try to break one's heart in perpetuity. @desecreate-blog - Tumblr Blog

How to carry, how to uncovet this / calamity in our blood?

Jane Wong, from “Daily Calamity,” published in Orion (via lifeinpoetry)

#❛ ・ﾟ to be this much in love is to be sick‚ and i love to be sick — wizinary. ☽

believinghxpe‌:

❛ / ⊰ ✬ ⊱ — &&. ❜

He blinks , tilting his head to the side like a puzzled puppy. Did he still not trust him ? Even after going so far to tell the angel these things ? ‘ troubling indeed. But , the angel knew that trust comes with ( patience. ) The last thing he wanted to do is to make him feel uncomfortable or distrust him. His intentions remain genuine and pure ; truly he wanted to help him. If he needed to prove himself to Kohaku , then so be it.

“ Then… shall I prove myself to you ? I will do whatever you wish of me if it will help you believe me…. ”

there’s a more serious proposal in order to make kohaku trust him, and the tension in his chest slumps. “so be it. you will prove yourself to me.” he extends a hand, languor in the heavy gaze of his eyes. when his fingers just graze sora’s sternum, kohaku swallows an impossibly deep breath. if he can change sora’s will, then it’s because there is already corruption ( and he is lying. )

but the wall of virtue forces kohaku’s imposing taint away. there is no shift, no dangerous change. only the two of them, and kohaku with a hand to sora’s chest. for now, this is the truth: an angel truly wants to save him.

kohaku drops his hand. “if you’re so desperate, then i will allow you to stay. but don’t be surprised when nothing gives, angel. i’ve been here for decades now. ”

#❛ ・ﾟ dark soul of the winter solstice — ic. ☽#believinghxpe

believinghxpe‌:

❛ / ⊰ ✬ ⊱ — &&. ❜

He returns his attention to his palm before closing his eyes. His ears catch the a faint laugh…. children. Purity and youth in their voices. They sound…. happy and excited. A clamor of ( joy ! ) and innocence that soothes Sora’s heart. ‘ he was fond of children. There was another voice that mixed with them , and for a moment he was surprised to hear Kohaku’s voice. Ah…. how nice.

The angel keeps his eyes closed for a few more minutes before he finally opens them. Aqua - greens flashing with small adoration.

“ You feel gentle…. and loving. ”

sora’s eyes gloss over, that perfect blue. kohaku thinks he could go mad in it, if he weren’t already. staring into the face of someone this holy throws him off, but he can’t let that be as apparent as it feels. it’s like they’re looking at each other differently, and kohaku’s certain he’s more a cornered animal than ever.

“should i believe you weren’t just sent here to make me vulnerable with claims like that about my past life?” or, infinitely worse: “or that you’re not just believing what you want instead of the truth in front of you?”

#❛ ・ﾟ dark soul of the winter solstice — ic. ☽#believinghxpe #[breaks all my fingers] F

big i love you energy babey ♥

I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!!!!!!

#wizinary #❛ ・ﾟ a moon in bloom — asks. ☽

wizinary‌:

a tea that tasted like roses . . the description comes off as a bit of a stretch , considering there’s honestly a plethora of recipe combinations that taako could research to produce a tea that possesses a rosy flavor . still , it’s a START to somewhere & the paths that branch from this beginning will be boundless & ready to explore in a stride all on kohaku’s pace . taako will be there , by his side without hesitation , every step of the way . ‘ i’ve made jasmine green tea with rose petals before . it might’ve been what you had back then , it might not have been , but the way i make it is fantastic , so i’ll definitely make you some of that . ‘

taako then grows silent , contemplating a thought with features contorting into a soft expression , his tongue breaching the folds of his lips to idly sweep o’er the cushion of skin . ‘ we’ve been together long enough that . . i think you should meet my sister . ‘ he’s honestly surprised that lup hasn’t turned up at all ‘round the two of them or personally inquired of taako as to who kohaku is . her career as a reaper has rightfully skyrocketed since she & barry first joined kravitz’s team & he figures she’s got souls to serve & guide up to her neck . at some point , she’ll return , ready to spill adventure stories & listen to taako’s in lieu .

‘ gotta warn you though , she’s an honest to fuckin’ god firecracker . but probably the sweetest firecracker you’d ever meet . ‘ god , he loves her . besides kohaku at this point , she is easily the most important person in taako’s life & always will be .

“jasmine, with rose petals...” kohaku sounds the words out, like it might remind him once more of the taste. unfortunately, nothing comes –– but he can’t claim ‘nothing’ when taako is so close. there is no more nothing in his life. not when someone so earnest and fulfilling is so close to him, making promises and talking about his family. “i believe you. maybe yours will be so warm, everything will come back.”

that’s as unlikely as it gets, but taako gives kohaku hope. oh, he could ask for nothing more. he smiles in return, hand brushing smoothly over taako’s waist. “your sister,” he repeats, too content to be true. “she’s your family –– and anyone precious to you is important to me. there’s nothing wrong with fireworks.” which, he’s sure will fly when they all eventually meet. “i’ll be looking forward to it.”

#❛ ・ﾟ dark soul of the winter solstice — ic. ☽#wizinary #sorry i chopped this up a tiny bit ;-; i having trouble with length atm..

believinghxpe‌:

❛ / ⊰ ✬ ⊱ — &&. ❜

“ Perhaps…. but , you will have a me by your side this time. ”

IT WAS STRANGE TO SAY. To say that to a demon – ah , it was best to not do that. To continue referring to him as ‘ a demon. ’ He was a person , a being who’s light is still there under those veils of thick shadows and black. The journey to the goal for ( freedom ) will obviously be difficult. Even with the power of an angel , it will be difficult to cleanse this place entirely. But for him ! he’ll try.

Sora looks at his hand now resting against his chest , surprised by the contact. He doesn’t pull it away , the familiar , blue light from before re - appearing in his palm. Silence claims him. There was a rush of emotions hurt , fear , pain. All from Kohaku , he can feel it. It makes him inwardly wince , but his lips gently curl into a smile.

“ … i just feel you. ”

“i’m sure it would take the people in this village by storm, if an angel were the one deciding their fate.” they should be so lucky. not even the thought that two minds will do a great deal better than one brings kohaku solace. “but if you must refuse, so be it.”

what he expects is for sora to recoil, unnerved by the lack of a pulse. what he doesn’t expect is the coming blue glow, that nearly sucks the wind out of him. it doesn’t hurt, it just... soothes, and kohaku can’t bear it for a second longer ( much less the kind smile he receives a moment later ).

he swallows, the lump in his throat painfully obvious. the last thing he wants is to be vulnerable right now, and let down the guard that stands between him and all he believes in. “what do i feel like?” because in truth, he doesn’t even know.

#❛ ・ﾟ dark soul of the winter solstice — ic. ☽#believinghxpe #oh my fucko

nostraen‌:

‘ you’ll always know where to find me . and if ever i am not perched in the cypress trees , ask them . they’re quite old and always keep an ear out for me . ’ happily to they accept the warmth of the other’s grip , arms linked together like the hoops of a chain. there’s a skip in their step as they enter the forest , the warm end of spring spilling into heat of summer . the path they take is speckled with sunlight , && the breeze is cool , && welcoming.

‘ for berries ? always ! they’re terribly delicious – and i miss them so during the winter months. ’ star filed gaze looks to kohaku’s face , smile bright , warmth radiating from their very being in this human’s presence. ‘ i do . there is a single spot in the forest where the mulberry bushes are touched by sunlight from dawn , til dusk. they are the sweetest , but ripen far too quickly ! let us head there, then. ’ their arm slips away from kohaku’s if only to shift && grasp his hand gently in their own, tugging softly as they quicken the pace. ‘ did you receive my present this morning ? ’

it doesn’t surprise kohaku that even the old, gentle trees would be able to point him to kaiera. in their natural-unnatural elegance, it only makes sense that they’re the culprit of the fragrant morning blessings. “so it was you!” so rarely does kohaku’s voice take on higher octaves, but this discovery is a special occasion. he squeezes their hand in both of his, walking with enough focus on them to stumble over a stone were he to happen upon it. but he doesn’t –– perhaps fate has a few kindnesses in store for them, after all. “you’re... incredible, did you know that?”

of course they do. but kohaku can’t deny the urge to say it. his heart swells at the soft center of his chest, the ripe pit of a cherry destined to spoil. “everything is in bloom, so beautifully. it almost makes me forget what lies beyond the forest, and how dangerous it is. i’m... so thankful. it’s like a blessing.” his freckles dust over with a deep flush of color. “i’ll have to repay you someday. just you wait –– i swear to you, i will.”

#hm.... the results are in kohaku would do anything 4 them!!!!!!#IM MELTING THIS IS SO TRAGIC. SO TRAGIC BUT BEAUTIFUL #nostraen #❛ ・ﾟ dark soul of the winter solstice — ic. ☽

rettomus

Koumei doodles. I’d have a massive backlog of stuff to upload here but it takes effort and I’m lazy.

#❛ ・ﾟ cut my mouth on temple floors — visage. ☽

believinghxpe‌:

❛ / ⊰ ✬ ⊱ — &&. ❜

He frowns just a tad after hearing the inquiry that slips through his lips. He is still aware of WHO he is asking that , right ? While Sora agrees that their ( atrocious ) sins are worthy to to deem them punishable by death , his hands cannot be tainted. They are humans. He cannot make the choice much less see fit to kill them. He is an angel. ‘ a merciful being from heaven.

Gently , he takes Kohaku’s hand and lowers it from his shoulders. His grip is tender , and he keeps his hand in his grasp.

“ While I agree that their sins are unforgivable… I cannot do that. I am refrained from killing humans. I am an angel after all. I will not help you destroy the village , but I will help you get out. ”

“you don’t listen. there’s no other way for me to leave this place.” kohaku watches the loose tangle of their fingers, realizing how strange it is to be touched. “don’t you think i have tried?” no other sacrifice, no other forgiveness could release him.

and he guides sora’s hand over the line of his chest, where they can find no consistent beat. then gently, he lets go. “tell me. under your hand, what do you feel?”

#❛ ・ﾟ dark soul of the winter solstice — ic. ☽#believinghxpe #o of

believinghxpe‌:

❛ / ⊰ ✬ ⊱ — &&. ❜

HOW CAN I ? Sora knew that this had nothing to do with him. This curse and this ( chain ! ) latched between him and the temple. It wasn’t his fault that Kohaku is stuck here , and the other believe it too just as much. ‘ yet , he can’t stop the guilt from jabbing him. Heavens , hear his prayer. This prayer for Kohaku have mercy for him.

He gently rests a hand against Kohaku’s shoulder. The contact made him feel slightly weary , stacked upon the pollution in the air for the angel. But , he endured.

“ …. I am sorry you had to endure it all. These long years of loneliness and being unable to gain freedom. I assure you now however , you no longer need to worry about such things. I will help you. ”

he doesn’t want to become a desperate project –– doesn’t want to look like something that needs to be fixed or saved. but all he can remember is wanting to be saved. the before of his life has blurred into his moment on the altar, where they ran silver through the frantic organ keeping him alive. the terror still rushes through him, like blood.

and some part of it lingers, much as he wants to shove it away. he wants to shrug off the warm hand on his shoulder –– it’s obscenely comfortable, and it has no place in this land. he’s about to pull away, but the words still him.

“you are mad. as if it will do you good to keep a demon company.” all this will end in is disaster, and he can already taste the rust in his mouth. “i wasn’t worried. i’m just confused.” why have the people in town stopped sacrificing long enough for it not to make him sleep? “all right.” he rests a hand on sora’s shoulder, mirroring his kind gesture with a cold smile. maybe the only way to prevent all this horror is to scare him off before the worst. “will you destroy the rest of this village in my stead?”

#❛ ・ﾟ dark soul of the winter solstice — ic. ☽#death /#believinghxpe #Well.........Miss Steak

believinghxpe‌:

❛ / ⊰ ✬ ⊱ — &&. ❜

The struggle is audible in his tone. Sora couldn’t imagine such pain and suffering ; to be ( betrayed ) by your own people and locked away for selfish reasons of others. those humans have passed the border of a demon. They were far worse. As disgusting as they are , the focus of it all must rest on Kohaku – for he needs more help than anyone else.

He shakes his head , slowly standing up from his spot. Cautious steps rustle with the earth beneath his feet as he treads closer to him. ‘ the temptation to comfort is strong.

“ Kohaku…. ”

the name given by this second life and curse sounds different coming from him.

but if this ends up being enough to weaken kohaku, then who knows what will come next? anything could come to these walls, show him a small kindness, and see him destroyed. his pulse shudders, and he joins sora in standing... though he doesn’t move.

“what –– ?” his expression betrays his longing. “don’t just look at me like that.”

#❛ ・ﾟ dark soul of the winter solstice — ic. ☽#believinghxpe #oh my GOD!? OH MY GOD.

nostraen‌:

‘ well , there certainly is no better place for that then here ! ’ the forest guardia chimed , shifting posture to sit up straight , dropping gracefully to their feet before kohaku. a warm smile spreads across kaiera’s face , as a gentle had reaches to brush a lock of the other’s hair from his face . ‘ your hair shines so beautifully in the sun . you belong here , out in the wilds.’

hand drops , && the spirit takes a step backways , towards the forest they call home. ‘ come , let us go for a walk . always helps to clear the head. plus , it’s mulberry season ! we can pick and eat to our hearts content ! ’ they had lived many centuries in this forest . humans , they came && went in the blink of an eye. of course , kaiera made friends when they could , but each relationship proved more painful than the last ; to lose someone you’d so terribly grown fond of .. ? over && over again ? it was becoming too heavy a burden to bear. when the new century turned , kaiera promised themselves not to befriend another human , ever again. then … kohaku appeared , settled pensive by the rivers edge. kaiera knew he was DIFFERENT , && subsequently , they broke their own centuries long vow. now , they simply could not imagine life without him – && already the pain of his future loss tears the forest spirit apart.

kaiera lands on the forest floor, welcomed by the earth as a ray of the sun, and kohaku watches. awe-struck as he’s always been, his heart drums a frantic tattoo. “that’s true,” he smiles, almost sheepish –– and then a far cry from almost. their touch is even more welcome now, he thinks. like a breath of fresh air. like the wind’s kind breeze... like the truth they find in each other. “i had a feeling i’d find you. i hoped.”

without a doubt, their circumstances are more complicated. but what is there to speak to that end? “berries... someone’s hungry, then.” his voice curls around the words, fond and certain. “i’m glad.” kohaku links their arms together. “i would hate for you to eat alone.” birds sing overhead, and the sky seeps light to blanket their shoulders. his face is tinted pink, and he ducks to focus on hiding that fact as best he can. “do you know where they’re sweetest? would you lead the way?”

#nostraen #❛ ・ﾟ dark soul of the winter solstice — ic. ☽#oh god i need an AU tag for this because it is SOOO TENDER #ship tag too huh...

believinghxpe‌:

❛ / ⊰ ✬ ⊱ — &&. ❜

The silence confuses him , but he snaps out of the stupor when he feels heat drawing in. He flinches as flames suddenly ( sprout ) from the earth under them. The form the circle , trapping them in together. Sora raises an arm as a shield to protect himself from the heat coming from them , grunting a little bit. ‘ what is he doing ? Did his words provide a provoke to him ?

He shakes his head. He won’t take back what he said when it’s the truth. He may be a demon now , but that doesn’t mean that he truly is a monster. A part of him is still human ! He could sense it. you’re not like them.

“ Kohaku , I speak the truth. You may physically be a demon , but your soul hasn’t changed. A part of you still cares. That is what makes you different from a demon. ”

the flames don’t lick much closer than a foot behind them both. sora needn’t worry about them actually touching him –– kohaku isn’t completely senseless. his mercurial side is reserved for those who deserve it. not angels who demand to see the best in him.

even knowing nothing.

the fire dies in a cloud of ash. the only reason this hurts so much is because he still cares, and the risk of divine disappointment threatens to wash away what’s left of him. “what does it matter? unless you mean to travel in time, my fate will be the same.” kohaku rests both hands in his lap. “how will you do it? could you burn my temple to the ground to wrest me from it, if that’s what it came to? my soul is buried here.”

#❛ ・ﾟ dark soul of the winter solstice — ic. ☽#believinghxpe