I haven't made any decisions and yet i already feel i've mess up a lot already. I feel like i'm ruining my relationship with other people from with in. Like i am finding reasons for me to say to my self that they aren't good for me or i am not good for them. That i drag them down my pit so they can share my misery with me. I am pretty f*cked up i guess. I still genuinely appreciate the people around me who smiles at me like i got a box of chocolates on my hand. Also the people who still thinks and believes i got my shit together although i am failing badly with pretending i do. I am indeed pretty depressing. I don't know if my emotions are coming from somewhere since a lot of people said i overthink a lot. I know i do. But i usually know when i overthink and when i don't. Update, i no longer know the difference. I used to be able to show rainbows to other people even when i feel like i have some sort of a storm inside me. But now, i think i can't do it anymore. Although i am able to stop my self from dragging them down, i also can't do anything to lift them up. I am freaking useless. I can't and don't see anything good in me. None. It's like i'm drained for good.
