Cats, man. Not to be trusted.

Corporal Jake Jensen Officially: Deceased Special Operations OfficerUnofficially: Part of a group of Soldiers of Fortune. When no one else can help, and you can find them, you can hire The Losers {not the A-Team, they're total amateurs, you totally want to hire the Losers. We bring snacks!} [Independent rp blog for Jake Jensen from the comic The Losers set post-movie, pre-comic ending]

[elpxma-blog]

“Si.” He took the chance, while Jensen was getting settled, to fish a small bottle of massage oil from his bag. A nice, neutral scent, eucalyptus. Calming, but not likely to get any attention in a few hours when they had to surface and be part of the team again. He waited until Jensen was more or less still to climb over him, straddling his lower back and warming some of the oil between his hands. “Thank you for that,” he said, pressing a kiss between Jensen’s shoulder blades, before following it with oil-slicked hands. “Relax.” He could feel the knots of tension beneath the heels of his palms and under his fingertips, and he set to work loosening them with firm, practiced hands. 

[doesnttrustcats]

Humming happily under his breath, Jensen arched into the solid weight of Cougar pressing down against him. He’d never admit it out loud (well, not too often, at least) but he loved moments like these, where he and Cougar could simply focus on each other and he could get Cougar’s patented massage. “Any time.” Eyes falling closed, he let out a soft groan, a mixture of pain and relief as Cougar’s fingers dug out the knots in his muscles and released them. “What would I do without you?”

[doesnttrustcats]

Nonsexual acts of Intimacy - Select from the following for my muse to respond to...

♔ : Finding your muse wearing their clothes

♕: Holding hands

♖: Having their hair washed by your muse

♗: Your muse falling asleep with their head in my muse's lap.

♘: Cuddling in a blanket fort

♙: Sharing a bed

♚: Head scratches

♛: Sharing a dessert

♜: Shoulder rubs

♝: Reading a book together

♞: Caring for each other while ill (specify which party is which)

♟: Patching up a wound

♤: Taking a bath together

♧: Your muse playing with their hair

♡: Accidentally falling asleep together

♢: Forehead or cheek kisses

♠: Your muse adjusting their jewelry/neck tie/ etc.

♣: Back scratches

♥: Your muse crying about something

♦: Slow dancing

[elpxma-blog]

It was bittersweet, seeing Jensen drag the edges of his composure back together. On the one hand, superficially, he seemed better. Steadier. But Cougar knew better. He knew the clench in his fists and the tightness in that smile. He seemed better, but he wasn’t. He was still shaken; they all were. He was worried for his whole team, for everything they had gone through tonight. But to Cougar, Jensen would always matter most. 

He hummed, curling a hand around the back of Jensen’s neck to hold him still while he wiped his face clean with his handkerchief. It might’ve had a little gun oil on it, but it was better than feeling someone else’s blood drying and cracking on your skin. And when the blood was clear, he pressed a kiss to Jensen’s head and pulled him into a firm embrace.

“We are okay.” 

[doesnttrustcats]

God, what Jensen would do without Cougar, he wasn’t sure. The man always seemed to know what to do to bring Jensen down from whatever brink he’d thrown himself towards any given day. 

Patiently, he allowed Cougar to wipe away the blood from his skin, that feverish hum still thrumming underneath, but the calming pressure of the sniper’s hand clasped around his neck, and the scent of gun oil, did their best to bring him down. The soft kiss, and the warming embrace, allowed the rest of the tension to leave his form as he wrapped himself around the other man. He would have nightmares, they all did, but at least he could have these few moments to just hold Cougar and reaffirm that he was alive.

“Yeah...yeah that’s--okay.”

Slowly, so slowly, Jensen pulled himself away from the sniper, dragging that last dregs of his psyche together and plastering on the mask that got him through the general day-to-day melee of life. Cougar he didn’t mind being vulnerable in front of, but the others--he loved them, he really did, but they made it hard to let him show his true self, and just how fragile he really was.

“Let me guess, they’re at the rendezvous, but you decided to come back for the idiot hacker? I’m touched.”

[savradoc-deactivated20190410]

“Coop. You can call me Coop.”

And nothing else. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the guy—jury was still out on that one. He just didn’t like nicknames, not really. Coop was really the only one that stuck (well…except for Mikey, but that one only survived because his brother was a stubborn jackass). 

It did kind of make him warm up to the guy when he caught a glance of him staring at the scenery of the island as they drove past it. It was nice to see people that appreciated the smaller things; the things that didn’t come with dollar signs and revenue attached. Coop had that much in common with him. His apparent lust for danger and insanity…not so much.

“Plan all you like, but I, for one, am hoping this goes smoothly.”

Not likely. Hope for the best, expect the worst. It had gotten him this far. 

[doesnttrustcats]

“Alright. Coop-Coop it is.”

Tapping out a tune against his gun, thinking of all of the alternative ways he’d been researching to calm down the dinos, Most of the ACU thought he was crazy, his own team more than others, but he’d seen the way some of the handlers had been interacting with their dinos and he figured his ideas had merit. Maybe today he’d get to test them out.

“How many times has something like this gone ‘smoothly’?”

[elpxma-blog]

He let him talk, let him ramble, and when it was directed at him, he gave a cursory grunt and a nod, but made no move to join him on the bed. “Shirt off,” he said. “On your stomach.” He circled a finger in the air, sort of a universal sign for turn around, and waited patiently for Jensen to do as he was told. Between anyone else, it might’ve sounded like someone else. But that was not what they did, not who they were. For them, quiet moments were best spent with firm touches and warm embraces; sex was not so important. He trusted Jensen would figure out what he had in mind soon enough; he was very clever. 

[doesnttrustcats]

“Oh, so it’s that kind of night.” Making sure to give Cougar his best eyebrow waggle, he’d been working on its effectiveness (so far it had 60-40 success rate when used against the sniper, but Jensen was getting better) and slipped his shirt over his head. Tossing it to the side, he flipped onto his stomach, stretching out his long limbs on the relatively small bed and made himself comfortable. It didn’t take a genius to put two and two together. “What’d I do to earn your magic fingers tonight? You find that stash of chocolate I left for you? I’ll have you know, that was a bitch to find, but I have my ways, Cougar, and they all benefit the resident kitty cat.” 

[elpxma-blog]

The terse, plaintive edge to Jensen’s voice stirred something primal and protective in Cougar’s chest, something it seemed only Jensen could. He wanted to protect him, to shield him from the nightmares they faced every day doing what they did. Jensen was no innocent, but he was good. He was kind, full of life and wonder. To see him like this … “You can.” He reached out slowly, but steadily, taking Jensen’s hand in his own and carefully switching the safety on the gun. “Let go. It’s okay, cariño. I have you.”

[doesnttrustcats]

The soft click of the safety being reset seemed to break whatever spell that had fallen over Jensen. A stuttered breath left him as he allowed Cougar to slip the warm gun from between his fingers, curling his empty hands into fists and pressing them against his eyes. The adrenaline was still pounding through his veins, but with every heartbeat he stood there, with Cougar standing there, alive, at his side, he could feel the bloodlust calming. It was rare he lost himself that badly in the fight, where he could barely recognize himself, and every time it happened--it became more and more unsettling. 

When he felt he was under control enough not to slip back under, he let his hands fall to his sides and turned to Cougar with a lopsided smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Heya Cougs...You look like shit.”

[savradoc-deactivated20190410]

“Don’t call me honey or you’ll be walking around this island for the rest of your stay.”

But there wasn’t any real bite to his words. If anything, there was an amused sort of frustration that he hid with a roll of his eyes and a very direct path to his old Wrangler. The faster they got there, the better. Anything to keep the trigger happy gentlemen of the ACU from tasering another one of his dinosaurs to death.

“Careful what you wish for. This island can go from 0 to batshit in a couple of seconds. Try not to jinx it, alright?” 

[doesnttrustcats]

“Sheesh. Don’t call you ‘honey’ got it.” Jensen is quite for a few moments, a monumental thing for the rather talkative man, but he breaks it, as usual. “How about sweetheart? Or do you have a thing about Southern nicknames, because I’ve got a whole treasure trove just waiting to be unleashed. Just give me the word.”

Adjusting his gun across his lap, Jensen let his focus shift to the scenery outside, unable to help the look of wonder filling his eyes. He hoped he never got used to just how beautiful the island was, if he ever did, he’d make sure to sign a suicide pact with Cougar, because there’d be no reason to live anymore. 

“That’s what I’m planning on.” 

Jensen lived for the days when things went wrong, both to test his computer systems, and have the chance to see dinosaurs how they were meant to be seen. Wild. There was a reason he was with the Losers. They were all batshit crazy.

[elpxma-blog]

Cougar was ready and waiting to take Jensen’s weight. Yes, the other man was taller than him, and maybe a few stones heavier, but Cougar was steady, strong. Jensen would never be heavy to him, or annoying, even if he was sometimes like a petulant child. Snorting, he wrapped an arm around Jensen’s waist, holding his belt to support him just in case he decided standing was no longer a priority. “Bed.” Maybe he wasn’t tired, but he needed sleep, which meant Cougar needed to get him to relax. So, he steered him back toward the bed and nudged his shoulders to get him to lay down. 

[doesnttrustcats]

Cougar was Jensen’s favorite thing to lean, and if he could he would spend the rest of the day there, curled around him, but the prospect of doing the same thing on a horizontal surface was almost too good to pass up. “Bed? Bed is good. Bed is comfy, not as good as the one back home, but definitely a solid six on the ‘how shitty is this bed’ scale. One above that straw stuffed mattress from Kandahar.” Moving with the careful nudges, he sat down on the mattress with a soft thump, making sure Cougar could feel the full brunt of his exhausted grin, and tugged on the standing man’s shirt. “You gonna join me, or do you have super scary Cougar things to get up to?”

[doesnttrustcats]

elpxma

 “Give me the gun. Now.”

“Si.” Because now, his hands were shaking. Now, he didn’t have to protect himself. Now, /Cougar/ was there. He held out his hand. “Jensen.”

“Cougs.” Jensen didn’t quite see Cougar. He could hear him, well enough, would recognize that timber of air and breath that expelled from Cougar’s chest on even the most simple of sighs, but all he could see was red in the form of blood splattered against himself and the surrounding walls. It’d been do or die, and Jensen was very, very good at his job, but he still saw how easily his team had been captured--everything after that was a blur. “I can’t.”

[elpxma-blog]

Cougar smiled, pleased to see Jensen finally set aside his work. He really did need to rest his eyes sometimes. He saw the tension in his shoulders, his neck, from too many long hours in front of a computer screen. “No.” He turned Jensen’s chair around by the arms and tugged on the front of his shirt. “Up.” He needed to move a little, stretch his limbs, and then he needed to sleep. Or, at the very least, get in bed. 

[doesnttrustcats]

Groaning under his breath, Jensen allowed himself to be lifted from the chair, but draped himself around the sniper instead of standing. “’m not tired, Cougs.” He’d been up nearly all day, but he was wired, and wouldn’t be getting rest anytime soon.

[bxthory-archive-deactivated2016]

       send me ‘ ♣︎ ‘ and i’ll generate a number between                   1 - 110 for what my muse will say to yours.                           (  contains a range of themes. mostly angst/fluff/smut.  ) 

Keep reading

[savradoc-deactivated20190410]

“Hate to break it to you, but I don’t think time works that way.”

It didn’t, and honestly, what the guy just said made absolutely no sense at all. Coop was just gonna roll with it, though, if only because he didn’t really have time to explain the finer points of temporal physics. The pretty little thing was an adult Pachycephalosaurus that had shorted it’s tracking beacon.

One day very soon, they would learn to stop putting the beacons in their heads.

“Come with me; I can give you a ride.”  

[doesnttrustcats]

Jensen didn’t have the heart to break it to the guy, that time was a relative thing and had been given power by crusty old men centuries ago.  Really, if they popped into another universe, time could run backwards for all they knew, but for once Jensen kept his thoughts to himself and hopped into the jeep’s shotgun.

“Oh honey, you shouldn’t have.”

“Gotta say, I’m glad I got this call. It’ll put me one up over the other guys. Think I might actually win the pot this week.”

[doesnttrustcats]

“Give me the gun. Now.”

“What? You’re always getting angry about me forgetting my gun and how you want to take it?”

[doesnttrustcats]

savradoc || Continued from (x)

“If you think about it this way, I’m an hour and a half early.”

He really really wasn’t, but he was going to blame his team for hiding every single piece of his gear around the park. Jensen had spent much of the morning running around in only boxers and a thigh holster, but no worries. His revenge would be swift and satisfying, and oh so worth it.

“Now, where’s the pretty little thing I’m supposed to be helping return to her paddock?”

[doesnttrustcats]

Jurassic Fun!

Jensen has always had a way with computers, and his prowess got him noticed by the up and coming park, Jurassic World. He built much of their security protocols off-sight, needing to be near his sister and niece while he recuperated, but the moment he was healthy enough to travel he was on a plane to Isla Nublar and able to see the park with his own eyes. His first day was amazing, a total eye-opener that brought all of his wildest dreams to life--and his nightmares. Unfortunately, due to a mechanical error a metriacanthosaurus got loose and attacked Jensen's party. Thinking quickly, he grabbed the frozen guard's tranq gun and took down the dino in a matter of moments.

As part of Jurassic World, Jensen creates the software for the company, but moonlights as an ACU tech from time to time. A handful he might be, he was valuable, and despite his tendency to chatter incessantly, the park couldn't exactly tell him 'no', so to combat his 'quirks' and keep the ACU company sane, they assigned him to the strangest unit they had: The Losers.

[doesnttrustcats]

STRANGE SENTENCE STARTERS —— for the creative writer in you. Send these in and see what your partner comes up with as a scenario!

“How many times are you going to do that, exactly?”

“I had good intentions, I did it for a reason.”

“We’re done. I’m done. This ends right now. You’re a monster.”

“I trusted you!”

“Is that supposed to scare me?”

“Put the knife down.”

“You were right. As per usual.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to see the lines you’ve drawn until you’ve crossed them.”

“You’re surprised because you have a soft spot for hot blondes.”

“Why protect my reputation? I’m a dead man either way.”

“You think you know me, as others think they know you.”

“You can stay, but for no more than two nights.”

“Please don’t look in this drawer. Please.”

“I told you not to pick him up, he’s very sensitive.”

“Yes. I might have given you rabies. But in my defense, that’s ridiculous and I didn’t.”

“I’m sorry, my cell phone data coverage does not cover the bullshit zone you’re in.”

“I was prepared for anything, except for what ensued.”

“The story lingers on, but the version that is drawn is twisted,.”

“You think I’m kidding. But I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life.”

“How much would a stripper cost and why so much?”

“I’m going to buy you a drink. Next week. On Thursday. When I get paid. Can you swing this one?”

“There are two sides to every story.”

“When I was little, I used to be afraid of mummies. And now look at me. I love dead people!”

“What made me think that I could get away with such a plot?”

“Because nothing says heterosexuality like a gold sash.”

“Please don’t take it out on my boobs.”

“When it gets really windy I look like a bizarre combination of Marilyn Monroe and Cousin It.”

“I’ll never be a hero.”

“How much money do you have on you?”

“Please tell me that’s a raisin and not a tiny hamster shit you’re eating.”

“Life is a lot better when you put things on your head.”

“For someone who’s not very deep, I’m incredibly not shallow.”

“I need you to remind me what it feels like to love you.”

“I love you. What? No I don’t. Forget I said anything.”

“If we got married, would I have to take your last name? Or could we just make up a new one?”

“I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“I heard you say his/her name in your sleep last night. Want to explain or should I just leave?”

“I want to spend the night with you tonight. But I also want to sleep on your side. And without you on the bed. So technically I just want your bed.”

“Please don’t be proposing to me in an empty parking lot.”

“Stop saying you’re sorry, you stupid fucking broken record. It’s done.”

“I’m not jealous, I’m curious. About the things you were doing. With him/her. Without me.”

“Your mother’s looks could kill. Actually, are you sure they haven’t before?”

“If you’re breaking up with me tonight, can I at least eat first?”

“Stop sweating. It’s not attractive during sex, and it’s not attractive now.”

“Are you – are you checking me out? In the line for the confessional?”

“We have to go. I might have told your mom I’m pregnant. I don’t know why I said that. I’m not.”

“So what you’re saying it that you’re snorting sugar to get excited for sex.”

“My dog licks better than you do.”

“But through every stupid thing you do and say – and those are a lot, by the way – I love you.”

“I don’t care if you’re growing another head. I’ll talk to both of them. I love you.”

“And I’d take fifty years of not talking to you for just a day of doing so. I promise that’s a compliment.”

“I don’t want to hide this anymore. I’m not some dirty little secret, you American Reject.”

“This is a bit too dramatic for my taste, so can we skip it and have sex instead?”

“I don’t want you to think of me as your personal sex toy.”

“Thanks and all, but that makes me feel like a low-class escort, so.”

“A kiss in exchange for every nice thing you say about me. Deal?”

“Promise me you’re not like him/her. I need to hear it from your mouth. Promise me.”

“Look, I’ve had my heart broken before. I’m not ready to let you in just yet. Anywhere.”

“Don’t leave me here. Anywhere else, okay, but not here.”

“I wish I could say that was the worst sex I ever had, but I’ve had worse.”

“I just blew you. Could you look a little happier about it?”

“I’m attracted to shiny things, so if it looks like I’m staring at your chest, it’s because I am.”

“What is that!?”

“Oh my god, were you shot!?”

“Give me the gun. Now.”

“Hello? Anyone in there?”

FOR TEXTERS;

[text] This is upsetting.

[text] Hey, are you up? If you’re not, can you wake up? I need some help.

[text] She said that to you? Why?

[text] Please come back. I miss you.

[text] What are you good for if you’re not gonna bring me ice cream?

[text] Can you ignore that last text? It wasn’t meant for you. I’m sorry.

[text] …did you just send me a nude?

[text] I don’t know why I said that.

[text] Leave it to you to fuck the simplest of requests up.

[text] Do we have to go to their wedding? He’s only my first cousin.

[text] How much does ‘I love you’ mean to you?

[text] I am not stalking you. But you should do something about your bathroom, it’s gross.

[text] Please. I need this so badly.

[text] I trust you completely.

[text] I’m a genius. You’re a peasant. Everything makes sense again.

[text] Hey, buddy! Got like, five hundred bucks I can borrow? Times ten.

[text] She lost it. She completely lost it.

[text] Please? I love you.

[text] I think I’m gonna go to sleep now, but you keep thinking that.

[text] I can’t say this out loud. They might be listening.

[text] I never meant to hurt you.

[text] You’re cute.

[text] I just need you to understand how important you are to me.

[text] Fuck off.

[text] Okay. Guess we’ll leave it at that then.

[text] Why should I believe you?

[sunstreakerapologist]

“Yeah, I mean really, what else do humans need to survive?” she said and grinned over at him, a small laugh leaving her. “You know I’m a little hurt by that. Some small towns are very advanced, and while we don’t have a Jamba Juice we do have wifi. I mean we really don’t have anything at all here… But there is wifi.”

[doesnttrustcats]

“Okay, you have wifi, but how fast is it? Please tell me I can at least load a webpage in under five minutes. If it’s any slower I just might blow myself up, and won’t be held responsible for any collateral damage.”