On Why It Would Never Work.
31/08/15 1. You love her. This should be enough on its own, but it isn’t.
2. You don’t love me. Or so you say. It’s kind of hard to believe it when it looks like saying it hurts you too. Let me just say that whispering my name when I asked you to tell me that you didn’t love me wasn’t your most convincing performance.
3. I am a storm. I get angry and I get passionate and I have never known when to shut up. I don’t know how to pick my battles, so I fight them all. You are a sunny day; a smile and a hug when things get rough. I’ve never seen thunder when the sun is shining.
4. I’m not skinny. I’m never gonna be skinny and I’m okay with that. I’m not okay with being the exception to your type of girl. I can’t be with you thinking that you’d rather be with any poster girl I’ll ever pass on the street.
5. As much as I love hearing you talk about your hobbies, I’ll never understand. I don’t know about music and I don’t know about technology and, to be fair, you don’t care about language or pop culture. I’m scared that someday I’ll stop finding your rambling endearing.
6. You’re a cat person. I’m a dog person. I would give up dogs for you any day, but if I start making concessions, I’m never gonna convince myself that I have to get over you.
7. We have been through this. It seems like we keep falling in and out of love and the timing is never right. I’m terrified that we’re going to try again just for everything to come crashing down on us when it’s too late.
8. You have to live your life and I have to live mine. I am leaving for New York. Maybe not in two years, maybe not in ten years, but I am. I love you with every cell in my body and with every inch of my skin and with every fucking piece of whatever souls are made of, but I can’t let go of my dreams for you. And I can’t ask you to let go of yours and move across the world with me.
01/09/15 9. I hate when people creak their bones. And you do, god, you do. You’d creak your tongue if you could. Drive me up the fucking wall.
10. Someday I might need my best friend only to find out I don’t have him anymore. Relationships can be hard. I need you exactly as you are right now and I don’t know if I want to risk losing that.
11. I am a really social person. Mental issues and all, I like being around people and partying and just doing nothing with my friends. You like being at home too much. It’s not that I’m scared that you’ll make me stay home; I’m scared that you’ll feel forced to go out.
12. What if I’m making things up? What if I’m delusional and we don’t belong together? I don’t want to face a possible break-up with you. I can’t.
13. I’ve been reading some shitty internet articles and suddenly I think we’re a terrible idea. You are my best friend. That’s it. My best friend.
14. Sometimes it feels like I don’t even know you.
14/04/16 15. What if I’m right and you love me? How could you be such a coward? What if I’m wrong and you don’t love me? How could you play me like that?
16. It makes me wonder what kind of person you are if you can be in love with someone I despise so much. It makes me wonder what kind of person I am if I can be in love with that kind of guy.
17. Missing you is both the worst and the weirdest feeling I’ve ever had. Like I can’t breathe but I’m breathing. Like I can’t go on but there’s nowhere to go anyway. Like I wish I could rip my heart out of my chest and I feel like I’m hungry and there’s definitely something empty inside me but still I’m mostly okay. I don’t think that’s a good feeling. I’m not sure I want to feel it.