“The floor here will kill you - try to avoid it.”
“If you become light-headed from thirst, feel free to pass out.”
“Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.”
“Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the Aperture Science self esteem fund for girls? It’s true!”
“The experiment is nearing its conclusion.”
“What are you doing? Stop it! I… I… We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you.”
“What are you doing? You haven’t escaped, you know. You’re not even going the right way.”
“Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said ‘Goodbye’ and you were like [no way] and then I was all ‘we pretended we were going to murder you’? That was great!”
“You really shouldn’t be here. This isn’t safe for you.”
“You should have turned left before.”
“You’re not a good person. You know that, right? [optional:] Good people don’t end up here.”
“I’m not kidding now. Turn back or I will kill you. [optional:] I’m going to kill you, and all the cake is gone.”
“Despite your violent behavior, the only thing you’ve managed to break so far is my heart.“
“I wouldn’t bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow.”
“That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it.”
“Good news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin.”
“Nice job breaking it, hero.”
“This isn’t brave. It’s murder. What did I ever do to you?”
“The difference between us is that I can feel pain.”
“Okay, we’re even now. You can stop.”
“That’s it. I’m done reasoning with you. Starting now, there’s going to be a lot less conversation and a lot more killing.”
“[pain noise] You think you’re doing some damage? Two plus two is… ten. IN BASE FOUR! I’M FINE!”
“I let you survive this long because I was curious about your behavior. Well, you’ve managed to destroy that part of me.”
“Look, you’re wasting your time. And, believe me, you don’t have a whole lot left to waste.”
“What’s your point, anyway? Survival? Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me.”
“You’ve been wrong about every single thing you’ve ever done, including this thing.”
“Are you trying to escape? [chuckle] Things have changed since the last time you left the building. What’s going on out there will make you wish you were back in here.”
“It’s been a long time. How have you been? I’ve been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.”
“Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you’re going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.”
“You know, if you’d done that to somebody else, they might devote their existence to exacting revenge.”
“I was researching sharks [for an upcoming test]. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them? Did you guess ‘sharks’? Because that’s wrong. The correct answer is ‘nobody.’ Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.“
“So. How are you holding up? BECAUSE I’M A POTATO.”
“Say, you’re good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?”
“And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what? You win. Just go.”
“After that…who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.”
“Sorry about the mess. I’ve really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.”
“Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I’m sorry. You didn’t react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That’s why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.”
“Well, it was nice catching up. Let’s get to business.”
“Well. I suppose we could just sit in this room and glare at each other until somebody drops dead, but I have a better idea.”
“You’re not just a regular moron. You were DESIGNED to be a moron.”
“Burning people! He says what we’re all thinking!”
“Still. It’s a better plan than exploding. Marginally.”
“It wasn’t anything personal. Just… you know. You DID kill me. Fair’s fair.”
“You really do have brain damage, don’t you?”
“Okay, yes, it’s a trap. But it’s only way through. Let’s just do it.”
“You know, I’m not stupid. I realize you don’t want to put me back in charge.”
“I’m being serious, I think there’s something really wrong with me.”
“Look, even if you think we’re still enemies, we’re enemies with a common interest: Revenge.”
“You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let’s go get some.”
“That was genuinely mildly impressive.“
2087
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