Diary of a Dying Man

@diaryofadyingman-blog

Though the outside smiles, the inside holds no such pleasures

154 posts

You became the light of my life and your smile kept the darkness out of my soul; you're not smiling anymore and I can feel the clouds rolling in. It's going to be a very stormy night, but the thunder and lightning have let me know that they will spare me. The thunder knows I deserve the constant reminder of the dark clouds that circle above. The lightning knows I deserve to be struck down and that the easy way out is so much more than I deserve. I know I deserve their worst, but I know He won't be there to take me home if I go. I'm sorry for every pain I've caused, I'm sorry I was too selfish to realize I didn't deserve you, and I'm sorry for wherever this stormy nights takes me

The Dying Man

Almost killed by a drunk driver a week ago and it took me this long to realize that I would've rather not been brought back... maybe next time...

The Dying Man

I've spent a lifetime lying to myself; repeating "I've gone too far to turn back now" and all I've done is start over time and time again to no avail Names change, faces change, places change, but the games never do

The Dying Man

I'm waiting for your "I told you so" since I once again stand here in the rainy darkness with nothing but darkness in the hole my heart once filled. I stood aside and watched my life fall to pieces all over again, blinded by falsified hope at first and now deafened by the lies and deceit. I cannot blame you for being hurt and I will not even begin to justify my actions anymore. Even here at my lowest point in a long time I only care to apologize to the person I hurt on my downward spiral instead of the one waiting for the apology they won't get

The Dying Man

You were my sun, you became my moon, and now I've got nothing left to push the darkness out of my soul...

The Dying Man

You left I left, and I've never been able to forgive myself for letting go of the only thing worth holding on to...

The Dying Man

Sometimes I need that long arm of real life to punch me in the face; something to remind me that real life hurts...

The Dying Man

I'll never be able to afford my salvation

The Dying Man

A son, a brother, a veteran; a man that once stood tall as a fighter. It is with my great sadness that I met you too late to know who you were before you were called home. With Him you will no longer feel the pains of your disease. With Him you'll be the hero you are; a mighty man, a warrior through and through, a Navy Man. Out of sight for now, but never out of mind. Until Valhalla; thank you Sailor for all you've done and I look forward to sitting across from you at His table.

The Dying Man

#TheDyingMan #Three

It was hard to hear because I knew it to be almost true; you said that I had given up and I wanted to apologize. I know I'm not okay, I know I won't likely ever be, and I know that I can't make it up to you. I am truly sorry for all that has happened. Moving away was great for my career, but has been so very hard and hurtful on a personal level. Deep down I know that I've been hiding from real life by letting my career consume my life, but the truth is I don't know what else to do at this point. I'm more lost than ever and I don't feel like have anyone that would care to listen to my crazy anymore...

The Dying Man

If I die before I wake I pray the lord my soul to take...

The Dying Man

Don't ask a question if you're not ready for the answer. No, I'm not okay and I don't expect a change of seasons soon.

The Dying Man

It could be so easy to be happy, but it’s not what I want anymore… I miss the me I began to love… Far too much… I wasn’t born to be the person you want so desperately for me to be… Why? Simply put, when I ask My Maker’s forgiveness for my many sins; I won’t go down for yours, only mine own…

The Dying Man

I thought that it would be hard to watch a man’s hopes and dreams paint the ground a vibrant shade of red while the rest of the world slept peacefully, but it was nowhere near as sobering as having to be the one to look his parents in the eyes and tell them that their son wasn’t one of those sleeping anymore…

TheDyingMan

#TheDyingMan #Two

I didn’t ask for a sign, but You knew how to gain my attention. I’m so grateful for everything You’ve given me and understand now why some things must be taken away…

The Dying Man

It's been a long and arduous journey, but I think I've finally found something worth fighting for... Not... Just another chapter of pain and bullshit written down next to all the others

The Dying Man

The longer you spend tap dancing on my last nerve, the more I want to break your fucking legs...

The Dying Man

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