Defiying My Own Dreams

Finding myself again... (Please call me Mieru)

[valzenlux]

slaved away at this for over a month... behold, my niche crossover AU..... DELTAMARI

this is already a super long post so reference images + info dumping + extra doodles that didnt make it into the comic are under the cut

also happy birthday deltarune chapter 3+4 my life would not be the same without you

recently i'd been getting back into katamari since one of my coworkers is a fan of the series and i forgot just how awesome this entire franchise is. the obsession came back in full swing right as i got accepted into the telemarketing channel spamtenna zine

these were my first concept sketches, where i was trying to figure out how i wanted to design tenna. i wanted to keep his original outfit as much as i could, but the colors came out way too superhero-like. so that was scrapped and i went back and forth with my homies to figure out his outfit and colors

this was the final ref ! i wanted to keep things simple while also giving the katamari vibe but not losing the characters in the process. i didnt want it to feel like he was just the king with a reskin. same with spamton as the prince.

i definitely want to expand on this au, especially with spamton and tenna's relationship since i didnt want to get too caught up in the yaoi department before i even got past the world building..... but heres the sketches that didnt make it into the comic

thank you for reading . im mentally ill as fuuuuuck

[coyote-cemetery]

glad we’re all normal about the vest

[plasticluvdelux]

tenna x reader one shot inspired by a tweet i made: "lightner with self-loathing, so they get upset at seeing themselves reflected on the tv’s glass but Tenna thinks that hatred is aimed at just them looking at Him i mean what who said that" aaand i decided to expand upon it (after some intrigue!!)

tenna's probably wildly ooc and i apologize for that 🙇‍♀️ im not a writer i just make silly pictures.... this was supposed to be just hcs but it grew too big and the story swallowed up the author (me)

You were locked in a staring contest with yourself. 'I don't want to exist anymore,' rings in your head. 'Get over yourself,' fights back. You aren't fully convinced with those words; you feel uniquely more deserving of the disdain pointed your own way than to others. It hadn't been as much of a problem until just recently, when it escalated. And right now you can't even stand your own reflection. Every time you look at yourself, you can only muster up disappointment at best but loathing at worst. As such, you've tried to avoid mirrors when possible but when you catch a glimse of you face in the dormant TV screen, you instinctively frown. Your gaze sharpens, your brow furrows, and you look away, unable to stand your own face, before leaving to busy yourself with any distraction to bury how you feel.

In the dark world, Tenna's stomach dropped seeing his lightner look at him with such contempt. He wasn't a stranger to occasionally, VERY RARELY (because he's so good at his job) airing a program that wasn't always a hit! But... he's not airing right now. You hadn't looked at one of his programs like that, you looked at him with that expression. You usually gave his lightworld form a warm smile...! But now...

Guilt flooded Tenna's body. He had to have done something wrong. He didn't know what, and he didn't know when, but he had to have messed up and messed up BIG to recieve such an expression. And he had to fix it. He didn't want to be thrown away, he didn't want to lose you. He wouldn't be able to take it, if he did. And before he had realized it, he shrunk.

Tenna immediately calls Mike because if anyone knows what he did wrong it'll be him! After all, Mike records everything he ever does or says! And he needs to know what he did in order to know how to fix it! But reviewing it, Mike can't find anything out of the ordinary. Even through their consolation telling him, "C'mon, boss. You know your lightner really loves ya! I don't think ya did anything to upset 'em." But even with all of Mike's efforts, Tenna can't be convinced. Maybe his lightner just got... bored of him. He didn't know he could shrink more.

You've worked all day to distract yourself from falling into a pit. But eventually, the distractions run out and all you want now is to visit Tenna. When you arrive in the Dark World, its harder to find him than usual. You're used to him greeting you at the fountain, getting scooped up in his arms as he spins you around in a hug, far too excited to see you again! But this time there's no one waiting, so you begin the trek back to the studio through the snow.

Shadowguys and Zappers and Pippins are busy at work but Tenna's still not around. Upon your arrival in the Green Room, Mike quickly locates you. "Sorry, da boss's been cooped up in his office all day. He's been, uh... feelin' pretty glooby lately, but maybe you could help 'im. He really cares about you," is unfortunately the only explanation you get.

You give a gentle knock on the door before slowly opening into the office. Tenna's nowhere to be seen, but his sniffles are certainly heard. Rounding his desk, you see him sitting on his desk chair, barely taking up any space. Tenna curls into himself when he hears you approach-- he can't bear to look up at you. What if you have that expression again? What if you came here in person just to tell him how much you're sick of him, and you're finally throwing him out for good, and he'll be all alone again. You sit on the floor, lowering yourself to his level. His antenna are drooping over his turned-off screen. "Hey, what's got you so glooby?" He slowly lifts his head to you and, seeing that ever-sweet expression on your beautiful, perfect face, he takes a deep breath and immediately begins crying.

Tenna kneels down and clasps his hands, rambling, "I don't know what I did wrong but whatever it was, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I wanna fix it because I love being your TV so, so much! I can't be thrown away! Please, please, angel, don't throw me away... I can do better, I can be a better TV for you! Just please... I don't wanna be thrown away..." His voice is breaking like its getting a bad signal. He tugs at his antenna while tears seep from his screen and fall onto the leather of the seat below him. He's shaking.

You startled seeing his reaction. Tenna has shown his insecurities plenty of times before but this was... "Woah, hey, you didn't do a single thing wrong!" You move to secure and gently cradle your hands around him. You're always so gentle with him, even though you know he's physically much stronger than you. Before he even realizes it, he's moved to grasping onto your fingers. It's tight and you can feel his claws, but he's afraid if he lets go, you'll leave.

After a pause, Tenna asks, "When you looked at me with such a dark look earlier... I thought... maybe you'd gotten sick of me..."

Your eyes widen when you make the connection behind the question and entire misunderstanding. "Oh... oh that wasn't directed at you! I'm sorry. I just... whenever I look at myself I just remember all the things I... don't really like about me. So when I saw my reflection..." you trail off. "I didn't mean for you to think anything was your fault. And I'm not throwing you away! I just missed you. You always try so hard to make me happy, or give me a distraction when I need it, to make me feel like I'm at home. So I just wanted to come see you. Being around you always makes me feel better and like everything'll all be okay."

You thought this would relieve him to know it wasn't anything he did, expecting him to start growing to normal size again. But... he hadn't yet. While it was relieving for him to hear, and he wasn't quite as small as before... he still feels bad. Something was wrong with his lightner, and he didn't even realize. He should've been able to cheer you up. He should've known something was wrong and here he was, feeling bad about himself instead of doing his job! You were consoling him! He should be helping you feel better! He's supposed to be the distraction! He's TV! He...! He...

...He doesn't want to just be a distraction from this. He doesn't want his lightner to ever feel that way about themselves. He doesn't know what happend to make you think such things about yourself but you're too sweet, too funny, too patient and kind... He's trembling a bit but turns his screen back on and turns to you, holding your gaze for a moment.

Your soul feels heavy seeing him like this, so you give him a comforting smile. Tenna's voice is uncharacteristically small when he says "I don't want you to have to deal with those feelings alone. I don't want you to deal with them at all. You don't deserve it... and I'd always do anything and everything to remind you how much you mean to me."

"And you mean everything to me too, Tenna. I just... feel like I should be able to deal with issues on my own. 'N not make you deal with my problems, I guess. I know it doesn't make much sense to say that about myself when I always wanna help you out. But... you're just so great, it kinda feels like I don't deserve you sometimes? I really hope you know you've only ever been the best thing that's happened to me."

Hearing this, Tenna stares at them for a brief moment before sniffling, and that signature, goofy, wiggly smile appears on his face. Hearing your words, he quickly grows back to size. He effortlessly scoops you up in his arms, hugging you tightly. Nuzzling your face with his screen, the static leaves a familiar, comforting feeling.

"Sweetheart! Ohhhh, my star!!! Don't deserve me? I don't deserve you! You're the perfectest lightner I could have ever dreamed of. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes!"

"How is that supposed to work? You don't even have eyes!" you teased him.

"Pssh! Eyes, screen, antenna, doesn't matter! It's just some of that special TV Magic," He waves it off. "If you ever can't love yourself, then I'll just have to give you extra-dextra attention so you could never forget how wonderful you are!" Tenna looks into your eyes. "There isn't a single thing about you that I could ever hate, " before he lightheartedly says to a nonexistent audience, "(Closest is how you have to use a smartphone or laptop, but in this day and age, can’t be helped!)”

You laugh at his dramatic display and reassure him, "Even if laptops and smartphones do exist, and are very handy for lightners, they'd never compare to a TV as perfect as you."

You watch his tight smile wobble before a flower blooms from his nose and he smiles even wider. "And I hope you always remember nothing could ever compare to a lightner as perfect as you!"

[spedles]

Hi! Can I request a drawing of Tenna and Spamton from the Undertale AU (Trash heap) on a date, please? I really admire your art, thank you for sharing your work! 💕✨

A real charmer that one

[meri-ny]

Do you think these fools like each other??

I adore them, this is so beautiful!!! 🤲❤💕

[thattennafan]

TENNA'S SELF-OBJECTIFICATION

Chapter 3 reveals, despite its obviousness, that darkners are objects given form by the dark fountains. And this is present throughout the chapter, but it's especially represented by the chapter's main antagonist, Tenna, who perfectly embodies the problems that come with being an object.

But despite this, it's emphasized that they are people, that is, their pain, feelings, and emotions are real. They are real, they are people, yet what they are in the lightworld continues to influence their history and identity. However, Tenna, as a character, carries this influence to the point where it encompasses almost everything about him, from his personality and design to his motivations and goals.

Tenna is a person, but it seems he's really just trying to be just a TV. He exists in this weird place, where he objectifies himself but at the same time wants to be part of the Dreemurr family, which is itself something more than being an object

And it's very interesting to compare this with the other two bosses from previous chapters. First, regarding their designs, if you told someone who knows nothing about Deltarune that these three characters represent real-life objects, I assure you it would be very difficult for them to say what Queen represents, and to a lesser extent, King. However, they would probably immediately know WHAT Tenna is, since everything about him screams "tv"

Like he is a TV Head, his face is literally TV, TV pin and TV buckle lol

Now, comparing their respective Darkworlds, we also see this: King's Darkworld is a medieval fantasy realm, Cyber City is a futuristic city, while TV World is a television studio. It's worth noting that Tenna built this studio, and TV World is full of televisions or has many allusions to television.

Even their roles in the Darkworld we can see this. Queen, another electronic device like Tenna, is uhh a queen, while Tenna is a TV show host.

And finally, their goals. I've already discussed this in another post, but in short, what King and Queen wanted transcended their nature as Darkners, while all Tenna wanted was to be used again as the object he is and what pacified him was Susie promising him another family to see him.

So we have darkners like Queen and King, whose nature as objects influences their design, personality, and goals; however, they have something more beyond that. And we have a Darkner like Tenna, whose life seems to revolve around what he is in the lightworld. Everything about this character screams "TV" in a way not seen with any other character. And this is probably an intentional decision by Toby, because, as I mentioned before, chapter 3 is the one that introduces the problem of the Darkners' "unreality" and their nature as objects, and what better way to represent this than by having the chapter's antagonist embody it?

And it's not just this, it's as if Tenna himself sees himself more as a television than as a person. In other words, Tenna self-objectifies.

Self-objectification is seeing yourselff as an object to be used instead of as a person. Which is funny to say about literally a television in a living room, but bear with me, even though Darkners are objects, it has been said over time that they are People. And that their nature as objects is an influence on their character, but it's NOT EVERYTHING. However, when one sees oneself primarily as an object, as in Tenna's case, one's value is tied to how useful one can be to others, which often has devastating effects on self-esteem and self-perception. Which is precisely what happened to Tenna.

Tenna is very insecure about what he is: a CRT TV, which is currently considered worthless and obsolete. Tenna has internalized this fact so much that at the end of his battle he calls himself "junk" and throughout the chapter he tries to get you to tell him he has worth in various ways. For example, all the times he asks you to say "I LOVE TV."

You could say that "I LOVE TV" means "I LOVE TENNA" because he is, uh, a TV. However, in this part, during the fight with the Weather Duo, we see that "I LOVE TV" refers to "I LOVE WATCHING TV."

Which is, literally, the function of a television, literally, the sole purpose of a television is to be watched. Saying you love TV doesn't mean you love Tenna as a person, but rather that you love what Tenna can offer you as an object. This purpose and function is what he has invested all his self-worth in. He can't see his own worth, so he desperately needs you to tell him, to confirm that he has it, because he can't see it himself.

And this is worse considering that Tenna can't do anything to change the fact of what he is. Tenna can change as a person; however, absolutely nothing he does will change what he is in the Lightworld, so the fact that he bases so much of his identity on what he is is incredibly damaging to his self-perception and self-esteem.

Other instances where I think Tenna objectifies himself are how sometimes instead of saying "me" he says "TV"

And all of this affects how he interacts and his relationships with other Darkners: if you see your worth in how well you can serve your purpose to superior beings who don't even know you exist, it's a perfect recipe for becoming obsessed with fulfilling that purpose.

We have very little information about Tenna's relationship with the Weather Duo, even though they're supposed to be old friends, and with the Mikes, most of what we know about their relationship is from what they themselves tell us. Tenna, in general, speaks very little about things in the Darkworld; he speaks very little about himself, because when he does talk about himself, it's usually about the "Dreemurr television" and the moments he "spent" with them. Almost everything we know about him, other than this, is because other characters tell us.

The only exception I can think of where Tenna speaks about events in the darkworld is the contract with Spamton.

So his relationship with the darkners closest to him is generally complicated and distant, and his relationship with his employees isn't the best either. It's not surprising that the most important people in his life are probably the Dreemurrs, whom he basically considers family and lives to entertain.

This, I believe, caused a cycle where Tenna prioritizes the Lightners, and this prioritization leads to his estrangement and isolation from other Darkners. This causes Tenna to feel alone and seek comfort in that connection with his family. However, the only way Tenna can connect with them is by being a television. Ultimately, due to his lack of connection with other Darkners and lack of self worth, Tenna feels that his only way to be loved is by the Dreemurrs, by being nothing more than a tv. That is the only way he can be “worthy”

And all of this culminates in Tenna not wanting to be in Castle Town and wanting to be given to someone else, where he will be used as a television again. And again, compared to the other bosses, he is the only one who doesn't want to be there.

In summary, Chapter 3 tells us that darkners are objects, and the main antagonist of that chapter, Tenna, represents this since his life revolves around what he "is" in such a way that his worth is linked to what he is and how well he can serve his lightners, which has had a bad impact on his self-esteem and relationships with others.

[derpyquag]

Did somebody say ENCORE?

("Love dojo spamtenna is real!" I scream, as they drag me into the white padded room)

[cosmopoliturtle]

Little Lucky Guy VS. The Seven Skies

[defyingmyowndreams]

Immersion

A bit I did for myself after finishing chapter 3. I wanted to read self insert fanfics but I need a logic way to get into the world I'm presented to... so yeah. ------------------ And then, you found yourself in absolute darkness.

You tried gathering a look at your surroundings, squinting and blinking several times in the process, before trying to rub your eyes in hopes to get a glimpse of something… But your hands touched nothing.

You felt yourself start trembling, your heartbeat increasing in speed as well as your breathing, trying to grasp that you still had something to call a body. But again, your hands touched nothing. 

And that’s when this sudden realization crept in, like a thousand bolts running through your spine. Your memories, the last thing that could give you a sense of self, were gone too.

Tears started forming around your eyes, your chest tightening as well. And although you couldn’t feel anything, every action was still quite real to you. Your mind started to race with multiple possibilities about what could have happened to you, but one seemed to prevail.

“Am I’m… dead?”

Given the circumstances, that’s the most logical question to ask at this moment. As your chest tightens to an unbearable pain, instinctively, your hand reached out to where it would be, hoping to pray away whatever was causing this feeling. And that’s when you could feel it, an item lodged in your chest, it pulsed softly despite your mental state. 

And you found yourself growing calmer. It actually felt quite warm and somehow made you feel less alone despite the circumstances. 

Once you regained your calm, nothing else seemed to matter that much. Not the fact that you didn’t have a physical body anymore, nor the fact that your memories had completely disappeared.

And that’s because you weren’t going to need them anymore, at least not in their current form…

The world had forgotten you.

But the WORLD had given you another chance…

—-----------------------

A long time has gone since that initial moment. You actually didn't remember that terrifying experience anymore. Within the darkness, it was only you and that warm sensation emanating from your chest, wondering about what could it be. Since you couldn’t touch it, gauging what it was proved to be quite a challenge. But you knew it was important, why then would it bring so much comfort to you?

Your train of thought was halted by a roaring rumble that shook the ground under you. And in the distance, a spear of light shot to the sky, settling to a dark vapor coming from the ground.

It called you...

And you followed. With each inch and mile approached, your world started changing slowly, as well as yourself.

[ciderjacks]

thrown away

[lushfa]

come home tew me zaynie,,,, </3

[pahsy-paints]

:D

[k-eke]

round 

[yo-daddys-my-bitch]

May the 10 of Pentacles bless your account with more money than you can spend. 💵✨

[hermes-is-my-homeboy]

10 of Pentz came thruuu

[violaslayvis]

Omg this actually works!!! Thank you 10 of Pentacles!!!

[borkdork]

I could seriously use this money right now….

[ashashi-corner]

Please give me my refund of 400$ soon…

[hermes-is-my-homeboy]

I feel obligated to reblog this every time it shows up in my dash

[hermes-is-my-homeboy]

No bragging, just 100% floored and grateful. Work hard, maintain a positive attitude, and believe that anything can happen.

[virgocity]

So I reblogged this exactly a week ago because I thought it was funny and uh lo and behold, a family friend wrote me a big ol’ check just to help me out of a tough financial spot AND my bank refunded me $32 for fees they’d originally taken out. SO UH YEAH. Reblogging this again in hopes that it brings equally good fortune to my followers.

[penprp]

Sure why not? Jobs bring in money and prosperity…

[leradny]

I NEED TO FIX MY CAR DOOR

[getlostpeeves]

It fucking WORKED.

[kezia-kawaii]

give me money

i can’t afford to breathe

[mercury-kid]

i need to fix my whole life please

[brakken]

skeletons

[alinahazy]

THIS IS WHAT I WANT ON NY HALOWEEN DASH OMG

[alinahazy]

I’ll never stop reblogging this

[chiaroart]

I told myself I’d wait until October to start putting halloween stuff on my blog. I’m a dirty liar.

[fauxpapillons]

twit user kermie enlightened me w moth Descole and by law i had to draw him.

Guess which moth!

[k009]

New favorite ship dynamic

[wintea-melon]

finished the prof layton series and im not crying,,,,,,, ur crying,,