Well.
This could have been avoided.
Or maybe it couldn’t have been. Like I do actually have to learn this time and rebuild and not go back.
But I really really wanted it to be him.
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@delicatedowner
Well.
This could have been avoided.
Or maybe it couldn’t have been. Like I do actually have to learn this time and rebuild and not go back.
But I really really wanted it to be him.
Yeah I just really wanna not do this anymore
Beat the hell out of myself yesterday.
So bad. It hurts so bad.
Bruised immediately.
Someday I’ll just sink into this hole in my chest.
And never climb out.
So scared all the time because I’ve seen your true colors and you are not who you say you are.
I still like you is the problem. Because I’m broken.
But you are not a good partner. And won’t ever be. Not until you heal your own problems. They will forever be mine until you do that.
Sucks.
And now I’m suffering because I’m changed because of you. You say I’ve always been like this but I haven’t. I’ve just fallen apart a little and I’m hurt still. You brought out the wounded child in me. And make fun of her constantly.
Oh well. It is my karma. Forever will be punished for being a bad person to so many other people I think.
Idk.
It all seems so silly. Cuz what if I just gave in. And just fucking killed myself finally. I’m not a good person and I’m finally being treated as such.
Because he sees me. He sees me for how ugly I really am and I know he hates me. Why wouldn’t he?
I’m almost at my limit.
And then I’ll jump.
And then it’ll stop.
And I’ll be free.
I already think people think the worst out of me.
Now I know it’s true.
Or is it just you?
I’m loosing you and there’s nothing to do.
Feel you slipping right out of my hands.
It was always going to end this way.
Me getting my heart broken.
Again.
I’m just so sad all the time now.
You did break me. All the good in me.
I think I am broken.
Why can’t I regulate anymore?
THAT FELT SO GOOD OMG
The way I tried not to. Like I couldn’t help it.
Your face and my hand just will always feel so good. Even slapping you like that felt so fucking good.
What the fuck am I doing!!!!!
Dreams are so interesting.
Would love to stop clouding my mind with so many substances to be able to connect with the dream world again.
Like it’s my subconscious, right?
Just me and my silly brain dumping all my thoughts feelings and experiences, right??
There’s no way that they actually end up in my dreams and there’s no way they remember, right?!
I’m b r o k e n
I’m losing you and I feel it now.
I think I lost you a while ago.
It’s just catching up now.
I can’t even say what I really want to.
Like how gross it that?
Forever thinking I’m being violated.
I’m being played with.
You violate the fuck out of me.
I have never been so used to being used.
I know I’m losing in this. There is no winning.