Wanna make an about me post! Hiii! I'm DemiXDoll, Demi Doll, Demi, Doll, whatever variation you want to call me. My name is base off the temporary names I gave my two characters in my own Yuri story that I'm working on. I'm a huge fan of Yuri and I'm queer myself! I'm also a huge fan of games, music, really most types of media, and I'm a big nerd who programs, messes with computers, whether hardware or software, and loves to yap about it! This page was meant to be a vent place and while it still is, I primarily focus on my summary and review of Yuri manga, I use this medium to explore my own being and who I am while being honest, not really hiding my thoughts or feelings unless I feel it absolutely necessary. As you'll notice this post is all in pink, this is my way indicating an interjection where I share my thoughts and feelings that aren't strictly important, I'll also try my best to give a warning before I discuss anything heavy or depressing about my own life as to avoid upsetting anyone who wasn't looking for that, this was an account born out of frustration with my own openness about my feelings and a general dislike for the garbage short form content that rots my brain and to free myself from the depression it puts me in so I don't wish to put that same feeling on another person unless they are ok with it. To finish up you'll notice this is quite long, I ramble and will do that for many of my other posts, so bear with me. You'll find more stuff from me on my website when it's fully completed but you can check it out for the time being here:
So... a lot has happened since last time I was on here, for one I'm 20 now!! And for two I am now the proud owner of a full desktop PC, I was convinced I wouldn't be able to get a PC this year because of the economy but alas here I am with my own decent rig! Now as for why I was gone for 6 months, after December I was in a very deep depression hoping for the end every day, but in a resolute attempt to feel better, I decided to try playing FFXIV again in hopes that it'd give me a space to focus on reading a story rather than my focusing on my depression. Turns out though I choose the perfect time to come back to the game, I came back to post-Shadowbringers and Endwalker and wow I'm not one to usually say the cliche thing but I think FFXIV saved my life. Endwalker's theme hit so hard for me as I was at my lowest in my life it gave me the hope to keep carrying on. That was last month though, this month and just a couple days ago as of writing I finished Dawntrail a goal I had set out for 3 years ago and now have finally completed. This game will forever hold a dear place in my heart and I hope I have the chance to keep experiencing it for the rest of it's lifespan. If I've made it this far, why not keep going?
So this is a callout post. If you want to stop reading there that's cool, but I cannot let a raging misogynist, biphobe, transphobe, lesbophobe person parading as an upstanding queer artist keep getting platformed when he's said some heinous things, behaved terribly and begs for likes as if life is a popularity contest. Block me if you disagree but I'm writing this here as Tumblr is less ephemeral than other channels. Part of this post was originally posted here as a reply.
fragments/nights-at-crystarium/Jay have been posting misogynistic, biphobic, transphobic, lesbophobic, entitled comments and then claiming people are homophobic when they criticise him back. Please rethink if you want to keep supporting him.
A/N: warning this is a LONG POST and I have truncated it under the break. I have also added the most recent misogynistic rant at the top just below the biphobia.
Context: an anon send him a message about how Emet can only be gay, Japanese people don't understand queercoding and that people who ship femme character with him are delusional.
See here for why his Emet-Selch comment was biphobic at worst and misguided at best. (thank you @birues for bringing this to everyone's attention)
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Misogyny and Trans-exclusionary language
Jay HATES the idea that women want to share this space too. In addition to the Tumblr post above he posted this to his Patreon discord, which is not private as his patrons can access it. He laments that people make fem characters because it's default and he wishes they all would transition to men. He also jumps in to insult two artists with m/f Emet ships @nipuni and @ja-ck-du and calling their art hetslop:
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(continued with more of his terrible behaviour after the break)
Pattern of rancid behaviour over the years
Let's start with the laundry list of all the bad behaviour he's expressed through the YEARS. You can read this better on my reddit comment here which I posted in reply to a shill thread made by what most people agree as Jay's sockpuppet account on the ffxiv subreddit. All of these I had the displeasure of witnessing myself or have been corroborated by multiple people:
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Self-aggrandising behaviour
Here is Jay claiming that there aren't many queer creators in xiv which is INSANE because this is the queerest fandom I have ever seen. You can't sneeze without hitting a queer artist. He also calls himself a pillar of the community, which is HILARIOUS because I have never seen him uplift other creators. You can't be a pillar of the community if you don't engage with the community. Your sycophants don't count.
How can you victimise yourself to such a degree?
He also claimed that if he was a lesbian, all of these callout of his rancid behaviour won't happen, which is laughable because you ask any lesbian in this space what being femme entails, they'd tell you straight up that they have experienced misogyny, no less from people like you Jay.
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Entitlement
Jay being ungrateful that ONLY 25 people have shared his post, and then saying you deserve to not be helped when you need it unless you share his post because he's a poor comic artist earning $1.2k from patreon every month. Because not sharing a post from a popular artist is obviously equivalent to not helping someone in dire straits. If you have been around, you'd know that times are hard, especially when you're queer. He's wishing you ill for the offence of not pressing that repost button.
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Being ungrateful with a sprinkling of misogyny
Jay straight up insulting anon's wife because how dare she reads his comic when she hasn't played ShB because her mind would not comprehend the complexity of his plot. And this is AFTER he begs for followers, as he does with every single one of his goddamn post.
So which is it, are you going to appreciate people who read your comic or are you going to put up so many qualifiers you only deem them worthy of following you when they've ticked all of them?
Hey Jay, maybe you should connect to your readers in a genuine manner and not in bad faith where all you want is for them to stroke your ego whilst giving a facade of appreciation.
And maybe, just maybe, you should start uplifting your fellow queer creators before demanding everyone support you.
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If you've read this far, thank you. I hope if you have ever supported him in the past that you rethink if you want to still support him after this. I do not care how big his following is; I do care that mask off misogyny is being let loose in our space. It doesn't matter if you're queer or a woman, we should not sweep this under the rug especially during Pride Month.
Would you like to donate to "No ICE in Minnesota" an itch bundle made by jesthehuman to raise funds for the "Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota?"
"We created this bundle to raise funds for Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota in response to the Trump administration sending ICE agents to the Minneapolis area and the reckless murder of an innocent people by ICE agents. ILCM provides free immigration legal representation to low-income immigrants and refugees in Minnesota and North Dakota. They also work to educate the community about immigration matters and advocates for public policies which respect the universal human rights of immigrants. ILCM provides services based on capacity and has a generally high demand for services. The more we are able to fundraise, the more people they will be able to assist."
I have grown tired of gaming, but not gaming itself, rather of the communities that grow around it. This is made very apparent every year with the game awards, everyone fights, and the whole point of it is missed. This was something I have begun to understand myself and it has changed how I go about playing games for myself. I was able to put this new understanding in action over this last month while I've been playing "Arknights: Endfield." I've been avoiding reviews about the game like the plague because they usually are. This was something I had experienced with "Elden Ring Shadow of the Erdtree," where I had gotten extremely far into the game and I had my complaints about the DLC but I still wanted to persist, that was until I watched a critical review on the game and it fully killed the DLC for me. I couldn't bring myself to play anymore as all of my complaints were taken and then amplified. This was ringing in my head as I was playing Endfield, I had complaints, -Nothing as bad as SOTE thought,- and I knew that if I watched someones harsh review, it would either kill the game for me or just generally upset me.
Reviews are only one part of the equation though, the communities are just usually rancid. The communities are filled with people who can only complain and not find the good or they just can't be reasonable. A great example of this is Minecraft, people are so upset with things like the mob vote and lack of updates that rather than be reasonable about the whole thing they just get angry and perpetuate a problem rather than fix it. One of the habits I've had to break that I learned from this is saying "The devs are just lazy." This, in most cases, is just completely untrue and likely the opposite, the problem usually lies with higher ups pushing for faster releases, or focusing on the wrong things.
Things don't get better when looking away from that though, communities being unwelcoming to new people is also a huge pain. Then you have one of gaming's worst trends over the last few years, the hatred of "woke" in gaming, optional features that change basically nothing are seen as this horrible thing when in reality it does nothing to harm the game for you. It's just so absurd that something as simple as pronouns can get people so upset that they have to complain, and I'm sure most of these people are just doing it for interactions/rage bait but that just makes it worse.
All in all, these communities makes me ashamed to be apart of them sometimes, the perpetuation of hate is getting tiring and I wish things could be easy but they likely never will. I hope we can work towards better communities in the future and put an end to this cycle of hate when we could better spend that hate on abusive micro-transactions. I'll likely talk more about this stuff in the future so expect more posts sometime soon™.
I'm a huge fan of customization and making everything of mine fun and match a theme. The theme I have chosen and stuck to has been Catppuccin, it's extremely pleasing to look at with a very fun color palette. One of the things that I've always struggled with though, is my wallpaper, no matter what I've done I just haven't found a wallpaper that I like with the Catppuccin Mocha style. While I was scrolling Catppuccin's discord for wallpapers though, I had a burst of inspiration, "I can program something for this!" I've been interested in messing with algorithms to generate graphics so I'm planning to make a script that can generate a wallpaper matching the Catppuccin Mocha theme, have some graphic that generates uniquely each run, and add some additional stuff, then have it automatically set it as my wallpaper when ran. I'm not sure how challenging this will be but I'm excited! I'll also try to make it nice and put it on GitHub or if I have the energy a different better repo host.
Here is the wallpaper that inspired this idea! I'm not sure who it was from the discord but thanks a bunch for inspiring me!!!
I've been itching to write so bad but I can't seem to just sit down and start. It's been probably one of my biggest struggles with my ADHD. I want to do things, but even trying to just start something is so hard. I've been thinking of so many great ideas but when I actually have the time to write I just can't bring myself to. I'm hoping I can just have a day where I can finally just write something again. I know that when I start, I'll just keep going, so I hope I can get that start soon!
(─.─||) I was supposed to just be testing out PyCharm but I ended up liking it enough to keep using it and I actually made some major progress on a test project of mine! I wanted to make a basic GUI app and felt a calculator would be a good medium for that. It's been a process as I've also been learning Object Oriented Programming with it. It's been a fun project and I hope to keep expanding it!
If anyone would be willing to critique my code as it is and give me some tips lmk and I can share the file! I'm always excited to learn how to improve! Keep in mind, it's really bad right now. I currently have a make it work first, then make it good later, approach so it's very scuffed right now.
I finished arknights endfield's story and I really enjoyed it, but that isn't what I want to talk about, I started playing the original game cause I really want the story... But the missions are killing me, I've been "playing" for a week but I'm barely playing because I just want the visual novel part of the game. I wish I could just play the game as the visual novel cause the missions are difficult for me. The only thing I've found is a website that lets me read all the story but I miss out on a lot of the enjoyable parts of it being a visual novel like art, sound and music, it's a great resource but feels disconnected, plus I still would like to play the missions I just wish I could do them at a later time...
I want to enjoy the story but it's really hard to with all this, so I humbly ask if someone knows any good solutions to my problem or if I just have to suck it up with either reading or as a novel, or just needing to git gud... Ó╭╮Ò
Wow, Arknights: Endfield has me held hostage. The game is so fun and hits just the right balance between all of it's gameplay features for me. The factory building is simple but fun, the combat is simple at first glance but has just enough depth to not be to boring. The cutscenes are amazing, though I do think they could do with better animations though now that I'm in the second region it seems like they might rectify that. The farming isn't too tedious or frustrating, and the gacha is surprisingly forgiving, though it not carrying over pity is a pity. So far my only major complaint is characters while they are really good there aren't many characters I really want so the gacha feels uninteresting and based on what the next two banners are I have a feeling I'm going to be saving up a lot for whatever comes after, this could be because I skipped through a lot of the story up until around chapter 1 process 4.
Overall, I think I'll be playing this for a good while, the story is getting really interesting, the factory building is fun and I'd like to start from scratch to build everything myself, the leveling and gearing isn't to boring, and the performance is just so good! I'm also trying the first game going through for the story. I can't wait to keep playing and hopefully the gap between new content won't be to terrible.
Wow! It's been a couple days... Haven't really had much I wanted to post about since I've just been playing Hytale and Sekiro. Anyways this post is really about Arknights Endfield.
I'm not super far into the game right now only really focusing on story for now and I'm just past setting up the second outpost, for my current impression on the game though, I'm really enjoying it! The combat is simple but based on that first boss you fight I'm hoping there are some super fun things to come. I was initially worried I wouldn't even be able to play the game as I was told three times that my system didn't meet the minimum specs but to my surprise it ran amazingly and I was even able to up some of my settings, and despite the low settings the game looks amazing! The thing is though I went into this game without a care about any of this, all I wanted was the factory building. I am a huge fan of this automation games so when I heard about this game I was extremely excited, unfortunately I haven't had a good chance to mess with it yet but once I get full access I'm sure I'll make another post talking about it.
Overall the game is pretty good! It's got the industry standard pain points of course but that's expected. I'm excited to play as I've had an interest in Arknights but just never got into the main game so I can't wait to learn more about this universe and story.
I caved and got Hytale!!! Super fun experience so far, I was initially nervous about it out of worry of it getting abandoned randomly during it's early access period like I've experienced with many other games in the past but after seeing so much about the game I caved and I'm just hoping that my fears are unwarranted, and from what I've seen, I'm sure they are. The tools they are giving us from the very beginning are amazing!!! Easy modding tools, built in modding support with per-world mods instead of needing a different instance for each set of mods, we also got machinama tools, amazing building tools with so many features, and so much more. All of this has me really hopeful especially since they gave select developers early access so that the game could launch day one with some cool mods from some of the biggest Minecraft modders. From what I've experienced I would highly recommend the game to anyone interested in the game that isn't afraid of bugs or unfinished content!
(｡•́︿•̀｡) I finished "Catch These Hands" and as usual the ending creeped up and attacked me... It was so delightful and I really wish there was more. The final volume started getting so good and it ended so abruptly, but I'm happy with it. It's nice getting something wholesome and feel good for a change and it's a nice light in the darkness right now.
This was a nice change in the pace I've been posting so I think I might try to take this approach with more stories. Also gonna try to find another wholesome read like this, it was just not enough for my insatiable greed.
So, with this being my supposed break story, I'm not gonna go into to much detail, I've started reading "Catch These Hands" and I've enjoyed it so far. (finished volume 1) The story is definitely odd and the characters feel very forced into it but that's like the whole point. Overall fun read so far and it's nice being able to read it whenever for however long I want. I'm so used to just reading all at once so I don't forget what happens and reading enough to make a post, so being able to do whatever is nice. Anyways have a nice time zone and I'll see you guys in another post!
In a Reddit AMA (ask me anything), Larian CEO, Swen Vincke stated, "to ensure there is no room for doubt, we've decided to refrain from using genAI tools during concept art development." However, they did not denounce genAI entirely. "We continuously try to improve the speed with which we can try things out. The more iterations we can do, the better in general the gameplay is," he explains. "We think GenAI can help with this and so we’re trying things out across departments. Our hope is that it can aid us to refine ideas faster, leading to a more focused development cycle, less waste, and ultimately, a higher-quality game." This has me worried as to what exactly they are using genAI for, I'm not apposed to genAI for development, but the problem lies in the ethics of the AI itself, with it often being trained off of stolen data, no matter what it pertains to, and as it loves to hallucinate, if it's not used strictly as a tool it can lead to further issues down the line.
Finished Dispatch and wow, it was phenomenal! The story was so emotional and satisfying. The game play was perfect for me, difficult, but extremely satisfying with how each character could interact with each other. I ended up going for an all or nothing approach on my leveling focusing on one or two stats for each character and having roughly two characters for each stat. Overall I highly recommend the game to anyone who hasn't played it!
