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@discordianprincess
i cant believe its daylight savings time and i havent seen the “hello its me your cousin oskaar from iceland” video on my dash yet you are all slackers
i guess i have to do all the work around here dont i
Why is this formatted like a found footage horror film
THREE MONTHS TIL 2020 I CANT BELIEVE IM ALIVE FOR THIS
mcr announcing the reunion on halloween in the year of danger days after their last released song was called “fake your death” in a greatest hits album called “may death never stop you”……… the drama……. the theatrics…………..
wow remember when we all had to live in a godless void where my chemical romance weren't together yeesh thank god they are an existing band right now
brb gotta go darken my clothes and strike a violent pose
you don’t have to cancel everyone the second they misstep or do something dumb but you also DON’T have to defend everything that your fave does. you can say “hey this particular thing sucked” without getting into this all-or-nothing mentality. you are not an extension of the things you like. you can think freely and criticize the things (and people) that you like, and a criticism of something you like is not something that you should take personally or feel the need to correct/defend.
– @kyshaashreen: i miss david tennant whats he up to these days
– @georgiaEtennant: @kyshaashreen Currently searching for the remote control that one of the kids has hidden. Again.
Aliens have invaded and are taking over. Their technology, intelligence, and power is unstoppable. They just didnt plan on one thing: The old gods returning.
When they first arrived, we were overjoyed. Proof that we weren’t alone in the universe, that there were other races to share and exchange technologies with! Their arrival brought about world peace - with other life forms out there, we needed to present a united front. World hunger and poverty was solved within a decade, a demonstration to our new friends that we were worthy of the responsibility of exploring the galaxy.
They disagreed.
They accessed our histories, they saw everything, and they recoiled in horror. They could not fathom the world we had created, and the solutions we had brought about not because it was the right thing to do, but to impress them.
They were not impressed. They told us, regret tinging the translators, that we could not be trusted as keepers of this world. The damage we had done was coming close to being irreparable, and for our own good they’d need to take over.
I have to say, I agreed – humans are terrible. But the funny thing about humanity is, even if something is right, if it means giving up our control, it is wrong.
We fought back.
At first we fought back democratically. This race that had descended from the stars was peaceful, never seeming to favour violence. We didn’t think they’d start killing indiscriminately. We didn’t think they’d take inspiration from our own history books.
As with so many other things, we were wrong.
An extreme group of humans succeeded in ambushing and killing several of their high-ranking Xenos. Human lives were lost in the process, but the extremists saw that as a necessary sacrifice, a means to an end. The Xenos had been shown that we wouldn’t tolerate their kind here, that they should leave and let us get on with things how we always have.
Within days, war had been declared, and we learned why we should have tried harder. Had they decided to simply fight the moment they touched down, to systematically advance and wipe out every human life they came across, we wouldn’t have stood a chance. Their weapons, armour, tactics, the sheer firepower and the size of their armies were beyond comprehension. Out of rage and grief, they marched over us, and began the slow process of wiping us out. Bullets couldn’t pierce their armour and shields, rockets fell to the ground lifeless, and even nuclear devices were somehow disabled mid-flight.
Still we fought back. Humans never have figured out how to give up when all hope is lost.
There was no formal resistance of rebellion, we simply gathered, fought, and survived where we could. When something new happened, it took weeks, months, to reach every last survivor.
And then, something unbelievable happened.
Stories started filtering through to the pockets of us in hiding, strange stories – a freak electrical storm in Greece that appeared from a clear blue sky and wiped out a thousand of them in less than 15 minutes; Xenos impaled on braches of rare trees, some kind of grisly warning that we chalked up to particularly violent survivors in that area; whole armies frozen to death because the temperature around them had dropped too quickly for their environmental suits to keep up with. Freak weather patterns that worked in our favour, violent survivors, terrain they couldn’t navigate. That’s what we told ourselves when the stories filtered through.
But then they got weirder. There were stories of Xenos being swallowed by the ground itself. A pack of wolves, larger than anything ever before seen appeared from a crack in a mountain range to storm through an encampment and kill every last Xenos. There was a massive surge in the number of corvids around the world, and they always seemed to congregate where the Xenos were thickest… days before something killed everything. Then they’d vanish, and more corvids would appear somewhere else. Harbingers, just like the old tales.
One day a massive seafaring vessel chasing a fishing trawler was pulled under the water – no reefs or icebergs in the area, and the sea mines had long been disarmed and deactivated. I spoke to a man who had been in the sloop running from the Xenos ship, and he swore blind the Kraken had got it, the tentacles alone bigger than the tiny boat he’d been huddled on. He shuddered and drank too much, and I put it down to hallucinations caused by a bad batch of moonshine. There was no such thing as monsters.
Then we heard about warriors. We heard about chariots, of all things, chasing down whole platoons of Xenos in Egypt, chariots so bright it felt like staring into the sun; a huge hound with three heads was spotted in Greece, a man in shadows and a woman of light removing the leash as Xenos advanced on them; a woman showed up in Iceland standing head and shoulders above the tallest man there, with an army of her own. They didn’t seem to fall in battle, and pushed the Xenos back, fighting with sword and shield and spear, a fury that our alien invaders couldn’t match.
Humanoid creatures with eyes of fire supposedly began granting wishes over in Syria, as long as your wish was for them to kill your enemies. There were sightings in Ireland of pure white horses, horses that once ridden wouldn’t let you off, that dragged people into bogs and rivers. Tales came out of brazil of monstrously large snakes, sometimes with the faces of women, dragging aliens into the gloom of the rivers and rainforests.
But there’s no such thing as monsters.
I finally believed when I saw three women facing down the largest army of Xenos I’d ever come across – at least twelve thousand by my counting. I’d been running from a scouting party, and when I stumbled out of the treeline onto a road I realised they’d chased me right into the path of the oncoming horde.
The moment you face your death is a strange one. Everything felt calm except the thundering of my pulse in my ears, and the crows that seemed to come from nowhere to blot out the sun.
Then three women strolled into the road in front of me, placing themselves between me and the advancing army. A young woman, barely out of girlhood; someone who could have easily been my mother; and a woman so old she was almost bent double. It was the oldest who strode towards the mass of Xenos without any fear, leading the other two towards their deaths, and the din of the crows got louder.
The youngest one glanced my way and smiled playfully, and something from my grandmother’s tales made me flatten myself to the ground, hands clamped firmly over my ears.
The scream started low, in the back of the old woman’s throat, travelling through the ground and making every bone in my body shudder with the vibration. Realisation began to dawn on me as Maiden and Mother joined in with their Crone, and the scream climbed to a crescendo that could have shattered glass. Even with my hands tight over my ears it pierced me to my core, a screaming agony that made me want to curl in on myself and die.
I survived because it wasn’t meant for me.
The Xenos, however, felt the full force of the rage these women contained. An entire planet’s worth of grieving poured out of them in this shriek, rooting their enemies to the ground with the difference in tone and pitch between these three women telling their stories.
The mother stood tall and resolute, screaming her grief at these invaders, a mother mourning all of her children.
The crone’s low snarl was that of war. Weary of the fighting but always ready to defend what’s hers, she growled her challenge, and the Xenos couldn’t stand against it.
The maiden was hope, the only act of defiance in a world on the edge of ruin. When everything was dust, when the last stragglers of humanity were contemplating giving up, she was the hope that kept them fighting.
Part of me wondered how many shirts they’d washed, how many rivers they’d wept together, before standing up and saying “no more.”
The scream stopped abruptly, leaving me feeling like the breath had all been sucked out of me, a void in the air around me that rushed back in and filled my lungs with a long, shuddering gasp.
I opened my eyes to carnage. The Xenos had died where they’d stood, their organs haemorrhaging, what passed for blood pouring from every orifice, their eyes turning to liquid in their skulls. Bodies were everywhere, and the crows circling overhead had fallen silent, uninterested in the feast this must have surely been for them.
The Morrigan was one woman now, ageless and terrifying.
“Get up, child.” She commanded, and I had no choice but to obey, trembling legs pushing me to my feet. She reached out a hand, and gently wiped a trail of blood away from my ear. “Did you really think we’d abandoned you?” She murmured, and the crows descended, carrying her to the next battle.
Monsters are real, and some of them look like people. But the Gods are also real, and they still believe in us.
So I’m still fighting, and my battle cry is full of hope.
The Aesir followed not long after. A man who called himself Gagnaroth but was most certainly not, appeared in southern Noway with his brother and son. One wielding a hammer, massive and filled with a static glow that could crack mountains, the other a master shapeshifter who snuck behind enemy lines and turned Xenos leaders against eachother.
A man named Freyr appeared in hostile territories, ushering women to safety. No matter how many were struck, they seemed unkillable in his company. Whole armies rose up around him, and fought with the young man as their shield and hope.
Indigenous gods, Samoan gods, the deities of faiths whose worshippers had been slaughtered ages ago, rose from the ash of their peoples’ fallen kingdoms, descendants of the survibors taking up atms in the name of their resurrected Gods.
For the first time in eons, the world of man and deity were aligned.
It was under the light of a full moon that a small band of Xenos learned the true meaning of fear. By now they had learned to fear the strange human-shaped beings that walked in light and could sunder mountains with a word, but the had also learned that, as powerful as they were, they were few and far between, each with a large swath of land and even larger count of humans to guard. They weren’t ready for the Witches, the Voodoo Priests and Priestesses, or the truly devout of the world. It started slow, a story about and old woman in the woods who the Xenos had somehow passed over. It was guessed that maybe they knew she was too old to put up a fight, or that they simply weren’t cruel enough to kill someone so close to death. The next month, a scouting party of seventeen Xenos were found dead, their hearts torn out by what was determined to be a wolf of extraordinary size. In the middle of the American Southwest.
On the third month, under the light of the full moon, all across the world, each at the exact moment the moon was at it’s zenith, one million Xenos were struck down by what onlookers described as "A bolt of silver, as if lightning made of moonlight.” While this was happening the Xenos in Lousiana and the Caribian isles were being driven from their hasty fortifications by armies of unbeatable spirits, lead by a man dressed in a top hat, a black tail coat, and with deathly pale skin.
All across the world, though less often than might be thought, Christian churches filled with refugees were found to be guarded by great humanoid figures, each standing over ten feet tall, wreathed in flame. Upon their heads they wore great crowns cast of gold and platinum, and each carried with them a scepter of ornate carved wood.
The Old Gods did not forget those who had not forgotten them.
The Xenos invasion was halted by the return of the Divine and the Devote, giving mankind a sorely needed respite, but we still couldn’t turn back there armies. While the Practitioners could keep them on there toes true faith was few and far between, and even the Gods had trouble fending off a galactic sized armada. For months man and god fought aliens to a standstill.
Then came salvation.
It started at dawn near the eastern cost of South America. Fishermen began reporting an unusual amount of hummingbirds coming from the ocean, and eventually once a majority hit landfall a massive feathered serpent appeared. This storm of birds traveled across the content, fallowing the dawn, with some flocks splitting of towards mountain, caves, trees, and other landmarks. Soon after the birds passed over these places came Humanities reinforcements.
All across the world the Dreaming Dead came to fulfill there promises. Ancient warriors chained beneath the islands, immortal kings and magi of Europe, and the stone soldiers of China all marched on behalf of humanity. Undying armies across the world, of knights, mummies, and blessed spirits followed there commanders and pushed back the armies invading earth. Legions of mans best soldier lead by the greatest tacticians of all time marched with one unified goal: to protect mankind in its hour of need.
Although most were armed with ancient weapons they still cut through Xeno power armor better than any so far. Archaic armor with stood blasts from plasma rifles and antimatter missiles. Great ghost ships old and new shredded the hulls of mile long Xeno war vessels. And with these victories we began to push the enemy back.
Our ancestors fighting to fulfill their promises to their Gods and Countries, will you fight with them?
I might add to this later
From the skies above America, great birds flapped their wings with thunderclaps. They spat lightning from their beaks as a man with a green coat of glittering scales roared a challenge to invaders that sent them tumbling to the ground.
A sly cruel man with short brown hair laughed as he leapt upon his prey and dug his stone blades deep from the back of an ancient Buffalo with black-tipped horns and molehills seemed to appear beneath their feet at every step until all were dead and the only sounds of the yipping of a coyote were left.
A dark-eyed man with burned hands and burned mouth grinned with blackened teeth bared and called to his brothers in the sky. Corvids from all over plummeted from the sky to rend protective armor and rip our eyes before they and the man disappeared with only a ravens feather left behind.
A man that stood taller than many trees walked the earth with an equally enormous blue bull and axe over his shoulders. One swing could decimate hundreds of warriors.
In the sea, there was a ship of wood so massive that it could take a man several decades to climbs the mainsail. It carried a cannon that could only be fired by the captain and the ball was the size of a house.
There was another who rode the seas, heralded by green fire that burned but did no harm. tattered sails that felt no breeze. Holes in the hull through which no water spilled. No harm could come to this terrifying ship, for it had already sank beneath the waves long ago.
In the continental Africa, a bald man with spindly arms spun webs much as a spider did. Dealing his prey nice and tight for men who had once hated him to dispose of.
In Polynesia, a woman with skin of obsidian killed dozens of men with a wave of her hand while a warrior covered from topknot to his toes in tattoos used a fishing hook to make mountains rise from the depths of the ocean and dragged massive transport ships out of the sky with the help of his brothers.
Massive men with horses heads that smelled strongly of cigars in the Philippines made Xenos lose their way until they dropped from exhaustion.
In China, seven warriors battled with twelve massive beasts at their sides. The great rivers disappeared and massive serpents wound their way through the sky as the ground flooded around the xenos beneath their undulations.
A swarthy samurai clad in Red lacquered armor beat back dozens of them in Japan while boasting of his greatness and reminiscing of fighting wonderful battles.
In Russia, there were whispers of an old woman with a long nose who rode in a mortar and steered with a pestle while sweeping away the trail with a broom. There were sighting of an ancient hovel with chickens feet and three horses that ran by the corners of the eye.
In the Middle East, two men stand side-by-side. One wears leather made from the hides of lions and the other wears clothing made from plants as they ride bearded sphinxes into battle and a giant bull makes the earth swallow hundreds of men in an instant.
An old man descends from the clouds with a face radiant and exhultant. At his back are fierce warriors that charge forth with Spears and slings and daggers and swords, singing songs of glory in Hebrew.
In mesoamerica, a glittering rattlesnake with eagle feathers and wings sometimes becomes a man wearing a breastplate and a conch shell. He leads warriors in feathers and eagle heads and warriors with jaguar hides and heads.
A man with a face like a sugar skull and a body thin as to be that of a skeleton splattered with what appeared-and smelled- to be drying blood sends forth an army of terrible monsters shaped like men who poison and sicken to death any of the invaders that draw near.
A man without eyes sometimes becomes a monstrous dog carrying a brand in his jaw that burns even the most heat-resistant armor. Sometimes he’s a monster with backwards feet that spreads a particular illness to the xenos. He brings with him a bright burning ball that rides on his back and rages if any cdno attempt me to touch it, though they find that they cannot for it burns them to ash.
A storm struck without warning. Well, in name it could be true. Except this storm stretched from the Isles that had once been the UK, through France, hung a left in Germany and marched up through the entirety of Scandinavia. It raged for days. So long that I wondered if the storm would ever end.
It was eerie. The wind screaming like a banshee or howling like a wolf. I sensibly kept to the inside of the house I took shelter in and hunkered down. Satellite communication was the first to go down, but there was still shortwave and people who had hunkered down to broadcast near where there were sightings of our “saviors”.
As if the Old Ones were so saintly.
I clung to my longbow and empty quiver as thunder tumbled like thousands of hooves striking the earth. Waiting for the Hunt to end and hoping that they deserved their attentions for the enemy that had nearly wiped us out.
I didn’t expect a gentle hand on my shoulder. Horror made me lift my head to see a woman with a plain helmet on her head, but her face shown with such beauty I was struck dumb. She smiled and pressed her finger to her lips and I nodded. She leaned forward to ask why I am afraid when the storm is not for me and I was able to speak.
“I fear the price that will be asked of mankind will be one that we will refuse to pay,” I whispered back. She laughed and it was a sound that made bubbles of joy burst in my breast. But all too soon she quieted and shook her head before speaking to me again.
She asked what I would do if an enemy came to me as I am and I frowned in thought. I was doomed already, but I had been raised to never give up. I gave her a wolffish smile and I think she knew. She pressed a kiss upon my brow and spoke one last time.
That evening I went into the storm and invoked her name. A terrible wrath descended on me, as well as a terrible pain, but she had given me a gift. I expect to die in battle, but what a battle it will be.
They say there’s a woman whose hair is not hair, whose gaze can make even the strongest warrior freeze in their tracks, never to move again. They say she came from an abandoned island full of sculptures so lifelike, one would expect them to scream at any moment.
They say there’s a king from the time of legends, who rose from his resting place and made his way towards an untouched lake, who took the hand of the Lady like an old friend, just moments before she handed him a blade as deadly as the finest phaser. They say he wielded it with grace and ease, calling it by name.
They say there’s a small, dangerous area of the western seas, but it’s expanding by the day to encompass more and more of the world. They say a squad of humanity’s air force darts out of its borders to wreak havoc on the Xeno’s forces, only to return to the mists before they can be shot out of the sky.
They say there’s something in the Nile. Some claim a rhinoceros stalks sailing Xenos, sinking their ships. Others claim a leopard pounces on their captors, both parties falling from view. Still others are adamant there’s a crocodile of unprecedented size driving the invaders from those who can’t defend themselves. Regardless of its form, no one it attacks is ever seen again, and it hasn’t gone after any living, breathing humans yet.
They say there’s a sweet old cottage in the woods. A sweet old lady is always at the door, welcoming any who come near with promises of sugar and comfort. She may give her visitors rations that never spoil, or a loaf of bread that never runs out. She may give her visitors a closer look at humanity’s cookware, or offer to let them stay the night in a nice, toasty “room.”
They say humankind’s greatest allies are the stories they told to explain away things that go “bump” in the night.
They say humankind’s greatest allies are the things that go “bump” in the night.
you know what F*CK gender norms
i’m going to jupiter to get more stupider
*grabs hand* No, we’re going to jupiter to get more stupider
just saw a drug ad that included the disclaimer “may cause bone loss” and I’m fuckin cackling. not “bone density loss” just whole ass “bone loss”, like some incompetent dipshit wizard tried to heal your broken arm but doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. y'all want some bone destroying juice
*slams gavel*
worm court is now in session
all writhe
ok i’ve decided to become abstract. next time you see me, you’ll see a series of colors and have the vague sense you’ve just met somebody
i cant believe its daylight savings time and i havent seen the “hello its me your cousin oskaar from iceland” video on my dash yet you are all slackers
i guess i have to do all the work around here dont i
Why is this formatted like a found footage horror film
Bohemian Rhapsody. Double Speed.
if you can listen to this entire thing with a straight face i will give you a cookie
I SHIT MYSELF LAUGHING 0.2 SECONDS IN OMG THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER
at first i was like challenge accepted but then Galileo happened
JESSU CHIRTS
the endi ng oH MYG OD
OW MY STOmACH HURtS FUCKK teARS OMFG
i just
I made it all the way to the first “mama” without laughing
Piespouse and I made it to “a little sillhouetto of a man” and then we were done for.
I love nightcore
I made it to “Thunder and Lightning, very very frighting” before I lost it
I was fine until “little silhouetto of a man” came on and I was smiling like a goof.
MY LUNG S
snufkin isn’t sorry for tasing a cop, he’s just sorry moomin had to pay for it
snufkin electrocuting cops is child appropriate