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True crime addiction

I feel I’m addicted to True Crime.. not a big deal really but I feel I’ve become numb to stuff, including horror movies and I love them. Just don’t get scared anymore and that’s kind of sad. I miss that feeling. There’s still one ,ONE “crime” I get creeped out over and that’s the Rosemont Hotel freezer death of Kenneka Jenkins. Hope I spelled her name right. Her story was my first true crime things I watched and got obsessed with.. spent nights pouring over the footage and all videos and theories etc etc and could never sleep. Bad vibes and bad dreams. Now I’m so ehhh to everything. I DO feel sadness and anger and all those other feelings but not SCARED if that makes sense. I don’t think that makes sense lol Something changed. That’s all. I can watch anything.. basically I started thinking I could have been a coroner. Wonder if it’s like porn addicts who become numb because of it. I’d assume so. I know there are many many women all over who are into the same stuff but I wonder how much and how deep they dig and can handle. Okay.. Off to find something to watch.

Raising money or stuck ...

Its unbelievable this past week! My laptop up and died but it lasted me a good 12 years.Meanwhile my phone was slowly going-- the charger hole broken but I could at least keep charge by holding a cord bent to keep some charge but it also went and died on me last night. I'm thrown back Into a different age! Luckily I guess-someone had an old Kindle I could use- to vent anyway and see if there's anything I can do.

In the process of disability application which has so far been denied twice and waiting for neurologist and ENT appointment because I have 24/7 vertigo,mostly non spinning at this time but it worsens after time or slowly progressing and we don't k.ow why yet. That's why I'm unable to work. The hospital has me take meclazine for when the spinning or rocking and moving gets too bad but it doesn't help that much,just stops me from screaming and running back to the hospital because I'm losing my mind here. Ah so hard to explain to anyone. Scary life currently. Worthless life.

I can't even get apps on this old thing,ugh. So,brainstorming what to do now?? A Go Fund Me? My pride is arguing with me. Ill be back. My eyes are brain just ache.

#gofundme #please help #help #advice

Bingo Winner- game app

This app is another scam. You win yes but when you try to cash out and it’s $15 minimum I believe.. I could be wrong but regardless, they have something called “withdraw mission” and it says you have to deposit money. Say what?? I just got mine up to $30, spending what I had on the real cash games (supposedly) and check withdraw again and it states I have to deposit $30!! Total waste of time and bad bd developers. I also tried to review the game in the App Store but can’t find it anywhere.. hmm.. Don’t play it.

#bingo #Bingoapp

Robert F. Kennedy Jr 24’

We The People. Unlikely but not impossible…if people would actually open their eyes and mind and LOOK.. there is another option.. this isn’t about two sucky Presidents or revenge for some.. stubborn stubborn people who won’t even consider a new choice, a better choice for us. It’s unbelievable..

3-3-24 Sunday/People

People waking me up talking again,only to leave and go upstairs a minute later anyway,grr. People besides my Dr. trying to find a diagnosis for me when I have been wondering and searching for at least 5 year, grr 😠

Poor people chicken legs lol

Split into two batches of 7 for two people to eat , 3 would be stretching it but one person is gone for the weekend now and the fourth like I said is Vegan so just for two tonight. My experiences are few with drumsticks but I made them twice in the past months and the first time I accidentally overcooked, patted dry and barely any seasoning and they were absolutely delicious 😋.. I always use bbq sauce at the end too. The last time I made them I forgot to pay dry and used other spices and they were horrible, not cook well done enough. We want them fall off the bone tender, not just cooked and they were laying in a pool of juice so the skin was nasty. I patted them this time and salt,pepper and a little garlic powder.. added some flour on top, the recipe I found said to do that, not sure why yet but we’ll see and I’m cooking low at 300 and I’m guessing 3 hours but we shall see. Hope they are good. 🤞🏻 Oh, and I did pat dry buttttt there were some ice crystals clinging on them a bit even thought they were thawed so I’m worried some under skin wetness will juice up the pan, sure hope not! Gonna cook the heck out of them.

#chicken legs

Solitaire and Surveys=money

Doing the easy stuff today for now. I call it a rotation.. but yes you CAN make money playing silly games and not have to pay a dime. My rotation right now is a few solitaire games and then attempt a survey. Posted a pic from yesterday from some of my survey taking as I didn’t make anything yet today. NO, it doesn’t pay a lot ,if it did, everyone and their mothers would be doing it BUT it adds up. The game app has a few other games but I prefer Solitaire because I like it with or without getting some spare change. You do have to let their ads play but I don’t mind. I have a show or movie on next to me so I can just look over and the ads fly by, to me. I need every penny I can get. Can cash out with Amazon or PayPal.. always nice to have PayPal. I have chime so normally I transfer my earning over there at the end of a day IF I’m doing the easy lazy surveys and game playing. The survey site also transfers immediately to PayPal and I mean immediately and I don’t need a minimum balance to cash out. I am playing one other game/money app but not right now and I do do other sites/apps that pay a bit higher but again, not right now.. depends on how bad I feel as others expect a bit more and well I just don’t feel good right now, at all. My goal today is VERY small.. $5-$7 and that’s it. Well I’m off to make that dough lol

So yes, PayPal and Chime if In situations like mine and I know I haven’t touched on any of it yet.

Haha Okayyy

I told the younger girl I can do anything I want and who makes the rules for Tumbler but sure,I’ll go ahead and post the cats between my babbles so it’s a cat thing. She was like you do know it’s geared towards 16-27 year olds? I’m like oh, so for the young huh. She said like Tik Tok.. umm no that’s not correct. Tons of Gen X and older on Tik tok,including me so pfffttt.. I’ll stay put for now. I really over drank the coffee and now I am trembling and a mess. Chatty but highly uncomfortable and feel woozy and like I can fall over,unstable. This is normally when I try to suppress it. People sometimes say get active. I can’t because I’m dizzy 🥴.. always dizzy and feeling weird sensations. I can’t be active, I have to shuffle around and recover from this poison coffee. I’m a glutton. If you have an anxiety disorder.. you know, coffee is not a good idea. For most anyway. Time to try to “make money”. I pick now when I’m feeling drunk and so so weird.

Ok I got this..

Funny pic I took of T (Trouble) last week. He yawned when I snapped.

#Troublecat

Not a place to blog?!?!

I was just told by someone a lot younger that this is not the place to blog unless it’s short snippets or something specific like music, travels.. hobbies etc etc.. noooo! She said if I’m going to be writing long pages, this is not the place. Wow okay. Where then? Guess I need to research that. I mean I CAN write here all I want and whatever I want. No rules on what I write and where I write it. So, I can post inspirational anxiety quotes and crap day in and day out and memes up the booty and that’s what it is basically? One reason I ditched my fb lol Is Tumblr not for older folk? (Folk lol) Seriously whatever. I’ll post a pic of my cats everyday,ok? Meh. Like I said though, I’m totally unfamiliar with this app. I’ll learn and go from there or bail. Not a big deal. I think I tried Wordpress and didn’t like the layout. I’m still drinking coffee and hit my limit. I’m shaking and getting aggitated now lol I did half the kitchen and have more to go but everyone is here and around now in the way, sort of. Just distracting.

Last pic I took of me a few weeks ago right after I chopped my long hair off. Ick! I can’t believe I chopped my hair..it was down to my belly button almost but looked so thin. Thought I’d layer it which I’ve done successfully before but this time I messed up and took way too much off. Ok ok.. time to clean. 🧼

M2- emptying my head

The coffee is starting to kick in and I will enjoy the feeling for maybe an hour or two because I get woozy and too hyper to be comfortable lol Such a bad habit but I’m so tired without it and tend to get a headache. I choose the warm,black, delicious coffee. Lol

So yep,I deleted my main Facebook page. I have my family one also but am rarely on there. If I did still have my fb,I’d be scrolling aimlessly now and seeing all the same old stuff. Facebook in the older days it seemed people actually talked about themselves and were open but it’s not the same. It’s all memes now and good morning posts, happy birthday posts etc etc and filtered pics day after day ,mostly woman lol How many pics does one person need? It’s crazy.. and the men fill the comments like sniffing dogs or something. Being a woman I know when pics are posed just right or altered but men or most men don’t seem to care. I’ve just been feeling negative energy around there and I’m already stressed from stuff here and my own stuff going on. Added to the stress list is I used a buy now pay later app to get food yesterday! We had no food! I had about $12 bucks and no car or ride and am stuck.. so I got a BK bundle for 3 people. I couldn’t leave 2 others out. One has no money and my sister is already burdened with vet bills. I now owe over $40 made in four payments to this app. For one stinkin meal. I HAD to eat. I had to use a survey site that pays out right away to PayPal and lets you cash out at anytime. I already had $5 in my Chime so I made $7 bucks taking surveys to get a meal and some energy back. I need my meat. Lol The 4th person who lives here feeds herself,has money and is vegan. I felt like I did a little something in my dizzy haze but the reality is now I have to pay off a quick fix meal. Makes me feel so terrible. Ended up last night my sister gave person 3 some money to go to grab a few groceries so NOW there’s food, go figure. Sometimes this happens. Nobody says just hang on, we’re going to get some stuff so don’t buy any delivery anywhere OR give me your card and I’ll grab you a few things. Nah, doesn’t work that way and our communication here leaves a lot to be desired. Being “off the grid” for three days and I’m liking it. The problem is the 2 people I talk too almost daily. A girl friend and a guy friend. Been sort of fading fast from them.. the guy well, I just don’t wanna complain and I will. I’m in a bad funk and don’t want to bring him down and the girl,I’m just closing off. Everytime I open up, her responses rub me wrong lately. Some is her and some is how I’ve been feeling lately. I told her I’m going off the grid but I think she took that as only Facebook as she’s still trying to text me. Person 4 just got up and said “Do you plan on cleaning today?” Sheesh.. I controlled myself and said yes and that person 1 already woke me talking to herself about the house needing an extreme clean. I clean about every other day and I just did but for some reason it gets bad again so fast and we are 4 women. It should not always get this way in one day. It’s insane. Nobody washes their dishes or loads them right away and it piles up. The kitchen is my least favorite house chore. It’s frustrating that it cannot be kept up and then I’m looked at like I’m the culprit of everything house related. Nobody understands how I feel and what I deal with say in and day out. I’m going to go start the kitchen. Put on Tubi for sound and get it going. It’s the hardest room in this tiny house and I like to knock it out first. I’ll be back babbling I’m sure. Happy Saturday though. 😁

I don’t know..

I’m back outside. Went in to grab more coffee. I sit on the porch every single morning no matter what the weather is and right now it’s 30 degrees. It’ll get to 60 today and that’s great. Weather here has been going up and down as it always does here in IL around this time. Warm one day and snowing the next. I saw D, D is Double the cat 🐱..when I went in. He’s pacing, he’s always pacing. The vet hospital discharge paperwork says to encourage him to rest? Yeah sure! I’m with him more than anyone else since I do live and sleep downstairs and “work” from home. He’s on me every night when I want to sleep and I hear his breathing and can see his little chest working hard. Everyone is hopeful him being back on meds (he was off during the Lilly scare) will maybe fix his thyroid and in turn calm his heart murmur down and he won’t have episodes of falling over and not moving for minutes but I hate saying it but I don’t feel the same. I feel his time is limited and am scared we will find him gone from us one day soon OR he will have one of these heart episodes and not get back up. If he sees a cardiologist which at this time can’t happen,I don’t think it would be good. Im trying to enjoy the time I have left with him, can’t play with him but giving him kisses and telling him how much I love him. Okay, im done with the cat stuff for now. Lol .. well probably not,I tend to talk and talk. Lol

Saturday morning ☀️ ☕️

I missed the sun rise this morning, only but maybe by 15 minutes so I’m in my normal spot which is the porch to have my caffeine (bad) and wake up fully in the fresh air. Another member of the family woke me by talking to herself a few feet from my room. I stretched and got up and headed to the bathroom. Looked around with no one in sight. She had left to go somewhere and no one else is up yet. I was pretty upset for a second like why does this woman talk loudly to herself knowing I’m sleeping and a light sleeper? She can’t help herself,I guess. No cats in sight yet either. Does this site time stamp,I wonder? Hmm if not, March 2nd , 7:07am

Lazy night

Been overly stressed and overstimulated from all this cat stuff,maybe it’s my nervous system making me feel a lot worse. I don’t see why else but who knows. March 1st already. Waiting on warm weather lol

How to change blog..

How do you change blog name and photo? Question to the void. Can’t find it anywhere and it’s old when I first attempted to use this app and share my work ideas… ah well. Idk anything.

My long prior post

Sorry for the spelling ,I actually spelled “losing”.. “loosing” lol This drives me nuts but I didn’t proofread anything,just had to get it off my chest. My anxiety is so high today, my body is tense and stiff and I have to keep checking myself and making myself relax different parts of my body, teeth clenched and holding my breath, bad bad habits. My vision is wonky and I need to go find work online to get some money.. it’s dizziness, boatiness and weird vision that causes me so many issues. We really don’t know if it’s cervical, all anxiety, a few underlying conditions, I’m still getting tests done slowly.. it it’s all anxiety, (it’s notttt) .. we did land on PPPD, add perimenopause to the mix and it’s all just so ARGggggg!! I WANT to work a real job and go out but this damn dizziness, just wow.. every single day. Unbelievable.. what came first?the anxiety or the dizziness? (Chicken or the egg lol) Bah. Hmm it feels so good to be writing again. Love, Wonky woozy 😵‍💫 me

#anxiety disorder #PPPD

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