i might never be your knight in shining armor

Derek McCullers / Sixteen

[derekmccullers-blog]

Then why do you get to judge my ideas?

[stephenmckiney]

Because I’m a professional at bad ideas, and I’m tellin’ ya, this is the worst.

[derekmccullers-blog]

Okay, but like, why should I believe you?

[derekmccullers-blog]

…We have better ideas than you and your friends.

[stephenmckiney]

Yeah, but so does everyone. You can’t compare yourselves to us, we never have good ideas.

[derekmccullers-blog]

Then why do you get to judge my ideas?

[derekmccullers-blog]

———– There’s a nice way to do it and a shitty way to do it. I’ll probably do it the nice way. I haven’t decided yet.

[stephenmckiney]

…do you or any o’ your friends ever have good ideas?

[derekmccullers-blog]

...We have better ideas than you and your friends.

[derekmccullers-blog]

----------- There's a nice way to do it and a shitty way to do it. I'll probably do it the nice way. I haven't decided yet.

[derekmccullers-blog]

(* &&. texts ;; just(a kid)in love )

Justin: Derek, I literally just fake divorced you for two hours and ended up with a broken arm and a sprained ankle.

Justin: I don't think I could /survive/ divorcing you.

Justin: Even if I could, I wouldn't.

Derek: Good, because those two hours of fake divorce were the worst two hours of my life

[derekmccullers-blog]

(* &&. texts ;; just(a kid)in love )

Justin: Okay.

Justin: If that neutrality goes south, let me know?

Derek: Always.

Derek: ...You don't really want to divorce me, do you?

[derekmccullers-blog]

(* &&. texts ;; just(a kid)in love )

Justin: You okay?

Derek: I'm... not really sure.

Derek: I'm neutral.

[derekmccullers-blog]

(* &&. group chat ;; hell raisers )

Derek: ...I don't know what you want me to say, Shae.

Derek: What do I say to that?

Shae: Nothing.

Shae: Say nothing.

Shae: I shouldn't have said all of that.

Shae: I have no idea why I did that. Sorry.

Derek: No -- that's not what I mean

Derek: I just

Derek: I thought you hated me

Derek: You caught me off guard

[derekmccullers-blog]

(* &&. group chat ;; hell raisers )

Derek: Like he has a confession for me. Shae has hated me since the day we met.

Shae: I don't hate you.

Shae: I mean, I would like to hate you.

Shae: But not really.

Shae: Truthfully, I'm kind of jealous of you. Not just because you're attractive. You are attractive, but that's not something I care about. (Until Justin starts obsessing over it.) But just... you, I guess?

Shae: You have a better relationship with Justin and Erica than I do. You have great relationships with everyone. When I fuck up, I fuck up bad and kind of make everyone hate me. (Like now. With you thinking that I actually hate you.) But you make it literally impossible to dislike you. Which makes me dislike you, but also kind of admire you.

Shae: And I admit to asking Storey to have your head chopped off maybe once or twice a day, but I don't mean it. You've seen how I get when people try to hurt you, or even flirt with you. I get defensive and I guess a bit possessive. You're my love-hate soulmate, and idk. I don't like the thought of people threatening that?

Shae: I act like I hate sharing with you, but I don't. I'm fine sharing my platonic soulmates with you. I just don't want to share /you/. Not with anyone outside of this group. If that makes sense.

Shae: I don't know.

Shae: fuck.

Shae: I don't hate you. That's what I'm trying to say.

Derek: ...I don't know what you want me to say, Shae.

Derek: What do I say to that?

[derekmccullers-blog]

(* &&. group chat ;; hell raisers )

Derek: Hey! He is not picking you over me! We're in love! We shared gummy bears!

Justin: Derek, you literally just divorced me, wtf

Justin: I'm actually touched???? That was beautiful, Shae, thank you. I'll do my best not to die. But I'm 99% sure Eliot is aiming for my death

Justin: Move onto the next confession. I'll catch up later if I survive this

Shae: He will choose me over you, because I'm better than you, good sir.

Shae: But that actually felt kind of good to get feelings off my chest.

Shae: Why don't I do this more often?

Derek: First of all, how dare you

Derek: And second: screw all of you, this is an endless cycle of disrespect and I refuse to be the pawn in your game any longer

Lewis: If Derek is leaving, does that mean his confession comes next??

Lewis: Because that's the one I'm actually looking forward to.

Derek: Like he has a confession for me. Shae has hated me since the day we met.

[derekmccullers-blog]

(* &&. group chat ;; hell raisers )

Derek: Hey! He is not picking you over me! We're in love! We shared gummy bears!

Justin: Derek, you literally just divorced me, wtf

Justin: I'm actually touched???? That was beautiful, Shae, thank you. I'll do my best not to die. But I'm 99% sure Eliot is aiming for my death

Justin: Move onto the next confession. I'll catch up later if I survive this

Shae: He will choose me over you, because I'm better than you, good sir.

Shae: But that actually felt kind of good to get feelings off my chest.

Shae: Why don't I do this more often?

Derek: First of all, how dare you

Derek: And second: screw all of you, this is an endless cycle of disrespect and I refuse to be the pawn in your game any longer

[derekmccullers-blog]

(* &&. group chat ;; hell raisers )

Justin: *"satisfied" plays in the background bc if this isn't the most shae winston song ever written*

Justin: gUYS ELIOT JUST AGREED TO PUSH ME OUT THE WINDOW this is gonna be great

Justin: I believe I can fly

Derek: I'm divorcing you

Shae: You can go ahead and divorce him, Derek, he doesn't even love you. No one loves you.

Shae: Except Erica, Storey, and Cassie.

Shae: But they're good people, so they don't count.

Shae: J, if you're letting yourself get pushed out of a window, I'm going to confess my undying love for you, okay?

Shae: Ahem.

Shae: Justin Conrad Rogers, you have been my best friend since the Land Before Time. Rather, since we watched the Land Before Time in preschool and you had the amazing idea to start throwing dinosaur toys a the back of Holly J's head. I've honestly been in love with you ever since. (#detentionneverfeltsogood)

Shae: And I'm still kind of upset that you actually rejected me when I asked you out last year, on the premise of, "Shae, you have no idea what you want, but I will go out with you when you figure out." (BECAUSE YES, THAT'S AN ACTUAL THING THAT HAPPENED) But I understand, I think. (Not really, but I'll let it go.)

Shae: I'll remember you fondly and keep Lewis from speaking at your funeral, because we all know he will go on for literally six hours if given the chance. But please don't actually die, because I need you to choose me over Derek at least once before you go.

Shae: That's all. (One down, six more to go.)

Derek: Hey! He is not picking you over me! We're in love! We shared gummy bears!

[derekmccullers-blog]

(* &&. group chat ;; hell raisers )

Storey: Look at who babysits her and tell me she shouldn't know what a bucket list is

Cassie: She's certainly not wrong.

Cassie: Just don't die, and it'll be fine!

Cassie: (ps justin don't die. whatever you're doing, my dad says stop)

Cassie: (also i'm skyping my dad and he says hi everyone)

Josh: Hi, dad!

Lewis: Hey, Mr. Rowans!

Lewis: Shae, don't say hi, he still hates you.

Shae: I'm not surprised. He will never not like me. But Cassie loves me, and so does her mom and her brother, which is all that matters to me, I'm satisfied

Justin: *"satisfied" plays in the background bc if this isn't the most shae winston song ever written*

Justin: gUYS ELIOT JUST AGREED TO PUSH ME OUT THE WINDOW this is gonna be great

Justin: I believe I can fly

Derek: I'm divorcing you

[derekmccullers-blog]

(* &&. group chat ;; hell raisers )

Storey: He put you in the bay window?

Storey: Wow, he must really like you

Storey: Most people are sent to his other waiting room, aka: the spare room

Storey: The bay window is serious shiznit

Storey: Feel special

Storey: I don't even get to sit in the bay window

Storey: Which is completely unfair bc I am the one whO SUGGESTED THE BAY WINDOW AS THE WAITING ROOm

Storey: I'm getting off topic

Justin: I'm still amazed that Birdie even has a bay window, like, since when are those a thing

Justin: What are we even supposed to be talking about right now?

Justin: I'm trying to do something important and you guys are distracting me.

Erica: When you say something, do you mean Derek?

Erica: But what /are/ we supposed to be talking about?

Shae: Dude, you were supposed to break up with him!

Shae: And how much I love you all, apparently.

Shae: I'm following this outline, and I'm entirely convinced Chandler hates me.

Shae: The next step is to do the one thing I've always feared (or reread the Twilight Saga and write a paper on which character I relate to the most) and I have no idea what this has to do with me living.

Shae: ...this is a bucket list.

Shae: Chandler and Meredith made me a bucket list.

Shae: w h y

Derek: Like he'd ever break up with me

Derek: Dude, a four year old made you a bucket list?

[derekmccullers-blog]

(* &&. group chat ;; hell raisers )

Shae: Okay, look. I usually would rather not do this, but I think we should all talk???? Because apparently I have truths to tell you. Chandler said, and I'm directly quoting here,

Shae: "(I'd) probably have fewer issues in my life if (I) stopped falling in love with everything that moves and actually fucking talked to the people in (my) life for a goddamn change."

Shae: So that's what we're doing. Talking and airing out things (mainly so Cassie can stop holding them over my head but also in hopes that this will decrease the amount of issues I have in my life)

Shae: Also, apparently I need to make an appointment to see Tatum now

Shae: I told Chandler, "Hey, can I talk to Tate, it's kind of a matter of my life and death"

Shae: And he literally rolls his eyes, gives me a magazine, and tells me to take a fucking number

Storey: Everyone needs Tate's advice at some point in life

Storey: But should I be worried? I feel worried

Storey: It's too late I'm woRRYING, DAMMIT

Justin: I want to say you have no need to worry bc every time Shae does something like this, it turns out to be something small and nonworrisome

Justin: but he also just makes you worry anyway so

Josh: Idk, I'm never not worried about Shae????

Josh: I'm growing prematurely gray bc of him

Cassie: How to Live With Knowing Shae Winston: a Book That Needs to Be Written ASAP

Erica: What to Expect When You Know Shae Winston: The thrilling sequal

Lewis: What to Do When Shae Winston Sends You Into Cardiac Arrest: the heart stopping trilogy

Derek: How to Cope With the Existence of Shae Winston: the chilling saga

[derekmccullers-blog]

justinnrogers:

Which one?

Chamber of Secrets.

[derekmccullers-blog]

justinnrogers:

If you say so, babe.

This discussion isn’t over! …but I’ll let it go.

This discussion is absolutely over.

Now, stop complaining and come watch Harry Potter with me.