A Monster Redeemed

Deforest Voorsanger Warden, Leshy UMAC Undergrad "We walk as tall as the skyline And we have roots like the trees But then your eyes start to wander 'Cause they weren't looking at me You weren't looking for me "

[deforest-voorsanger]

[Delivered on 12/23/15 along with this and a note]

Note: Merry Christmas.

[deforest-voorsanger]

All The Kings Horses || Solo

Date: 12/27/2015

Deforest tries to clear his mind, but gets a bit more than he bargained for.

His head was in his hands as he sat in the dark on his couch. What had his life become? In what seemed like an instant everything he thought he had known had been flipped and turned on its head and stayed there. It was like he was slowly putting together pieces of a puzzle he didn’t even know he was working on. How long had he never questioned what he had done? Took what he was spoon-fed and never thought twice? He ran his fingers through his hair angrily. None of this made any sense to him. It was all too much at once to handle. Especially during the holidays of all times. He had been planning on spending time with his mother but she had a last minute problem to attend to and thought it best to go alone. It wasn’t hard for him to tell that she was worried his loyalty was a bit compromised. Which only served to anger him even further.

Deforest jumped up and backhanded the lamp next to him, sending it flying into the wall and shattering on impact. Anger licked at the edges of the intense emotions he was feeling. He had never really been good at controlling his them. Not that he ever really had to. A lot of his emotions were worn on his sleeve. It was both a blessing and a curse at times. Now that his eyes were slowly being opened, he was seeing the down side of the way he was acting. He needed to get out now and do something to channel this anger before he ended up destroying his apartment even further. Collecting his crossbow and his daggers and packing them away into a duffle bag, he marched out of his apartment, locking the door behind him.

At first he wasn’t sure exactly where he was heading. He just kept driving until he found himself stopping somewhere. That place was the edge of the forest. It wasn’t the first spot he would have thought his brain would take him but none the less, he was here now. Why not make the most of his situation? A bit of target practice might be the thing to clear out his thoughts. He withdrew his crossbow and slid it on to his back, securing it, before tucking two daggers into the sides of his boots.

The forest felt oddly quiet. There was something about it that set him on edge but he couldn’t exactly put his finger on it. Then, a movement outside of his line of vision. He could hear the snapping of twigs as whatever it was moved to his side, almost seeming like it was trying to flank him. Narrowing his eyes he turned to the sound and in one fluid movement he sent a dagger towards the sound. What he wasn’t expecting to hear was the clanging of metal against metal and a secondary dagger coming towards him. He had just enough time to quickly raise up his arm and protect his face. The dagger dug into his arm leaving a big gash in its wake. With a hiss of pain he drew his arm in, looking for the source of the weapon. But everything still seemed to be as still as it was before. He didn’t dare try to remove the dagger yet. Blood began to drip from between his fingertips.

He only made it a few steps towards the sound before a burning sensation shot down his arm. Deforest wrenched out the weapon and threw it to the ground. The healing he was expecting it to start doing wasn’t happening. At least not at the rate he was used to. He stood frozen on the spot. The color of his skin seemed to be gaining a sickly yellow color. What was the better option? Go after whatever sent the dagger his way or figure out the slow burning sensation on his arm. With a sense of panic he shakes his head. His arm was way too important to go after something in the dark he couldn’t see. Instead he turned and made his way out of the forest. There was an emergency first aid kit in his car. Hopefully it would work for now at least.

[deforest-voorsanger]

// Just a quick note that I’ll be on a semi-hiatus until around Tuesday because of family plans and just general stuff. I’ll probably still be around, just not as much for a bit. Hopefully it’ll be enough time to get all of my stuff done!

[lonemoonflower-deactivated20160]

I am being cruel to be kind

[lonemoonflower-deactivated20160]

[PM] I’m not doing anything, I’m just tired. Don’t worry about me.

[deforest-voorsanger]

[PM] Okay. I believe you. Even though I’m pretty sure you’re not just tired That doesn’t mean I’m not going to be worried though.

[lonemoonflower-deactivated20160]

[PM] I know.

[deforest-voorsanger]

[PM] Please don’t beat yourself up over this. I know you feel like you did something wrong.

[lonemoonflower-deactivated20160]

[PM] I went too far but thank you.

[deforest-voorsanger]

[PM] Possibly. But you don’t know what she could have done if you hadn’t stopped her. She could have shot all of us.

[lonemoonflower-deactivated20160]

deforest-voorsanger answered your ask:[P Thank you.

[PM] Still, you didn’t need to but you did. I’m sorry I almost slipped.

[deforest-voorsanger]

[PM] Don’t apologize for that. Whoever that was clearly didn’t expect anyone to come. Vasilisa was in trouble. If it was you that was hurt I would have done the same thing.

[deforest-voorsanger]

[PM] Thank you.

[PM] You’re welcome. Who would I be to not help you? I’m just glad we got there when we did.

[littlerussianwolf-deactivated20]

Blood Ties || Chatzy || Lupita, Cole, Deforest, Vasilisa

Set immediately after the end of the PotW

Keep reading

[lonemoonflower-deactivated20160]

Stolen | Deforest & Lupita

12/14/15

Keep reading

[lonemoonflower-deactivated20160]

[PM] You’re not, you are not your mother. I am not Marian, we make ourselves. You can change that, you can define who you are or who you want to be. But I can’t make you do these things. I can’t make Cole feel less lonely, I can’t fix Declan or any of this. I don’t have any control but I am offering, I am giving you what I can.

You deserved it, you say that and it’s all in vain. You’re not alone, I am right fucking here, I am here right now. Just tell me.

Love is supposed to be patient and kind, Deforest. I hope you get that, somehow. Cole said the spell from the swap it should… maybe will be done tonight or later. I hope you’re okay going back to normal soon. I gave him my blood. I am trying so hard.

[deforest-voorsanger]

[PM] Can I? It doesn’t feel like I can. I’ve done things that were terrible. Things I never thought about until now. It’s almost second nature to me... to hate what I am and to do the one thing I know that used to feel like I was useful. Like I was making a difference.

If that is what love is then I know I had have love you. Even if you don’t anymore that’s fine with me. But you embody everything I thought loving someone would be like. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose what we had together. I don’t want us to be like this.

I... I don’t know. Being human has been... eye opening. But without my power I feel empty.

[lonemoonflower-deactivated20160]

[PM] I don’t know how they work. Some warn you, others leave you alone unless you do something and others just attack. It feels like they just attack lately or frighten. I can’t explain to you how that feels to look over you shoulder or cross your fingers that the human you’re talking to doesn’t have a problem with whatever you are. Maybe you do, maybe I’m wrong but to be called a sad puppy? You are not your mother.

I’m not, I’ve messed up. I’ve told secrets I shouldn’t have but keeping you safe went above all after learning the things I’ve learned here. I can be angry at you but you deserve better. You should meet others like you and decide this for yourself. Your mother should love you no matter what but if that comes with conditions than why bother with it? I can’t make you go against her, I don’t trust her but I want to trust you. You have to do what makes you happy, if she is part of that then you should keep it. But she’s using you, if Bastian didn’t have the Declan situation he could explain that to you and you could make your own family. I could help, I want to.

I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone. Even when I got hurt, I pushed my friend from ripping her arm out because I don’t want them to hate them, to hate my kind or to hunt them. But the more attacks against our kind, it’s harder to think they deserve equal treatment. If Declan was better he might disagree.

I just don’t want you to hate yourself. There is nothing wrong with how you were born.

[deforest-voorsanger]

[PM] I’m usually on the other side of that equation. I used to have that fear when I was much younger. Though I always had my brother at my back in case someone was after me. But I can pass as a human easily enough, most people aren’t looking for signs of a leshy. You shouldn’t have to go to those kinds on lengths just to protect yourself. Lu, you’re not a... sad puppy. But I am like my mother. Just not as cruel, it seems. Most of the time.

Everyone messes up. Your mistakes can’t even be called mistakes. You did it to protect me. To do things you thought were right. I don’t deserve any of it other than you being angry and upset with me. I’ve done things that would make most people cringe. Why? Because I thought I was right. What if I’m not right? God I want you to be able to trust me. I’m... scared of losing my family. I’m already different enough. Who would someone like me now? Not everyone is as amazing and forgiving as you. Not saying I think you will forgive me for what I’ve done to you. But without them, I’ll end up alone.

That’s what makes you different. Many people myself included wouldn’t think twice about hurting someone who endangered them or someone they care about.

It’s hard not to. Especially when my life came at the loss of someone elses.

[most--fowl]

Once you grieve someone you never really stop grieving them. All the more reason to come to terms with death, in my opinion.

Were. They aren’t people by the time I see them. You’re a person, and then you die, and you cease to be a person anymore. That’s how it works. 

[pm] I know. Someone once told me some bansh ban banshees kill people. I wonder if they still scream for th How do most leshy “do things,” then? I mean, not just reproducing, but how are you choosing to be different? And why? Am I asking too many ques

[deforest-voorsanger]

You’re a logical thinker though. There are many who don’t share your clinical out look on stuff. Ya know?

Again, I think some people might debate that. Depending on a lot of things like religion or sheer disbelief. But I guess that’s why you do so well as a ME.

[PM] I’ve heard stories about banshees that do hunt down people who are going to die soon but I’ve never met one. At least not to my knowledge. I don’t usually get to know them. I honestly don’t know too much about my own species to be fair. But a lot of them like to be by themselves and are quite protective over forests they call home. They’re all male as well.

[lonemoonflower-deactivated20160]

[PM] What if she’s lying? No, that not- I can’t believe that merely because of what been happening lately. Fancy seeing my scar again? I never met my biological parents, hunters could have killed them, I wanted chased out of tribe for what I am. I don’t trust hunters but I can’t tell my friends to just stop being friends with them.

You know what I did do? Pull away from a person I know who is a warden because of you. I don’t trust them, still don’t but that’s me. Get hunted by a warden, someone gets hurt and trusting people becomes a problem. But the idea of someone hurting you because of what you are, something you hate yourself for. You don’t see you how I see or saw you. You were sweet, you were kind.

But that’s because I’m not what you hate. I struggle with myself still. Lycans move in packs but not mine and I can’t trust myself towards another it feels. I don’t eat meat, I drink blood and people regard it as disgusting. I’m smaller, I feel weaker. My friends think I’m an easy target and I miss you.

This hurts, Deforest.

I can’t ask you to pick but I want you to think this over. I can’t protect you if something happens. I can’t, I can’t but I want to.

[deforest-voorsanger]

[PM] I don’t know why my mother did what she did. She’s never been like that before. At least I don’t think she was... God what am I thinking? This is just too much. I... I didn’t know. I don’t really know how hunters operate either. I haven’t really met many of them. But I feel so conflicted over this.

Because of me? You did that for me? You didn’t have to do that. I’m not worth that. You give me too much credit. It’s just something I live with. No. I don’t. I don’t know how you can look at me and see that. I was all those things because you deserved them. I couldn’t bring myself to be awful to you. You accepted me for something I couldn’t can’t even even accept. You didn’t think I was strange or some kind of anything.

I don’t care if you’re a different Lycan than others. I don’t care that you drink blood. You don’t go out and kill people for it. You are the most honest and amazing person I’ve met and if anyone deserves to have someone good in their life or something good happen to them, it’s you. You’re not even remotely weak. Even when you had starved yourself which I blame myself for. I should have realized what I was doing to you. Another reason I don’t deserve your friendship, let alone more. you charged in to help those kids. Don’t you ever let anyone tell you you’re weak. 

I miss you so much. Just having someone who I can take comfort in. Just everything we had.

I never wanted to hurt you. It was the furthest thing in my head. But I knew I’d fuck up the only good thing I ever had.

My mother will disown me if I stop being a warden. I’ll lose both her and my brother. I just don’t know what to do. I want to pick you. I do.

[most--fowl]

What do you mean by spec

I think it’s more healthy to be comfortable with death and mortality than to pretend it doesn’t exist.

No one needs coroners. Some states have a medical examiner system, a few have a coroner system, and a number of them have mixed systems with different counties deciding for themselves which they want. The replacement for a coroner would be a medical examiner. Um, but it is kind of a problem that there aren’t too many of us. Last I heard, there was only around 500 forensic pathologists in the country, and at least 1,000 would be needed if every state and county were to switch over to a medical examiner system. 

[pm] I– sorry, I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was judging you for not knowing. I was just surprised since you said you were born with it. But what I meant was– how did she know? I mean, most people don’t know about… these kinds of things. 

[deforest-voorsanger]

You’re probably right. But most people can’t do that. It’s hard enough for some people to even acknowledge that. Especially if they’re grieving. But you face it everyday. Even if it’s not people you actually know, they were still people at one point.

Huh, you’re one of the elite few then. Sounds like quite the thankless job you’ve got. I’d never even thought about what happens after someone dies. I guess people need to be better educated on the need that has to be filled.

[PM] Just because you’re born with something doesn’t mean you have to follow the way they do things. I would guess that she was already knowledgeable about the supernatural. I’ve never asked her. But she’s a botanist so she’s probably ran across a leshy or two in her time. Leshy have an... interesting way of reproducing.

[lonemoonflower-deactivated20160]

[PM] I’ve only met one other warden, who I am not talking to anymore because they hurt someone. Have you ever been around another warden outside of your family? Wouldn’t they assume you’re just as dangerous if they thought the same as you?

When I told you that a hunter approached me you were upset- don’t fae deserve some chance?

Did you love the hulder? Or was that just a trick?

[deforest-voorsanger]

[PM] ... There are other Wardens here? No, I can’t say I have. Wardens generally stick to themselves. They aren’t like some Hunters or Slayers. We stick to ourselves. We aren’t dangerous unless threatened. It’s not like a Warden has soul sucking powers. Lu... a fae killed my father. For no reason. He was completely human. They killed him before my mother could step in to save him. 

I was upset because I know you would never hurt someone. Fae enjoy tricking people. I’ve felt it before. You don’t enjoy what you have to do.

No. We weren’t that serious. We weren’t together long. I saw her for what she was and that was the end of that. That was nothing like what I feel for you. I don’t trick... I wouldn’t trick you. You know I wasn’t trying to trick you, right?