MyOwnGayAnime

[deathlionturtle]

Haha wow life is so insanely hard

[deathlionturtle]

I rely on others so much. Is it really ok to be weak.

[deathlionturtle]

I sometimes forget how I was an anxious wreck as a child. I don't think anyone will ever understand that part of me. I've come a long way from where I was. A really long way. I'm proud of myself.

[deathlionturtle]

My movie has been really rewarding lately. Hopefully it picks up. I'm giving but I don't think I'm giving my all just yet. That'll end soon most likely. Whatever. I think I just want to express. I want to do music badly, I want to rap a little, I want to do comics, I want to do effects, I want to sing, I want to play the guitar, I want to do so much. Hopefully I'll have the focus for all of it.

[deathlionturtle]

I feel really young right now for some reason. I don't know why.

[deathlionturtle]

You get stronger in coping, as well as artisticly. If you just try everyday. Just try. Don't give up. Don't give in to that dread. You're not going to always be sad, so take those chances to be happy when they come

[deathlionturtle]

What I want in a partner Intriguing personality Aura of individuality Open to kink Someone who pushes themselves and me in art Someone who laughs a lot Calm. Easy to talk to Nice hair An ASS likes to give me makeovers Someone to cry with. I just want to cry in someone's arms. Not be so strong all the time but not be looked down upon. Sarcasm Has a nice family that I can talk to. Loves me. Let's me love them Someone whose a bit more dominant Someone who would be a good mom Someone that won't hit me Likes animation Can discuss waifus with me Someone I don't feel ashamed to go out in public with Coffee>tea Works out with me Enjoys alcohol or let's me enjoy alcohol Will not judge my family Can talk to my sister Can talk to my mom Makes my dad happy Brian likes them. Will live in atlanta Makes me not so scared all the time.

[deathlionturtle]

I miss Texas sometimes. The nature, the people, the lifestyle, it's all nice. Not a lot to worry about. It was kind of magical growing up there I think. I'm glad I left when I did, even though it caused me so much pain. I can't even remember it now really. I've just become a new person. I'm lonely but I know that I'll fid someone. There's a voice that feels like "that's it, that's your answer?" I don't hate that voice. I'm not tired. Whatever this part of my life is, I'll continue as I am. Making mistakes along the way, feeling anxiously desperate for attention and loved ones, break hearts, but find time to smile in between. Happiness is out there but the point of life isn't to be happy.

[deathlionturtle]

I'm trying hard But not nearly enough. I keep getting sad and depressed. Also really angry and petty. I miss Elena like fuck. Marissa can go die. Like holy shit, I think I'm going to explode. Is this because of the smoking? Or is this because of something else? Living with my parents has been fucking hell. I want my own space. Fuck.

[deathlionturtle]

[deathlionturtle]

Its crazy the person I am now. I'm not the scared kid that I was when I was 13. I'm scared of that me. How I wasted that part of my life. I don't want to waste anything else anymore.

[deathlionturtle]

I still miss you. Its hard. I want something good to happen and I already have so many good things. But I am left thinking about you still. Its not a hunger anymore, just a smoldering ache. You were crazy. Jealous and be nine. But there's still a part of me that wants to see you. Give you a hug. Have you not be mad at me. Its been 7 months. Hopefully I'll stop feeling this way in a year.

[deathlionturtle]

I hope I shut her up. Stupid bitch. I am wanting to get my life togethor. And I have been. I want her to say something though. Something pathetic so that I can know for sure how small she really is. Lord. I'm tired of feeling small. I want to feel like I'm creative 200% of the time so she never catches up to me. So she cries. So I can watch her cry. And enjoy it. And not keep my peace. And be mean. Mean in a way that breaks her heart and turns her on. I want her to cry and for me to enjoy every last second of it. You will never be better. You will never be happier then Me. You will want to die and wish you never met me. And I will laugh. And I will be so happy.

[deathlionturtle]

Oh my god I'm so stressed out. I think everyone in Atlanta hates me. I also am just tired of the same setting every time. Like I want to die just thinking about going back there. This girl here is great. Rachel is annoying Claire is like a fucking psychopath and Jordan is such a testy mother. Fucking Tomas is insane and martha is about to blow up every time I talk to her and she likes me and I like her sort of. Holy fuck it freaks me out so much. Fuck fuck fuck. And Jesus Christ fuck Melina that stupid straight up whore. Don't act like you don't know me. Fuck you. Fuck everyone. I hate everyone. I'm scared of everyone. They all don't like me and I am just dumb. Why am I so stupid. Why did I even give them a chance. Fuck me. Fuck.

[deathlionturtle]

Another girl entered my life?? I really really like her??? what the hell I’m also terrified??? she’s so cute tho 

[deathlionturtle]

I was wrong *LARGE SIGH* You're great. I think I'll remember your eyes squinting while your tiny frame trembled against mine from our last kiss. The quiet grin rose from your cheeks like bread before the sun rises. Untimely, yet right on schedule. You're so cute and your hair is so great and I just want to destroy you sexually. From your secret admirer~

[deathlionturtle]

I kinda thought that you would be the next honestly. But I think you're too anxious for me. I don't know. I'm sorry you don't like any of the same things I like. I never thought that was needed. God knows it wasn't with Elena but maybe the spectrum is bigger now. I gotta stop walking in so carelessly.