“you are still learning. you are still changing. you are still growing. breathe. you will find your way.”
— Unknown

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@deviatiions
“you are still learning. you are still changing. you are still growing. breathe. you will find your way.”
— Unknown
a concept: connor deviates and, in a moment of panic and guilt, vanishes after freeing the androids in cyberlife tower. he helps from the shadows these days, trying to do good where he can but not thinking he’s deserving enough of his own life. not belonging to the android world or the human. a phantom, a ghost. some think he was killed in the final battle, many think he self-destructed from the weight of his actions.
Hello. My name is Connor. I'm the android sent by Cyberlife. 💙
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I'VE MISSED MY ANDROID BABY CONNOR AAAAAAAAAAAAA💙😭💙 I WILL LOVE HIM FOREVER
not me here thinking about connor discovering his likes and hobbies so slowly and organically and just contentedly filing those facts away in a little folder of his brain and in there it’s like ‘dogs’ ‘blades of grass’ ‘when the train goes by and i can feel the ground vibrate’
“And I’m not gonna beg for the right to smile, or love, or stand tall. I don’t know about you, but there’s something inside me that knows that I am more than what they say. I AM ALIVE, and they’re not gonna take that from me anymore.”
Indie MARKUS RK200 from detroit: become human. pacifist route.
Rules. About. Verses.
not me poking my head in here and screeching a hello
hi i don’t know if i have it in me to make a full return (bc i can’t do aesthetic posts and icons and all that i’m too lazy we’ll see) but just a lil reminder that Connor and Nines are very much alive and available for threads and plotting on my discord! feel free to message me for that so we can write there, I’m very active with the boys over there :)
not me poking my head in here and screeching a hello
hello, reminder that I have been a little bit lacking in muse for this blog and my notifs dried up so i’ve been spending my time on Nines, but Connor is always avail for rping via discord! Mutuals feel free to IM for my discord (:
...4th of July fireworks sound an awful lot like gunfire and Connor is tense.
taking a couple of days for my mental health where I don’t pressure myself to get replies out — may work on replies and queue stuff but don’t expect any regular activity…I just need some time
I’ll always be avail on discord for chatting or rp <3
hello, reminder that I have been a little bit lacking in muse for this blog and my notifs dried up so i’ve been spending my time on Nines, but Connor is always avail for rping via discord! Mutuals feel free to IM for my discord (:
Markus: I have seen North silence a room of rowdy congressmen with only three words, and I have seen Connor single handedly dismantle an entire terrorist cell– but last week they bought a blow up bounce house and filled it with industrial strength joint lubricant, then invited people inside. Josh was trapped in there for three hours.
sometimes I get sad at just how painfully on the outside Connor feels...doesn’t belong with the humans, doesn’t belong with the Androids...
jericholeader:
Scared.
A simple word. A less simple concept.
A knife, through him, sharp enough he thought he’d bleed from the ache of it.
Markus’ expression cracked, pain washing over him as he heard Connor’s voice waver. Connor’s eyes, warm and dark, a fixed point he’d stared into to ground himself on more than one occasion, were wet with tears. Eyes that he’d focused on in the midst of a storm, when nothing else had mattered but the panic. Eyes he’d watched soften, over months, until they laughed when Connor smiled.
He took a halting step forward (nearly a lurch, as he told himself to wait, stop, don’t push), testing, nearly asking permission. Could he approach?
“I know.” Markus breathed, closing the space between them slowly, steadily, every step nearer, “I know.”
He would never known the width and breadth of Connor’s exact fear. Each of them held their own unique terrors, lived with them. He couldn’t understand the yawning agony of being possessed, controlled, made a puppet to a master he thought he’d broken free from. But he would help Connor carry it, help him bear it, as long and as heavy as was needed, until it eased or the world stopped.
Markus was near enough now to hear the pull of Connor’s breathing, feel the tension wired into his shoulders, “I can’t promise to take that fear, but I’ll help you hold it. I’ll help you-…”
Let me help you.
He reached and wrapped his arms around Connor, drawing the younger RK against him. He tucked his face into Connor’s hair and whispered, fervent and desperately gentle, “Let me help you carry it. Let me in-…”
Connor could reason about all of it all he WANTED. He could go over motivations, likely plans of attack, speculate about if and what Cyberlife might be up to. And he had --- thousands of preconstructions of how events might occur. Connor was trained, built, to be prepared to anticipate outcomes and take them for how statistically LIKELY they were.
But that was the PROBLEM with Deviancy, wasn’t it? Despite the facts, the statistics, despite all logic ---- feelings factored in. It wasn’t just the matter of something being less likely, less probable. It was the fact that he was scared that something, despite being unlikely, was still always possible. That possibility lurking around the corner of his every thought, every move. Connor spent a majority of the time soaking in this HAPPY little life he was carving out for himself, while simultaneously WAITING for the other shoe to drop.
So yes, he was SCARED...He was terrified. To get close, to stay away. To let Markus in, to shut Markus out.
"I can’t ASK you to...to take this on.” And then Markus was approaching once more, and Connor was backed against the wall so it wasn’t like he could back away. But even if he could, he wouldn’t. He wanted to believe. Believe in a future where they figured this out. Where everything was okay. Where they could be happy. Was wanting ENOUGH? Would wanting EVER just be enough?
"Markus...” he meant to sound STRONGER but it came out as a whisper. He stiffened as Markus’ arms wrapped around him, but before he could even consider the repercussions, his posture softened. Eyes shut, he felt the soft skin and warm breaths against his hair as his head was placed gently down to the crook of Markus’ neck. Arms wrapped around Markus and pulled TIGHT, until there was no space in between them remaining.
“I’m sorry...” he murmured against the other’s skin, eyes shut tightly. Connor’s body SHOOK once, the beginnings of a sob that he quickly stifled. He didn’t have the right to break down. Markus was the one in danger. And it was Connor’s fault. He didn’t have the RIGHT. “I’m so sorry.”
idk i just keep hitting the enter key until discord relents and does what I want
jericholeader:
Connor was slipping through his fingers like sand and Markus was doing all he could to hold him in place, collect every fragment as it slid free. He couldn’t anchor him there with more than words. Couldn’t make him stay. He tracked the path of his gaze as it darted toward the door - the nearest route of escape - and something in him broke. It hurt, cutting through his chest and stopping the rhythm of his breathing. His eyes stung, glittering with tears (were androids ever meant to weep? Yes, to simulate anything their owners would want. Now there was nothing contrived about the way his emotions ripped through him, nothing programmed about how much he cared).
Connor wanted to run because he felt he had to - he had to protect him - and it tore through Markus.
“It’s my life, Connor. Don’t I have the right to choose who is worth the risk?”
The young RK could turn it back on him. Throw the same logic in his face, and be right in doing so. Connor had the choice of staying. Of who he wanted to let in.
Markus ached to step closer, to offer comfort in the form he was most adept at. To touch him, and somehow tell him better it would be all right. But he could read the stress, fraying at Connor, pulling him to run. If he pushed, it might be too far.
“We’ve spent weeks together, sitting and talking in this very room. If they’d wanted me dead, why wait? Why bide their time, when every day we step closer my role becomes less and our people become more? Putting a bullet in my head gains them nothing.”
Except destroying both of their lives and surely-… no. One hurdle at time.
Connor was starting to UNDERSTAND the very human notion of love hurts. The sheer magnitude of how he cared for Markus, how frightened he was for Markus, how much he both wanted Markus and also wanted Markus to stay away... The sheer dichotomy of those desires felt like it could physically tear him apart --- pull his plating from his body, split his wires, drain him of his Thirium. He can’t feel PAIN but the sheer ANGUISH weighing on his mind was the closest he thought he’d never been to such a feeling.
He was damned if he do, damned if he don’t --- stay and risk Cyberlife activating programming that might HURT Markus, or go and surely hurt Markus. He tried to tell himself that Markus would get over him, Markus would find someone safe and he would be happier that way but...But just imagining that hurt even more. Imagining Markus SMILING at someone else like that, opening up to someone else...his hands, his lips on someone else --- No, no. He COULDN’T, wouldn’t let his mind linger too long in that school of thought.
But when Markus REASONED with him, shot back with his own reasoning, Connor paused. “I...” That...That was, honestly, true. Every day that Cyberlife was not in control of its Androids, Androids grew that much closer to legal freedom. Emergency treaties being drawn up, accords being signed until more permanent law can be put into place --- Cyberlife could not afford to wait if they were going to make the move to KILL the deviant leader.
So why hadn’t they done it already?
He tried to reason with himself that maybe Cyberlife was just being sadistic. Prolonging their contact so that EVENTUALLY, when the move was made it would be that much more painful, because of the emotional impact of their bond being severed. But Cyberlife, while it may have had its sadistic technicians, in itself was clinical and sterile, logical and reasoning. It was very unlikely that they would waste that kind of time just for some insignificant emotional impact. They’d spent MANY nights together, long before thoughts of kissing ever entered either of their minds --- talking, watching a movie, just EXISTING in the same space as each other. Connor’s guard down the whole time. It would have been a perfect opportunity to make the move.Yet, the move never came.
Markus had a point.
“I --- I don’t know...” he CONCEDED, finally opening his eyes to look at Markus. His stress lowered a couple of ticks but was still quite high. His eyes were glassy, unshed tears there but he refused to let them fall. “I’m ---- I’m scared, Markus...” he admitted, finally, for the first time. He’d never told anyone about what happened that night, about being trapped. And how much the fear of that happening again controlled his EVERY waking moment.
jericholeader:
Markus rocked backward a step, a slow, dawning shock rippling through him. “What-?”
It was a brutal, frightening revelation. A chill, running down his spine.
His speech on the shipping container, in front of the millions Connor had freed and the dozens more liberated from the camps. Cyberlife had almost destroyed both of their lives in one, unspeakably cruel violation of Connor’s autonomy and the injustice and wrong of that burned through him. How dare they. How dare they think they had any right to Connor after he’d chosen freedom and finally wrested himself from their grasp. How dare they hurt him. The rage running hot in his chest gave way to an urgent compassion,
“But you broke free.” He murmured, gentle and beckoning, taking a tentative step toward the younger RK. If Connor turned he would have seen the pained fury, lingering in his eyes, “You were stronger than what they tried to do to you. If you weren’t, we wouldn’t be here.”
He wanted to ask if it had ever happened again. If there was any lingering evidence of their ability to possess him. But even if the answer had been yes, it wouldn’t have changed anything,
“You are not a danger to me, Connor.” Markus felt his breath catch, “We’ll figure this out. Please-… don’t push me away.”
Connor glanced to Markus’ eyes, reading the SHOCK in them, the way he subconsciously backed away a fraction when he learned of what Connor had done. There it was. He should back up, he should get away. Connor was dangerous, a weapon. He didn’t deserve Markus’ closeness. But...Of course, not a minute later, Markus would look at the one positive spot in the whole SITUATION. The fact that he was able to gain control of himself, the fact that he was able to stop himself from making a catastrophic error. He couldn’t imagine the chaos that would have ensued had Cyberlife succeeded. Would the humans take that advantage to turn the tides of the Revolution? Would Androids be DESTROYED and the fight lost?
“You want to BELIEVE in the GOOD in everyone. But I don’t think there’s any in me to speak of. I will always be a liability.” Connor looked down, shutting his eyes tightly. He wouldn’t cry. Couldn’t. He had to remain strong. If he crumpled and let Markus in, he didn’t think he would ever be able to let go. And Markus would die.
[ STRESS LEVEL 67% ^ ]
“You need to have some self-preservation, Markus!” Connor backed up until he hit the wall, his eyes DARTED to the door. Just a few steps, he could make a break if it came to it. He felt like a cornered animal, scared of himself. His heart yearned for Markus and that was dangerous. He wished he wasn’t a Deviant, wished he could be a Machine again. Then he wouldn’t be so scared, he wouldn’t HURT this much. “I don’t want to. Kissing you was...It’s all I’ve thought about all week. But ----- I’m not worth it. I’m not worth the risk.”