龍

not lizard.

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The Soldiers | Mulan/Mushu

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“Wow,” there were rows of stone soldiers that stretched back along the gallery room. Each one had a different facial expression, a slightly different pose. As a group though, dozens of them standing perfectly spaced from each other, they were terrifying. Mulan stared at one for a long stretch of time, and then she turned to stand beside it. 

“How’s this?” she asked, scrunching up her nose and furrowing her brow. “How do I look?” she snorted, and the snorted turned into a giggle, earning her a look from a couple other people who were looking through the exhibit. 

“Maybe this is what I’ll do,” she said absently, turning her attention to a row of cases that lined a wall. “I’ll just….collect things and put them on display,” she thought of her mom’s traditional gowns, her father’s ceremonial sword he’d earned from the Emperor all those years ago. It was on display along with his guns, and Mulan thought she knew at least some things about the art of placing objects in the right places, to honor and please the ancestors, to tell a story. 

“Hey Mushu, do you ever think….” she trailed off, because she realized she didn’t know how she was going to finish that thought. “Nevermind.” 

[demotedone]

Mushu began to click his fingers in front of one of the soldiers, wondering if they were inhabited by spirits like the statues back at the Fa family home. They probably were, and as that unnerving thought occurred to him Mushu quickly straightened and took a quick step away. He turned at Mulan’s voice and chuckled back at the expression she pulled. “Nah, nah, Mulan, you’re close but you’re quite there. See, they’re more like this,” and he immediately stood ram-rod straight, arms stiff at his side, eyebrows drawn together and eyes glaring. To the people passing around him, he might have looked as though he were constipated.

He turned to grin at Mulan, hoping for a laugh, but she seemed to be already lost in thought over something else. Mushu raised an eyebrow at her words. “Well, hey, if that’s what you’re into, but I gotta say, I really didn’t see you for the nerd-y, antique collector-type person. Okay, no I lied, I definitely see you as a nerd. But antiques? You do remember how clumsy you are, right?” 

Wondering what she had been wanting to say, Mushu stepped closer, his tone lowering. “Do I ever think about what?” he prodded, and then followed her gaze to the cases that were pushed up against the wall.

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The Soldiers | Mulan/Mushu

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Mulan’s eyes darted through the crowd as she repeated his name over and over. Someone brushed past her, pushing her with his shoulder. “Hey!” she said, turning to look at him. But from her new position she could see a small clump of rice on the floor. Of course. With her notebook tucked under her arm, she followed the trail, and sure enough it led right to him.

“Let me have some of that,” she said in greeting, taking the chopsticks from him and taking a huge bite. “Mmm. I said,” her cheeks bulged out as she chewed, “I said there’s something I want to see before we go. Come on, I think it’s downstairs. Hey, this is pretty good,” she said, grabbing the food from him. She led the way, towards a heavy metal door labeled “staircase.” 

“There’s this new ancient Chinese exhibit, from the Emperor’s private collection. And since I’m never going to meet the emperor, I thought it would be cool to see what artifacts he owns. Plus my dad might want to come see it sometime, and I can impress him with my knowledge if I look at it now.”

[demotedone]

Initially filled with relief at finding Mulan (or, more accurately, Mulan finding him) Mushu’s eyes widened dramatically when Mulan stole his chopsticks; he tried to pull away but was too slow to stop her from taking a bite of the food. If it had been anyone else other than Mulan, tomorrow’s headline probably would have read something like, “MURDER! AT THE MUSEUM”. As it was, Mushu just scowled before hunching protectively over the rest of the food. “Now how are you gonna tell me I’m not allowed to eat in here then steal my food right after, Mulan?”

Mushu made a face when Mulan made for the door reading “staircase”. “You know we have these things called ‘elevators’ now, right?” He followed along behind her anyway, scarfing down the rice faster than ever lest she tried to take more. “What would ya wanna meet the emperor for, anyway? Seems like just a regular ol’ fuddy-duddy to me. Oh, 'scuse me, a fuddy-duddy in a really pointy hat.” He couldn’t say he wasn’t curious about the exhibit, though. Finished with his food, he tossed the container into a nearby trashcan.

After a few more minutes of whining about stairs, when they finally reached the ancient Chinese exhibit, Mushu let out a low whistle. “Okay, alright, I guess this was worth it.” The museum had even gotten in quite a few of the terracotta soldiers; those must have weighed a ton, how had they even carried them into the room?

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The Soldiers | Mulan/Mushu

“I don’t think you’re supposed to be eating in here,” Mulan said, casting a glance over her shoulder at Mushu. She held her notebook in her hand, maneuvered clumsily around the cluster of people gathered at a statue of a woman with bird’s wings. The Disney City Museum was always full of people, and the Egyptian exhibit was no different. 

She carefully pushed through and scribbled down the information from the plaque in her notebook. There. She had enough info for her project, so she capped her pen and tossed it in her backpack. 

“Okay there’s one more thing I wanted to see before we go. Mushu let’s––Mushu? Mushu!” 

[demotedone]

Mushu gave her a blank stare before continuing to shovel rice into his mouth, choosing to ignore her words. “Look, I ain’t makin’ a mess, I ain’t botherin’ nobody; just let me finish my kung pao. I’m starved! Look at me, I’m wasting away over here.” His comment about not making a mess was belied by the small trail of rice grains he had been leaving in his wake, though thankfully (and clearly by the grace of the Great Dragon) he hadn’t been kicked out yet.

And he was being so nice today too, coming with Mulan to the Museum so she didn’t have to walk around all alone. Especially in the Egyptian exhibit, where there were mummies a’plenty. Mushu stopped and gave one particular sarcophagus a side-ways glance before shuddering. Sure, he worked with dead people all the time, but mummies were just plain creepy.

He gave the plaque next to the sarcophagus a quick scan. “Hey Mulan, I saw this documentary once and apparently these poor suckers got their brains pulled out of their nose when they died. Like, they’d just get all up in there with like a hook or somethin’ and- Mulan? Yo Mulan, where’d you go?”

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Slime Monster Saturday | Mushu & Mulan

If you live in Disney City, monsters are just another part of life. The city is filled with villains and heroes both trying to make a name for themselves, and its high population and status as a leading cultural and economic center make it a prime target. Half the budget seems to be allocated to rebuilding wrecked sky scrapers and giving people therapy. 

So when an enormous, hairy, acid spitting monster crashed through Pizza Planet, Mulan just grabbed her slice of pepperoni and ducked under the table with Mushu. They watched as the crowd ran all around them, but in Mulan’s experience it was usually better just to hide instead of run. Running meant you could get trampled, and being in plain sight was always a bad idea. 

Mulan watched as the monster ambled along, slow and pretty disgusting. Not disgusting enough that it made Mulan lose her appetite, and she took another bite of her pizza. 

“This is gross,” she whispered. “Not the pizza. The monster thing. I wonder when the police are gonna—”

Just then a team of black clad figured rushed in and fired a hail of bullets at the monster. Which….Usually didn’t do a whole lot, but Mulan could see where they’re coming from. The bullets mostly bounced off the monster, making dangerous ricochets for everyone else. 

“It’s not working,” she said. “They’re not—”

Just then, she saw a young boy sitting in the middle of the crowd, hugging his knee as the crowd moved around him. Right in the pathway of the monster. And what else was she supposed to do, but run right out to him, with her pizza in her hand?

[demotedone]

All he’d wanted was a pizza. Honestly. Just a few slices. Share a large pepperoni with Mulan, the world owed him that much, considering he spent his life catering to the undead who were surprisingly demanding for being dead. Couldn’t Disney City have some peace for a single day so a guy could enjoy his pizza?

Mushu stared, slightly in denial, as something out of a sci-fi flick smashed a hole through the wall of the pizzeria, and he probably wouldn’t have thought to move either, the pulses in his brain suddenly no longer firing, were it not for Mulan pulling him away. Once they were under the table, it hit him. There was a drooling, disgusting behemoth lumbering around and spitting radioactive green globs from its gaping maw, and they were under a very, very fragile looking table for protection.

His eyes were blown wide in fear, and he slowly turned to his side to see Mulan. Still eating.

“How are you still eating?! Mulan, did you see that thing?! It just punched its way through the wall!” He whispered back. Kind of. It wasn’t so much a whisper as it was something akin to a high-pitched screech.

He whimpered (he would later deny he did any such thing) as he watched the monster face down some people in black armour, who looked as though they were trying to contain the thing. Not very well, for the bullets seemed to be posing more of a hazard for everyone else other than the monster. Mulan seemed to agree.

Mushu was perfectly happy to just lie low, cower a little, and wait for the whole thing to blow over. But suddenly, Mulan was no longer beside him. Scanning the restaurant, he caught sight of her vaulting over some chairs, at first thinking she was heading for the exit (without a thought for him, wow). But that was definitely not an exit she was running towards, that was the ten-foot-tall-lab experiment gone wrong.

“Mulan! Where are you going?! You’re supposed to run away from the monster, not toward it! MULAN!” Then he saw a little boy, seconds away from either being squashed underfoot or dissolved in a hit of acidic spittle, and he understood. Damn that hero complex of hers.

[demotedone]

✪

Mushu blinked. And blinked again. He was blinking rather a lot, in fact.

After a few more seconds of rapid blinking Mushu finally stuttered out a response. “U-uh, you do know what that… oh hey, lookie here at the time, I really should get going, temples to clean, ancestors to honour, you know how it is, girl. See ya!” 

He dashed off without a second look back.

[demotedone]

to: mushu✌

Mulan: I'M IN LIKE A BRA

mulan: BAR

mulan: I HAVE MY BRA THO DONT WORRY

mushu: ...

mushu: WE ARE GETTING YOUR ASS HOME RIGHT NOW MULAN, AND YOU BETTER BE IN MORE THAN JUST A BRA.

mushu: SO WHICH BRA

mushu: SHITLSKFDF THAT WAS YOUR FAULT I MEANT WHICH /BAR/?

[demotedone]

✌  to: arista

Arista: DDDDD: NOOOO DONT EAT DUMPLINGS OMG THEY'RE LIKE ENDANGERED !!!!!!!

Arista: LOLOL WHO IS THIS

Arista: OMG DONT LIKE CRY ITLL BE OK THEY'LL BE OTHER MEALS :((((((!!!!!!!!

Mushu: ENDANGE RED?? R U.... U SERIOUS?

Mushu: N OMO RRE DUMBLINGS? O H GOD hld on mulan theres somthing in my ey e

Mushu: o its jus more tears

Mushu: WAT U MEN WHO DIS YOU DON REMEMBER ME??????? lik i wasnt aredy upst enough :((((

Mushu: NO !!!!! NO OTHER MEALS dumnings a re my wife :(

[demotedone]

to: mushu✌

*sent at 4 am*

mulan:eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

mulan:veRY BODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING

mulan: HUH!

mushu: uh what.

mushu: are u dRINKING

mushu: WHERE R U MISSY

mushu: okay i know you aint drinkin in the house where daddy fa'll catch u. do u need me to come fetch u

mushu: *1 min later* HE-LLO?!

[demotedone]

✌  to: arista

Mushu: Y O MU LAN. D ID U EA T THE DUM PLINGS IN TH E FRIDGE??????? THO SE WERE /MY/ DUMP LINBS. M INE. IF Y OU ATE TH OSE DU MPLIN GS THINS AR GON GET UGLY.

Mushu: TH OSE DUMPLIN S WE RE THE BES T THI NG IN MY L IFE RIGH NO W. i L EFT A NOTE TOO. M USUU'S DUMPLINGS. M U S UU'S!!!!!!!

Mushu: M Y Y DUMPLINS. M Y BEEUTIFU L DUMPLI NGS. im cr yin i hoep your ha ppy.

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Lipstick and Failure | Mulan & Mushu

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Mulan tossed her head back and laughed, loud and full and not in the least bit ladylike. Her stomach started to ache from the effort and she could barely pause to take a breath. Even if it was just reacting to Mulan’s silliness, Mushu just seemed to make everything funnier. 

"Yep, I’m joining the circus!" she said, standing up and striking a pose. "I’ll be a…a juggler. Or maybe a trapeze artist. You don’t think my parents would mind if I just ran away without telling them, do you? I’ll look in the papers and see when the next circus is coming to town. My talents will include not being able to do the other eye," she said, gesturing to her face. "And differentiating equations, and sometimes running into things, and forgetting my chores," she put her hands on the floor and lifted her legs into a pretty impressive handstand, walking with her hands for a second before teetering and falling on the floor. Her elbow hit the floor hard and she rolled onto her back, shutting her eyes. She remembered that she only had a couple of weeks until her next and final shot at snagging a husband, and she still couldn’t do her makeup properly.

"Mushu?" she asked, cracking open one eye and feeling relieved that he was still there. "What am I doing with my life?"

[demotedone]

Faced with Mulan's hysterical laughter, Mushu couldn't help but break into a few chuckles of his own. "Uh, okay, you really have cracked. Somehow I don't think those talents will go over too well with the crowds."

He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame, watching Mulan as she did a hand stand and giving a half-hearted clap. The atmosphere seemed to immediately sober with the tone of Mulan's next words, and he sighed before sitting in a chair close by.

"You're tryin' your best to please your family," he answered simply. Because it was the truth, and anyone could see it, which only made it more painful when Mulan failed. Mushu rubbed the back of his neck, wondering what his next words should be. Tact and sensitivity weren't exactly traits he was used to practicing.

"...Why do you need to practice applyin' makeup anyway? Can't you just go to a salon or whatever and get professionals to do it for you? Not that you need professional help to look good, I mean-" Just stop talking, Mushu. 

Switching tack, he walked over to where Mulan was lying down, and stared down at her upside-down face. "C'mon. No more mopin'. You know what we're gonna to do? We're gonna study-"

A rumble from Mushu's stomach interrupted him mid-sentence, and he hesitated before continuing, "No; first. We're gonna get some dumplings. Then, we're studyin' all afternoon 'till the Matchmaker's so impressed by you she'll wanna marry you herself. C'mon, hup, hup, hup!"

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Sexy panda longing gaze. 

[demotedone]

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, I AM LEAVING WITHOUT YOU YOU ARE GOING TO THIS HALLOWEEN FESTIVAL BY YOURSELF GOODBYE.

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Sexy panda pose

[demotedone]

....DISHONOUR. DISHONOUR DISHONOUR DISHONOUR, YOUR ANCESTORS ARE SO ASHAMED RIGHT NOW.

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Well it’s your loss because I was going to be thE. SEXIEST. PANDA. 

Yeah sure, just give me a sec to test out my sexy panda face. 

[demotedone]

NO. Uh-uh, I am not even jokin' around here, Mulan. Pandas are cute! Pandas are adorable! Pandas stand for all that is good in this world! I will not stand here and let you do to pandas what people did to bunny rabbits!

Now come on! We are gonna find you the least sexiest panda costume there ever was!

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Psssh, you’re a great example! Improvise, I guess I could do that. 

Wait, was it the red one? I think I saw that! And hmm……I think I’ll go with…..Panda. That should be doable, right?

[demotedone]

Yep, I'm gonna be red-hot, baby! Geez, you girls an' all your cute animal costumes. Just as long as it's not a "sexy panda" otherwise I will not be seen with you.

...Ready to head out now?

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I mean, just in case I forget something! 

Oooh costumes I didn’t even think about that. I am not going as a clown…At least not on purpose. Do you have anything in mind?

[demotedone]

Don't even worry about the book, Mulan. Goin' by the book isn't you, anyway! Improvise! Look at me, I never went to school an' studied books or anything, an' I turned out... okay, maybe that's a bad example.

What I'm sayin' is, all you gotta remember for next time is 1. don't talk when she's not asking you anythin', and 2. RELAX.

  I dunno about you buuut, I think I'm goin' with dragon. Yep. Pretty sure I saw a wicked costume out front of a shop a few blocks away.

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Khan has it? Ooooooh……

Then I might not be seeing that again. Well that’s fine, you probably remember more about this stuff than I do. Hey, I know I said I was going to practice but why don’t we go do something for awhile. Like, oh I don’t know, go to that Halloween Carnival. It’s right down the street!

[demotedone]

Um, what? You've had that book for months and you still need me to tell you what was in it?

Well, it beats sweeping the temple again; sure, why not. We doin' anything 'bout costumes? Hey, you could go with that clown look you had goin' the other day; sure scared the hell outta me.

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Aw c’mon don’t be like that. She really seemed like the real thing! And she saw that I wouldn’t bring dishonor to the family. This means I must be getting a match next time I go! I gotta practice. 

….Do you remember where my book is? The old one about etiquette? I can’t find it…

[demotedone]

Yeah, they all seem like the real thing, but okay, I'll quit it. Need me to run lines again? Ahem, "Too skinny, not good for having sons." I got that Matchmaker's voice so down pat it's eerie, am I right? 

Uhh, you mean the one you left with your cow in the yard? It's sittin' on Bessie's water trough.