JVL
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$LAYYYTER
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@denbergtagna
Anyone on Vyvanse/Elvanse that experience subconsciously holding their breath when the medicine is in effect?
I catch myself holding my breath all the time when I take my meds but I don't think I'm out of breath or such. I'm just not sure if I should bring it up with my doctor or not. Any thoughts?
I don't have borderline! Just some emotion management issues related to ADHD and trauma! The phycologist was a bit condecending tho so I'm not sure if I actually trust them - guess I'll have to wait for the doctors verdict.
Also I was told my ADHD evaluation was appareantly VERY odd; a couple years in with a diagnosis and not once have I been educated about my diagnosis or symptom management - standard procedure where I'm from. So guess who is going back for a reevaluation! I am honestly terrified... I struggle a lot with feeling like I'm not "bad" enough to warrant a diagnosis - although it is VERY clear to everyone else that I very much do have ADHD. I believe my siblings diagnoses and I struggle just as much but in a different way (ex. comb. vs. inattentive) so I don't understand why I can't just believe my own... I am absolutely terrified that they would take my diagnosis away. It's what keeps me from falling into the "you're just not trying enough"-trap.
Anyone who's had to go into a reevaluation of a diagnosis that's got any advice on what to do? Cope? Wise words?
So I have recently been to an evaluation appointment. Didn't turn out great...
She was super lovely and told me how much I mattered and that it isn't my fault things are rough. I really need to hear that, the thing is due to the circumstance it came of as pity to me. I hate pity. I will change my behaviour to avoid pity. So I didn't really answer her questions truthfully, downplayed them or straight up forgot important info about my symptoms because I felt cornered. I hoped that her behaviour would change if I didn't seem to have it THAT rough but it didn't. She was just super sweet like that.
So now I'm done with half of the evaluation (the appointment had to be split in two), feel pitied and probably fucked up my evaluation pretty bad. Even if I didn't qualify to begin with I might've at least gotten help for BPD-like symptoms which I definately have... but now I feel like it's going to be dismissed as just social anxiety and depression...
It really feels like my body didn't get the memo that humans don't hibernate...
I'm not so sure I actually have BPD anymore, my symptoms seem too mild, but it sure as hell would explain some things if I do end up getting diagnosed.
This whole "Do I? Don't I?" Surrounding BPD is causing me so much anxiety... I don't know if I have issues opening up to others or not. Just a few hours ago I was able to disclose my PTSD diagnosis and why to an aquaintence without issue but I haven't been able follow through with any of my plans to open up to any of my closer friends. I haven't ever thought about why my plans to tell them have always fallen through just that it always gets stuck in my throat. Am I subconsciously avoiding it or what's the deal?
This is it, one of the many steps towards possible recovery!
I was diagnosed with ADHD 2017 after a nurse saw some symptoms while I saw them for a potential depressive episode (spoiler alert, it was one). Thanks to them I wouldn't have gotten on the track to get the help I need. Since then I've gotten a PTSD diagnosis and appareantly I won't be diagnosed with depression or social anxiety until they've looked into wether or not I have BPD since they are secondary diagnosises to BPD. Aleast that was what I was told... Which means! I can't get help through public healthcare until that's done! Yay! But atleast I am getting somewhere so that's something.
I'll be writing stuff for me but if someone else happen to stumble upon this blog, just know that what I will be posting about could be potentially triggering. I'll tag with triggerwarnings whenever I know something is potentially triggering.