spy-der

смертельной паучок AU Black Widow blog where Natasha is the director of an organization called W.E.B. See verses page for details. I also have a normal MCU (with a bit of comics) verse. Please read verses page before interacting!

[captainsramerica-deactivated201]

"Definitely. I would love that, actually." Gesturing toward a nearby coffee shop, he asked, "Wanna get out of the cold? I could do with a drink." He wasn’t sure how Natasha would respond to his offer, but it was worth a shot.

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

Natasha reddened a little, wondering if he would actually follow up on that, if she did start doing dance again. That would be a long way away, though, so she decided not to think about it.

"That sounds great, actually. I think I've been out for too long, I'm getting chilled." Spending a quiet night with Steve over coffee sounded great, and much better than a rowdy Stark party.

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

A Visitor in the Night - Natalia and James

[doyoufeelbucky2-deactivated2015]

"Of course I know that. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t bother with me. You wouldn’t welcome me into your home…but I also know; circumstances being what they are, that you’re scared." If anyone knew how strong she was, how tough…she didn’t need to put on a brave face for his benefit. She didn’t need to feel guilty.  Didn’t they have enough of that?

"That’s okay. You have reason to be. Everything that’s happened to us, everything going on now…we have reason to be.” As soon as she locked the door, his arms were waiting for her. As she rest her head against his chest, he rest his chin atop her head; grimacing. “It doesn’t make you weak, Natalia. It makes you human. I get that it’s not an emotion you feel on a regular basis, but come on…” Giant green monsters? Aliens? She stood next to Gods and men in fancy armor…and she held her own. Went toe to toe, with only her wits, body, and will.

She was so amazing, yet she didn’t give herself enough credit…so it was in these quiet moments? In her personal life, as a civilian? He just dropped out of her life, who was he to say; but perhaps she was more comfortable on duty than she was off. When she had time to think about the insanity of it all.

" Less than 48 hours ago I was going to just give up, I didn’t think there was anything that could make it worth it. Until you reminded me."  It wasn’t just about her. It wasn’t even about them. . She gave him the perspective. He couldn’t give up.  He had to keep fighting. Not for her. Not even for ‘them’. It had to be for himself…

"You fought for this. You have a damn good life. You’ve done just fine without me…and now you have me. The world is changing faster than we can adapt; that’s what it boils down to. If you need something constant…" James sighed against her lips, offering up a weak smile. "Подумайте моя любовь будет делать?”

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

Natalia wrapped her arms around him, settling into his embrace. She was still nervous, but now that they were alone, she was beginning to calm down, and his touch definitely helped. James was solid, warm, and real, and she was finally convinced he wasn't a hallucination. He was here for good, whatever that meant for the two of them.

"I'm not used to feeling...human," Natalia admitted, her voice muffled against his chest. She had grown up with the mentality of functioning as a machine, and even now, that mindset was hard to shake. Sometimes it made missions easier, and she was able to detach her emotions from a situation. But it reminded her of what she was when she did so, and some days, she was convinced that she was just a weapon, and that was all she was good for.

"But I'm glad I make things worth it, for you." She hugged him tighter when he mentioned the incident on the rooftop, and it hit her how much she really feared losing him again. She was going to do all in her power to keep that from happening again. She had endured losing him once, but she didn't want to lose him again.

"Your love is the best constant I could ever ask for." Natalia's hand tightened in his shirt, and she leaned up to kiss him on the lips again, overcome by emotion. She had missed this - missed him. It was good to have someone to love again, especially someone she knew loved her so deeply in return. "And you have mine, too. But you know that already."

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

Aftermath - Natasha and Tony

[nomorethaniron-moved]

Tony couldn’t stop the laugh that he sounded at the first thing Natasha said, the noise curt and blunt, sarcasm all but dripping from it. He shook his head with a wicked grin, amusement rising before he could stop himself. Natasha never changed, not that he entirely expected her too. He still find it funny all the same though - more so upon seeing just how much it irritated her, because even though it was something small it was always going to be something that he worked to his advantage.

He scoffed at the ‘and I’ cut in that the redhead added, didn’t believe her within the slightest and didn’t bother to hide it either. Natasha, care? That’d be a day. That would be the day that Tony would be convinced that yes, he was actually, finally, dead. “I’m pretty positive that because of the fact, like you said, I don’t work for SHIELD - they don’t need to know anything,” He turned back towards her, took a swig from the glass in his hands with an expectant eyebrow raise for her to argue with him. “They didn’t care whilst she actually had the virus, nor whilst she was kidnapped and given it - don’t act as though they suddenly ‘care’ now she’s fine.” His eyes rolled, drained his drink before refilling. Tony needed more alcohol than this. “Oh, poor Romanoff. Honestly? I apologize, but your surveillance is something I’ll never feel the need to care about.”

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

Tony's laughing was grating on her, and Natasha was beginning to wish that Tony was on vacation somewhere, and that she had encountered Pepper instead. Pepper could be prickly, but they still got along better than Natasha did with the Iron Diva.

"Normally, SHIELD wouldn't give two shits about the drama of your personal life, and neither would I. But if anyone is still infected with the Extremis virus, Pepper included, that is a threat to the public, and that's why I'm here. So you're going to have to deal with it." Natasha mentally cursed SHIELD for being so slow on the uptake with the Extremis incident, because she wouldn't be here if they had been quick and efficient about it. Their excuse was that interfering would have exacerbated an already volatile situation, and she couldn't argue with the fact that Tony and Extremis were both volatile, but she still felt they could have handled it better than Stark himself. "And if you don't like it that SHIELD didn't interfere, go yell at Fury. That wasn't my decision."

"I wasn't expecting or wanting you to pity me, either. I'm just saying it could be worse for you, so you should be glad it's only me here bugging you." Natasha wished they had sent Hill instead; Hill would shut Tony down even quicker than Natasha could. She tried to keep herself from eyeing Tony's drink; if the situation got any more frustrating, alcohol would start to look like a blessing.

[whateverxhappens]

He chuckled.  ”I would not presume you still were in love with me like we were as children.  If only because we were back then, children.  Would I like to get some of that back?  It would be nice, but I am content with friendship if I can get it.”  Nikolai scratched his cheek.  ”I can show you.  I’m afraid I only know it through landmarks.  And if I am working for anyone, it is because I have been compromsed and I want you to kill me.  I would not betray you again, and I am wiser and smarter than I was as a teenager.”

He gestured with his head.  ”Follow me.”

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

Natasha was glad that Nikolai was being reasonable, at least. She didn't want to put up with a lovesick puppy when she had other things to do. She could use his loyalty, and if he was willing to do what she asked, that was just another tactical advantage.

"Show me, then." Natasha followed Nikolai as he walked, on alert for anyone lurking who might try and attack her. If he was leading her into a trap, she was going to do her best to escape before she got too far in.

[russikyxvolk-deactivated2014082]

He smiled gently.  ”I’m an old dog, Tsarina.  Not much shocks me anymore.  But, I am more than content to catch up with you.  Where would you like to  begin?”

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

"Well, it's a shock for me, then. I wasn't expecting to ever see you again." Natasha suddenly felt young again, as if she knew nothing compared to Ivan, even though she knew it wasn't true. It was strange to be around him after so many years. "I - I don't know where to begin. So much has happened since you've been gone. I'm not the Natalia you knew."

[russikyxvolk-deactivated2014082]

Ivan just smiled a little.  ”Then, Tsarina, do not concern yourself with it.  Where do you need me?”  He asked, walking with her.

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

"I'm not sure yet. I'll think of something." Natasha led Ivan into an empty debriefing room, not wanting to go to her quarters yet. "I - I wanted to catch up, first. Or at least, get my bearings. I think this is a bit of a shock for both of us."

[whateverxhappens]

He loved her, but in the way that he would be what she needed him to be.  ”It was luck, Natasha.  But I can show you how so you can make whatever changes you might need.” Nikolai.smiled a little.  ”And I intend to be whatever you want or need me to be.  That includes leaving you be, if that is what you want.  I don’t expect love, or having what we used to have, but we are connected.  That relationship can change, and I am more than happy to just help and fight alongside you once more.  Or leave and never speak of it again.”  He looked at her.  ”Whatever you need me to be.”

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

"Good. If you expected love, that would be presumptuous of you." There was a small part of Natasha that wanted to let Nikolai in and let her walls down, but that wasn't something she did these days. He would have to prove she could trust him first, if anything were to happen, and if anything was going to happen at all. Natasha wanted love and could love deeply, but in these kinds of situations, she tended to put that emotion on pause.

"And I'd like you to tell me in detail how you found me. There are many people after me, and if I find out you're working for any of them, I will kill you." He still looked nearly the same, after all these years, save for having gotten a little older, but Natasha tried to push that out of her mind, too. It had been too long, and for all intents and purposes, he was a stranger. They had been young and stupid when they had been together - younger and stupider than even she and James had been.

[russikyxvolk-deactivated2014082]

He blinked a little and inclined his head.  ”I do hope once things are settled, there will be a hug involved in there somewhere.”  Ivan teased gently. ”Lead the way, Tsarina.”

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

"I - I don't do physical contact much these days," Natasha said, faltering a bit. "But I'll think about it." Part of her did want to hug Ivan, especially if it was really him, but she was too used to keeping people at a distance these days, both figuratively and literally. She led Ivan inside the base, and made her way toward her own quarters, preferring for them to talk in private.

[whateverxhappens]

He looked at her, still caught up in her some but he collected himself enough to take a seat.

”I was caught in that air raid, Natasha.  But I was a lot further ahead than what you guys thought and was taken to a field hospital, delirious from my burns and the pain.  A fever didn’t help.  I was calling for you, for my wife, and insisting I needed to get you rations.  Because the Red Room had their eyes on you, for some program, I got taken in for ”further questioning.”

He bowed his head a little, in shame.  ”I told them everything except about Rose, because they tortured me.  Discovering I was your husband, and knowing where you were because of me, they put me in cryo as an ”insurance policy”  He sighed, scratching his cheek.

”I was forgotten until a mericful lab tech freed me in 95.”

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

Natasha listened, and wondered if Nikolai still considered her his wife. It had been decades since then, and she knew that she, at least, had changed an incredible amount. She wondered what Nikolai would think about who she was now. She bristled a bit when he mentioned Rose, and how he had given up all that information. She knew he couldn't help it, that the events were long over, and Rose was long dead, but it still wasn't pleasant to hear. At least he had kept quiet about Rose.

"...that makes sense." It was all Natasha could really say, and she knew how cold and impersonal she sounded. She couldn't do much beyond cold and impersonal these days, though, and seeing Nikolai again had given her a numb sort of shock. "It's not a good sign that you found me. I've been trying to keep well hidden."

[anyilherron]

Sharpening the blade

[anyilherron]

A noise of protest at the shortness of the debriefing started to escape Anyil’s throat, until she looked at the other woman and really interpreted her words. She swallowed instead, fear overtaking her that Romanoff - the Black Widow herself - was afraid, though hiding it. It made Anyil’s panic flare back up, nearly making her collapse in her chair. Instead, she nodded, and rose from her seat. “If you give me pen and paper, I can start diagramming entrances and local landmarks, security patrols, that sort of thing,” she said quietly, wanting to do more, wanting to have something to focus on so she didn’t fall into incoherent terror in her room.

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

"That would be a good idea, thank you." Natasha felt bad that she was leaving Anyil in the lurch, but she also didn't want Anyil to deal with someone else's breakdown. Natasha had to deal with her own shit by herself, because of the leader of WEB looked weak, it would have consequences for them all.

She pulled out pen and paper from her desk, and handed it to Anyil. "If you need more, come find me. And if you need anything else to do, come find me. But I think - I think I need to go now." Her breathing was becoming shallower now, and she knew she had to get out of there before Anyil noticed something was wrong.

[russikyxvolk-deactivated2014082]

”You have my word, on the head of everything I hold dear.”  He said, head still faced forward seeing that there was little reason to look around, being blindfolded.

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

"Thank you, Ivan." Natasha was silent the rest of the car ride, and they arrived at her base a few hours later. When the car stopped, she reached forward to gently unblindfold him, resisting the urge to hug him again. "We're here."

[fuckyeahblackwidow]

Natasha: You push on and on, never knowing what will next make you suddenly aware of the cold. Something as devastating as the death of a friend? Or something as subtle as a birthday ignored? Why be the Widow, Rooskaya, when you can be Yelena?

One of my favorite moments. This is Natasha at her most heroic— or it would be, if it weren’t for the twist right after. I miss Yelena.

From Black Widow #2, by Devin Grayson and J.G. Jones.

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

Like this post if I owe?

[anyilherron]

Sharpening the blade

[anyilherron]

Anyil nodded. “There are three main bases that they operate the Soldiers out of in the US. One is in upstate New York, closest town was Queensbury - close enough for a fifteen-minute response time to any incidents in the City. That was my primary base of operations. Then there’s another in northern California, in the middle of the Modoc national forest - that was for all west coast disturbances. Then there’s a program at Fort Sam Houston - that’s where they do the most of the experimentation. I was there for the first - probably two months? Maybe longer? It was hard to keep track of time, they had me under a lot…” she trailed off, and tried not to shiver. She swallowed, and started back up again. “So that’s where they’ll have most of the data - and it’s the hardest to get into. because the security is beefed up internally to keep civilians from getting wind of anything. Innocuous exterior, poisonous inside, and all that…” She closed her eyes and started again. “There’s at least one foreign base too, in Eastern Europe, possibly others, but I wasn’t ever taken to those, or even was supposed to know about them.” She paused, giving Natasha time to interject and ask more questions as needed.

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

Natasha nodded, and wrote down the locations that Anyil was saying. It was hard to hear about this, and finding out that there were more bases than she thought made the situation even worse. She was glad she knew about them now, but they were incredibly outnumbered. She watched Anyil now, looking for any signs that they should take a break.

"All right. Thank you for letting me know about this." Natasha was beginning to feel distracted and panicked again, and she couldn't focus on the debriefing. "That's all for now." She got up, avoiding Anyil's gaze. "I'll ask you more later, but I need to take my leave." Natasha didn't feel so great anymore, and she wanted to ride it out alone. Anyil didn't need to see her be weak.

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

A Visitor in the Night - Natalia and James

[doyoufeelbucky2-deactivated2015]

"I understand; and I can’t blame you…the idea that this is something that’s attainable right now? It’s going to take some getting used to…not to mention; ‘we’ aren’t ‘our’ only priority." Not much made Natalia nervous…at least the Natalia that he knew. “Don’t think I’m as confident as I sound…it’s just that I’m… determined?” They had just got each other back, he wasn’t going to let anything tear them apart again. He couldn’t lose her again, that would be the push…

No. He couldn’t think that way, and he wouldn’t. Not just for her sake, for his own. Besides, if anything did happen; they’d handle it. Together. Great…now he was getting paranoid as well. Just how would that help to put her at ease? She had wanted to take the walk to avoid the nerves; the sleeplessness night that would be waiting for her. Rather than calm her down, it only seemed to further unsettle her. Resolving not to comment on it; he nodded.

"Nat, you know you don’t have to explain yourself to me…don’t sweat it. I’m fine with whatever makes you comfortable. Whatever makes you happy." It was a good idea, come to think of it. Natalia, or ‘Natalie’, was sort of a public figure now. Even though with SHIELD, she was untouchable, their former…employers; wouldn’t have to keep an eye on her. Though it wasn’t likely anyone would recognize James Barnes, Captain America’s right hand man who had been killed over 70 years ago…if they saw the Winter Soldier on a tabloid cover with her? If they realized he was alive…if the country learned he was alive; that he was an assassin…technically guilty of terrorism…

Talk about a scandal.

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

"I'm determined too, James. You know I want this just as much as you do." From the tone of his voice, Natalia could tell that James was getting a little paranoid, and she felt guilty. At least once they were alone, she could comfort him, and they didn't have to put up the facade of being a normal couple. She slipped closer to him, holding his arm tightly until they got back to her apartment.

"I feel weak for this, though. That's why I feel like I need to explain myself. I was never this anxious when we used to know each other." Natalia slipped out her key, and unlocked the door of her apartment, leading them inside. As soon as James was safely inside, she locked the door behind them, and felt a wave of relief, now that they weren't out in the public eye. She stepped forward and hugged James close, her head resting on his chest.

"I don't know if 'happy' is a thing I can do, these days. But I can try, with you." Natalia knew they both had their fair share of demons to deal with, but she hoped it would be easier together. It seemed surreal that they had only found each other again within the last 48 hours, and she kept waiting for something terrible to happen.

Right now, though, she hoped they would have a little peace. She leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss James on the lips briefly, her arms around him. She told herself that as long as no one was watching, they would be all right, and that they could do whatever they wanted. When the kiss broke, she murmured, "Я люблю тебя, дорогая."

[captainsramerica-deactivated201]

A wry smile crossed his face.”I know something of that, having something inside of you. Something that, even when you wanted to say it, never felt quite right coming out of your mouth. Sometimes, we just need to let these things air out. Feels good to finally acknowledge it, though, maybe?” 

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

Natasha nodded. "It does. I...I had fake memories of ballet, before I came to SHIELD. It's a long story. But I think I'm finally at the point where I feel like I can pursue it for real. We'll see." It felt strange, but good, to tell Steve all this, and her spirits were a little lifted now. It was good to spend the evening with someone else. "If I do, I'll let you know. Maybe you could come see me dance."

[anyilherron]

Sharpening the blade

[anyilherron]

"I don’t," she said slowly, shaking her head. "The ones they sent me after were small fish, most didn’t even have codenames. I don’t know how many of the Avengers they found. You were the first I had contact with, and it wasn’t intentional contact, either." She lowered her head, trying not to get caught up in the memories. "They… didn’t want me involved with anything SHIELD, I think," she said slowly. "They didn’t want to test their leash. Even if they could use pain to goad me, all I’d have to do is stop at the right moment, and…" She smiled bitterly. "All their investment in me, gone. So they sent me against ones who literally couldn’t kill me, no matter what." She shook her head again. "In some ways, I was more a lab rat than a Soldier, to them." She sighed. "Most of my intel is on… the Soldiers themselves, I suppose. Some bases and their strengths and weaknesses too, some stuff the we could use to infiltrate, but they weren’t trusting me with high-level stuff. But ask me anything, I’ll try to answer."

[directorromanoff-archive-blog]

Natasha didn't like hearing about any death, but she had to admit that she was relieved that no one she knew was dead. At least, not yet. But no news was better than bad news. She waited for Anyil to finish, and nodded.

"Thank you. It would be good to know the locations of their bases; can you tell me that?"