PROJECT ICARUS.

and   i   am   always   alone.

[dikgoontle]

hi im back 4 real xxx

[dikgoontle]

jokes aside......i love heather..................not to be cheesy but im marrying them one day just watch

[dikgoontle]

like this to keep the mutual :o i’m going to be focusing on people i speak with ooc and enjoy plotting with bc my dash is... a mess

[dikgoontle]

THE FBI DO NOT KNOW ABOUT DIRK.   like all citizens,   they’re aware of svlad cjelli,   oxbridge graduate born to romanian parents.   what they don’t know,   however,   is that like a handful of people with   “ heightened senses ”   or abilities,   he was being trained   &   made into weapon under the watchful eye of the CIA.   they wanted dirk to become a spy,   their spy   ------   a bug in the system of other countries’ defence systems and government operations.   they still want him to be a spy for america but,   after the break-in and incident at the end of season two,   other officials now have a slight inkling as to what was really going on and what project blackwing really was.   that being said:   dirk has never trusted anyone that held a position above the police.   it takes a lot to gain his trust.   more times than not,   he always thinks he’s being taken back in.

[dikgoontle]

DIRK AND LAW ENFORCEMENT HAVE NEVER PLAYED NICELY.   ever.   law enforcement have never been big fans of his work and dirk never found much interest in listening to them.   they hinder his work;   they tell him he can’t do this or that because of this rule   &   that rule,   but dirk goes against them anyway and he always,   ALWAYS,   ends up solving the case before they even get a chance to acquire the right paperwork to conduct any solid investigations   ————   &   THEY HATE HIM FOR IT.

think of this way:   a less than qualified   ‘ detective ’   turns up to the crime scene of every case with no leads,   no explanation or believable alibi as to how he even ended up there in the first place that doesn’t include anything detailing fate and his   ‘ holistic - ness. ’   in fact,   he doesn’t seem to know anything.   he can’t provide any credentials and nobody can make an inch of sense out of his deductions but he manages to solve every.   single.   case in a handful of days.   you take him in for questioning and he makes even less sense than before   ——   if that’s even possible   ——   and you get permission from higher ups to detain this strange man who calls himself a detective for another twenty four hours while you look into his background.   you’re a few hours into this now,   and you can’t find anything.   the slate has been wiped clean.   it’s like he doesn’t exist.   you can find his name in phone books and you’ve managed to find an old website that looks like it was updated about five years ago by a toddler.   the contact details are all the same:   DIRK GENTLY’S HOLISTIC DETECTIVE AGENCY,   WE SOLVE THE WHOLE CRIME   &   FIND THE WHOLE PERSON,   but before you can interrogate this   ‘ dirk gently ’   further,   you get a phone call.   it’s the central intelligence agency and they demand the immediate release of their   ‘ client ’    or legal action will be required;   and it will not work in your favour.   you watch him leave,   you wonder how he can be so optimistic after being held in a cell for forty eight hours with a solemn expression considering he has just been accused of god knows what.   something tells you that it hasn’t been the first time,   and it won’t be the last.

this has happened so frequently now that you forgot when you first started becoming suspicious of his work and when you began feeling anger.   you haven’t had solved a case in months   /   IT’S ALWAYS HIM,   and you don’t know why it angers you but it does.   it angers all of you,   your entire team,   the entire department and police forces around the globe.   this   ‘ dirk ’   kid doesn’t listen,   he fiddles with evidence,   he talks too much,   he does everything a normal detective shouldn’t.

then he lets slip that he’s psychic before hastily taking it back.   you laugh at him,   you ask him how the hell did he manage to get a job like this because the amount he doesn’t know and understand is stupefying.   you shake your head,   you drop the topic,   you realise then that he’s just as shady as you believed when you first met him.

your co - worker later finds out that this   ‘ agency ’   is far from legal,   that means you can take it down by force if you wanted but you refrain from doing so.   you’ve decided to be the mature officer at the end of the day.   you still squint when his name is mentioned but you forgive   &   forget everything else.

                        ———–   TO BAD NOBODY ELSE DID.

law enforcement,   and i mean proper law enforcement,   aren’t scared of getting physical with dirk should they clash heads.   they’re under the belief that he ruins everything,   that he must have some sort of sinister connection to these crimes otherwise how else is he solving them so quickly ?  threats are something that dirk is now used to;   they’re something he expects once he passes the crime scene tape and thus,   they don’t really come as a surprise anymore.   he would rather not get hurt but there’s no way he can convince them otherwise that he has more good intentions than bad,   that he just wants to help,   so he sits back   &   deals with it,   he only talks back to defend himself if he feels like he needs to and he almost always comes out of it with a bloody nose.   on a good day,   however,   he’s forced to listen to snide comments about how he operates among other things and he’d take that over the former circumstance any day.

outside of officers such as tina tevetino   &   sherlock hobbs,   it’s rare for dirk to get along with them but he tries,   he finds it’s better to work in a team   —–-   you cover more ground that way,   assuming it’s not a case intended for one individual but other than that ?   he’s seen as a threat to the system,   a bug in their code  ( ironic,   considering he’s described as the debug function of the universe )   ——-   they do not like him !   they never have,   and never will.

[indefinal]

just bc i feel like it and so every1 knows i love tammy @dikgoontle / @jazzzly / @psykiatry with my whole heart and would literally die for her so if any1 ever fucks w/ her i will literally end u (◠﹏◠✿) but also yes she’s an angel and deserves the world k thanks

[dikgoontle]

good morning i love tumblr user @indefinal with Everything within me and i’d do ANYTHIN for them if they asked.... they’re one of the sweetest people i know and they continuously put 120% into everything they do without thinking twice about it. not only that, but heather is also extremely talented n leaves me in awe every single day w their development of their multiple universes they’ve created. literally i’m just. i’m so in love and i’m so fuckign lucky y’all udiaiaoaoa 💓💓

[dikgoontle]

SVLAD CJELLI.   popularly known as dirk,   though,  again,   ‘ popular ’   was hardly right.   notorious,   certainly;   sought after,   endlessly speculated about,   those too were true.   but popular ?   only in the sense that a serious accident on the motorway might be popular   –   everyone slows down to have a good look,   but no one will get too close to the flames.

———–   douglas adams,   dirk gently’s holistic detective agency.

[dikgoontle]

DIRK GENTLY IS SHORT SIGHTED   but not severely so or to the point where he must require the constant use of spectacles,   hence why he chooses not to use them although it would probably benefit him if he did so.   this is because he’s afraid of being mocked more than he already is;   he can   ( somewhat )   handle being called every name under the sun for the things he says he is or snide remarks about his holistic detective agency,   but he will not take chances of getting picked on for wearing something that he doesn’t particularly want to.   few people know of this fact but it’s not hard to find out   ———   just walk in on him at 3am and you’ll find him surrounded by paperwork,   photos,   evidence,   books,   the like and rounded glasses sitting on his nose.

[dikgoontle]

[ R ] ATSFINK.

❝                               S ' LIKE   WHEN   ;   you  pull  off  only  one  side  of  a  woodlouses’  legs ,  they  just  go   round  &  round ,  round  &  round  &  round  .  .  .  they’d  go  on  forever  cause  they’re  too   STUPID   to  know  otherwise .     ❞

❝   THAT’S ODDLY SPECIFIC.   have you done that before ?   with woodlouses’,   i mean.    it’s kind of mean,   isn’t it ?   they haven’t done anything to you.   ❞

[dikgoontle]

DIRK’S SLEEPING HABITS ARE FAR FROM BEING SET IN STONE.   he either sleeps too much that he misses every alarm or he’ll purposely deprive himself of days   ( and sometimes even weeks )   worth of sleep just to solve a case or fix something that he blames himself for.   since the events of season two,   it’s the latter and it only worsens with the more stress he takes upon himself in comparison to season one,   where he fluctuates between the two sleeping patterns.   because of this,   dirk doesn’t have a   ‘ set ’   bedtime or routine for himself.   he’ll fall asleep anywhere:   on tables,   chairs,   floors.   there are no boundaries for where he can and cannot fall asleep,   he’s often too tired to even think about it and as a result,   he’ll pass out wherever.

if he hasn’t slept in a few days / weeks,   however,   then it’s really hard to notice any sort of difference between his usual   &   sleep deprived self unless you study his body language.   he’s still chipper,   eager to solve the case,   but he slowly becomes more agitated and breathless,   and more times than not,   people will wake up in the morning and find him missing from the place he’s supposed to be because he’s off doing something else either to push the case forward or as a distraction   ——   and he won’t let himself sleep until he feels like he’s done what he needed to do or he feels like he finally deserves it.

[dikgoontle]

DIRK HAS NO VALID IDENTIFICATION.   he has no passport   &   no driving license   ( well,   not one that he’ll willingly share )   and nothing else that might be a suitable substitute outside of his business card.   this is because all of his identification is under his legal name,   svlad cjelli,   and it’s a name he’d much rather detach himself from due to its own connection with blackwing so he refrains from showing these documents to anybody.