Quite Unsure Of It All

“Oh, there’s an empty place in my bones, that calls out for something unknown.” There’s many parts of me that aren't the same anymore

[sofea-00]

[the-ick-vault]

The dancing couple is priceless

[delicateselfdestruction]

[amargedom]

““It is easy, when you are young, to believe that what you desire is no less than what you deserve, to assume that if you want something badly enough, it is your God-given right to have it.””

—

[amargedom]

““I am especially fond of you.””

—

[historyofrobots]

The PR after the Meghan and Harry interview has been pretty desperate and transparent but I am LOSING it over this headline, what a gift

[history-of-royals-by-sophia]

The reactions. I can’t stop laughing.

[evenstarsinthesky]

[love-personal]

[hatin]

via weheartit

[seinfeldworld]

[robynnichol-deactivated20160401]

[amargedom]

“The hardest thing about changing yourself is changing how other people see you.”

—

[amargedom]

“I loved you ever: but it is no matter.”

—

[delicateselfdestruction]

If I had only known what to say and how to express how much you made me feel. Perhaps you could still be here.

[amargedom]

“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.”

—

[beamingsuggestion]

it won’t be as bad as you think it will, and, even if it is, it will be over and getting better before you know it

[delicateselfdestruction]

My night terrors and nightmares started to come few and far between when I met you. Spent sleepless nights messaging and staying up all night to drive and enjoy life with you. The moment you laid your tired self in my bed for the first time I felt at peace and content.. I'd fall asleep with the sight of a beautiful human beside me. My night terrors let me rest finally, disappearing into a unknown, not existent any longer.. it was calming.

Now they're back and they come many at a time, I awake breathless, heart pounding creating headaches as it echoes through the silence of the apartment. Sometimes you're beside me and I wish to reach out those few inches that are between us, to touch your back and feel your skin.. to ground myself to the beautiful human beside me still.. but I never bring myself too. Sometimes I awake, frighten and feel like I'm searching for whatever monster or horrid creation my brain has conjured up in itself to create a horror story that only I can live in fear of.

Horror stories I often cannot produce a sentence about, for words cannot describe things that only i fear. I awaken alone, you are off being who you are as I am so hyper aware you need. My heart breaks, I search and search, but it is empty in the room. Paralyzed and feeling as if I am glued to the spot in our bed"

"What's the matter my dear?" I think to myself.. "cant handle your own thoughts"... I ponder for moments often, am i torturing myself? Does my brain do this on purpose to relive horrific and traumatizing memories.. does it recreate my past and dig deep into my ever growing list of phobias and twist them into the most cruel and .. what I thought to be unimaginable monstrosities.. just for it's own personal gain.

My brain is me, it controls my every action, thought, breath and feeling I have.

So why must it control these terrors as such.

I ache.. that feeling that I depend on knowing you're within arms reach to come out of this fearful trance each and everytime it comes.

It's not in waves but rather a constant.. until I somehow reteach myself to breath and move.. and so obsessively drill into my brain that "THIS ISNT REAL AND IT CANNOT HURT ME"

But... my loves many terrors are so real to me and within kilometers of my safe haven.

I vent aimlessly into the abyss. You're ok.. you're ok.. you're ok.

I know ill never be ok. But I wont ever stop telling myself i am.. so I can continue on with my days, until I finally drift off back to sleep, unable to fight it any longer, heavy eyelids and the spins that come. And I repeat it all over again. These night mares and terrors that plague my ever sleeping nights.

[quotemadness]

“I’ve always felt that two people who shared as much as we did and shared such important years should have never drifted apart.”

— Rainbow Rowell

[naturaekos]

“The question is not what you look at, but what you see.”

—