Rain streaked down the twelve large windows that made the west wall of the ICU waiting room. The accommodations were simple; several padded chairs and a few convertible recliners were clustered around small end tables. A small desk sat near the doorway with a house phone, flanked by a stately bookshelf and a smaller magazine rack. A television was mounted and murmured quietly in one corner of the room, trying to bring comfort, or at least distraction, to those who would wait for news of their loved ones struggling down the hall.
James rested his forehead against the cold glass, staring out over a small courtyard. Brown leaves littered the ground, sad reminders of a summer that had withered into an autumn that too quickly gave way to winter. He didn't particularly like the cold. Or the wet. Or the overcast skies. His reflection stared back at him, dressed in a black tuxedo. A bowtie hung untied around his neck, the top button of his shirt undone, jacket open. His thick, sandy brown hair stood up in odd angles, frequently tousled as he ran his fingers through it in frustration.
This isn't how today was supposed to be.
James turned away from his reflection to face a tall, graceful woman. Honey blonde hair hung halfway down her back, gathered loosely at her neck with a black rubber band. He dimly recalled her name was Amanda, a memory jogged as his eye caught her nametag while she strode towards him purposefully. She was a doctor, but clad in violet scrubs, a black stethoscope draped around her neck. She stopped before him, speaking softly. Her blue eyes were cool, her face calm and carefully composed.
"Cara, what are you DOING in there?" he laughed, rapping his knuckles on the heavy restroom door. Abruptly the door swung outward towards him, and his arms were full of a pretty young woman, half dressed, auburn hair pulled up in rollers.
"Omigosh!" she said in a rush, quickly peeking past and around him, holding the sides of her strapless, glittering navy blue ball gown up at her sides. "Is anyone out-"
"No one's there," he said, answering her question before she got it out of her mouth. "Turn around," he commanded, putting his hands on her creamy pale shoulders and turning her away from him. She turned, a series of awkward shuffling steps as she endeavored not to step on the hem of her skirt. As his deft fingers worked the zipper on her dress, she fumbled with her earrings, fingers trembling. She then wiggled the bodice into place over her ample cleavage, smoothed imaginary wrinkles over her hips, shuffled back a step or two towards the bathroom door, and flashed him a charming smile.
"Well?" she asked expectantly.
"Well, what?" he feigned ignorance.
"Jim!" she cried, grinning. "How's the dress?"
"Its's blue?" he shrugged, but couldn't help but smile a little. "But you look radiant. Now get the plastic out of your hair. We need to rehearse."
Cara looked past him into the empty choir room. Her hair still needed a few more minutes for the curls to set, but they both needed time to warm up first. And, she still needed to put on her makeup. Oh, so little time!
"I'll take them out in a minute. And put on my makeup while we warm up."
He sighed, but she didn't give him time to argue. She dashed back through the heavy bathroom door to retrieve her makeup bag and joined him at a desk near the upright piano. He played them through a few scales, mostly for her benefit, guiding her in a quick rush through her impressive vocal range. It would be greatly appreciated for the vocal gymnastics that were to come.
The bride and groom were two of their closest friends, having graduated from college ahead of them the year before. They had all been a part of the same musical group and had spent many touring seasons together. This last year had been awful without Shelly and Jared, but they were both happy the two of them were getting married. Cara and James had very quickly agreed to provide the music for the ceremony. James's rich baritone was moving, and Cara's soaring soprano was heavenly. A more beautifully matched combination was not possible, and the songs on the list for the wedding of their two dear friends today were sure to make this a spectacular event. Cara was doing the vocal heavy lifting, but she didn't mind. Each of the songs selected had a special meaning to the bride and groom, and would be very memorable for the guests. That's what she liked most about singing, she often mused. Making memorable moments for people.
She tugged on the zipper to her makeup bag and drew out her powder and a mirror, her hands trembling, as he began to play the introduction to the prelude piece. It was a solo, and right in the middle of her range. It was an easy song, but her voice was a little thin and breathy. James looked over at her as he played. She swept the powder brush over her nose, cheeks and forehead quickly, but it was unnecessary. She was already a little pale. He slowed his playing, and then stopped. Cara looked at him, a little confused.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
"Hmm? Sure. Just a little excited, I guess." Cara flashed him another of those charming smiles, but he wasn't convinced. Cara was cool as a cucumber when it came to performing. Nothing got her flustered.
"Want to try one of the duets then?" James asked, prodding her towards something more difficult. If she were excited or nervous, getting one of the harder ones out of the way would help.
Cara didn't answer at first, and he wasn't sure she heard him. She sat still at the desk, eyes closed, her breathing deep and slow. Finally she nodded, then began to apply a quick touch of silver eye shadow and darker eyeliner.
James watched her warily. Her behavior was odd, considering her spunky nature and the vibrancy of only a few moments before. Still, his fingers floated across the keys, the beautiful melody filling the air. As the song began, James's rich voice easily filled the room, his head turned to face Cara as he played the song from memory, and sang from the heart.
No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears. I'm here. My words will warm and calm you.
Cara slowly put down her makeup bag and turned to face James. It wasn't the first time they'd sang this song. It wasn't the first time they'd even sang love songs at a wedding. And yet, something about it this time was particularly stirring.
As he continued his part in the duet, she rose and came to stand beside the piano, resting her hand lightly on the top of it. She squared her shoulders, drew a breath, and her voice floated lightly, a delicate response:
Say you love me every waking moment. Turn my head with talk of summertime. Say you need me with you now and always. Promise me that all you say is true. That's all I ask of you.
James smiled at her, nodding in approval. The piano played on and they continued their intimate duet, voices soaring together towards the climax of the song, when abruptly Cara stopped, gripping the piano lightly. James stopped playing as she swayed a little on her feet.
The door to the choir room opened, and Jared entered, dressed in a black tuxedo and white vest. He carried a small, clear plastic box with him. "I thought I heard you two in here," he declared cheerfully as he strode over to the piano. He reached out and shook James's hand, his grip firm, then reached out to embrace Cara. She brightened up a little at his greeting. "I had no idea you were doing that song," he quipped casually.
"It's for Shel," Cara said, still looking a little unsteady. "She told me once that she always dreamed of having it sung at her wedding, so..." Cara smiled, letting the sentence trail off.
"I see," Jared said. "Well she'll love that. And from what I heard, it's going to be stunning." He squeezed her again, grinning. "Oh. Almost forgot," he said, shaking the plastic box in his hand gently. "I brought you flowers. Both of you, actually."
In the box was a delicate rose boutonniere for James and a matching wrist corsage for Cara. Jared opened the box and lifted out the corsage and went to put it on Cara's hand. She waved his hand away.
"Let me finish my makeup and hair. I don't want to mess the flowers up. In fact, let me go get these rollers out. I'll be back in a minute." She managed a smile, a faint one, as she walked back to the bathroom, the earlier energy and excitement oddly absent now.
With the door firmly closed behind her, Jared sat on the desk by the piano, turned to his old pal, voice lowered in a hushed whisper reminiscent of two junior-high gossip girls.
"It wasn't the right time."
"James, you KNOW it was the right time. Its burning a hole in your pocket, isn't it?" Jared accused. James nodded rather guiltily.
"I was going to, just after we rehearsed this song," James confessed. "I know how much she loves it. But, I don't think she's feeling well." He glanced over his shoulder at the door Cara had disappeared behind.
"Maybe she's just got performance jitters?" Jared suggested. James turned back to him and leveled a glance. They both knew Cara better than that. Jared shrugged and changed the subject, laying the plastic floral box on top of the piano. Ask her at the reception then?" he pressed.
James nodded. "Unless she's feeling better before. Id like her to be wearing it when she's at the mic."
Jared grinned and slapped his friend on the shoulder. "It won't be long before Shel and I will be at your wedding. So ask the girl already and get this show on the road." He laughed softly, stood from where he had been seated on the desk, and turned for the door. "Oh, and her makeup bag is still out here on the desk. She might need it" Jared offered.
James's eyes scanned the desk and saw the small, floral print bag and sighed. He leaned over to grab it, pushed the piano bench back from the upright with a screech against the tile floor and stood, striding towards the bathroom. As before, he rapped on the solid door. "Cara? You forgot your makeup bag. Do you need it in there?" He waited, listening for her reply. When she didn't answer, he knocked again, a little louder this time. "Cara?"
After a moment, he grasped the door handle and pulled the door towards him. "Cara?" he called, as he opened the door.
Cara had finished her hair. Each one of the plastic rollers had been replaced in the case, and the delicate auburn curls had been piled atop her head and carefully pinned. He might have been struck by how absolutely beautiful she was, dressed up like this, if she had not been crumpled in a heap on the floor.
In an instant, James was kneeling at her side in the cramped vanity area of the restroom. With the shadow of the sink above, it was impossible to see Cara in any sort of light. He turned her over carefully in his arms to face him. "Cara?" He called her name harshly, his deep voice booming an echo in the small tiled bathroom. He shook her shoulders, and she rocked limply against him, unconscious.
In one fluid motion, he scooped her small body into his arms and lifted her easily, her head falling against his chest. He pushed backwards through the bathroom door into the choir room, setting her down a few steps away from the main entrance. Under the fluorescent lighting, Cara's warm pink skin was dull and pale, having lost its color. With her again laid out, James shook her bare shoulders, more roughly than before, calling to her loudly.
James took her slender, graceful wrist in his hand, feeling, his grey eyes looking her over frantically but not really seeing. His eyes lingered on the spill of her cleavage, down the graceful curve of her ribs to where the dress flared out wider at her hips. As tightly as the dress hugged her, surely he should have been able to see some sort of movement.
"Jared!" he roared, his voice echoing, overcoming the choir room's feeble attempt at noise reduction. "JARED!"
James leaned close to Cara, the blood rushing in his ears. He waited, listening, feeling, hoping for anything. Gently he tilted her head back and sealed his mouth over hers. Her lips were soft, warm and compliant. He could taste the sweetness of her lip gloss, but ignored this. The fingers of his right hand held her nose shut as he filled her with his warm, deep breath. He broke the kiss between them and she exhaled silently, just as the door to the choir room swung open again.
"Well, what was the answer?" Jared asked jovially as he came back in, nearly tripping across the lovers on the floor at his feet. "Damn, did she faint?"
James looked up at him seriously. Jared crouched down across from him. "She was on the floor in the bathroom," James explained. "She isn't breathing." He returned his lips to hers, breathing deeply for her again as if to make his point.
As James had done, Jared took Cara's wrist, feeling for a pulse, but then slid his fingers to her neck, waiting. As he did so, the door to the choir room again opened, admitting two older men and a young girl. They peered around the spectacle in the doorway, attracted by the shouting. Jared glanced over his shoulder, pulling his mobile phone from his jacket pocket and handing it to one of the men. "Uncle Joseph, call an ambulance," he requested. "She's not breathing."
"Is she dead, grandpa?" the girl asked, quietly curious, being ushered out of the doorway by the other, older man.
I certainly hope not, James thought, breathing another slow, deep breath into Cara. Oh God, I hope not.
Jared kept his fingers lightly to the waning pulse of their mutual friend as they both listened to the call, muffled through the choir room door, the conversation punctuated with occasional pauses as the older man sought to answer questions over the phone.
"No, I'm not righ'ly sure how old she is, ma'am. Mebbe early twenties or so? Yes'm. Yes'm, that's right. No, I don't think she was breathing when they found her. No. Ah, she's a friend of my nephew's, another singer. She is singin' in his wedding today."
"I can't feel a pulse," Jared stammered as he looked across at James. "Unzip her top," he said, rolling Cara's limp body gently towards him. Quick but trembling fingers darted out and unzipped the dress he had just zipped for her a few minutes before. With it loose, Jared laid her back down again. His large hands locked over her chest and he began pumping, tentatively at first, but then harder and faster. He counted softly under his breath, then paused. "Breathe," he instructed.
James took the cue and bent down to his ashen-faced lover. Her lips had turned blue now, as soft as before. He breathed into her again, then paused and looked across at Jared, letting Cara exhale softly between them. His mind was suddenly all over the place. This isn't how today was supposed to be and it might end up a lot worse...
"Don't go there," Jared cautioned. "Put it out of your head." James nodded, but couldn't. Not seeing her like this. He looked down at Cara, a wildness in his grey eyes. Her bare shoulders rocked gently as Jared began a new round of compressions. His movements were sharp, forceful against her limp body. He paused in his count, but James didn't need to be told; Cara's lips remained delicately parted, waiting.
"Breathe" he begged her softly. Sealing his lips over hers, James breathed deeply into Cara's lifeless body, then reached out to stroke Cara's hair, her cheek tenderly. "Breatheâ, please." His voice was thick with emotion.
Jared and James settled into a rapid rhythm, an even cadence of compressions slowed only long enough for James to breathe for Cara. James continued to caress the pale face of his beloved, his fingers trembling but time seemed to slow for James as sirens wailed in the distance, every heartbeat in his chest an eternity. His mind wandered to memories, moments shared with Cara. Times they had spent laughing, talking, sharing their hopes, fears and dreams. Intimacy. A thousand things flashed in his mind, overwhelming him. He stared down at her, tears filling his eyes.
"James? Breathe for her, James," Jared commanded as he paused his compressions, but James didn't move, frozen with panic. Instead, Jared leaned down, mouth pressed to Cara's and exhaled deeply. Her chest rose with his forceful breath, breasts rising against the loosened top of her ball gown. As he parted lips from his friend, the breath escaped from Cara's open mouth.
As Jared began a new round of compressions, the door opened to the choir room, admitting an EMT escorted by Jared's uncle. A short woman of Vietnamese descent carried an orange canvas bag of equipment. Her silky black hair was swept back from her face by a bright pink hair band. Pinned to the right side of her uniform was a name tag that read "Keri". Her actions were crisp, deliberate as she moved to Cara's side and knelt down, unzipping the bag. Jared glanced at it quickly before returning his focus to providing compressions for Cara.
Keri's voice bore only the faintest trace of a foreign accent as she fired off rapid questions. James struggled to make sense of them, unable to cut through the shock of seeing the woman he loved laying lifeless on the floor. What happened? Any known allergies? History of asthma, heart problems, diabetes? Does she smoke? Drink? What medications did she take? Any recreational drugs? Jared, breathless from his efforts, answered the questions as best he could.
Moments later, the rest of the team of paramedics came through the door, pushing a gurney laden with various bits of rescue equipment. Suddenly, the room was a buzz of people and activity. James only possessed a dim awareness of what was happening around him, completely numb as one member of the team, a black man of medium build, gently pulled him away from Cara's side. The man, identified as Marcus by his name tag, deliberately turned James away from the scene unfolding and continued prodding him with questions about Cara. From time to time, James would risk a glance over his shoulder to Cara, but each time Marcus would draw his focus back. As the team took over complete control of the situation, Jared came to stand beside his friend, breathing heavily. Where James was unable to answer, Jared tried to reply to the best of his knowledge.
A crowd had gathered outside the choir room now, the door propped open by a wooden wedge doorstop allowing each to watch in shocked silence. Ignoring tradition, Shelly stood among the people in the crowd, radiant in her wedding dress. Jared turned to see his bride in the doorway. Their eyes locked for a moment as a sad look of silent understanding passed between them.
James half turned back to the scene on the floor behind him as the sound of ripping fabric caught his attention. Cara's dress had been cut and ripped open unceremoniously, her strapless bra snipped away. Her torso was completely bare and James noticed that her pale skin had turned a sickly shade of blue. A blood pressure cuff had been fitted around her arm and electrodes stuck to her skin. One EMT was performing compressions, blue-gloved hands pressed against Cara's naked chest, while a second waited at her head with an ambu bag fitted over Cara's mouth after having started an IV and emptying the contents of a syringe into it. James couldn't tear his eyes away from the horrible scene before him. The monitor came online and James's heart skipped a beat as the alarms screamed. The rescue team remained calm, and composed, quietly efficient as they worked on her. His head swam, and the room grew quiet, distant.
"And what is your relation to Miss Blackwell?" Marcus was asking again, trying to regain James's attention. A new whine filled the air as the defibrillator was charged. James and Jared both watched as Keri applied conductive gel to the paddles, coating them evenly before placing the cold metal to Cara's cool skin. The crew backed away from Cara on Keri's command, and as soon as her staff was out of the way, she discharged electricity into her patient's body. Jared was surprised that Cara's body didn't jerk near as much as they do on tv. In fact, her torso barely jerked at all. As soon as the energy discharged, the alarms ceased their whining for a moment and everyone waited in silence to see if Cara's heart would start beating again. Alarms resumed their squealing. Keri recharged the defibrillator as compressions resumed. "Sir? Sir, what is you relation to Miss Blackwell?" Marcus continued to prod.
"Wha..what?" James asked as he turned back slowly.
Marcus simplified the question. "Are you her next of kin?"
James began to answer that he was just her boyfriend when Jared piped up. "Yes. He is." James looked confused, but didn't argue. He was the closest thing she had to family for a thousand miles, anyhow.
"Good," Marcus replied. If Marcus picked up on the deception, he didn't let on. "When we get to the hospital, we're going to need you to fill out some paperwork and things like that."
The EMTs paused a moment to lift Cara onto the gurney before resuming their efforts. Keri was ready again with the defibrillator paddles. As before, everyone waited in silence as they watched. The angry whine of alarms again filled the air.
"Get her loaded," Keri ordered. "We need to move."
Marcus tried again to draw James's attention. "We're going to transport her to Saint John's Medical Center. Do you know the way?"
James looked a little lost as he glanced back to Cara, then back to Jared and Marcus. "Yeah? Yeah I think so."
Jared looked back to Shelly. She had heard a bit of the conversation, and nodded to Jared. She knew what her husband-to-be was already thinking, and agreed.
"C'mon James. I"ll drive."
Marcus nodded and strode off quickly, shooing people out of the doorway ahead of the gurney. One EMT continued to perform compressions, while another worked with the ambu bag. In a rush, the crew pushed the gurney quickly down the hall towards the entrance of the church. Shelly caught Jared's hand and gave it a quick squeeze as he ushered his friend down the hall just a few steps behind Cara and the crew.
Keri had driven the ambulance while Marcus continued to administer CPR to their patient. Another EMT continued to administer medications through the IV and operated the ambu-bag. Keri's voice on the radio was crisp and calm. "Truck fifty-seven to Saint Johns. Mid twenties female in cardiac arrest inbound. No prior conditions. ETA four minutes."
"Understood fifty-seven. Bay three clear."
By the time the EMTs arrived at the hospital, Cara had been intubated and defibrilated again. Upon arrival, a half dozen trauma nurses ran to meet the ambulance and get the patient inside.
Trauma bay three was a large room filled with various life-saving equipment. In short order, Cara was hooked to a ventilator to breathe for her. One of the nurses took over CPR while Marcus quickly filled in the doctor on all the known information. AED pads were attached to Cara's bare chest and the heart monitor electrodes were switched over to the hospital's machine. The doctor, Amanda, ordered more medication for Cara's IV and had compresssions continued for another sixty seconds to circulate it through the body. After the sixty seconds, another shock was administered...
...the alarms stopped as Cara's heart stopped quiverring altogether.
Jared and James arrived at the emergency room waiting area. James paced for a while, trying to keep his emotions in check. After a few minutes, he broke down and sobbed broken hearted. Jared put his arms around his friend and let him cry. Hell, he felt like crying too. They did all they could for her, hadn't they? This wasn't how today was supposed to be. It was supposed to be a happy day...
After a while, James calmed himself. "Jared, go back to the church. Shel is waiting on you."
Jared looked uncertain. "I don't want to leave you alone..."
James shrugged. "I'll call you later if I find anything out."
James sniffled, rubbed his red eyes, but nodded.
Jared gave his best friend a hug. "We'll be praying."
"Thanks, its appreciated."
James turned away from his reflection to face a tall, graceful woman. Honey blonde hair hung halfway down her back, gathered loosely at her neck with a black rubber band. He dimly recalled her name was Amanda, a memory jogged as his eye caught her name tag while she strode towards him purposefully. She was a doctor, but clad in violet scrubs, a black stethoscope draped around her neck. She stopped before him, speaking softly. Her blue eyes were cool, her face calm and carefully composed.
"I wanted to let you know that we've moved Cara into ICU. We got her back in the emergency room. She's being extubated now. You can see her if you want."
James was stunned. He was sure the news was bad. Sure of it. And yet...?
"She's going to need a pacemaker. Its a relatively simple procedure. She'll be in the ICU for at least 48 hours and then we'll do the procedure. The ICU generally specific visiting hours, but since her next of kin is so far away, you can stay with her as long as you like. And when she's moved to a normal floor, there are pull out beds. You don't have to be apart. I can only imagine how difficult this has been for you. But if it had not been for your quick actions and that of your friend, this would have ended much differently."
"Id like to see her, then..." James's voice was thick with emotion.
Amanda led him down the corridor and stopped at the nurses station. She gave them orders that he was to be allowed to stay with the patient at all times if he desired. They began to protest, but one icy glare hushed them immediately.
She led them further down the hall and slid open a glass door. Inside was a large bed with a recliner beside it. Cara was awake, if only barely. An oxygen mask was over her mouth and nose, standard protocol after intubation. She brightened up when she saw James. He rushed to her side, slipped his arms around her and gave her a gentle embrace. "Oh God, I thought I lost you, he whispered in her ear," tears springing to his eyes.
"Im not that easy to get rid of," she said, her voice slightly muffled by the oxygen mask.
He sat down beside her, held her hand and stroked her hair. Tears fell down his cheeks unashamedly. It isn't the way he wanted it to be. It wasn't the most glamorous way. But when life can be taken from you so quickly...
James reached into his pocket. "Cara, today has been the day from hell. I should probably wait and do this differently, but I couldn't bear the thought..." He showed her the ring. "Will you be my wife?"
It was her turn to cry. She pulled the mask from her face. She couldn't sing in her usual range, but the meaning was there.
"Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime. Say the word and I will follow you.
Share each day, each night, each morning.
James smiled and added the next line in his rich baritone. You know I do.
Together they finished. "Love me, that's all I ask of you."
James extended the ring, and she nodded. He placed it on her finger and she admired it. Gently, James replaced the mask on her face. "Get some rest. I'll be here right beside you."
He held her hand as she drifted off to sleep, and he texted Jared. "She said yes
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