[[conquered land // myungchae
softeurs:
The weather felt kind, as if it understood the meaning of a day as such. It was a day like any other, but it held a difference for many reasons, probably for more than one person. For certain that Myungsoo knew at least one more person aside from him would be looking forward to a certain time of the day. The ride to the airport was quiet, lately everything fell into an even peace. It didn’t mean that he didn’t feel things more than he used to, just that he was now settled into it. Skin deep, flesh rising in goosebumps every second that passed, every step closer.
Even more restlessness, one he was growing used to. They didn’t make him nervous; it was a low throbbing eagerness. Like the gentle vibration of her guitar chords whenever Chaerin found her favorite spot in their apartment and practiced until she forgot the most essentials things in life. Even him. To give her that space where nothing else mattered and she could simply be with something that nourished her had been—hard.
To know that he could be forgotten and at the same time loved, wanted just as easily was odd, wasn’t it? Especially when he knew himself that she was in every bit of his work process. All of them. From the inspiration, to the final result, to how they all come together and most importantly why they were born. It all came wrapped around her, a loose bow that she’d let him tie because she allowed him this gift. Myungsoo liked holding her and reminding himself that this was more than just having her, this was being allowed to have her.
Every morning and every nights and end of sessions and every time she would come back from a small tour, like this. All he had to wait and trust that she’d come back home and home she always came, the one that she’d built, nestled.
He had but a whisper in the crook of her neck, after a sigh, ‘Welcome back.’
It was very similar to the same ritual, the routine they’d grown into easily. Coming home, finding the other, giving and receiving a chaste kiss, a touch, a gaze or a smile. Whatever the day felt like, whoever was home while the other was walking back in made sure to make it understood that it was good to have them back home.
‘How was it?’ Maybe next time he might be able to tag along with her, he’d never thought of the idea before, but it sounded close to spilling as suggestion the more tours she did. There was something about missing her though, that kept him from doing so. A little as if he was set in the idea that far hearts grew fonder. It wasn’t an absolute false concept.
For instance, right now, he couldn’t even begin to think about releasing her, although she was already here. But she hadn’t been for days, weeks, hours and seconds and those missed lapse in their timeline made it harder to let go. He had to though, if he wanted to properly welcome her back and have them move along, to the actual home.
She’d barely landed where she truly belonged, once she would push past the doors of their building, then their apartments, he would concede that she was finally home. For now, they had to move from this step to the other one—and another one that he’d mutinously prepared. He felt even more ready, having her now, with the growing tender roots of the emotions she’d bubbled and harvested enough to have them lay in harmony within his deepest core.
Something had changed this time around.
Myungsoo pulled back if only to take a better look at her, a sight he’d missed made him move his arms up, hands to her face so he could press his mouth to her forehead. Then touching his forehead to hers, he was a little apprehensive, anticipated it but felt rather—nervous. He had more nerves than when he had the uncertainty of her accepting him and giving this, them a chance, how odd, ‘You must be tired.’
Was he holding tighter than usual ? Was it her trying to carve his form into hers ? She just wanted to melt into this moment.
In a second, they would be getting to their car and driving away from the airport. They'd hold hands over the shifting stick because Chaerin refused anything but manual driving. They'd park at home and look at each other eyes for a little bit and smile and enter their building and their little flat. They'd start their life together again, at the same heart speed, same rhythm.
In a second.
But a lot can happen in a second, and she took a long and deep breathe in, taking in the realisation that she survived three weeks away from him. And it had been long and short at the same time, it had been lonely and crowded too. There had been skype calls with him and and calls back on stage with the music lovers. There was a part of her life that he was leaving untouched, as if deeply belonging to her or accepting that she shared too much of it with someone else, someone who wasn't anymore, to make it his. And Chaerin loved Myungsoo so intensely for it.
She smiled lightly at his assumption. Being with him made her heart go totally charged and she was good to go on a happiness binge for the next three weeks. « So tired that I think you should help me carry my luggage. »
She left into his hands her guitar. This was their usual contract. She'd take the rolling luggage and he'd take the best part of herself that wasn't him. That's how much she loved him.
She waved from afar her team, knowing she'd be seeing them a few days later to work on a new track. Myungsoo was only half at ease with her noisy and honestly a bit silly entourage. She was also totally aware that it wasn't right to take anyone hostage from the flooding of their feelings for each other. For the next few days, it would be just the both of them, existing in each other.
« What did you do while I was away ? » And yes, there had been video chats and many texts and selfies, but none of these could transfer the breathe from his words against her skin as he would utter just the right number of words, always precise and concise. And she'd hear in each of them that he missed her and that he had thought of her every minute and he just got his breathe back now.
She used to be worried that she loved him for loving her, that she loved him only for what he was giving her, for giving back life and meaning and sunlight going through open windows and wrinkled bed sheets and music. But she noticed how much she was giving, when ever her was not looking. She used to put her sadness away when he would come over, before the sadness receded for good. She had emptied her closet for him to put clean shirts that she would steal only when he wasn't looking. She would suddenly cook meals when she knew he would come over. She would leave more and more room for his existence to envelop hers. She couldn't lie to herself anymore as she had found herself buying silly little frames to put pictures of them in. This was love.
Him carrying her guitar was also love, and his hand in hers, and his scent, and the drive home and the light pull on her arms to kiss the top of her head and the quiet smile on his lips. All of him was love.
