i was making all these sad posts with thoughts and feelings that i haven’t felt to this extreme since i was 16 and i realized i don’t really want to come back to my home town ever again, when i was struggling so hard in my first few years in the city it did feel like some sort of odd safe haven where i could atleast escape for cheap in my childhood home, but experiencing the cruelty of it all is just not something i can deal with anymore, ive healed a lot of traumas recently but the skin is so fresh it makes it so much easier to reopen, i need to get away from this for a long time, i maybe need to not speak to my parents for a long time, i need to actually reopen my views on myself and my perception of my beauty, there’s actually so much more work to be done, i don’t feel ready to do it, i feel so scared and broken, i feel like a little girl again. but im not a little girl anymore im a grown woman and i can take care of myself and other peoples cruelty does not have to effect me the way it used to. im gonna be ok and im going to have people in my life that support and hold me and i hold them and we all build a beautiful life together, but i have to let go of the past. a lot of things need to change