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@divorcedmommysaga
Return of the Saga
I know I disappeared for a long time. Not that anyone cares. Does anyone even realize I exist? What is reality?
Still working like crazy, still tired, no luck with dating.
The world sucks. I need to just adopt 10 cats and go live on mountain.
Busted
Discovered today that my boyfriend, essentially, plans to hide me from the rest of his family because I’m not Mormon.
Happy Easter...
Captains log, 3/12/18
Today, I had to recreate my snapchat because...reasons. Anywho, I saw my ex husbands snapchat. He had created one of the cute little bitmoji avatars. like everyone else does. Except, historically, him. When we were together, he was rarely on social media. Until our marriage started to sour and suddenly all his female friends from work were so important. Then he started googling how to hide pictures on his android. And his “friend” sent him an article about why she was so wet during sex. And I believed him when he told me I was being crazy and how dare I not trust him. Riiiiight....
It just really burns me up to see evidence of him making an effort to be outgoing and socialable with his new girl. If he had put in even a fraction of this effort, would we be here? I tried for years to have fun with him, and his social anxiety always got in the way. Why wasn’t I worth it???
And now I am seeing this new guy who is REALLY nice and so good to me. But I cant even be happy because i am constantly being reminded of all the things my ex never thought to do to me. I thought i was ready to date. I was tired of being alone. Tired of being sad. But I think I just not ready, I’m too bitter still. But, i don’t want to let my new guy go. He could be exactly what i need...just not now.
In other news, my son got a Gizmo Gadget, and its awesome...except the calling function is all fricked up. Yay for money well spent...
My daughter is reaching for objects and being generally adorable. And i am super bitter that I cant share it with her father.
New job
I started my job yesterday. I cried when I dropped alanna off at daycare.
It was harder than I thought it would be. I have dropped off at gym childcare before. She stays with my parents...something was just awful about leaving her.
Grayson handled it like a pro.
I don't know how long this will last, but he makes me happy. Nothing wrong with some happiness after all the shit I have gone through. Damn, the boy can kiss!
The worst
Okay, on the scale of shitty husbands, mine was shitty. He didn't beat me, so good for him, but he certainly never cherished me.
So today im starting a list of reasons he was shitty. If your man resembles this list, gtfo.
1. When i was pregnant, he never offered to get midnight snacks for me. I know it seems silly and meaningless, but what does it say about a man that he doesn't even care enough to go to the store for the mother of his children?
2. He chose doing raids in Destiny over spending quality time with his son. If your man puts a fucking repetitive video game over you, GTFO!
3. He got me a beauty and the beast figurine for Christmas, and I dont even like Disney for the most part. He walked into the store and grabbed the first thing he saw that looked girly. This was one of the NICER gifts that be got me, if he got me one at all.
4. Motherfucker left me 7 months pregnant. Enough said.
There are many MANY reasons why he is shitty. Please share your shitty men experiences.
Court room B
So I have officially been called to court to fight for my daughters right to be with me. She is three months old and the ex, codename Douche Canoe, has decided he wants huge periods of time with the baby, and overnights starting at 6 months old.
I have never wanted to hurt someone so badly incl my life. I regret ever marrying this man. Take note ladies! If he treats you badly, is sneaky, doesn't act like a real man, then Gtfo. He will NEVER change. Maturity is a myth in men. Once they are grown, that's what you get. They just get better at learning to hide their true selves.
Pro tip: never mess with eyebrows right before a first date.
Lines in dating
So far i have come across three types of guys while dating
1. The assholes who are just like my asshole ex husband (aka, the man child.)
2.the desperate man who is ridiculously quick to shower with affection and compliments.
3.seemingly nice guys who cant possibly be genuine. Why would a nice guy be interested in my baggage?
My first date, this time around, was with type one. He was charming and self assured. Was very attentive in the beginning. Then he got back together with his ex. Then called me a while later. Then got back together with his ex. Hard pass.
Number two was a failure to launch from category two. He was so over the top. I'm pretty sure he was already planning our wedding. Pass....
Number three is who I'm talking to now. He seems perfect, except for a different religion that i think is a frikin cult. He says nice things, asks nice questions, and didnt judge my kids or divorce. This man is so nice...so why the fuck is he talking to me? I have ex husband drama coming out of my ears, kids who will always trump him, and a wicked amount of distrust. This must be a catfish situation...
Okay, here are things to RUN from on a tinder profile:
1. Is he flipping off the camera? Run.
2. Does he have face tattoos? Run.
3. Do his pics all contain other women? Walk away
4. Can he spell? R there number$ in hiz profile? RUN, or your kids will be dumb.
More to come as I try to meet a single decent guy online.
In the ongoing saga of my divorce, the person who is be the most hurt is our son, Gray. His father missed two after school visits and then went out on the town this afternoon rather than see his son race cars at our church.
I honestly no longer understand this man. He is willing to go to court to try to get MORE time with the kids, yet he doesnt even attempt to engage in their life. We have already paid lawyers thousands of dollars, but why?! Is it guilt on his part? His family making him?
In our entire marriage, he wad never interested in our son; he was like an annoying afterthought. Then he played superdad for a couple weeks after he moved out, now he is back to being the same shitty douche.
I just wish he would move away and cut ties so that my kids and I can just move on. He doesnt want to be a family? Fine, just stop torturing the woman who still secretly loves you and the kids who dont understand why you arent interested.
The real man: the partner
I'm sitting here, with a fever and a screaming 2 month old, wishing I hadn't married a total dick weed.
He left me while i was pregnant with number two, and now I'm solo, living with my parents, and completely drained because I haven't had a single break from baby in two months.
He was supposed to be my partner. He was supposed to love and cherish Me, despite mistakes. I did all that for him, despite never being appreciated for it.
In so angry all the time. Angry that we live in a world where it's okay to divorce your pregnant wife. Okay for a man to parade his new whore in front of a very hurt and confused 5 year old. A world where men aren't men anymore. Just little bitches evo can't be attending during the tough times.
And I'm furious that he was never actually my partner. Just a guy who fooled me for a decade.
My only consolidation is that he will never get to experience all the amazing moments with my daughter. He left and will eventually be just another person that she sees. Its too late for my son, since he actually sends to like the jack wagon...
My first un-anniversary
As of 46 minutes ago, its my first wedding anniversary since my husband left me.
He never appreciated my love or the lengths I would go to for him. My years of devotion following a one night stand when I was 19.
He doesn't care that he ripped our family apart. He is more important than our children.
He always treated me like an inconvenience. How dare I ask him to go grocery shopping with me? How dare I ask for romance! That's just something from the movies...
I know all of this, logically. Logically, I know we are both flawed people. But I never gave up. Seven years as of today, and I'm missing him, despite his lack of effort in our marriage.
I am angry at him for leaving me, for not loving me enough to stay. I'm angry at me. I hate that I love him. I'm mad tasty I miss him and wish he would text me. I would probably take him back.
I feel like I'm spinning out of control...
I am in the middle of a divorce and every time I interact with the cretin, my heart hardens towards him a little bit more. So then I go on a date, and the guy basically loses all interest. I feel cursed. I just want someone who cares how my day went. Someone who appreciates me.
Grayson and Riley, the same age apart as Riley and I. Now riley has become the tired teenager trying to entertain the energetic little boy.