I've just had one of those moments where I got a little reminder that the internet can really fuck with your head sometimes. I did my nails on my own a few hours ago, nothing fancy, just plain black nail polish, and at first I didn't like it, I got it all over my skin, especially on my right hand, the layers are a little choppy and uneven, there are spots I didn't cover, but looking back at it fully dry a few hours later, I think the imperfections give it a bit of a vibe, honestly. And generally I really like the grundgy, teenage dirtbag type of aestetic, so I made the mistake of going through some of that on pinterest, and it kind of fucked me up, because I like that aesthetic, I want to dress like that, but it's not really my personality, I don't smoke or do energy drinks, I have good grades in most subjects and even my bad ones are decent, I don't have a big loud friend group or go places like abandoned buildings or whatnot, I'm not the gratest, but I'm a good kid, or atleast good enough, and even then, putting all that aside, I don't really cut it looks wise, I don't have piercings, I can't ever go back to wired headphones, I wear glasses, and like all you'll ever see on pinterest is either no jewlery or silver, and I just have a gold necklance I can't take off, it doesn't have a deep story behind the sentimental value, it's just that I've had it for as long as I can remember, so it's kind of part of me, it feels wrong to just ditch it. And in the middle of this whole little existential breakdown, I had ghost songs in the background on my laptop, and at some point it got to the moac live from 2022, and every time the camera paned to the crowd, I couldn't really help but look at the people, and in the sea of people in cosplays and papa make-up(not that there is anything wrong with that, obviously), there were people that weren't dressed to fit an aesthetic to the t, people like me: glasses, no make up, no piercings, choppy hair, face fat no matter their body size. And it was just kind of a reminder that 99% of people usually don't dress pinterest perfect, but we have imperfections and personal quirks, sometimes lots of them. And this is just yet another case of this band getting me through both the low lows and the small insignificant bad times over the past couple of years <3