A

27 who gives a shit

[dirt-witch]

I wish I could tell my younger self that we have reached secure attachment, that we stopped running and that it's okay. It's very tiring to keep going as we were but the love and light we give ourselves is so worth it.

[dirt-witch]

I hope it’s worth it to be dating a yt woman.

[dirt-witch]

I don’t write anything on here anymore but reading through my dairy post was so endearing. My younger self would be gagged at the person I am in this moment.

I have so much compassion for their workaholism and their depression. I love her so much. Like you were doing your best.

[strathshepard]

Balmain SS2023

[kiwd]

🍵 : W 007 +

[lacetulle]

Vivetta | Spring/Summer 2023

[geckobeef]

People on twitter have talked about it before but please don’t listen to what random people online say about how to handle teargas, read what the CDC says about how to handle exposure

[unthinkingclunk]

The riot medicine PDF going around is really good from what I can tell- all their info directly mirrors this CDC advice, although there's a lot more talking about specifics when treating people in a riot/protest/street setting.

It also very specifically addresses a number of myths regarding teargas treatments in a way I think might be better than the CDC which doesn't really spend any of time on them. In activist circles, there's a lot of beliefs that get passed around and I think it's good to specifically address them.

Here's a link:

[unthinkingclunk]

See above rb for link to riot medicine.

Reblogging from myself in the hopes of showing up in the notes. Forgot about the weird link thing Tumblr is doing.

[mijuoh]

Sandra Oh recreating her iconic scene from The Princess Diaries (2001)

[dirt-witch]

Over the past two years I’ve learned ao much about myself, my own responsibility to heal, to end, to grow. It has helped manifest one of the healthiest relaltionships I’ve had. It has hurt so much to be away from my love unexpectedly for two months because of the pandemic. It has also felt wild that my partner has been hospitalized with cancer. It feels unreal. It feels like a cruel joke.

[kxowledge]

“A thought occurred to me today – so obvious, so always obvious! It was absurd to suddenly comprehend it for the first time – I felt rather giddy, a little hysterical: – There is nothing, nothing that stops me from doing anything except myself… What is to prevent me from just picking up and taking off?”

— Susan Sontag, Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963

[bellsandforks]

“It’s the nation that does not permit you to live.”

Death by Hanging (1968), dir. Nagisa Ōshima

[filmantidote]

The context of the film is vital as it is relevant more than ever. The film is about an ethnic Korean in Japan who is set to be executed by hanging. Koreans have historically lived as marginalized members in Japan and have been heavily discriminated against despite many of them having all the makings of citizenship by being born and brought up in Japan. Oshima examines how the state legitimizes violence and racism as it permeates in the Japanese conscious of who is deemed worthy of life and who is not. An underlying theme is that guilty or innocent by state-set terms of criminality, marginalized people are guilty at birth.

[barelyup]

I want someone who can’t stop kissing me and pulls me back in everytime i pull away

[judyjetsons]

Mary Oliver on What Attention Really Means and Her Moving Elegy for Her Soul Mate

[jinxproof]

Chrystelle Saint Louis Augustin Issey Miyake F/W 1996

via

[sapphicscience-archive]

i’m tired of “how to help a partner with [x mental illness]” guides that assume that the other partner has no issues of any kind; i want more discussion of how to balance the differing mental health needs of multiple people in a relationship

[borderbetweencountries]

So my partner and I have been together almost two years, and we both suffer from anxiety, BPD, and a handful of other mental illnesses, and here’s some things that help us out immensely.

communication is key. Tell your partner if you’re having a bad day. Listen when your partner says they’re having a bad day. It’s easier to be careful with someone when you know they’re already having a bad day. I can’t stress this enough - communication is always important in relationships; but it’s doubly so when one or both of you has a mental illness. You have to trust your partner to be able to be honest with you about what they’re feeling and how their illness is affecting them, and you need to be honest with them, too. ask questions. If your partner is struggling, asking them questions to help you understand how to help them can be good. Remember that ‘I don’t know’ is a valid answer, and it is one that you can also give. be reminders for each other. It can be super hard to remember to do simple things for yourself; it can be easier to remember to remind your partner to do them. My partner reminds me about medication, food, etc., and I do the same for him - it helps a lot. use safewords. And I don’t mean in the kinky sense. My partner and I have a series of words that mean different things, because sometimes it can be hard to say ‘I’m swinging’ or ‘I’m having a panic attack’ or ‘this subject is upsetting me for x y z’ reason. It’s easier to say one syllable - ‘swing’ for rapidly cycling emotions, ‘count’ for panic attacks (so one of us can count breaths for the other). We have words that mean ‘drop this subject now’ and words that mean ‘please don’t touch me’. We also have hand signals for days when one or both of us are nonverbal, and we revert to texting on those days. be willing to give each other space.  But don’t necessarily go far. If you need your space, tell your partner; if your partner needs their space, make sure they can still access you.  acknowledge each other’s illness. Don’t pretend it isn’t there. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. Acknowledge that they’re there, acknowledge that sometimes they may come in conflict with each other, and learn how to take a step back when it becomes a problem. call each other out. If your partner is repeatedly doing things that are detrimental to themselves/your relationship/you, call them on it. Don’t do it in an asshole way - just sit down with them and be like ‘hey, you’ve been doing this thing that is really sucky lately, and it needs to stop.’ Likewise, listen when you’re being called out. It’s really easy to get stuck in shitty loops when your brain is sick, and sometimes you don’t know what you’re doing ‘til someone points it out. This hurts! And it sucks! But it’s part of acknowledging your illnesses. It doesn’t do any good to let bad habits continue, even if there’s a reason they’re happening. learn to forgive. When you’ve both got brain issues going on, it’s inevitable that people are going to say things they don’t mean, and that is going to hurt. The important thing is being able to recognize when you’ve messed up and apologize sincerely, and accept it when your partner apologizes. These are just some things that work for us. Add to the list if you can and I hope this helps.

[depressionresource]

This is great and I would like to add some things since almost all of my relationships have been with someone else with mental health issues.

One, it’s important to remember that one person’s pain does not negate the other’s. In a lot of my relationships, if someone was feeling shitty, the other person would keep to themselves something on their mind and try to take care of the other person whether they were capable or not. You can both have a bad day at the same time, and one person does not have to take care of the other.

Two, you have to be careful about feeling the other person’s feelings. I think a lot of people get this confused with empathy, but you can learn to be empathetic without doing this. If you feel shitty because another person feels shitty or vice versa, you’re going to feel shitty a lot more than you have to.

Take care of each other, everybody.

[shitborderlinesdo]

Short Description of DBT Skills

This is just a short directory to explain, in one sentence or two, what these concepts mean, and what the use of each skill is by defining it.  Come to this page if you can’t remember what IMPROVE or DEAR MAN stands for, but don’t want to have to read the long post that introduced those skills on SBD.

See the DBT Skills Masterpost for posts that go into each of these skills or sets of skills in depth.

Mindfulness Skills:

Wise Mind: The Wise Mind is the balance between Emotion Mind and Logic/Reasonable Mind

Observe: Notice without getting caught in the experience.  Experience without reacting to the experience.

Describe: When a feeling or thought arises, or you act, acknowledge it with a description of the thought or action or sensation, etc.  Describe to yourself what is happening and label your feelings.

Participate: Enter into your experiences, act intuitively, be completely immersed in the experience, in the present.

Non-Judgmental: See, but don’t evaluate.  Focus on the “what” happened, not on what “should” or “should not” have happened.

One-Mindful: Focus on the moment–do one thing at a time and completely focus on what you are doing or whom you are with.  Let go of distractions.

Effective:  Do just what is necessary in a situation to achieve your goals.  Focus on what works, and direct your efforts there.  Act skillfully, because the more you practice acting skillfully, the more Effective you will become at attaining your goals.

Distress Tolerance Skills:

STOP:  Stop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed Mindfully

TIP: Temperature, Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing/Paired Muscle Relaxation/Progressive Muscle Relaxation (used to change your level of distress quickly)

Distract using Wise Mind ACCEPTS: Distract yourself with Activities, Contributing, Comparisons, Emotions, Pushing away, Thoughts, Sensations

Self-Soothe: Use the senses (vision, hearing, taste, smell, touch) to soothe your physical self in order to make your emotions less painful.

IMPROVE the Moment: Improve the moment with Imagery, Meaning, Prayer, Relaxation, One thing in the moment, Vacations, Encouragement

Pros and Cons: Examine the short term and long term pros and cons of acting and not acting on your urges/impulses using a chart.

Radical Acceptance/Reality Acknowledgement: Acknowledge what is, let go of fighting or denying reality.  Use TURNING THE MIND to commit to acknowledgement over and over again.

Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills:

Clarified Priorities: What is most important to you in this interpersonal interaction 1) Obtaining your objective, 2) Maintaining the relationship, or 3) Maintaining your self-esteem/sense of self-worth

DEAR MAN: Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, stay Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate (used for saying “no” or asking for something; obtaining your objective)

GIVE: Be Gentle, act/be Interested, Validate, use an Easy manner (used for maintaining a relationship)

FAST: Be Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, be Truthful (used to maintain your self-esteem/sense of self-worth)

Emotion Regulation Skills:

PLEASE: For reducing vulnerability, treat PhysicaL illness, balance Eating, avoid mood-Alerting drugs (as in street drugs or non-prescription drugs), balance Sleep, get Exercise

ABC: Accumulate Positive Emotions/Experiences: For reducing vulnerabilities in the Short Term: Do pleasant things that are possible now.  For reducing vulnerabilities in the Long Term: Make changes in your life so that positive events will occur more often.  This helps “build a life worth living for you.”

ABC: Build Mastery: Engage in activities that make you feel competent and in control.

ABC: Cope Ahead: Cope ahead of time with emotional situations.  Rehearse a plan ahead of time so that you are prepared to cope skillfully with emotional situations.

Opposite Action: Change emotions by acting opposite to current emotions/urges. Used for when emotions don’t fit the facts of a situation.

Check the Facts: Check out whether your reactions (emotional or behavioural) fit the facts of the situation.  Changing beliefs and assumptions to fit the facts can help you change your emotional reactions to situations.

Problem Solve: When the facts themselves are the problem, solving emotional problems consistently and effectively will reduce the frequency of negative emotions and increase your sense of competency in regards to dealing with these emotions/urges.

-Pandora

[holy-olly]