A Place to Start
A quick intro, since this is my first blog post. Hi, thanks for stopping by and reading. I prefer to keep myself anonymous, however a few things about me: I am married, I have children, I strive for balance in all areas of my life, I seek the logical approach, but I have a deep love for the creative and unusual. I consider myself a person of faith. Now, this isn't a blog about my faith, but it is a part of who I am, and it lets you know where I am coming from. I will mention things from time to time, maybe a little, maybe a lot. Hopefully it doesn't bother you, because I am so much more than that. I hope you'll take the time to get to know me through this and future writings. Anyways, on to the task at hand.
I want my first post to be about something that matters. That's why I am choosing to take a moment and talk about something everyone can relate to. It's almost Valentine's day. Ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about love.
I have to start off by saying my current view of love is deeply colored by my faith, however it wasn't something I got until I grew into an adult. Growing up, I bought in to that idea of love being romance and high emotions, kissing and sex; the pursuit of that which makes you feel good and happy. I looked at my parents, who always argued, never showed any kind of affection for each other; they made each other miserable, sometimes on purpose. If you believe in the idea that loving, happy couples give and accept "bids" for attention (see reference here: http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/) how, then, could they possibly love each other?
I was terrified. I didn't want to be like them. I didn't want a relationship like theirs. More than anything, I would ask myself how had they ended up like this? What went wrong? Where had the romance gone? Don't we hear this all the time? Don't let the romance die. There is all kinds of advice out there on how to keep love "alive". And each bit of advice differed based on how that particular person defined love. Let's look a little closer at that.
Did you know that the ancient Greeks had four different words for love?
Éros- This kind of love is commonly associated with passion and intimacy. It is the kind of romantic state of being that is often seen at the start of a new romantic relationship.
Philía- This form of love is the love between friends, family and equals. It is associated with affection and familiarity, and requires loyalty and virtue.
Storgē- Storgē is a name for love that is less commonly used, however, it can be used in parent-child relationships, or in place of "putting up with" situations, as one often does with family.
Agápe- Considered the deepest form of love, agápē points toward something greater than oneself; a higher form of relationship. It lacks self-benefit. It is loving for the sake of love. It is the Christians' version of what God's love is for the human race. It is also attainable between parents and children, spouses, family, friends, and even complete strangers. It requires a higher state of living.
1 Corinthians, chapter 13 states: If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.[...] So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
WOW. That is pretty powerful. Isn't that the ideal love we all strive for? Isn't that the love we all want? Maybe not. At first, I still wanted the high emotional states. I wanted the excitement. I struggled with this. How on earth would self-sacrificing love make me happy? Well I am here to attest that despite my skepticism, it really has made me happier in a way whose true expression can only be summed up completely in the heart. Words can only describe it in partial. It is so deep, so intense, that there are days, and moments, that I ache with joy. I look back, and I love every hardship and struggle, not for the pain, or because I'm a masochist, but because in hind-sight's 20/20 I can see how it made me a better person along the way, and I love myself for it. And once you experience it, you could never go back to the old way.
This kind of love isn't a state of being, but rather, a state of living. What's the difference? It's a choice you make daily. Hourly. Every minute. Every second. It requires you to come off of the autopilot in which you live your life. You must be constantly cognizant of your choices. You have to care. You have to want it. It's not easy. In fact, it will probably be one of the hardest things you do, because it touches on every aspect of your life.
That brings one more topic to the table. I told you I wanted the high emotional state. I wasn't into the idea of self-sacrificing love. So, if I didn't want it, how exactly did I get to that mental state? The first step is recognizing one's own areas of discontent. I didn't want to self-sacrifice, but I did want the highest form of love. After enough time and bad experiences went by, I started recognizing that my current plan of action wasn't working to achieve my higher goal in life. It then came down to a choice. Either I was willing to accept a mediocre form of love in exchange for less effort on my part, or I was willing to make sacrifices to get there. It wasn't a conscious decision. I didn't think about it in that way, but looking back, that was exactly how it happened.
So now I encourage you to reflect on your life. How are you approaching love? Becoming aware of the choices in front of you, and making them consciously, can be one of the most powerful ways to take hold of your life. Are you making the best choices?