, but even though he got it, he wasn’t ever sure of how to fix it. That was the kicker, though, in not only his relationship with Marlene but with their existence in general.

When her eyes opened again, wide and now focused, and her voice sounded breathy, Edgar could do nothing but return her smile and appreciate the warmth she radiated, and maybe wonder why she had so much trouble seeing it in herself. He moved further into the couch, extending one arm and laying his cheek on the inside of his bicep, eyes roaming her face before finding her eyes again. “Welcome back,” he replied, brow arching on one side. 

His breath nearly caught in his throat at her touch, not because she shouldn’t or because it was unusual, but because Marlene did not quite grasp the mesmerizing effect she could have on a person. Edgar had somehow lost himself in her depths, relied on her selfishly to keep him afloat in the dead of the night, and while he seemed impervious to developing deeper emotions that would teeter towards precarious, he felt for the guy who found himself in her web if they didn’t understand the intricate makeup of her mind and the toll it took to take it all on. 

“If this is the part where you suggest we do hallucinogens and stare at the stars, I am in.” He grinned into the darkness as he laid his arm across her hips. While he would like nothing more than to trip with her and talk about nothing for the next day, he knew his joke was in bad taste, so after sighing and pressing a brief kiss to her collarbone, he leaned up and swung his legs over the side of the couch. “Dumbledore lent me this book that has a step by step how to make a bird feeder section. I was planning on doing it tomorrow, but if you’re willing to be my assistant, we can start it tonight.”

the interesting thing about marlene’s mental instability was how unpredictable it could be. there were certain benefactors - specific environmental changes that were too fast and large for her system to manage. she didn’t refuse change, but her brain occasionally attacked her for it. things had finally settled down for her in london when dumbledore showed up. she felt comfortable, stable. the chemistry inside her head was balanced. she knew joining the order would cause an upset, but she couldn’t say no. there was too much banking on their success and even the darkest parts of her mind knew where her morals stood if sometimes they got lost among the smoke.

the air wasn’t clear, but she could feel the couch beneath her, the solidity of edgars arms where he placed them around her and the warm chill that spread through her as his lips met her collar bone. she caught his joke, and as tasteless as it was, she laughed anyway. “can’t we just look at the stars? you do not want to see me under that kind of influence.” marlene had never actually done any hallucinatory drugs, but she could only imagine the state it would put her in. the pull to do such things had always been there for her. it was a quiet ticking beneath her skin that she could ignore, but the knowledge that it would become harder to do had she actually tasted them all kept her at bay from ever going there.

edgar was pulling her up and she was groaning in protest, sinking her body back into the couch as he sat up so that she lay behind him. “how to make a bird feeder?” this was followed by quiet laughter into the pillow beneath her. she turned her head, pressing her cheek there briefly before pushing up to sit beside him. “can we put skittles in it and feed ourselves?” this was followed by a small smile, because they both knew she would never do that. candy wasn’t something marlene touched. it was as dangerous to her as alcohol, which quickly became a pit in the bottom of her stomach that she couldn’t seem to fill fast enough. “okay, i’ll do it if i can get my hands on the drill. i’ve been dying to try that things out - purely innocently, of course.”

[dearmckinnon]

witticisms-of-a-wolf‌:

14 September, 1976

Remus didn’t break the rules at school often. At least, it appeared that way to the majority of staff and students. He had become so comfortable in covering up his tracks, an eerie calmness painting over the young werewolf’s expression as he left his dormitory that night. Tucked under his arm was a folded up bundle of parchment with an early version of what would one day become the Marauders map. Remus had waited behind thick curtains of his four poster bed until the other three had finally settled into sleep, soft sounds and snores blending together in the tall tower.

The werewolf moved soundlessly, less interested in the destination as he was in the act of moving and leaving unrest behind him. He didn’t want to think; he didn’t want to feel; and most of all, he didn’t want to dream. The dark circles under his eyes were much more desirable to facing his subconscious and all of the carefully concealed truths that he was so good at pushing down in the light of day.

Lately, Remus found himself preferring the castle at night. It was quieter here, light from the waning moon painting the stone floor in front of him in rippling shadows from the swaying branches of a nearby tree. His eyes were glancing across the rough sketches of the castle grounds that they had worked on the year before, trailing over the names that clustered around each of the dormitory buildings absentmindedly. Letting himself wander, his eyes dropped to a name that stood out from the rest, alone in the empty space of an unlabeled room.

Marlene McKinnon.

The girl from the train. And the greenhouses. Could she be called a friend now? No, maybe not a friend. He wasn’t quite sure how those worked. When he took a moment to think about it, the only friends he had ever kept had forced themselves upon him and branded it a friendship before he could make something of an argument. For a reason that still managed to escape the werewolf, they chose him, and he would spend the rest of his life trying to make it up to them. So perhaps Marlene wasn’t a friend, and by all logic Remus should definitely not approach her or spend any more time with her, but that didn’t stop his feet from taking a sharp turn down the hall towards the lower levels of the castle. After all, the map was only a roughly drafted copy. There were so many reasons to excuse the misprint of the girl’s name. If anything, it was only responsible to check out the situation and make note of the issue. Perhaps it was a calibration issue, or maybe some abnormal magic that was throwing off the charm. Yes of course, he lied to himself.

Hand reaching out to grasp the handle of a door that he had never entered before, the werewolf pushed open the heavy wood slowly, his heart beating in his chest. His eyes met hers immediately, sharp and strange in the dimly lit room. In that moment, it was a singular thought that took over the werewolf’s mind. Marlene McKinnon was beautiful.

She reminded Remus of an old muggle film star his mother had loved. Upside down, hair falling down by her side, lips stained dark; she was a curious puzzle that he wanted nothing more than to solve. Everything about her was strange and intriguing and Remus couldn’t bring himself to look away. Eyes falling on the cherry between her teeth, he found himself wondering if her lips would taste as sweet as the fruit she held between them. The thought shook the werewolf, and he pushed down the thought just as quickly as it had crossed his mind. He had to remind himself to breath.

Hello, her voice had called, and Remus swallowed thickly. His eyes were bright from behind tawny-brown curls, cheekbones looking hollow and sharp against the moonlight. He had almost forgotten that the moment had been real, and hoped that he hadn’t been standing there for too long.

“Marlene.” He heard himself speaking. The voice sounded strange to his ears. He folded the parchment that he didn’t realize he had still been holding and took a step forwards, moving towards the other witch automatically.

Turn around.

“I didn’t know there was anyone in here.” Remus lied, the words tasting bitter on his lips. He pocked the map, a scarred hand reaching out tentatively and accepting the offer at her fingertips. “Thank you.”

He took a seat on the bench of the piano, folding a leg under himself as he sat. A small smile had pulled at his lips as he had finally broken his eyes from her long enough to look around the room and the scene around him.

“I didn’t get an invitation to your picnic.”

Remus wondered that night if he would ever grow tired of watching the other girl. It was late into the night when he found himself sitting beside her on the piano bench, playing a simple tune on the ivory keys. His mother had taught him when he was young, a sweet smile spreading on her cheeks as she played along with the old record player in the corner of the lounge. Remus wasn’t very good, with no official lessons or books to read from, but there hadn’t been much else to do in the long days at Lupin cottage.

He tried not to think about how close she had sat next to him, and stopped after a minute with a pause, eyes turning to meet hers curiously. He realized too late that Marlene likely didn’t know the muggle song, and tried his best to describe the record and the way it was supposed to sound, an animated smile across his lips as he spoke. She had watched him at first, before raising her hands to the keys in a manner that indicated years of training, creating a beautiful melody in the quiet night. He would remember the song long after she had stopped playing it.

7 October, 1976

“Where would you go?” Remus asked, voice sounding far away as he turned away from the other witch. “-if you could go anywhere you wanted.” The rain hammered loudly against the castle windows, wind howling into the night and wrapping the stone in a cool chill. The moon was nearly full as it loomed high in the sky, just a day away from it’s peak. The werewolf could feel it’s pull in his bones, eyes wide away as he watched the rain fall down the glass.

Remus sat on top of an instrument case, long fingers absentmindedly playing with the leather handle. He wore an old sweater that draped loosely over his thin form, a sharp line of scarred collarbones just visible under the soft wool. A paper bag held a handful of fresh cherries that he had picked out for her from the kitchens earlier, sitting by his side. The werewolf had been breaking more rules than usual lately. Remus lifted his head to the ceiling, swallowing as he let out a short breath. His head had been burning with a fever, normal for the days before the change but something he hadn’t wanted to advertise to the other girl. 

He lifted his wand instead, mind drifting to their advanced charms work that had been covering nonverbal spells. It had taken him half a dozen tries, but he finally managed to lift a cherry from the bag, letting it dance into the empty air and over to the other girl sitting beside him.

He smiled as he let it drop, eyes falling again. “Lily’s better at this.”

The others had said it wasn’t a good idea, spending time with her. He hadn’t told them about the Slytherin girl, but they had noticed anyways. This year, the castle felt different. There was something that was starting outside, and it had nothing to do with the storm that currently raged. He felt the rift between houses more strongly now, whispers of dark magic spreading through the halls and lowering heads as they passed each other by.

7 October, 1976

Marlene had been overcome with an all-consuming embarrassment the day after that night in the music room. No one had ever seen her in such a state of pure mania as Remus had that evening, and she spent most of the next day in a fit of pure agony. She had convinced herself he would most definitely never want to talk to her again, having seen such an authentic side of her that she had been lost to hiding at the time. She remembered playing piano for him - Schubert’s Fantasia - and telling him how it felt like painful shock waves were being sent up her veins where her fingertips touched the keys. She remembered him gently closing the fallboard and telling her to relax. It had been a grounding action she was too wild to know she needed. She thanked him, but couldn’t figure out why she was saying it until the next time he sought her out.

It had been on purpose that time, and less than a day later. The relief that had washed through her was incomparable, and she found quite suddenly that she was thanking him for taking the genuine parts of her and still wanting to be there. It made her want to show him more, a dangerous feeling in the pit of her stomach that she couldn’t begin to combat the very second he entered her space at any given moment.

The smiles were real, the laughter as true as it had ever been. Marlene didn’t know what any of it meant, but she was happy and that was a brand new feeling.

“I’d go home,” she answered, a content smile lighting up her face as she slipped her feet out of her shoes. The rain was so loud, it seemed to cloak them from the rest of the castle. They could hear each other, their voices echoing off the stone around them, but no one else. Marlene was sitting on the window ledge, a short awning the only thing keeping her dry from the torrential down pour before them. She stretched out one of her legs, pointing a foot into the rain. “Which arguably is here in the highlands, but I mean my actual home.” Her laughter was in expense of herself; she was born and raised in the Scottish Highlands, but Hogwarts was so enclosed it felt like a whole different world. “Isle of Skye, Moray Firth, Loch Ness. There’s a series of clearwater caverns there that are bio-luminescent at night. I could spend my whole life there.”

Remus charmed something to float through the air to her and, instinctively, Marlene reached out and caught it. A cherry, brilliantly red and cold to the touch. She laughed, shaking her head and once again feeling a certain amount of shock at his gentle acceptance of her darker parts. She bit it in half. “There’s also Spain, which is where my mother’s side lives.” She held up the other half of the cherry to show him before eating it. “The cereza vineyards are endless in the Jerte Valley.” She looked at him sideways, a mysterious smile turning the corners of her red-tinted lips. “I think I’ll show you one day - both of those places.”

13 October, 1976

It had been five days. He seemed to disappear after dinner in the masses of people heading in all directions towards their dormitories that night. As per usual, she passed him quietly, offering a simple and mysterious wink before following the rest of the Slytherin’s towards the dungeons. She noticed that something was off, the pale thinness in his skin, the shadows under his eyes, but she didn’t question it - she never did. His absence for the next few days was telling. His mother is ill. That’s what Lily said, eyes turned downward, eager to change the subject. One thought hit Marlene square in the chest and for the entire stretch of his absence, it came back to her at irregular intervals. Lying. Lily had lied to her, but she wasn’t sure even Lily knew about what.

On the fourth day, his friends looked just as tired as he had that first night. Marlene took note of the silence that seemed to linger between them, speaking of sleepless nights. There was a lightness that seemed to have been missing for some time, however, and Marlene couldn’t help but feel the direct causation would eventually be unloaded upon her.

At breakfast on the fifth day, he still wasn’t there. He appeared like a feather on the wind in potions class halfway through the morning. Marlene didn’t so much as glance his way, but she could feel his presence. It shook her. She heard the door open but remained calm and still, quill scratching against the parchment that held all her notes for the day. She knew it was him, somehow, as if the thick, muggy air had cleared and she could breath again. She swallowed the thought, internally irritated by it.

It was raining again after classes ended in the mid-afternoon. It echoed throughout the grounds, muffling Marlene’s footsteps as she walked hastily towards the courtyard bridge. She wasn’t sure how she had known he’d be there, but she let her feet guide her anyway, and as if her soul had known all along, there he was. She stopped in her tracks and for a moment, just watched. He was leaning against the wall, perhaps a shade too heavily. There was a smallest slump to his shoulders that told her something wasn’t right, but before she could ponder it too long, her feet were carrying her again. The opening at the end of the bridge was curtained by the thick rain, the wind that pushed through blowing her blonde curls back behind her.

“Oi,” she called out, her voice sounded clipped and angry. There was a determination in her brisk walk, crease between her brows as she barreled towards him. Remus turned and she saw his mouth open to say something, but she was already there. Perhaps it was a bit rash, but instinct had taken over again. She threw her arms around his neck, stretching up on her toes to hug him as tightly as her slight form would allow. She was small, made mostly of sharp bones and thin skin. Her strength, especially at that time, was virtually nothing, but she held onto him anyhow, her chin tucked over his shoulder.

Marlene wasn’t sure how long they stood there like that, but when she finally let go, she didn’t move very far away. She simply pulled her arms from around his neck, hands sliding down to rest just above the crook of his elbows, and flattened her feet to the ground to look up at him. She noticed immediately that there was an angry red mark on his neck that was accompanied with the faint smell of antiseptic, but she lingered only a moment before turning her golden gaze up to meet his impossibly blue one. The thought occurred to her again; lying. But she suppressed it, knowing that she would never question what he worked so diligently to cover up. She knew from experience that it had nothing to do with trust. And yet, when she asked the question, perhaps it was a bit too pointed; “How’s your mum?”

[thepersonalquotes]

[dearmckinnon]

gideonprwtt‌:

Gideon let out a soft chuckle at her joke, though he wasn’t really feeling it. She had seemed occupied earlier, lost somewhere in the depth of her mind — just like she said, ha! — but his presence had pulled her back. She was — well, the term ‘guarded’ came to mind, but he couldn’t really fault her for that now, could he? 

“Good things I hope,” he said. Then, he leaned on the wall next to her and continued, “So how was your first impression of the Order? We have a nice bunch, don’t you think?”

Small talk, the bane of his existence, but Gideon and Marlene were barely acquaintances and he needed to get a grasp of her personality quick. Was she someone who could keep a secret? Was she someone who could keep secrets from the Order? His paranoia was crawling out of its six-month hibernation, so he had to curb it down a little in order not to antagonize Marlene too much. 

He should put more trust in her, as Dumbledore had allowed her in, but Moody’s catchphrase ‘constant vigilant’ rang in his head like a bell toll. He couldn’t help it. He’d almost asked ‘what house were you in?’ but that would’ve been too obvious.

“Personally, I’m a little worried. I think some of us haven’t really understood what the commitment would be.” His heart clenched at the thought of Fabian, but he ignored it — quid pro quo, after all, offer her something and maybe she’ll offer something back. 

“brilliant, yes.” marlene told him earnestly. “a warrior by all accounts.” gideon had to know that they had all heard his story. dumbledore told it to each of his recruits. fabian, caradoc and benjy’s ill-fated deaths. three young boys gone far too soon. everyone knew of the prewett twins, they were legendary at hogwarts, rivaled only by the marauders who marlene had considered anything but their enemy. they all admired the prewett twins. dumbledore had said it himself. gideon might be at a loss, but he was still a powerful wizard capable of infinitely great things.

“i think,” marlene began, a distance smile on her face as she considered his question. there was a discomfort within her, but they were certainly a good group still. the people she knew before arriving were dedicated, strong. they would put up a hell of a fight when it came down to it. “i think it’s a good group. the idea that we will become this close-knit family in one night is a little bit of a stretch, but i understand it. if there’s no trust, there’s betrayal. and if there’s betrayal, there’s no point in all of this.”

a moment later, gideon was sharing his opinion and marlene felt her whole spirit pause. her eyes has been trained on his shoes, listening but still considering her own opinion on the matters at hand. she froze, knowing exactly what he was doing. gideon wasn’t being friendly, he was sniffing her out. the lone slytherin. the girl who disappeared in the middle of the night. the mystery, marlene mckinnon. what the fuck was she doing here? she certainly questioned it herself, but his lame attempt at sneakily weighing her caused something inside of marlene to burn. her eyes traveled up his form slowly before planting firmly against his gaze. there was a cool fire inside of her when she spoke. “some of us have things to lose. people we love that have been treated unfairly by the laws set in place and the old societal desire to eradicate an entire group of people, which - i’m sure you know - is a people that can’t even be completely erased because a wizard is always capable of conceiving a child with a muggle at any given moment. it’s preposterous to think otherwise. it’s also preposterous to try and stop anyone from living their life, ever. no matter their upbringing. or, for that matter, their assumed allegiance.”

[dearmckinnon]

mcrninglily‌:

There was nothing she appreciated more than Marlene’s honesty. That was why she’d opened up to her in the first place. There would be no I’m so sorry, Lilyor Blimey, that’s horrid. There would be no Everything will turn out alright in the end. Just the truth, spoken simply from the lips of someone whom she admired. Marlene had been to hell and back and yet she was still here, fighting for the rights of those around her; for those people like Lily. She appreciated Marlene McKinnon more than the other woman would ever know. A laugh fell from her lips at Marlene’s eye roll but she nodded, letting those words sink deep within her skin. She wasn’t wrong.

Yet, the words weren’t quite ready to come out of Lily’s mouth. She didn’t know quite what to say to make herself not sound like she was going mad (even if that’s what it felt like). Lily ought to have come home sooner. She ought to have come as soon as Dumbledore said he needed her. Yet, she wasn’t ready to face the world she’d left behind and so now she found herself contemplating all the bits and pieces that she’d shattered and left in London.

Then, Marlene asked the question. The one Lily’d been avoiding this whole time. A breath stopped her from answering, eyes scanned the table as she tried to formulate the right words. As soon as she thought otherwise, though, she could hear James laughter and she knew the answer. “It’s still there.” The words came out in a whisper, almost inaudible, but there they were.

“But I’m not ready yet,” she said, a little more strongly. “I-I’m not ready to face the fact that I made a choice that could have ruined the thing I want most.” Her eyes were bubbling with tears and, for a second, she wasn’t able to blink, or think. She could feel the emotion tumbling up. Using the sleeve of her shirt, she wiped her eyes. “Blimey,” she laughed. “Funny how these things sneak up on you.”

marlene bobbed her head affirmatively, an empathetic smile on her face. she understood the longing that radiated off of lily like she understood breathing. it was mechanical sometimes and the body grew used to it. in it’s absence there was a sense of confusion that only an unadulterated happiness could even begin to combat. “you don’t have to be ready,” marlene told her. “hell, i’m not ready either but we don’t have a choice in this. not really.” her eyebrows knitted together in a grimace. “we’re working off of someone else’s clock and all we can do is try to be prepared.”

marlene reached across the table and squeezed lily’s hand. it was a small offering of comfort when there was really nothing that could help this situation. she was being thrown into battle with her almost-fiance. knowing she was the only reason they hadn’t gotten married couldn’t be easy. neither was it easy to also be surrounded by said almost-husbands friends who could be downright tyrannical when it came to the well-being of each other. marlene had thought for a while now that lily belonged there, too. but maybe it would always be the marauders against everyone else in the end.

marlene would perhaps never understand such a bond, but she wouldn’t linger on such profoundly sad thoughts for too long either. lily was a wreck with every reason to be. marlene was a wreck by nature. “i’m willing to bet you only bruised his over-sized ego. you’ll probably get what you want in the end. in any case, we’re in this together if you do or not.”

[dearmckinnon]

barestofbones‌:

The exercise was working.

For the last seven days, Edgar dragged himself off of the couch as the sun began kissing the earth, and for an hour that day, he beat the pavement with every ounce of turmoil he felt coiled inside his muscles. He’d been able to go longer each day, and finally, on this day he had fallen asleep without a fleeting thought of anything besides how fucking tired he was. Dreamless slumber left him limp, drooling on the scratchy pillow that his cheek was smashed into when he felt a slight nudge from behind. The fog of his mind allowed him to believe he was simply imagining the intrusion until the soft sound of a feminine voice reached him through an echo. 

One eye cracked open, blurry vision finding three, no one dainty Marlene Mckinnon perched above him while the moonlight filtered in, and only after he wiped his face did he roll over with a groan. A selfish quip sprang to his tongue, begrudging her terrible timing, but months of nights where he had abused her presence in the witching hour kept his words in check. Edgar took a deep breath, eyes widening as he focused on the house plant across the room, and then he rolled to his back, grabbing her arm and pulling her off the back of the couch to land on his front. 

Her hair splayed across his face, bringing with it the smell of her shampoo, and as he rolled so she could slide into the inside of the couch, he sighed, crooking his arm so he could prop himself up. “Do I even want to know what time it is, Hootie?” She had always been a night owl like himself, and even as he suppressed a yawn into the crevice of his elbow, he didn’t begrudge her for that similarity now. Instead, he played with the ends of her hair, a comforting motion that long predated his now intimate relationship that had blossomed between them. 

“So, what’s on your mind? Pyramids of Giza? Deathly Hallows? Existentialism?” He gave a low chuckle, knowing the funniest element of the joke was the honesty. The moon had heard it all from the balcony of her apartment, and Marlene, with her cunning little mind, had sent Edgar to bed with more questions than answers at times. As his focus became more clear, he noted the slight wideness of her eyes, a familiar look in her eyes that called on the desperation he felt at times. Moving his hand to her neck, he let his thumb rub the length of her jaw. “Something more?”

the depth of marlene’s mind was vast. sometimes it was an empty plain that echoed with every whistle of the wind or footstep on dry grass. other times it was a wasteland, full of broken objects and things of little to no value. it was the place she stored her darkest thoughts. maybe you’re not so beautiful after all. maybe there’s a reason you never had any real friends. maybe everyone else is better off if you just-

and then sometimes, on nights like the tenth of june when the clock ticked steadily and her breathing stayed calm, there was so much whirling and twirling madness inside her brain, she couldn’t get anything comprehensible out of her mouth to even begin to explain. it is present in the sluggish pull of her slow movements. in the way she climbed up onto the back of the couch and woke her sleeping friend, a friend she knew had been up since the crack of dawn as they ran into each other when she was finally unable to keep her eyelids open any longer, without so much as a second thought to his sleep schedule. and she knew it further still in the way he swept her off her perch. she landed on top of him and allowed him to reposition the both of them until she was tucked into the crevice of the couch, his face raised above hers, without so much as a gasp from her cold, stony lips.

“3:19,” she told him. “maybe 3:20.” when edgar twirled her hair around his finger, marlene let out a small sigh. her eyes were fixed somewhere past his shoulder but it was dark enough that she was trained on nothing in particular. when his fingers moved down to her neck, thumb trailing a short line against her jaw, she lifted her chin slightly. a hum through her nose as she blinked, the dryness of her eyes caused her to squeeze them shut momentarily. “i’m fine,” she told him, a melodic tone in her voice. when she finally peeled open her eyes again, they were watery and bloodshot. she turned finally to look at edgars face. as if realizing he was there for the first time, her eyebrows raised slightly up her forehead. the corner of marlene’s mouth crooked up in a messy, dazed smile. “hello.”

marlene reached over and touched the tips of her fingers to the knob in his throat, absently. “i’m missing something.” her voice was low, carried with it the same sort of absent unawareness. “can’t figure out what it is. can’t imagine where it is. don’t know how to begin to find it.”

[dearmckinnon]

▬ everyone who thought she was made of fire was sorely mistaken. she was water; beautiful and deep and deadly, and she was wind; warm and comfortable, or cold and brutal.

[anadearmas1988]

[dearmckinnon]

10 june 79

tick, tick, tick.

as the clock on marlene’s bedside table flipped from 3:16 to 3:17, the blank stare she had previously been sporting turned to a deep scowl. she picked it up and lobbed it across the room with a lazy swing of her arm. it thumped against the wall and landed with a soft thud against the carpet. she slipped out from between the covers and padded into the living room, her feet heavy beneath her. for a moment, she simply stood in the open space, looking around.

that night, marlene’s mind was particularly muddy. she kept thinking about the vastness of the universe and how, truthfully, she was no bigger than an ant in the grand scheme of things. existentially, she was losing it. her lungs tightened in her chest every time she considered what she could possibly actually change. her stomach growled, but it was far too late for food. she was just restless, caught somewhere on the inside of her brain. it was an interesting place to be. she could think clearly, but every thought had some sort of negativity attached to it. there were ghosts everywhere and marlene felt like one of them, like she wasn’t actually a solid being but a mass of misty smoke.

outside the large living room balcony window, the moon was bright. it shone into the room, granting her enough light that she could see the sleeping figure on her couch and the mound of blankets they kept there throughout the day (because you never know when you might want to build a fort or something, right?).

for the first time since he’d started staying with them, edgar was not awake at three in the morning. marlene’s frown deepened as she stood there. she could quietly grab the box of paints beneath the coffee table and go back into her room without waking him. it would be the polite thing to do since the poor bloke barely slept as it was. she could make a pot of coffee, but the smell would likely wake him up. she could go for a shower, clear her head under steaming water and coconut scented shampoo. she could open the window and crawl silently onto the balcony, watching the moon until the sun peaked over the horizon. despite the list of possibilities, marlene stayed idly in place, pouting. without thinking, she swung a leg over the back of the couch and pulled herself up to perch there, legs creating a bridge over edgar’s sleeping form.

“hey,” she said, pushing on his back with her foot. “wake up.”