dokey

[dokeythings]

| stay next to me | (dokyeom)

*based off the song 'stay next to me' by quinn XCII :)

~lyrics~

"we should go somewhere,

you choose i don't care.

as long as you're right here.

stay next to me.

yeah, we can barely stand,

and we both don't know this band, 

i'll move just hold my hand,

stay next to me."

----------------------------------------------------------

Y/N POV

your head pulses as the music booms through this packed house, taunting you as you shuffle through bodies. your friends dragged you here on a Thursday night, promising you that this one would actually be fun. spoiler alert: it's not, but you already knew it wouldn't be. you lost them somewhere around 10:30. this left you to your own devices, which means in simple terms that you just want to get the hell out of here. there's a serene moment of peace where the band finally stops, just for it to start back up again. your anxiety picks up immensely as you realize you really are alone, not knowing anyone here but your friends who are MIA. your heart starts pounding and you feel like you need to leave right now. you try to make your way to the back of the house when you fully collide with someone. 

"oh! i'm so sorry, that was my totally my bad, i wasn't paying attention. let me help you up" an unidentified voice says, sounding sincere in their apology. 

you look up from your place on the ground to see genuinely the most beautiful man you've ever seen, looking down at you worriedly and holding his hand out to you. maybe good things do happen to good people, you think.

you take his hand and stand up, fixing your shirt in the process. "oh my gosh don't worry about it! i'm sorry about that" you say, stumbling over your words a little bit. you try to calm your nerves, but its clear you were on your way to some type of panic attack just seconds ago. 

you force yourself to make eye contact even though your heart is beating in your ear, and it was surely a mistake because he's looking at you with a sweet smile and the softest eyes you've ever witnessed. 

"i was just trying to find my friends, they ditched me again even though they promised they wouldn't, i haven't seen them in half an hour. you know you would think after dragging me here they would at least pretend to stick around for a while but.." you look up, breaking yourself free from your nervous rambling. "i'm sorry" you blush, embarrassed.

he smiles at you again, clearly amused by your outburst. he also notices your shaky hands, and the way you're breathing. 

"i totally get it, i'm in the same boat right now, if it makes you feel better" he admits softly. "can i get you anything? some water? food?" he asks, showing worry. 

you can't imagine someone like him being ditched by his friends. you also can't imagine him being worried about someone like you, you must be making it up in your head. you smooth your hands over your ruffled skirt. 

"i'm okay, thank you though." you smile up at him, not used to random guys being this kind to you. he hums an 'okay' in response and you shuffle on your feet, not knowing how to full the silence.

"plus, this band fucking sucks" he breathes out, in full sincerity. 

you giggle at his disgust as he shakes his head at them, "they really fucking do" you agree with him. his smile widens, and he looks nervous for a moment before he speaks up again. 

"wanna get out of here?" he asks, hopefully. you open your mouth after a moment of hesitation but before you can say anything he adds,

"shit. i know that sounds like such a cliche movie line, and i'm a total stranger and it's totally okay if you say no. but i was just gonna go for a walk around the block to get some air" he rushes out. 

you don't know if this is a mistake and something that is screaming STRANGER DANGER, but you feel completely comfortable with him. you can't think of a single good reason why you should stay in here, and you were in fact about to go out to get some air. 

"you know what? yeah actually, that would be nice" you say. you never usually do anything like this. but when the universe puts such a beautiful, tall, handsome opportunity in front of you, you take it.

"i'm dokyeom, by the way" he smiles gently at you, showing his teeth.

"i'm Y/N" you respond shyly. 

you look around at all the bodies you still have to get through to reach the doors, and wish you could just teleport outside. he notices your hesitation.

"it's okay, just hold my hand" he offers up his hand with a soft smile. you take it quickly, butterflies erupting in your stomach as he intertwines his fingers with yours. 

"stay next to me" he mumbles in your ear as he begins to lead you both through the crowd. 

you hold his hand tight as you try to follow in his footsteps. at one point you almost get separated, and you feel his hand hover lightly on your waist to guide you around the person in the way. you hate how giddy that made you feel. eventually you make it outside and the air hits you and you feel like you can finally breathe again.

"ah, this is much better" dokyeom says from next to you, stepping down off the front lawn and into the street. and you can't tell if he really suggested this for himself, or for you. you agree with him, stepping down to meet him. as he walks a bit ahead of you you slow down for a moment to really study him.

he appears brighter out here without all the chaos inside. his oversized striped long sleeve hangs off his torso. his baggy jeans fit him cutely as he shuffles towards the moonlight. you find yourself smiling at him. you might be being creepy right now, but you can't help it. he turns around promptly after realizing you aren't right next to him.

"i don't bite, promise" he smirks, chuckling a little at the distance between you. 

you blush as you walk quickly to catch up to him. "i'm sorry" you apologize. 

he smiles, nudging you softly with his shoulder, lightening up the mood. "we can go back inside and i can help you find your friends if you want" he offers, clearly picking up on your nerves. but the nerves aren't for the reason he's thinking. you really don't get much male attention, probably because you never put yourself out there. you're enjoying this, but also don't want to do or say something that makes you look like an idiot. 

you shake your head vigorously, saying "no, no no, this is perfect". you immediately do a facepalm because that was a stupid, desperate answer. 

you feel dokyeom gently pull your hand away from your face, giving you no option but to look at his face. 

"you're cute, you know" he chuckles. 

you don't even know how you're going to get through the rest of this interaction if he keeps making you feel this way.

you begin walking again, just taking in the breezy october air. he walks next to you, staying at a respectable distance, still hesitant about your nerves. between the darkness provided by the night, and the smell of his cologne on the wind, you feel a little braver all of a sudden. you inch your way closer to him in what you thought was a sneaky manner. apparently you were wrong.

he smirks to himself, noticing right away. 

"just cold" you mumble, lying straight through your teeth to try and bask your embarrassment.

"mmm, of course. in that case, let me warm you up" he says, letting you play out your lie, but you both know the truth. he drapes his arm over your shoulders, pulling you into his side. he's so warm, and god he smells so good. he rubs his hand up and down your arm to shield you from the cold.

"Y/N!!" you hear from behind you. you sigh, recognizing those voices. you and dokyeom stop and turn around as he lets go of your shoulders. out of all times to find me, they choose now?

you give them an awkward wave after noticing them giggling over your current state, and especially the extremely handsome boy next to you. they walk closer to you guys saying, "girl we have been looking for you everywhere". they look back and forth between you and dokyeom, clearly wanting to catch up on everything they missed.

"i've been looking for you guys everywhere too, we ran into each other and decided to get some air" you say, shrugging casually as your friends raise their eyebrows.

"hey" dokyeom says, waving awkwardly. 

"well i'm very sorry to break up this love fest but we have to go right now, because daniella is on the verge of death we think" she says gesturing back to the front yard where your other friend is sitting with her head in her hands. they start dragging you away without even letting you think for a second. 

"wait! y/n" dokyeom says, jogging to catch up to you and holds your hand gently to stop you from being dragged away. 

he asks for your phone to which you give it to him without hesitation. you watch as he puts his phone number in your contacts. he hands back the phone, letting his fingers linger on yours for just a little longer than needed.

"call me, yeah?" he says, giving you his famous smile. something like nervousness crosses his face for a moment before he leans in and gives you a quick peck on the cheek. you're pretty sure you almost die. and yes, just from that simple gesture. 

"i- yes. i definitely will" you stutter, making him chuckle endearingly at you again. 

your friends go back to dragging you away and you turn around to look at him just as you are reaching the front yard. he waves back at you, adding a wink for good measure. thank god my friends dragged me to this party, you think.

[dokeythings]

| it’s too late | (dokyeom)

*tried something different. it’s depressing, this is your fair warning🤧*

DK Pov:

the rain slamming into the windshield is still somehow not loud enough to snap me out of my thoughts. the threatening grey cloud was behind me when i slammed my car door and drove away hours ago, and since then the sun has set and the gates of hell have opened up. i squint my eyes as the lights from the passing cars blind me, their shapes disappearing and only bright orbs remain. i should slow down, 95 mph is too fast in these conditions, i know that. my foot has other plans, being driven by my outraged mind. it continues pushing down on the gas pedal.

the fight replays like a film in my head, every moment torturing me in perfect detail. her raised voice ringing in my ears, and the words sticking to my heart like thorns. it all got out of hand so fast. i didn't even have time to think, only throw out rash words and reactions back.

a loud ding rips through the car, the light from my phone lighting up my face. its from her, i read the preview.

'please just come home, you're scaring me. its not safe out there'

funny. now she's going to care about me? i don't know why its possible now but wasn't possible for the last few months. she's felt like a ghost, like she's been right in front of me but so incredibly out of reach. a chill followed wherever she went, the warmth she used to provide me being stripped from my life without any warning. no acknowledgment. no apologies. just a ghost left among the living. i zone out again.

~~~

"i have been here! i've been here the whole fucking time!" she yells.

liar.

"you left a long time ago. i don't even know you anymore y/n! you come home from work and its quiet dinner alone, then lights out. you spend your weekends working or with your friends. you never ask about my day despite me constantly caring about yours. theres no more going on dates and no more coming home to sweet surprises on the kitchen counter. you don't come to watch my practices anymore. you don't ask about the guys or how they're doing, even though they are everything to me and you know that 95% of my daily life is with them. its like you never want to be alone with me. you barely even touch me! jesus do you even love me anymore?" i yell.

"of course i fucking do! i have other things to do besides sit here all day and dote over you dokyeom, i'm sorry if that upsets you" she scoffs, throwing her hands up.

"you used to love hanging out with me. you used to be the most romantic person i had ever met, all my friends were so happy for me that i finally found someone who wanted that as much as i did. now they keep asking me if we are even together anymore. i don't understand what happened. why am i invisible now?"

"maybe you should just tell them we aren't together anymore then, make it easier for them" she replies, her eyes turning a dark shade i've never seen before. i don't know where she's gone, but she's not the woman i fell in love with. i know she's still in there somewhere.

is this really it? just like that?

~~~

the rain pours down harder, if that's even possible. the wheels no longer have a grip on the ground, but for some reason i can't seem to care. just keep driving, i think. just keep driving until everything goes away. life's been hurting too much. i would prefer numbness at this point. constantly having to be the happy one is exhausting. being the one who lightens up the mood. the one who checks on everyone else before myself. the one who goes home to a girlfriend who has nothing to give me anymore.

i'm alone.

the wheel jerks in my hands, my heart races, but i gain control quickly.

another text chimes in. if its her, i don't want to read it. but my eyes dart over to the name.

seungkwan.

i smile blissfully for a moment. they are something worth living for. the memories i've had with them swirl through my head. i grew up with them, i came alive with them. they are everything i have. when y/n's light left my life, theirs never dimmed. live for them, i think.

why is your location off? y/n is freaking out.

another chime.

okay, WE'RE freaking out! all of us. please come home you're scaring us a lot

despite all my efforts, i'm sure they have noticed my aura being off recently. my smiles appear a little less, my jokes being few and far between. i try to keep them happy as best i can, but i'm sinking as i do so. i'm drowning while keeping everyone else afloat.

y/n.

my second other half of me.

my mind drifts to the years of memories we've had before the last few agonizing months. they were perfect, absolutely perfect. she showed me parts of myself i never knew i had. my blood is still boiling, but my lips curve up against their will. i love her so much.

but she doesn't love me anymore. she ended it. all those years and growth gone in a minute.

the car slides over the rain, a car beeps at me when i cross over to their lane.

a new sound rings out from my phone. y'n is calling me. my hand reaches up to answer before my brain can aid me against it.

immediately she speaks, her voice straining and hoarse in a way i've never heard before.

"baby? baby oh my god thank god you fucking answered. where are you? i'm so sorry baby please just come back. let's talk. i don't want to lose you, i love you so much. please come home baby" she cries. from the tone in her voice i can tell she's scared for me. for my mental state. for my impulsivity that sometimes gets the best of me.

the rain is so loud that even over it hitting my car i can hear it pounding on our roof at home through the phone.

our home. the safest place in the world. i won't leave her there alone. we can fix this. this is not going to be one of those moments where i give up. where i take the easy way out.

"i'm coming home" i breath out, forcing myself into the decision. tears threaten my eyes. my throat tightens.

i turn the car around as quickly as i can, speeding up as i head back home. i go even faster now, i can't wait any longer. i'm tired of running. from myself, from her, from everything.

she's still on the phone. neither of us wants to hang up.

it's quiet.

the rain is so heavy that the windshield wipers can't keep up. i can't see. i can't see anything.

pull over. fucking pull over! i don't want to die anymore, i think.

bright lights shine through the window, penetrating the rain drops. i can't even tell where they are coming from.

i squint. i keep driving. i just want to go home.

the lights are brighter now, closer. the rain lets up for a second, and the windshield wipers catch up. the window is clear.

the sound of a horn being laid on pierces my ears. a truck is in front of me. directly in front of me. in my lane.

i don't make a sound, i don't do anything. i can't do anything.

the impact feels like something i could have never even imagined in my worst nightmares. the car spins repeatedly over and over, the sound of the rain luring me into the darkness. then the pain goes away. i feel nothing. i'm numb. god i wish i didn't wish for this numbness. i take it back! is it too late to take it back?

the image of y'n flashes in front of my eyes. i smile once more.

i'm sorry, baby.

everything's black. everything's silent.

"dokyeom?? dokyeom answer me. answer me please! baby! no. NO!!!!" her screams echo through the phone.

it is too late.

[dokeythings]

| new beginnings | (dokyeom)

your hands are sweating and your heart is racing, although you've never been nervous in quite this way before. you're face to face with one of the prettiest men you've ever seen, and against all odds he is yours. the latter part has not grown on you yet, and you're still jittery around him as you try to navigate the new relationship. you met dokyeom almost a year ago through the friend of a friend. typical. you didn't think too much of the encounter at first, although you did think he was the total package. you thought for sure he would have already had a girlfriend. it wasn't until a couple weeks later you found out he was single. you only saw each other here and there at social gatherings, and you talked when you found the chance. usually this involved your friend shoving you towards him against your will because you were so nervous. you still have to remember to thank her for that, because you've been dating for a couple months now. 

it's all still new, and you've never been in a relationship as serious as this before. you were beyond ready, but you didn't know that relationships like this actually existed. he has been nothing short of perfect, buying you flowers and making you dinner after long days at work. he's your own romance novel boyfriend. in general you are a shy person, and everyone who knows you would say the same. you've only had one relationship before this, and it didn't last very long and was nothing in comparison to what you have now. it was toxic to its core, and you're grateful for this new beginning. 

dokyeom makes you feel safe; protected. but you're still shy, and the nerves double every time he's around. he thinks its sweet, and only showers you in compliments when you get like this. he's been way too kind, and taking things as slow as you need. everything's basically brand new to you, and you're glad its all with him.

you turn your gaze towards him as he squeezes your hand, catching you in your daydreaming state. you're met with his dokey smile that you've grown to love more than anything in the world. 

"what are you thinking about, baby?" he asks, knowing you too well. in fact, you think he knows you better than anyone ever has. already.

and god, still every time he calls you baby a whole chorus of butterflies soar in your stomach. no ones ever called you that before. he loves how much you love it.

"you" you smile sheepishly, answering honestly. you learned right off the bat that theres no need for keeping secrets around him. he always makes you feel comfortable. 

"yeah?" he asks, smirking as he squeezes your hand again. 

you nod shyly in response, earning a,

"you're too cute" from him. 

you two continue walking down the block, looking for your destination. you're meeting up with a small group of a friends to celebrate a birthday. of course, you both share friends, so this part has always been easy. the destination is a cute place where you get to pick out a pottery item and paint it however you'd like. you've never been but have always wanted to go, and you're super excited because you love to do artsy things like this. you finally find the location, and step foot inside as dokyeom holds the door open for you. you shiver as your body reacts to the sudden change from the cold outside air to the cozy heat. the space has been rented out just for you guys, making the atmosphere perfect for someone like you. a few of your friends are already there, greeting both of you as you walk in. 

you take your coat off and place it on the back of a chair at their table. 

"come pick out what you want to paint! it's taking me forever to decide" your best friend says excitedly, grabbing your hand and dragging you to the wall filled with shelves of options. 

you scan up and down the shelves in awe, wondering how in the world you will decide on just one. theres anything from sculptures of cats and dogs to mugs and plates. you spot a pretty mug on the top shelf, and think its perfect for a tea lover like you. you already have a million paint ideas swirling around in your head. of course, even on your tippy toes you can't reach it.

you turn around to see dokyeom standing at the table and talking to one of your friends. 

"babe?" you call out softly, hoping it was enough for him to hear you.  

the pet names has been something you've been working on as well. you're ex boyfriend hated them, and you were never allowed to call him them, although you find them really cute. dokyeom just about melts every time you call him one. he smiles brightly at you as he turns around to find you standing by the shelves, happy that you're growing more and more comfortable by the day.

"yes baby?" he asks, initiating the butterflies. 

"can you help please? i can't reach" you pout. he chuckles at you endearingly before coming over.

"which one?" he asks.

you point up to the mug that you've chosen. he reaches up and takes it off the shelf effortlessly, smiling as he hands it to you. 

"for your tea?" he asks, already knowing exactly why you chose it. you nod happily. 

"which one are you going to paint?" you ask, noticing he hasn't looked at them yet.

"i don't know" he shrugs, "i'm not very good at stuff like this" he says.

you shake your head sternly, "you're good at literally everything" you blurt out, nothing having said something so honestly before. 

"everything, huh?" he asks, smirking and raising an eyebrow suggestively.

you blush madly. "dokyeom!" you say, hitting his chest softly. 

"you said it, not me!" he laughs, shrugging as if he's innocent in the matter. 

sometimes you're convinced he just likes to make you blush. 

"hey lovebirds!" one of your friends yell, getting your attention. "come sit down and start painting, we're spilling drama" they say, enticing you. 

you quickly pick out a puppy for dokyeom to paint, which is extremely fitting. you sit down where you put your coat, and he sits next to you. everyone gets to conversing as you are in your own little world picking out the colors for your mug. he smiles at you without you even noticing, getting caught up in how precious you look. he knows he's in love. he's known he was in love for a while now, but didn't want to pressure you into feeling something if you weren't ready yet. 

he doesn't know that you already positive you're in love too, but are too scared to say it first.

once you have all the paints squeezed into your pallet, you choose a paintbrush and get to work. you chime into the conversation every now and then, laughing at all the jokes. dokyeom paints his puppy, which is turning out amazing just as you expected. after you've finished the base your hand starts to cramp up from the weird angle its been in. you lay down your paintbrush on the table. while he's amidst in talking, you nervously reach your hand out under the table and rest it on his knee. every once in a while you just get the overwhelming need to have him close. your ex was not touchy feely, and wasn't favorable to your clinginess. dokyeom is even touchier than you, so you knew you didn't have to worry about that anymore. 

you look up at his face as you notice a smile appear at the gesture. he answers your friend, then puts his paintbrush down as well. he places his hand on top of yours and then brings it up so its resting higher up on his thigh. butterflies, again.

"sorry, i just felt like you were far away" you mumble, immediately cursing yourself for apologizing. you hate that your ex has made you feel like normal things aren't normal. 

he smiles gently as if he heard your internal dialogue. "you can touch me whenever you want to, sweetheart. no apologies needed". he squeezes your hand as if to send the message home.

"i know, i'm sorry" you say. dammit, you did it again. 

he giggles at you, shaking his head. he just leans forward and kisses your cheek, which is bright red, of course. 

you all continue to finish up your paintings, having a ton of fun as you sip on the champagne and tell stories. you're pretty proud of your mug, and dokyeom loves it so much he takes a picture of it and sends it to his mom. you say goodbye to everyone and start walking again, making your way to your apartment. you don't really want him to go home yet, but you know you are both busy with work tomorrow. 

"did i ever tell you how much i like your hair like that?" you ask jokingly, only because you're sure you've told him a hundred times. you love it when its down and fluffy. he stays holding your hand as you make your way up the steps until you're in front of your apartment door.

"maybe once or twice" he jokes with a smile, "but you can keep saying it" he adds, wiggling his eyebrows. 

you giggle back at him until you both get quiet, neither one of you wanting to say goodbye.

"i have to tell you something" he says, and for once he is the one looking nervous. the role switch is endearing. 

you nod, indicating that you're listening.

"i love you y/n" he says, finally saying it out loud. he starts nervously rambling "i don't expect you to say anything back yet. i know it might be too soon for you and i'm sorry but i just couldn't ke-"

you cut him off. 

"i love you too, dokyeom" you say, as if its the most obvious thing in the world. you've never been so sure of your feelings. 

he is still caught up in his nerves, "what?" he asks, making sure he heard you right.

"i said i love you too, stupid" you giggle. 

he smiles so wide you're scared his mouth might break. and then he's pulling you into the tightest hug you've ever been in. he pulls away and cups your face, kissing you lovingly as you bring your hand up to his hair. the kiss only stops once you lose your balance and stumble into the closed door, causing him to break away and chuckle at you. 

"stay the night" you say seriously, not even phrasing it as a question.

"oh thank god, cause there was no way in hell i was going home" he says with relief, pulling you back into him with an arm around your waist.

you put the key in and open the door quickly as he keeps you close. you barely manage to get the door open before his lips are on yours again.

"now lets continue that kiss, shall we?" he says, kicking the door closed with his foot as his hands grip you to him and you stumble to the couch.

[dokeythings]

| lethal secrets | (dokyeom)

*tw: mentions of suicide and depression

"y/n, please, i don't want to fight with you" he begs, his voice teetering on on the brink of a breakdown. he's trying to remain calm. trying to remain steady and responsible. 

"well i do! i want to fight with you! i'm tired of us pushing our problems to the side and pretending they don't exist!" you scream back, not matching his calm energy at all. you've had enough, and this evening was your breaking point. 

"we can talk about our problems without fighting" he answers hesitantly, hoping you don't continue to escalate things.

but you do. 

you're not sure why his calm, non urgent tone is bothering you so much, but it's making you feel like he doesn't care. and that's pissing you off.

"we clearly can't! because you never tell me what you're thinking! it's a battle everyday where i'm apparently supposed to just read your mind. where you get quiet and then disappear for schedule for hours on end and then we never talk about it. ever!" you yell, getting completely frustrated. you're going to be letting out things you've wanted to say for a long time now.

dokyeom looks down at the floor, your words not falling upon deaf ears. you hit a weak spot. he knows he's not good at sharing his feelings and thoughts with you. he knew you would get fed up with it eventually, despite his efforts to fix this bad habit. hearing you say it made it real. he's scared you won't have the patience for it anymore. you can tell that you got to him.

"i'm trying, y/n. i really am" he says quietly, wishing the confrontation would just end. but he knows he messed up.

"you're not dokyeom! sometimes i swear i don't know anything about  you" you say, as if you're punching him in the gut. you regret your words instantly. you wish you could shut your mouth.

he shakes his head sadly, "that's not true. you know everything about me. i've opened up to you" he says, trying to finally stand up for himself. 

"then why are you always sneaking off and disappearing everyday, for way longer than i know you have work. and why do i hear rumors of things going on in your life that you have never once told me? that you'd rather tell anyone but me? do you know how much that hurts me?" you say angrily, but the tears well up in your eyes, conveying an all too different emotion that you try to push to the background.

what dokyeom hasn't told you about is the extra hour a day he's been going to see a therapist. he hasn't told you about how he's been really struggling to get out of the shelter of the bed sheets for months now. or how he doesn't have the energy to fight with you. but how he wants to fight for you. how most days he only stays alive for you. he sees now that that hasn't been enough. 

all you want is to be there for him. you want to know what he's thinking all the time, and why he will randomly go quiet and get that far off look in his eyes. you want to be in on the secrets that everyone else is. you want for him to let you love him. you don't want it to have to be done this way, but you can't get through to him any other way. you feel your heart tearing apart with every word you yell at him. 

"i've been going through some stuff" he trails off, avoiding your eyes still. he looks defeated.

you quit the yelling. "some stuff? what does stuff mean?" you ask. you are still irritated, and feeling so utterly left out and helpless. you can't help him if he doesn't admit what he needs help with. 

he breaks down.

he hasn't cried in months. he hasn't been able to. his eyes have been dry and his body has been numb. but looking at you, seeing you get angry with him for something he's so desperately trying to fix for you, he loses it. he didn't want you to know. he didn't want to be the broken man who feels like he can't even keep himself alive. you fell in love with a happy, optimistic dokyeom who brightened up your day. he doesn't feel like that person anymore, and he couldn't bear to find out what would happen if you noticed. 

he's on the ground before you can even comprehend what's happening. he's sobbing into his hands, his knees dropped to the floor as if his body gave up on him. you are paralyzed. you've never seen him cry like this.

"dokyeom?" you ask quietly, softly this time. you think you went too far. you think you shouldn't have gotten the information out of him this way. you curse yourself for losing your temper. you can't lose him. not when he needs you most.

he doesn't answer. he doesn't even look up. you think he may have not even heard you over his crying and the hiccups. 

"baby" you say, a little louder this time. you take a few weary steps towards him until you're standing right above him.

you bend down slowly and place your hand on his shoulder. he looks up at the contact, wondering why you aren't yelling anymore. he doesn't even remember breaking down. he suddenly feels numb again. 

you stare back at him into his bloodshot eyes, finally seeing the secrets he's been hiding from you. he's broken. 

you sit down on the floor in front of him. if he's broken, you must be strong.

"my sweet boy. i'm sorry for yelling at you. i just want to help you. i need to know what's going on so i can help you" you say gently, keeping your distance and building up the conversation slowly. you've never seen him so fragile. you're terrified. but you have to stay strong. 

"sometimes i don't want to be alive" he says, cutting right to the point. he can't hide anymore. 

you suck in, your breath hitching at his words. salty tears of your own fall down your cheeks. you feel like you can't breathe. 

"baby" you choke out, reaching your hand out to him. you don't even know what to say. you don't know where to go from here.

he sees your tears. he sees your fear. this is what he was avoiding. there's no going back now. 

"i've been seeing a therapist. that's why i'm gone a lot. i've had to talk to the company a lot too. it's been a whole process" he continues, spilling it all.  "i'm in the middle of getting antidepressants. i still can barely admit it to myself. i didn't know how i could admit it to you" he chokes out. 

you hold his hand tightly.

"i don't feel like the same person you fell in love with. i'm scared you won't love who i am now" he breaths out, ending it with a sob. 

your heart shatters. of course you will still love him. of course you would! everything you fell in love with is still in there. it's all still in him, you see it everyday.

"please look at me" you encourage. 

he switches his gaze from the ground to you. the second you look into his eyes, you hate yourself. you should have been there. you should have been helping him. you should have known without him having to say a word.

"i love you, dokyeom" you say sternly, praying it gets through to him. you need it to get through to him. 

"i loved you the second i met you, i loved you yesterday, and i'll love you tomorrow" you continue, scooting even closer to him.

he sniffles.

"it's going to be okay. you're getting the help you need. you're doing everything right, baby" you say, your lip quivering as you try to be brave for him.

he doesn't say another word. he throws himself into you, wrapping his arms tightly around you in a hug thats been a long time coming. you hold onto him for everything its worth. you hold him like he's the most delicate thing in the world, who could break at any touch. but you also hold him like he's the bravest, strongest thing in the world, who you know without a doubt can get through this. 

"i'm so sorry i didn't tell you" he cries, not daring to let go of you. 

"please don't say sorry. none of that matters anymore. all that matters is that you get better" you say honestly, rubbing his back gently. 

you softly take his face in your hands and make him look at you again before you say this. 

"don't you fucking leave me baby. don't you dare go anywhere" you speak, the tears falling once more. your throat feels tight. you aren't doing so good at being strong for him. 

he knows exactly what you mean. he hears you. he looks into your eyes, noticing the sheer fear in them. a fear that he instilled. he decides right then and there that he's going to get better. that he has to get better. he knows without a doubt that you'll be there with him, holding his hand the whole time. for the first time in a long time, he feels a little stronger. he feels like there is light on the other side of the tunnel he's been trapped in.

[dokeythings]

| he’s the one | (dokyeom)

"are you sure i look okay?" dokyeom asks, tugging at his shirt for the hundredth time as he repositions himself in front of the mirror one last time before you both head out the door. "i feel like my boobs are out" he says nonchalantly, seeing nothing wrong with his statement.

you laugh out loud at his absurd comment, shaking your head at his distress. "you're fine, baby. you look perfect" you say, leaving a light kiss on his forehead to calm the nerves that you know are swimming around in there. "now come on, lets head out" you say with a smile, hoping you actually make it out the door this time.

he takes one last long look in the mirror. he's wearing baggy jeans, paired with a very loose white tank top underneath an oversized flannel, leaving his chest exposed. he insisted that his hair was messy today and it wouldn't comply, so he topped it all off with a yankees baseball cap. since you know him so well, you know it's probably going to come back off sooner or later. he looks absolutely handsome as usual, and you know that his outfit isn't the real reason why he's so antsy. you're meeting up at an outdoor brewery with some of your friends. despite having been dating for a while, dokyeom hasn't met most of your friends because they live a bit further away. one of the people coming today has been your best friend since you were 5. he's a family friend that has been through all of your ups and downs, and you have been waiting for him to meet your boyfriend for what feels like forever now. you have a strong feeling they are going to hit it off. however, dokyeom finds himself extremely nervous and on edge today. he doesn't want to mess this up. he wants nothing more than for your friends to love him like you do. he's feeling shy and awkward, trying to remind himself that it will be okay. 

once you're in the car he sits silently and watches out the window. you wish he wasn't so nervous, as you know your friends couldn't dislike him even if they tried. you hope you didn't somehow put any pressure on him from all your stories about your best friends, and how much they mean to you. that was never your intention. once everyone has a few beers in them, you think it will go swimmingly. a little liquid courage never hurt, right?

once you pull in to the brewery and park, you notice that it's super busy here today. you have a little bit of a hike up from the parking spot to the tables outside. 

"ready?" you ask him, turning to face him with a smile.

"mhmm" he hums, smiling back apprehensively.

you know that typically addressing his nerves only makes it worse, so you try not to talk about it on the way up. you can see his shy, reserved personality on display today. you hope to make him feel more comfortable.

with it being the middle of november, there's a chill in the air that can be unforgiving at times. you notice dokyeom shake a little from the breeze, wrapping his arms around himself. 

"i tried to tell you that you would be cold" you tease, reminiscing on how you told him a billion times to wear something heavier. 

he doesn't verbally reply, just gives you a 'yeah yeah' kind of face back, shaking his head jokingly. you frown at his quietness, and think you might have to break your rule about not talking about it. you stop him from walking for a moment just before you hit the entrance. you stand in front of him and slide your arms under his flannel, wrapping them around his fit waist. in part this is to give him some warmth, and in part to cheer him up. he smiles down at you as he tightens the hug and rests his chin on top of your head momentarily. you look up at him and say, 

"please just be yourself. that's all you need to do" with a encouraging smile. 

"i will try. i promise" he replies back, kissing the top of your head before he lets go and you both walk through the fenced entrance. 

your eyes scan through the crowds of people scattered throughout the lawn, trying to spot your friends. eventually you make eye contact with somebody waving back at you, and before you know it you are practically running over to him. it's been way too long since you've seen him, since you've seen them all actually. 

"ryan!!!" you exclaim, meeting him and throwing your arms around him. 

"little dude!" he exclaims, using his nickname for you. "its been way too long". you pull out of the hug and greet your other two friends in the same manner, having missed them a lot. 

ryan brought along his boyfriend today, which made dokyeom feel a little more comfortable when you told him that he wasn't the only significant other coming. you've only met ryan's boyfriend a couple of times, but he's a lovely guy and you're so happy ryan found him. you back up a bit to move next to your boyfriend, who has been awkwardly standing behind you during all the greetings, politely smiling and waiting for his turn.

"guys, this is dokyeom. dokyeom, this is ryan, johnny,  kimberly, and mia" you say, pointing them out accordingly. 

"hi, it's so nice to finally meet you guys" dokyeom smiles, extending his hand and greeting them all. as they exchange niceties for a second, mia pulls you aside and says quietly in your ear,

"holy shit y/n, he's fucking gorgeous. pictures of him did not prepare me for this" she says excitedly, making you chuckle. 

"trust me, i know. don't be trying to steal my man now" you joke, pushing her shoulder lightly and making her laugh.

"i don't know about you guys but i think we should just cut to the drinks right away" ryan says while clapping his hands together. everybody agrees in a chorus of "yes" 's. ryan says the guys will go get them for everybody. 

"what do you want, love?" dokyeom asks, getting your attention as he places his hand on the small of your back.

you tell him what you'd like, and then step closer to him for a moment so the girls don't hear you talk as to not embarrass him. 

"you doing okay?" you ask gently, placing your hand on his chest. he reaches up and puts his hand over yours. 

"yeah, i'm okay baby" he assures you with a sweet smile. you kiss his cheek before he heads inside with the guys. 

when you turn around you are met with kimberly and mia giggling at you with stupid grins on their faces.

"he calls you love" they gush in unison, aweing at the interaction they just witnessed.

"okay you guys promised you wouldn't fall in love with him" you say, crossing your arms playfully. they both shrug innocently, still in a fit of giggles. 

you see the guys coming back with the drinks, a smile plastered on your face when you see dokyeom laughing along to something johnny said. you feel so much better now that he's loosened up a little. he hands the drink to you, to which you hum a "thank you babe". you all find a little fire pit to sit around, where cute tree stump stools and benches are laid out. you sit next to dokyeom on a bench, feeling the much needed warmth from the fire. he sits sideways a little, allowing you to lean into his chest. he wraps an arm around you, bringing it up to his face every now and then to take a sip of his drink. he keeps the other hand resting on your thigh. you love belonging to him. you catch eyes with ryan who's been watching you closely. he smiles at you happily. he has always been ecstatic that you met dokyeom. he knows how happy you are with him, and he's so glad he gets to see it in person now. everybody starts conversing, just catching up on all things life, as well as interrogating dokyeom. they are doing it nicely, of course, but you still warned them not to do it. of course they didn't listen. dokyeom doesn't seem to mind though, and he answers all their questions like a good sport. 

you find yourself shivering as a cloud rolls over the sun. 

"look who's cold now" you hear your boyfriend mock from behind you, a smile hidden in his teasing tone.

"whatever" you tease, looking up at him momentarily. he makes an effort to pull you closer into him, trying to give you as much of his body warmth as possible even though he's cold himself. he reaches up and takes off his hat, as you predicted would happen eventually even after all the fuss over his "bad hair day". you watch him as he shakes it out and runs his fingers through the strands. it falls perfectly. you're not surprised. his bare face is tanned and beautifully sculpted, all his features being highlighted by the shining sun peaking out from the clouds. he notices you watching.

"does it look okay?" he asks curiously, hoping the answer is yes.

you nod, reaching your hand up to mess with it briefly as well. 

you hear the famous giggles again, and turn your head to notice your friends reaction to his hair. 

"are they okay?" he asks quietly so they don't hear, raising an eyebrow at their antics. 

"oh yeah, they're more than fine. they just think you're incredibly hot" you say, chuckling to yourself at their harmless fun. 

"oh" he says sheepishly, his cheeks turning red hot. you find it adorable. you smile at his shyness now that he feels the attention on him. 

everybody finishes up their drinks, opting that its time for another round. this time the girls offer to go inside and get them, leaving the boys by the fire to talk. you guys get sidetracked inside, hanging around to take in the heat they have blaring. when you make it back outside you find the three of them deep in conversation. dokyeom is talking a lot, clearly opening up. mia says we should hang around at a nearby table and let them talk, after we quickly drop off their drinks.

"you seem really, really happy with him y/n" kimberly says once you're all settled at the table. 

"i am. seriously i didn't even know this was possible" you reply, referring to the love you've found with him.

"ahhh!" she exclaims. "i'm so happy for you" she says as they bring you in for a group hug. 

as some more time passes, you look over by the fire and meet dokyeom's eyes. he smiles brightly at you, giving you butterflies as he sends you a slight nod as to say hello. you quickly pull out your phone and type out a text, sending it to him right away. you gesture for him to check his phone, to which he sees the text

you look cute 

you watch him as he laughs at the message, blushing at the compliment. he focuses on his phone as he types back,

you look cuter

you smile at the screen as he gets pulled back into conversation. its only a couple minutes later after talking with the girls that you feel a pair of arms wrap around your shoulders from behind. 

"hey pretty" he mumbles into your hair, squeezing you for warmth. 

"hi" you smile up at him.

"i'm going to go to the restroom. i heard theres a long line" he says, pouting. 

"you'll survive" you say teasingly, kissing his pouty lips before he heads inside. 

when you turn your attention back to your friends you realize you must have missed something because they are all smiling at you goofily. 

"what?" you ask, raising your eyebrows.

"he says he's gonna marry you" ryan blurts out, so excited to share the news with you. 

"also i think i'm in love with him" he adds quickly, earning a soft hit on the arm from an offended johnny, which only makes him laugh. 

you smile at what he told you, slipping into a daydream about you walking down the aisle in a pretty white dress, meeting dokyeom at the end of it. 

"if you don't make us bridesmaids i swear!!" kimberly squeals, imagining the day too.

"of course you will be!" you answer back, getting giddy at the thought. you try not to get your hopes up, but you believe him. you can't picture doing life with anyone else. 

"what are you guys talking about?" dokyeom asks as he meets up with you all again.

"you and y/n's wedding" mia says giggling, having no filter.

"miaaaa" you whine, burying your face in your hands, extremely embarrassed. 

you can't bear to look up at him as you hear him chuckle fondly at the situation. he gently pulls your hands away from your face and makes you look at him. he holds your hand on the table as he sits down next to you, your knees touching.

"i can't wait" he says with a smirk, sending your cheeks a flaming shade of red and making your heart skip a beat.

[dokeythings]

| hey baby, i think i wanna marry you | (dokyeom)

this is PART 2! :)

"you're getting really burnt baby" dokyeom says suddenly, noticing how your arm is in direct sunlight and turning bright pink.

you shrug it off as he keeps his arm around you, placing his hand on your arm so that most of it is covered. it's hot to the touch.

"let's go inside for a bit, i'll get you some sunscreen. i think my grandma is inside anyways" he says, standing up from the bench.

you haven't met his grandmother yet, but that's the one you're most nervous about. the grandmas like a big deal, isn't it? maybe you're just thinking about it too much. you stand up and follow him into the house, staying behind him as he leads you into the kitchen. his grandma is in there making even more food, even though there's enough out there already to feed a small country. it reminds you of your grandma, and for a moment you are a little calmer.

"hi grandma!" he calls out happily, meeting her over by the sink. she turns around and sees it's him, and brings him in for a big hug. you melt at the sight, seeing how much she loves him and is happy he's here. you have that in common with her. you stand awkwardly at the end of the kitchen, rocking on your feet.

"and this pretty girl must be y/n! i've heard so much about you" she says as she looks over at you, smiling sweetly.

dokyeom turns towards you with a soft smile and holds his hand out, indicating for you to come over. you take his hand and step forward, smiling back at her. 

"well aren't you just a vision" she beams, taking you in as you shift awkwardly under all the attention. "you weren't wrong, she is absolutely stunning" she says, nudging your boyfriend. he notices your flushed cheeks and stands next to you, placing his hand lovingly on your back. 

"thank you" you say shyly, still red from the compliment. "it's so nice to meet you. i've also heard so much about you, especially your famous cooking" you say, trying to initiate the small talk. she chuckles at the compliment, and notices you extend your hand out to shake hers.

"oh i'm a hugger dear" she says, pulling you in for a hug. you smile at the gesture, looking at dokyeom as you hug her back. 

"i told you" he mouths, giggling quietly, as he had warned me a couple days ago about how she was a big hugger. 

she starts to talk about the food she's making, and you politely follow along. dokyeom stands back and watches as you happily obliging to taking the spoon in your mouth and testing the recipe. he puts his hand on your back again, rubbing gently as butterflies erupt in your stomach. as his grandma turns to get something from the fridge, you turn to him thinking he's trying to get your attention.

"yeah?" you ask him, noticing his dorky smile.

"nothing" he answers, continuing to rub your back. 

she comes back with a new ingredient and gets back to work, letting you help when you can. dokyeom has talked about you a lot to his grandma, and she knows how happy you make him. she already loved you before she even met you. he notices your bright pink arm, remembering why he brought you in here in the first place.

"hey grandma, do you have any sunscreen?" he asks. "y/n is getting burnt pretty badly out there". he gently touches my arm, showing her.

"oh poor girl!" she frowns. "yes yes it's in the cabinet above the sink in the bathroom".

he says thank you and brings you to the bathroom. the house is quiet as everybody else is outside, their voices quietly traveling through the open windows. you peek around at the living room area as you walk by, noticing that she has quite the eye for decoration, and countless pictures of the family all in beautiful picture frames. you smile as you take it all in. once you're in the bathroom he takes out the sunscreen right away, gently applying it to your arm as to not hurt you. you lean against the sink as he does so, just admiring him. he catches your eyes, smiling at you.

"how're you doing baby girl?" he asks, hoping that you're a little less nervous and having some fun.

"good, actually. everybody is so nice" you smile.

"they love you" he smiles, stating matter of factly. he leans in to peck your lips.

"i don't even think i'm being that awkward" you say honestly, surprised at yourself.

"well that makes a lot of sense, because i told you you're not awkward" he says, poking your belly and making you laugh. you laugh in response, sticking your tongue out.

"and, i'm really proud of you" he adds, holding your hand.

"thank you" you reply softly, kissing his cheek.

after he puts the sunscreen back you leave the bathroom and go back into the kitchen where his grandma tells us that everyone is getting ready to take a walk down to the lake. theres a little lake at the end of the street, one dokyeom has told many fond stories of so you are really excited to see it. you meet everybody outside and start walking, the two of you trailing behind a little. you take his hand in yours, happily swaying them back and forth as you walk. something about today feels perfect, but you can't quite put your finger on it. the temperature is the kind that feels like a warm hug, embracing you and cooling you off with a breeze just when you need it. there are no clouds in the sky, giving the sun the spotlight to shine down on everything it touches.

dokyeom thinks you couldn't possibly look more beautiful right now if you tried. the sun is getting lower in the sky, leaving a golden hue on your skin. your eyes sparkle when you look at him, the caramel brown being the prettiest color he thinks he's ever seen. he uses his free hand to subconsciously reach into his pocket and hold the ring, a habit he's developed lately when he's admiring you. he chuckles at you as you let go of his hand and run ahead quickly saying "this butterfly is so pretty!". you bend down to the height of the plant it landed on, trying to get it to land on your finger. to no avail, it flew away and vanished. 

"it flew away" you pout, turning around to look at him. 

he's stopped in the street a few feet away, smiling at your cute frustration. 

"i'm sorry cutie, maybe he'll come back" he says. 

you start to wall back towards him but he says "wait! stay right there!".

you tilt your head at him inquisitively, waiting for an explanation. he pulls out his phone and gets the camera ready, pointing it at you. he tells you to smile, so you do. he focuses the camera, cooing at the view. a rush of wind blows by right as he's about to press the button, blowing your hair back behind you. the sun is almost down now, leaving everything with a tint of darkness, but you stay bright as the sun. he's amazed by you, and that will never change. most of the others are already down at the lake, and its just in view. you hear them laughing and cheering, and then a couple loud booms. the colorful lights change the color of the sky, whizzing and cracking as they go by. you turn to the side to look at the fireworks, smiling brightly in awe at the nice surprise. dokyeom takes the picture, right as a beautiful red firework explodes in the sky, lighting up the genuine smile on your face. it's his new favorite photo of you. 

for a moment you forget he was even taking a picture as you get so caught up in the pretty display. 

"y/n" dokyeom says, smiling to himself widely as he waits for you to turn around.

this is it.

as you turn around, he drops down to his knee, watching your face the whole time. his hands get clammy, and his heart is beating a million miles a minute. you look so pretty right now, and he loves you more than he understands. you bring your hand up to your mouth, realizing what's happening. you really didn't expect this, but at the same time it is the most perfect timing. 

"theres no way of doing this without sounding cringey" he says, laughing nervously as he shakes his head momentarily, reaching his hand into his pocket. "every single day since the day i met you i have been changed for the better. you are the other half of me, an extension of me. i love you more everyday even when i think i already love you more than anyone could ever love anything. i want to do this for the rest of my life. i want to wake up next to you everyday, and eat chocolate chip pancakes and cereal for breakfast and have you yell at me saying it's too much sugar" he chuckles at the comment. 

you giggle back, realizing that tears have been streaming down your face since the second his knee touched the ground.

"you are everything that's good in this world. you have shown me what love is, what happiness is, and what life is all about" he continues, smiling ear to ear as a tear falls from his eye as well. he doesn't bother wiping it away. you cry harder at his sincerity. 

"baby, will you marry me?" he finally asks, opening the case and holding the ring out in front of him. 

you can't even speak, your lips are stuck in a smile and your cheeks are soaked with tears. you start nodding vigorously, before finally your vocal chords do their job.

"yes!! yes yes a million times yes!" you respond, not waiting another second to throw yourself at him. 

he stands up from the ground just in time to catch you, spinning you around as the fireworks continue to go off in the back. believe it or not, he didn't even know they were going to do that. perfect touch guys, he thinks. 

he places you back on the ground, keeping his arms wrapped around you tightly and proudly. he slides the ring on your finger and then cups your face, kissing you passionately. you kiss him back so hard as you are bubbling with overwhelming happiness at the thought of this being your reality for the rest of forever. 

"i love you so much" you say, placing your hands on either side of his face. 

he smiles, "god i love you so much too". he looks into your eyes for a little while, trying to comprehend the fact that he has the most perfect girl in the world as his soon to be wife. 

the homemade version of the firework finale begins, making you feel like this isn't even real life. you turn around to watch them light up the sky. dokyeom stands behind you, pulling you against his chest and wrapping his arms around your waist. you lean your head on his chest as you look up at the show, the lights dancing in your eyes. you feel his heart beating against your head, smiling at how fast it is. 

"i think this is the best day of my life" you say, tilting your head to look up at him. 

you expect him to turn his attention away from the fireworks and look down at you, but he was already looking. you blush.

"good, because it is most definitely mine" he kisses your forehead, then your nose, and then your lips. the ring looks much better on your finger than it did in his pocket, and now he thinks he has nothing to ever complain about, because everything he will ever need is right here.

[dokeythings]

| hey baby, i think i wanna marry you | (dokyeom)

PART 1

dokyeom has had the ring in his pocket everywhere you guys went for the past 3 weeks. but even without bulky case poking into his thigh all the time, he has thought about marrying you everyday for the last 4 years. there's been many occasions where he's almost dropped everything to get down on one knee, and ask you to make him the happiest man on the planet. he's usually too nervous, quietly slipping the ring back into his pocket without you noticing. he's not weary about how you'll react, because he knows you'll say yes. he's nervous about when the perfect time is. he wants it to be memorable, to be something you'll never see coming but also be perfectly ready at the same time.

today his family is having a little summer get-together, with some of the family members being ones he doesn't get to see too often. in turn, this means that you have never met most of them. of course they told him immediately that they would love for him to bring you along, as they want to meet the girl he talks so highly about. you happily accepted, loving spending time with him any chance you can get. dokyeom knows you're nervous, but he also knows that theres no chance in hell that they won't fall in love with you right away. he keeps his hands on the wheel, nodding along to the song playing. you're about 20 minutes out now, seemingly making you even more nervous.

"hey" you say. he turns his head to you briefly to show his attention, before looking back towards the highway. "do you need both hands on the wheel right now or?" you say as you trail off the end of the sentence.

he chuckles at you, knowing exactly what you mean by the question. he releases his right hand from the wheel and places it in your leg, holding his hand up as you slide yours into his. he gains a small smile from you in response, but he sees your other leg bouncing up and down.

"you hanging in there baby?" he asks, running his thumb over your hand gently.

"i think i'm gonna throw up" you answer honestly, feeling that distinct feeling in your stomach that you always feel during a social anxiety flare up.

dokyeom has the patience of a saint when it comes to your anxiety, never being annoyed or frustrated with it. he lets you tell him how you're feeling and what he can do to make it better. after all these years he's learned to understand it more, and can oftentimes be ahead of it and know when you are going to experience it badly. he wishes you didn't have to live this way, but he decided a long time ago that if he can't take it away then he will do everything in his power to make things more comfortable for you.

"i'm sorry sweet girl. i promise you're gonna have a lot of fun once we are there" he says, hoping that any ounce of his words can make you calm down a bit, but he knows it isn't usually that easy. you just nod back, holding his hand tighter. he exits off the highway, stopping at a red-light once you are in the town. you know you are getting really close now. he lets go of your hand for a second, making you instinctually frown.

he smiles at you sweetly, saying "just one second baby". while he's waiting for the light to turn green he picks up his phone which is playing the music, and messes around for a second before putting it back down and holding your hand again. he starts driving again as the current song ends and the next one starts up. you notice now that he queued your favorite song.

he knows how much you love it, always playing it every time you get in the car with him, and you sing loudly every time. he loves watching your little mini performance and how you light up when your favorite part comes on. however, this time your mind is elsewhere, and you don't really feel like singing along.

"come on, sing it, i know you want to" he says happily, shaking your hand a little and urging you to let loose. when you just giggle in response, nodding your head no, he sings it for you. now of course, he is a professional singer, so he sings it better than you ever do, and you prefer this version better anyways.

"i'm sorry i'm such a downer" you blurt out randomly, feeling bad about how often you probably burden him with your anxiety.

"you're not a downer. you're just nervous love, and thats okay" he responds calmly, wishing you wouldn't be so hard on yourself.

you keep your eyes out the window as he continues turning down street by street, eventually pulling into the driveway and stopping the car. he turns the car off and turns towards you, attempting to give you a pep talk before you go in. you notice all the cars parked on the street and the driveway, making the ache in your stomach even stronger.

"we'll go in whenever you're ready" he says softly, tucking your hair behind your ear. you don't know how you got so lucky with him.

"i'm just so awkward" you huff, wishing you had the ability to make effortless small talk like he can.

"you aren't awkward baby. you're just a little shy sometimes. and it's adorable" he adds, poking your cheek. you have always been shy during new interactions with people, only warming up after a little while of knowing them. you perceive it as one of your biggest flaws, but he thinks its cute.

"i'm not shy with you. why can't i be like that with everyone else?" you question honestly. you are the most raw, authentic version of yourself with him.

he just smiles at your question, honored that you've always been able to be so comfortable with him. he loves that you don't have to hesitate around him, that you don't have to constantly have up your guard or filter what you say.

"just pretend everyone is me then" he replies, shrugging like its the most obvious thing in the world.

he manages to make you laugh, as you say "hmm okay yeah i'll have to try that" sarcastically.

before you can change your mind you take a deep breath and say "okay lets go". you unbuckle your seatbelt and look in the mirror one last time to make sure you look okay, to which dokyeom says to you an instinctual 'you're the prettiest girl in the world'.  you both climb out of the car and take a few steps towards the house before he stops you for a moment.

"i'll be right here the whole time" he reminds you, bringing you in for a quick hug.

"i know" you mumble into his chest, feeling extremely grateful for him.

he takes your hand in his and leads you towards the backyard where everybody is gathered. once you get closer his mom and dad notice you two, and you are so relieved to be greeted with some familiar faces. you love his parents, and you got along with them right away. they rush over to greet you both, saying they are so happy that you could make it. dokyeom leads you down a little further to where everyone is sitting around eating. to your surprise as well as relief, the introductions are less painful than you imagined in your head. you do your best to return the small talk and keep a smile plastered on your face the whole time. whenever theres a little bit of silence dokyeom fills it naturally.

one of his cousins offers you both to sit down next to her at the table. you sit down on a bench next to dokyeom, fiddling with your fingers as the two of them talk and catch up with each other. the conversation lulls down, and you stay quiet not really having anything to add. dokyeom drapes an arm around your shoulder, tracing his fingers on your upper arm softly. you calm down at his touch. he knows this because the leg that you've been bouncing up and down has finally stopped.

"you want to get anything to eat baby?" he asks, knowing that you are already going to say no, even though a part of you could eat.

you say no thank you, throwing in a 'maybe later' to make him worry a little less. he says he's going to go get something as he stands up. he was going to offer you to come with him, but his aunt starts up a conversation with you. he smiles at you encouragingly before he leaves you alone to answer all her questions.

he comes back quickly, sitting down back next to you with enough food for the both of you. as he predicted, you reach over and take a piece of fruit from his plate. he smiles at you, happy you're eating. you spend the next few minutes eating as much food as your weak, nervous stomach can bare. you feel a sudden rush of bravery, feeling more confident with him here, keeping a hand on your thigh to ground you. you turn to his cousin and ask her about work, as it's something you have considered going into yourself. she happily answers, starting up a conversation where you feel yourself answering so naturally, something you're not used to.

dokyeom listens in quietly, smiling fondly at you as you speak about something you're so passionate about. he's proud of you. he's only been falling in love with you more and more since you've gotten here. he's watched you interact with his family, and run around with all the little kids present, happily playing along with their games. despite being nervous, you managed to come out of your shell a little. he's already had multiple family members pull him aside and tell him how much they love you. it's starting to feel like the ring won't live in his pocket for much longer. this could be it.

[dokeythings]

| tipsy | (dokyeom)

you wrap your arms around yourself, desperate to get some warmth from the cold in the air tonight. you rub up and down on your arms as the wind hits you, making its way through the holes in your sweater. your boyfriend is walking ahead of you, swaying into the other members as we walk down the block to the club. some of them pregamed a bit too hard, including dokyeom. he nearly trips over, well, air, and falls into seungkwan. everybody erupts in laughter, giggling at his misfortune. you attempt to giggle lightly to fit in, but in reality you are feeling very anxious. he moves back to the end of the group and meets up with you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. you feel warmer in his touch, leaning into him momentarily.

"hey pretty" he mumbles, trying to appear less intoxicated than he is, and failing at it.

you say hello back, wrapping an arm around his waist to steady his walking. he moves you over to the inside of the sidewalk. in this position he gets too close to the curb too often for your liking.

"kyeom" you urge, "please be careful" you say, trying hard not to be a nervous ninny.

he moves you both farther into the sidewalk, leaving the curb a safe distance away. he looks at you for a moment and you notice how tipsy he is, but how immediately sober he can become when it comes to you.

"sorry baby" he hums, making you feel better now that he's more steady.

"KWON SOONYOUNG!!!" he yells suddenly, his voice booming throughout the streets. other groups walking by look over at you all briefly, and quickly go back to what they were doing. hoshi is only mere feet away, but he yells back with the same volume. they start talking about something you aren't even listening to, their voices getting lost as you all file into the club.

they immediately merge into the sea of people and hit the dance floor, begging you to come join them. you don't feel like it quite yet, so you insist they go on and sit at the bar by yourself. dokyeom leaves a gentle kiss on your cheek before he disappears into the crowd. he does hesitate for a moment, looking like he had something else to say but he decides not to. you sigh softly and sit down at the bar stool.

you wish you didn't have to be this way. you wish you didn't feel like you suck the fun out of every thing you attend. every time you tell yourself it will be different, and you will be better. but it doesn't happen.

your father was an alcoholic growing up, loving the bottle more than he ever did you. you remember growing up in that house, hiding away in your room any time he was around. you were just a little kid, and you had to grow up at a rapid rate. you would come home from school to find him laying on the couch, out cold. you would pick up the empty bottles, and clean up quietly before he woke up. he treated your mom like shit, something that you'll hate him for for the rest of your life. there were even moments that you were scared he would hurt you, that he would finally cross that line. you were terrified of him, walking on eggshells constantly. he passed away years ago, after you had not spoken to him for nearly a decade. you never really processed it, you didn't know how to. maybe it was your own fault. maybe if you had, then you wouldn't be such a no fun loser.

dokyeom knows all about your past and your relationship with your dad. he has listened attentively to your words, making sure you were able to talk to him about it whenever you needed. you have slowly started to open up more, allowing yourself to heal at his hands. since knowing you, you know without a doubt that he has held back when it comes to drinking at social gatherings. he knows you feel uncomfortable around people who are drunk, something you're not sure if you will ever get over. you never intended for him to do this, and you have let him know plenty of times that he should not hold back on your account. you know you are safe with him, and you know that he would never put your in harms way, ever. but the second that smell of alcohol hits your nose, your heartbeat speeds up and you are suddenly that 6 year old girl again.

tonight, however, he finally let loose. the guys just finished playing a couple of really big concerts, coming off the high of it all. they wanted to go out together the celebrate, and it was all the reason for him to drink a little too much. you weren't mad at all, of course, and you are happy he is having so much fun. he deserves that after working so hard. you kind of just wanted to let them do their thing though, and hangout at home with a book and some tea. but here you are, sitting alone at the bar because you chose to not go dance with them. you know you do this to yourself.

you order a coke, earning a strange glance from the bartender, but he complies. you turn around as you wait, trying to find dokyeom on the floor. you spot him pretty quickly, watching him dance around like an idiot. he laughs loudly at something josh says, and even though the music is drowning out all noise from over there, you swear you can almost hear it. you smile to yourself, feeling your heart flutter. the bartender hands you your coke, and you turn back around and take a few sips. once you lean back, you become seemingly aware of the rest of the people at the bar. most men are old enough to be your father, and they have no shame in eyeing you up as they sit alone as well. you grimace at one of them, shifting under his gaze. you take out your phone and try to ignore them, wishing they would just become uninterested and leave you alone.

you feel a pair of arms wrap around your shoulders from behind, immediately making your fight or flight kick in. you must have jumped a little, because you hear,

"hey hey, its just me baby", the familiar voice soothing your mind and bringing your heart rate back down to normal. you turn around, looking up at the perpetrator, thanking god it's him.

"oh" you breathe out a sigh of relief, "good". you feel comforted, leaning against his chest as he tightens his grip around you upon noticing how tense you are.

"is everything okay?" he asks softly, looking into your eyes as he brushes his thumb across your cheek. his eyes streaked with concern. he was hesitant about bringing you here. he was hoping you would be able to have a little fun. he hopes this wasn't a mistake.

you shrug and nod at the same time, not being able to commit to an answer. "i just am feeling a little uncomfortable over here" you admit, glancing over at the men around you. one of them is looking right at you, staring at nothing but your chest, despite your obvious boyfriend standing right here with you. dokyeom follows your gaze, and shoots the man a look that immediately makes him turn around, never looking at you again. you're thankful for a moment that dokyeom can be scary when he wants to be. he changes his position, standing next to you so that he's between you and the scumbag man. you look up at him, he leaves a kiss on your forehead.

"come out there with us baby. i promise it's a lot of fun" he urges, smiling at you. he senses your hesitation without you even having to say anything. he hopes he didn't ruin this.

"i'm really not that drunk, i promise. i got over excited and i've sobered up a little now" he says, feeling as though he has to explain himself. you shake your head, frowning a bit. he doesn't have to explain himself, and you wish he didn't feel that way. you hate that you make him feel that way.

"babe" you start, putting your hand on his arm, "you are allowed to get drunk. i want you to have fun. you don't have to worry about me" you smile at him honestly, rubbing your hand up and down. you mean it, you don't want him to stop himself because of you.

"i know" he says, looking down. "i just want you to be comfortable" he says softly.

"i'm always comfortable with you. i don't think that anything you could do could change that" you say genuinely. you have always felt safe with him. he's one of the only people who you can truly say that about. you have a hard time trusting people, but thats never been a problem with him.

he nods, but stays quiet, so you try to lighten the mood. "lets get out there" you say happily, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the others. he perks up a little at your excitement.

"y/n!!!!" they shout in unison, excited that you joined them. they naturally form a little circle on the floor with just your group. someone pushes mingyu into the middle, urging him to dance. the song is upbeat and loud, giving him a perfect beat. yet somehow, he manages to look like a newborn baby giraffe. he grabs dokyeom's hand, dragging him in there with him. however, this only makes the dance look worse, and the duo flares around in the middle of our group as we all hype them up. one thing about dokyeom is that he's going to be the life of the party anywhere you go. you laugh until your ribs hurt and you think you can't take it anymore. you go into the middle, standing between them.

you yell loud enough to be heard over the music, "i'm sorry, but from what i just watched i genuinely can't believe you guys dance professionally for a living".

mingyu acts fake hurt, putting his hands on his hips sassily. dokyeom laughs at you, pushing your shoulder jokingly.

"okay lets see you try then" he laughs, pulling him and mingyu out of the circle, leaving you there alone. everyones eyes are on you, they clap to the song and watch you anxiously.

"go y/n! go y/n!" dokyeom starts the chant, everyone follows him instantly. you decide to just let loose, because what the hell? you start to dance as best you can. dance being a very loose term to define what you are doing. everyone is laughing and cheering you on, making you forgot all about how anxious you were at the beginning of the night. as you spin around in the mini circle you've all created, you feel like everything is moving in slow motion. you see everyones faces as you pass by, smiling fondly at you. you think for a moment how you wish everyone in the world could have friends like this.

the song starts to slow down and come to an end, and you are exhausted from all the movement. everyone cheers one last time, giving you high fives here and there. the circle kind of dissipating as the next song comes on and they all start dancing again. you push through towards your boyfriend, who is laughing at you before you even get a word in.

"you are never allowed to make fun of our dancing again" he chuckles, a nicer version of him trying to tell you that you absolutely sucked.

"asshole" you mutter, crossing your arms, pretending to be mad. you pretend to walk away from him and towards the others, but he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you back. he pulls you flush against his chest.

"for what its worth, you looked really fucking cute" he says into your ear so you can hear. you blush at his words, and rest your arms on top of his, making him hold you tighter. you look up at him and smile, but then say whats honestly on your mind right now.

"my feet hurt so bad i might have to cut them off". you did not wear the proper shoes for this.

he chuckles at your outburst, shifting a little so he has a better grip on you.

"lean on me baby, i've got you" he says, keeping you against him.

you let yourself fall into him a little, taking a load off of your feet. it feels so much better already. he keeps his arms around you and sways you both back and forth lightly. the music is so loud that its not really worth trying to have a conversation. hoshi and minghao are having some sort of dance battle, and its captivating you all. you smile every time you feel dokyeom's chest echo as he laughs. he rubs his thumb up and down on your waist subconsciously. you gently lean your head up to look at him. the lights from the dj reflect in his eyes and light up his face every once in a while, revealing the happiness. you manage to watch him for a minute or so, wondering how anyone could be so naturally beautiful. he hasn't noticed you staring at him, or maybe he has and just lets you do it anyways. either way, he eventually looks down at you and catches you. he simply smiles at you, amused. he leans down to kiss the top of your head. you lean up closer to his ear, not feeling like screaming anymore.

"come to the bathroom with me?" you ask, wanting to go somewhere quiet for a moment.

he nods, holding your hand as you make your way through the people and off the dance floor. once you reach the bathrooms, you stop in the hallway, leaning against the wall. your ears are ringing.

"i didn't really have to go, i just wanted to talk to you again. i missed your voice" you speak.

you know that its only been a mere ten minutes or so since he spoke, but you are saying the truth, embarrassing or not, you don't care.

he takes a step closer to you, extending his arm out and places his hand on the wall near your head. he leans in on his arm, smiling sweetly at you. he missed your voice too. you get butterflies at how good he looks right now, and how close he is to you.

"hi, sweetheart" he says, giving you what you want. his voice is a little raspy from all the yelling. it only makes you melt more.

"hi" you stutter, wondering how in the world he still makes you this nervous. you don't think you'll ever get used to this.

he giggles at you, tilting his head to the side. "you look nervous" he says, knowing damn well that its him who has this affect on you. he likes to tease you about it occasionally, finding it extremely endearing.

"i get nervous when hot guys are this close to me" you say matter of factly, sliding in the compliment, which only boosts his momentary ego. your eyes flutter down to his lips. he notices your gaze, smirking as he does. he doesn't give you what you want that easily though, enjoying the little game.

"hmm, i guess i can go further away then" he shrugs. he releases his hand from the wall and stands up straight, taking a few steps back.

you outwardly frown at the action, not enjoying the little game like he is. he gives in at your pout, immediately stepping back towards you with a smile.

"you know" he says, placing a hand on your hip and the other back on the wall by your head again. "you can kiss me whenever you want to, honey" he finishes, the pet name making your cheeks heat up. you usually let him initiate things like that, feeling awkward and shy about it for some reason. but you don't know how much he absolutely loves when you do it first.

you put your hands on his shoulders. he clearly has no intention of closing the gap between you. you finally pull him closer to you, and connect your lips with his. you kiss him passionately. you kiss him for being so patient with you all night, for getting you to loosen up and have fun, and for being there for you no matter what it is. once you pull away he meets your eyes.

"i love you baby. i'm really happy you're here tonight" he says.

[dokeythings]

|i’m all yours| (dokyeom)

you've always found dokyeom's tendency to be shy around new people endearing, loving the way he tries extra hard to be friendly and upbeat. you think it's silly, of course, because you have never met a person who didn't fall in love with him the second they met him. he has no problem making a conversation flow with a stranger, although he second guesses himself every time. he's been invited to a fashion week fashion show as a brand ambassador, and he's thrilled about it. the event is finally happening, and his nerves kicked in right before we arrived. "it feels so weird without the guys here'", he kept saying. he would balance it out with saying "i'm really excited to talk to all the carat's though" with his infamous smile. you're excited for him to talk to them too, you love watching him do his thing. he's always so immensely grateful and filled with radiance. 

we walk onto the carpet together, where most of the interviews and introductions take place before everyone settles in for the show. dokyeom's been fiddling with his fingers the whole car ride here, seemingly distracted and in his head. as an extrovert yourself, he's told you countless times how happy he is to have you here in moments like these, as you help him come out of his shell. he looks damn good tonight though, and he has to know it. his proportions are just right, his patterned shirt tucked into leather pants, squeezing his legs in all the right places. a puffy leather jacket sits on top of it all, pulling the look together. if he wasn't so nervous, you would have been all over him already. 

he's already been greeted by a lot of people, making casual small talk and introductions. some carat's are line up on the outskirts of the carpet. dokyeom doesn't hesitate to go over to them. you watch as he interacts with them, signing their albums and taking selfies with them. he giggles softly at their jokes and talks to them as if they have been friends forever. you, of course, can still tell he's shyer than usual as you watch his body language. he blushes occasionally, feeling all the attention on him. you watch him proudly as he walks over to you after meeting with them all. when he gets to you he sighs a sigh of relief, shaking off the anxiety and collecting himself. 

"you're doing so good baby" you encourage. you reach up to run your hand through his hair, but stop when you remember that it's been done and placed exactly where it should be. you bring your hand back down, saying "sorry, it's really hard for me to not do that" you admit sheepishly.

he smiles down at you, thinking about how he doesn't know what he would do if you weren't here with him. 

"i know, i wish you could do it too" he states, kissing your forehead. your cheeks heat up at the act as you look up at him. once again, you are hit with his beauty. you don't know how someone could be so beautiful. 

"you're so beautiful" you speak, hoping he truly understands. 

he stares back down at you, watching you look up at him with doe eyes. he could melt. 

"thank you, sweet girl" he smiles, butterflies in his stomach at the compliment. "but you" he says, taking one of your hands, "look absolutely stunning". he holds your hand up above your head and makes you spin around, smiling at you as you giggle at him.

and he means it, you do look absolutely stunning. your red dress hugs you everywhere it should be, flowing down to the floor with a high slit exposing your leg. if he hadn't been so nervous, he would have been all over you already. 

"i am so lucky" he breathes out, more so muttering to himself, but you hear it anyway. you can't hide your smile. sometimes you don't know how you don't just combust with happiness every time you're in his presence. 

eventually he's taken away from you, pulled to the side for a little interview. you stand off to the side with his manager, watching from behind the person filming. it's a simple instagram video, but the woman interviewing is doing way too much. she's gorgeous, and she knows it. she's shamelessly flirting with him, and it honestly kind of makes you laugh at first. i mean, you can't blame her. dokyeom shifts uncomfortably on his feet, feeling awkward after it goes on for a while. he stays polite and happy, answering everything straight to the point. he looks over at you briefly, shooting you a quick smile. you give him a goofy thumbs up back, making him relax. the lady doesn't give up though. she asks a question completely unrelated to the show, something about relationships and if he's single. you see him try to hold back his laugh at the nerve she has. 

"actually, my wonderful girlfriend y/n is here with me tonight. i'm really happy she's here and i would be nowhere without her support" he answers honestly, smiling ear to ear. you blush as everyone around turns to look at you as hide behind his manager, making him chuckle. 

the interviewer looks at you, literally eyeing you up and down. you smile at her with a sarcastic smile, one you know another women would catch immediately. you send her a quick wave, you swear she rolled her eyes. she ends the interview quickly, having no interest anymore. you have the best boyfriend ever. truly. he starts to walk back over to you, and you notice two girls checking him out as they pass. they giggle to themselves as they walk by, saying a quick hello to him. he says hi back, shooting them a smile and they walk away giggling even louder. you cross your arms and pout, noticing him walk towards you with a raised eyebrow.

"can you stop being so hot and sweet and lovely? every girl here is falling in love with you" you huff, not knowing you had the ability to be this jealous. 

dokyeom chuckles softly, smiling at your words. he finds it cute, actually. you don't usually get jealous, and he would be lying if he said he didn't kind of like it. to be honest, he's been looking at you all night, still stunned by how good you look. he hasn't noticed too much of what else was going on, besides the creepy interview lady.

"is somebody jealous?" he smirks, moving in closer to you, taking advantage of this moment.  

"yes, yes i am actually" you pout, still keeping your arms crossed. 

he just smiles at you. he uncrosses your arms and holds your hands in his, leaving a light kiss on your pouted lips. 

"i'm all yours baby, hmm?" he hums, placing a hand on the small of your back and pulling you into him until you're pressed firmly against him. he keeps a hand on your waist, rocking you both back and forth slowly.

all you can do is nod quickly, feeling shy all of a sudden at how speechless and riled up his words left you. you know your face is red hot, and you bury it into his chest before he can see. you were too late though, as he caught it right away. before the words even came out he knew you would react that way. he chuckles as you hide your face, squeezing your hip lightly. 

"baby" he hums softly into your hair, trying to get you to look up. 

you place your hands on his waist now, peeling your head away from the comfort of his chest. you look up at him, waiting for what he has to say.

"i love you" is what he lands on, smiling wide as he says it. 

you stand up on your tip toes, pecking his lips before saying "i love you too".

[dokeythings]

|lost| (dokyeom)

dokyeom sits at the party, his body physically there but his mind somewhere far away. the world keeps spinning around him as he stays still, wanting to scream, wanting to tell everyone he's stuck. but he doesn't scream, he doesn't even say a word. he just sits, and watches as everyone else goes along with their lives, making him feel as though his brain is the only one broken. he hasn't been himself lately, and the parts of him that used to so intensely define him have began to slip away. the doctors would call it depression, he calls it disappearing, because that's what it feels like. you have noticed his subtle switches in personality, his lack of conversation, his loss of passion for the things he once loved. with no other basis as to why this is happening, you assume its something to do with you. you are naive, and all you know is that he doesn't talk to you like he used to, he doesn't touch you like he used to, and its not the same as it was.

this party solidifies it for you, making it hard to ignore. some days are good, better than others, almost normal in fact. today, is not a good day. you spend the whole night trying to get through to him, but nonetheless feeling like you're talking to a wall. you want to understand, but you find yourself getting frustrated. what did i do?, you think to yourself.

his friends engage him in a conversation, to which he gives short answers, just long enough to keep everyone off his back for now. you are sitting next to him on the couch, but not touching. before this all started happening, he would be all over you. thigh touches, soft kisses on your check, hand holding. you crave the old part of him, the part that loved you like this. you anxiously reach your hand over, resting it on his knee. some sort of contact, any sort of touch, would suffice. he stares ahead, remaining in the conversation, but only you can see that he is not paying attention at all. he's lost.

"kyeom" you whisper, loud enough for only him to hear. you desperately try to snap him out of his trance.

"hmm" he says, after a few seconds. his eyes stay ahead, but flutter momentarily before looking at you quickly, immediately returning to looking at the ground.

he can't even look at you, you think.

"did i do something to upset you?" you finally ask, taking your hand away from his knee, and resting it on your own. sadness seeps off your voice like honey, begging for your boyfriend to just be honest.

this is when dokyeom snaps out of it, even if for a brief moment or two, he's back. he isn't upset with you, not in the slightest. in fact he loves you more and more everyday, even through this. he goes to bed every night thinking you're going to leave him now, and he fights these thoughts daily, alone. he doesn't have to do it alone, of course, but he doesn't know how to open up. he sees now, how hurtful this has been to you. he knows he's been the worst boyfriend recently, while you've been nothing but amazing. he hears you now, and he sees you now. he looks at you, his eyes finally making contact with yours. he notices how yours are red, threatened with tears.

he shakes his head, a shake filled with guilt and sadness, "no" he pauses "no not at all baby", he reaches forward, taking your hand that previously rested on his leg. he holds it softly, rubbing his thumb back and forth. you feel his warmth, his presence that you missed oh so much. you almost melt at the simple touch, ready to forget everything.

"i'm sorry" he sighs, eyelids heavy and looking away from yours. he stares at both of your hands, feeling miserable.

you don't even know what exactly he's apologizing for, but you are just happy he's here, for now. he looks at your face, reading the signs of confusion and distrust, wondering if he means it when he says he isn't upset with you. he stands up, still keeping your hand in his. suddenly, he pulls you up and into a hug, one that speaks a thousand words. your body is flush against his, as he wraps his strong arms around you, keeping you close. you are so surprised with the sudden act that it takes you a couple moments to hug back. once you do, once you wrap your arms around his waist, you feel whole again. he brings his hand up to your head, gently cradling it close to his chest. you hear his heartbeat, moving quickly and pronounced.

"i promise i'm not upset with you. i've been a shitty boyfriend, baby. i'm so sorry" he says again, softly into your ear. he means every word, hoping that you take in his apology and swallow it whole, feeling just how much he loves you. he can't lose you, he wouldn't even know what to do. you take it all in, knowing that he is sincerely sincere with his words. you aren't mad at him, and you surely don't think he's a shitty boyfriend. you want him to be himself again, any way he knows how. you lean your head back from his chest, wanting to look at him when you say this.

"don't say that, kyeom. i love you. i just want to help you. please let me help you" you practically beg, cupping his face. he stares into your eyes, and he gets it. he knows that you are there for him, and he no longer has to do this alone. he knows pushing you away is the wrong answer, and he doesn't want to do it anymore. he misses you, god he misses you so much.

with an agreement thats spoken more by the look in his eyes than with his words, he whispers a soft "okay". he leans forward, resting his forehead on yours, kissing your nose. he doesn't even need to say i love you back, because he does it without words. he holds your hips, pressing you into him, and he kisses you. he kisses your lips and makes up for all the lost good morning and goodnight ones, you so desperately missed. he is going to show you with actions now, never letting you think he's upset with you ever again. you are the one thing in his life that he feels makes it worth living, and he's not going to let that go. he's here now, he's back.

[dokeythings]

|me to me| (dokyeom)

dokyeom is spending another night subjecting himself to what is equivalent to torture in his mind. his chest tightens as he holds you in his arms as you cry over some new guy, a situationship that ended brutally. you have been his best friend for years now, being so close that you both know everything about each other. dokyeom can't quite put a time cap on when everything changed, but he's been falling in love with you every single day for the last year. he's been here for you through everything, through every new guy and every date gone wrong. he wants to scream half the time. he wants to shake every single man who's ever gotten to go out with you and snap them into reality. how could they mess up so bad with the most wonderful girl he's ever known? if he was them, he would do it right. he'd never make you cry, that's for sure. you wouldn't be sitting here on a friday night with a broken heart.

"i just really thought he was going to be different this time" you say, choking on your words as you soak his hoodie with tears.

dokyeom sighs, his heart pinching at your sadness, wishing he could take it all away and absorb it for you. he changes his position on the couch, wrapping his arms around you tighter and scooping you into his lap.

"i know, i know. it's okay" he says, not knowing what else to say except to let you cry. you lift your head up off of him for a moment, noticing how wet you have made his hoodie. you feel bad, knowing this has happened one too many times. you are tired of guys leaving you broken like this.

"i'm sorry about that" you say, your eyes drifting down to where your tears soaked the fabric. you look back up at him, meeting his eyes as he shakes his head softly, giving you a shy smile as to say not to worry about it.

"he was an asshole. these douchebags don't deserve you, y/n." he speaks softly, but firmly. his eyes darken, feeling angry as he thinks about said douchebag, and how he would kill him if he could. i would treat you so much better, he thinks. 

you shake your head, disagreeing. "i'm starting to think that maybe its me, kyeom" you admit honestly, laying your head back down on his shoulder. you don't get to rest it there for long as you feel his hand under your chin, lifting your face up to look at him. 

he looks down at you, his eyes sad and gloomy, your self deprecating words feeling like a dagger through his chest. 

"don't say that, y/n. please. you are the most amazing girl, they are fucking stupid" he says, releasing his hand from your chin and running a hand through his own hair. you can see the frustration written all over his face. you're not sure what exactly is causing it, but you are sure that he must be tired of having to comfort you like this all the time. you scoot off his lap and move onto the other side of the couch, pulling your legs up to your chest.

he watches as you create the distance between him, and he sinks deeper into the couch. he wants to tell you he loves you. he wants to tell you that you should be with him, and that he would give you everything you deserve. but he knows you don't feel the same, and he can't risk that. he would lose his best friend, and thats something too precious for him to mess up. he turns towards you, sitting criss cross on the couch as he thinks about how to proceed. you look at him as he opens and closes his mouth a few times, never successfully getting any words out.

"i know this is probably so annoying. i'm sorry, i should just go home" you mumble, pushing yourself up off the couch. you only make it a step before you feel dokyeom gently grab your wrist, pulling you back down.

he feels like crying, but bites his lip as the burning feeling in his throat takes over his mind. he feels like he fucked up, and he doesn't know how to fix it. he doesn't want you to go home. he wants you to stay here and lay with him until everything else disappears and you forget all about every guy who's ever hurt you. 

"i just don't like to see you treated like this. i'm never annoyed, i'm always here for you. please don't push me away" he frowns, looking down at his lap.

you smile to yourself lightly, knowing that he means it when he says he's here for you. you can't think of a time where he wasn't here for you to fall back on, and you do the same for him in a heartbeat. he's always been very protective of you, something your friends always pointed out and constantly nagged you saying that he's in love. you would always roll your eyes, saying that he's your best friend, and you are sure he feels the same way.

he asks a shy "what?" as he notices your smile, fighting back a smile of his own. 

"thank you for always being here for me" you say, meaning it and knowing you don't sat it enough. 

"hey" he shrugs with a smile, "thats what best friends are for". he winces internally as he says the latter, forcing on a smile. your words were sweet, but he wishes he could be there for you in a different way. by the look on your face he can tell you still have things you want to get off your chest, but you're holding back. you can't hide anything from him anymore, he can read you like an open book. he knows you know that.

he moves closer to you on the couch, getting just close enough so that your knees are touching. "please let it all out" he urges softly, patting your knee.

you sigh, knowing you would feel better if you did. "i just don't understand why i can't find a good guy anywhere. is it too much to ask for someone who pays attention to me? someone who knows everything about me without having to say a word? i just want to have someone who feels like an extension of me. to be able to be in a room with them and sit in silence without it being awkward. to come home to someone everyday and feel loved for the first time. i want a guy who will know the perfect dates to take me on, and know my favorite food and my favorite book, and why i hate watching scary movies" you pause, realizing you've been talking for a really long time. "i'm sorry, i'm rambling" you mumble, feeling embarrassed. 

you finally meet his eyes, seeing something in them you've never noticed before. he's fiddling with his fingers, biting his lip as if he's thinking if he wants to say what he's thinking or not. 

"kind of sounds like me, to me" he finally says, so quietly that you almost don't make out what he said. you furrow your eyebrows, confused at the statement. 

"what?" you ask, although you heard every word he said. 

he looks up at you, feeling wavered confidence wash over him for a moment. it's now or never. he clears his throat, speaking louder this time.

"i said that kind of sounds like me" he says bravely, meeting my eyes. he moves in even closer to me, slowly. our legs are touching, and our bodies are only inches away. you feel your breath hitch as his face moves towards yours until he's centimeters away. you've never know how badly you truly wanted this until you notice the butterflies in your stomach, and how you think you might stop breathing. he puts his hand on your thigh, rubbing his thumb back and forth.

"right now you are feeling nervous, and thinking about how weirdly good this feels, even though you've never wanted to admit it to yourself. your favorite food is fettuccine alfredo, even though it makes your stomach hurt every time, you always say that its worth it. your perfect date would be in the fall, finding a farm to go to where you can pick your own pumpkins. then you would want to go home and carve it together, after stopping for coffee at your favorite cafe, of course. your favorite book is little women, you've read it 4 times already and you've been thinking about starting it again. you hate scary movies so much because of that one time when you were 8 and your brother dressed up as michael myers and hid behind the basement door, jumping out at you after you went to grab more snacks." he stops, noticing a tear falling from your eye as you sniffle a bit. 

"i can keep going" he whispers close to your lips, knowing that the single tear is that of happiness, and he would gladly make more fall if it meant that your heart was fluttering as much as his is. he wants to see you smile. 

you sit there, his hand on your thigh sending heat flying up your whole body. you can't believe you've never seen it before. he's been the perfect man all along. he's been here the whole entire time, waiting for you to stop being an idiot and admit you've loved him since you first met him. you lean forward, closing the gap between your lips. god, you should have done this years ago. 

dokyeom brings his hand up to your cheek, cupping your face as his lips move in harmony with yours. he smiles into the kiss, having to pinch himself to see if this is real life. this is all he's ever wanted. he deepens the kiss as he feels you squirm, wanting to be closer to him. he places his hands on your hips effortlessly pulling you into his lap. you've sat here a million times, platonically. but this is a feeling you never knew was possible. you wrap your arms around his neck, heat rising to your cheeks as he slides his tongue into your mouth. your lips move until you need to stop to catch your breath, although you wish you could go forever. you reluctantly pull away, inhaling dramatically as you get some air. he chuckles at you, bringing his hand down to your lower back. 

"that good, huh?" he asks as he smirks at you. he could get used to this.

[dokeythings]

| aftercare | (dokyeom)

"fuck, wow" dokyeom breaths out, collapsing onto the bed with all his energy now gone.

"shit, wow" you mimic, also mind blown by the sex you two just had.

you fall down on the bed next to him. you both stay there laying next to each other while trying to catch your breath. he throws the sheet over you both, gently pulling you closer to him. you lay your head on his chest and wrap your arm around his waist, sighing in content once you're comfy. he lays his arm on top of yours, intertwining your hands. he leans down to kiss your forehead softly, making you smile in return.

"i love you" he says, meaning the words more than he could ever express.

"i love you more" you reply, snuggling deeper into him.

"i'm gonna go get us some water" he speaks softly, squeezing your hand before sliding out from under the sheet and standing up. he grabs some boxers from his drawer and slides them on before walking towards the door.

"wait!" you call out, reaching for his hand from the bed. he turns around swiftly, giving you his attention as he takes your hand and stands next to the bed.

"get me a snack too please?" you ask, jutting out your bottom lip. he chuckles at you and says, "you got it baby".

he doesn't have to ask you what you want, because he knows you well enough to pick it out. he's going right for the salty snacks, settling on cheez its. as he goes downstairs to grab the water and the snacks, you get up and rummage through the closet, looking for one of his big t-shirts to wear. he comes back into the room with his hands full, placing everything on the nightstand.

"can i wear this?" you ask, knowing that the answer will already be yes.

his eyes flicker over to you, holding his shirt in your hands.

"course, baby" he smiles at you, sitting back down in the bed, putting his hands behind his head.

you throw the shirt on and find some underwear to put on. you run back into bed and jump onto your side, making him laugh fondly at you. he pats the spot next to him and opens his arm, indicating for you to slide in next to him. you sit next to him, curling up into him as you fit perfectly into his side hug. you reach over him and grab the cheez its from the table, smiling to yourself at how well he nailed your craving.

"thank you" you say as you open the box, realizing you never thanked him for getting them.

"welcome" he smiles, rubbing his hand up and down your arm.

its almost 1 am, and this midnight snack is really hitting the spot right now. you are very hungry for some reason, stuffing handfuls and handfuls of them into your mouth. dokyeom just giggles at you sweetly, finding anything and everything you do cute. after a little bit you get insecure about how many you are eating and yet you are still hungry.

"you want any?" you ask, knowing you'd feel better if he was eating too.

"no thank you love" he shakes his head, turning on the tv and turning on a background movie.

"ughh" you moan quietly, making him turn to you and raise an eyebrow at the outburst. "i feel so fat, please eat some too" you groan. you lift up your t-shirt, grabbing some stomach chub and frowning at it.

"hey! you're not fat. please keep eating" he urges, pulling your shirt back down. he takes a few cheez its out of the box and eats them, just to make you happy.

"will you still love me if i eat the whole box right now?" you ask, half joking and half serious.

he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and says, "i would still love you even if you turned into a literal cheez it" he said, serious as can be.

you giggle at the stupid phrase coming out of such a serious mouth. "thats oddly sweet" you say, kissing his cheek. yet you still lean over him to put the box back on the nightstand. he looks at you suspiciously, knowing you are still hungry.

"if you're still hungry i can go make you some real food, sweetheart" he says, hoping you take him up on the offer.

"its okay" you say, laying your head down on his shoulder, "i'm not hungry anymore". right as you get comfy your damn stomach growls, breaking the silence. really? you curse it for giving you away like that. he lets out a laugh, finding it hilarious, but thankful that it did in fact give you away. he takes your hand and stands up,

"come on, lets go to the kitchen" he says. you cross your arms, trying to pretend to be mad but you really are hungry, and real food sounds great right now. you walk downstairs and settle into the kitchen. he opens the fridge to see what he could make as you stand behind him and peer in like a little kid.

"hmmm, okay i can make pasta, salad, grilled cheese," he trails on.

you cut him off, "grilled cheese!" you say, craving it immensely now.

"grilled cheese it is" he chuckles, grabbing all the ingredients.

you sit on the counter watching him as he makes himself and you grilled cheese. he still isn't hungry, but he makes one for himself too just to make you feel better. he turns around every now and then to come over and leave kisses on your forehead, your cheeks, your nose, anywhere that makes you smile. you move off the counter and sit down at a chair, pulling your phone out to find something to watch on youtube while you wait. you are getting really tired, and know you are only going to be able to keep your eyes open long enough to eat your food.

"here you go, honey" dokyeom says, sliding the plate in front of you and sitting next to you with his own plate.

he laughs as you pick it up immediately, smiling as the melted cheese hits your tastebuds. it's one of the best grilled cheese sandwiches you've ever had, but that doesn't surprise you, he's good at everything.

"babe" you state, your mouth open in shock as you turn to him. "this is the best thing i've ever eaten, thank you" you claim.

"i appreciate it baby, but i think you're just really hungry" he says honestly, smiling at your enthusiasm.

you shrug, continuing to devour the sandwich. after you finish the last bite, you let out a big yawn that you didn't even see coming. 

"lets get you to bed" he says, rubbing your back gently as he stands up and puts both of your plates in the sink. he walks back over to you and spins you around in the chair, picking you up so that you don't have to walk up the stairs. you smile contently as you drape your arms around his neck, leaving kisses all over. he giggles at you, squeezing your butt playfully in response. when he reaches the bedroom he lays you down, pulling the covers over you. he lays down next to you, facing you as you stare into his eyes.

"kyeom" you state, although his attention is already on you so it wasn't really necessary. yet you still stay looking at his face in the moonlight, waiting for his response.

"whats up pretty girl?" he asks, playing along. he brings his hand up to your head, cupping your cheek.

"i love you" you say, as if its some secret you've been keeping in, as if its the first time you've said it even though its probably the billionth time. you are fighting back the sleep now, your eyelids getting heavy as you try to keep them open to look at him.

"and i love you" he answers, pressing his lips against your nose gently. the second you hear the words, your eyes give up on you and close. you are automatically asleep, feeling cozy and safe like you always do.

[dokeythings]

| you can do it, love | (dokyeom)

"babe, please please just come to the gym with me?" dokyeom asks, batting his best puppy dog eyes at you.

you're bundled under the comforter in the hotel bed, the mattress having been molded perfectly to your body. you are incredibly comfy and leaving doesn't seem in the cards for you. you've never understood how your boyfriend could always have so much energy. he had a busy schedule all day and within the first hour we are back in the hotel room he wants to go down to the gym.

"i don't think you understand how comfortable this bed is" you speak back, digging your head into the fluffy pillow. you see him huff and cross his arms from the corner of your eye, pouting like a little kid not getting his way.

he juts his bottom lip out even further, really pushing the puppy thing "i want to spend time with you. i barely got to see you today" he says, pulling at your heartstrings.

it was true, after all. and you did miss him too. you sigh, giving in to his request. "fine, i'll come. but i'm staying in my pajamas" you pout, mimicking his crossed arms.

"you're the best" he smiles, getting up from his spot and coming over to leave a soft kiss on your nose.

"i know" you mumble, dragging yourself out of the comfort of your bed. you giggle as he takes your arm and pulls you out of the door, bringing you down the hallway to the elevator. 

he skips down the hallway, clearly letting out his sudden burst of energy. once you reach the elevator he steps back behind you, saying "after you malady", extending his arm and bowing like a gentleman. you turn around to face him, doing your most exquisite curtsy along with a "thank you, sir". as you are down in the curtsy, fully committed to the bit you hear the elevator ding and the doors open. you hear dokyeom snort, and you look up at him to see him looking past you. you turn around to see a woman in the elevator, confused as to why a weird girl was in a curtsy right in front of the doors. 

"sorry, she's a werido" he mumbles, slipping past you and into the elevator. you stumble in before the doors close, and to your surprise the woman isn't getting off yet. you back into the corner and bring your hoodie over your head in embarrassment, elbowing dokyeom as you blame him for the situation. he shrugs innocently, looking forward as you both stand in an awkward silence until your stop. once the doors open to the lobby you quickly walk out. 

"you are an idiot" you state matter of factly, pushing his chest playfully and walking ahead of him. you don't make it very far before you feel his arms wrap around you from behind. he gets a good grip on you and turns you around in his arms, pulling your hoodie down so he can see your face. your cheeks are still red from the attention, and he kisses each one.

"i'm sorry baby" he chuckles, still obviously amused. you don't care anymore though, mirroring his infectious smile. he takes your hand in his as you walk to the gym, swinging them back and forth. he opens the door for you, letting you walk in first, a habit he never forgets no matter where you guys are. as you walk in you hear him yell from behind,

"wooo lets go!!" his voice echoing off the walls. you facepalm your forehead as you notice someone is in here before he does. 

"hi!" the person calls out, having a friendly answer to your loud, disruptive boyfriend. 

"hi" dokyeom calls out, getting shy after he realizes you guys weren't alone. 

"that was awkward" he mumbles to you, his cheeks getting flushed as he walks to the other side of the gym.

"now we're even babe" you joke. 

he sits down on one of the machines, smiling at you as you sit down on the ground in front of him. he knows you have no intention of doing anything here, but he just wanted your company. you watch him as he gets comfortable, wondering if he's really going to get any working out done or if he's just going to joke around the whole time. you see him looking down at you and smiling, as if theres been some joke that you're not a part of.

"what?" you ask innocently, confused. your eyebrows furrow as you wait for his response. 

"nothin" he smiles with a shrug. "i just really missed you today" he admits. 

"oh" you blush shyly, "i missed you too" you smile back at him. 

"good" he answers, leaning back to lift the weights. 

you watch him intently as his arm muscles flex with the weight, being fully exposed in his sleeveless shirt. he's gained a lot of muscle over the last couple of months, and it's been driving you wild. he does a few reps, sitting back up fully once he's finished. you always love spending time with him like this. you guys don't always need to be talking, and you can sit in a comfortable silence. it's just nice to know the other person is there. 

"i wanna try" you say, curious as to if you could do it. 

"yeah?" he asks amusingly, raising an eyebrow. 

you nod rapidly, genuinely excited to try. he smiles at you endearingly as he notices the ambition in your eyes. he gets up from the machine and lets you trade places with him. he's not underestimating you, knowing that you should be able to do at least one or two reps with the weight he has on. he knows how you can do anything you put your mind to. he loves that about you. 

he stands in front of you, helping you position your arms in the correct way. you use all your strength to push up the weights, feeling the tension in your arms. you manage to do one rep, but know you can do more. you make it to two reps before having to give up, feeling a little embarrassed as you thought you could do more. but dokyeom is standing there smiling at you like an idiot, finding you amazing. you could do anything and he would be proud of you, something that is hard to find now and days.

"good job, baby girl" he says encouragingly, the pet name rolling of his tongue and giving you butterflies with the way he said it. you smile back, and he leans down to peck your lips. after you pull away you place your hands on his shoulders, and he squats down so he's at your height. he raises an eyebrow at your serious face before you say,

"oh god, are we one of those weird gym couples?"

he laughs, throwing his head back at your words. you smile as the corner of his eyes crinkle.

"yes" he says, placing his hands on your shoulders as well. you giggle back at him, knowing that it's the truth.

"what now?" you ask, shrugging. he stays squatting before you, putting his hands on your thighs. he just thinks you look so adorable right now, not being able to pinpoint why in particular. he loves the way you are wearing his hoodie, and how it's way too big for you. he loves that you really did in fact wear your pajama pants down here; Christmas ones in the middle of the summer nonetheless. he taps your thigh before surprising you and picking you up. you squeal and wrap your legs around his waist, making sure you don't fall. he walks over to the mirror and the mats and places you down on one gently. 

"push ups" he replies, getting on the floor as well. 

"ooo yay" you reply, liking the idea of watching that. he goes to get in position but you stop him.

"wait!" you say touching his arm, "as a weird gym couple you already know what has to be done" you say devilishly. you slide underneath him and lay on the ground. he shakes his head at you with a chuckle, understanding what you mean. he removes his knees from the ground and gets in a plank position. he slowly lowers himself down into a push up, hovering over you with his lips millimeters away.

"if you wanted a kiss, you could have just said so baby" he smirks against your lips, giving you butterflies as he connects his with yours. 

he pulls himself back up into a plank, watching you as your cheeks turn red. he does another pushup, this time leaving a kiss on your forehead. as he rises back up, you cup his face, wanting a real kiss. you pull him back down and kiss him, feeling him smile into the kiss. he sits on the ground next to you when you pull away.

"my turn" you say happily, feeling confident you can do a good pushup. 

"alright show me what you've got baby" he says, laying down in the same position you were previously. 

you position yourself over him, getting in a plank. you know it's not looking good for you when your arms are already shaking, making you noticeably wobble. he smiles up at you as he studies your face of concentration. your tongue is sticking out slightly, and your eyebrows are furrowed and tight. he knows you can do it, wanting to help you out.

"you can do it, love" he says sweetly, reaching up to hold your hips lightly, giving you some relief from holding yourself up. he keeps his hands on your hips as you lower your arms and do a push up the best you can.

he knows that he was holding up most of the weight for you, but he doesn't want you to know. he just wants to see your smile as you come back up, proud of yourself for how well you did. god, he would frame that smile if he could. you push back up, smiling just as he predicted. he smiles back at you, knowing already that you are going to try for a second one. you lower yourself down for another one, but once you get down you know theres no chance in hell you're getting back up. your arms shake one last time before you just let yourself collapse onto him. he chuckles at you, wrapping his arms around you. 

"i swear i could have done it" you whine grumpily into his chest, suddenly very tired. he brings his hand up to your head and cradles it, rubbing your back with his other hand.

"i know you could have, sweetheart" he replies. you both just stay there laying on the gym floor. as you predicted, not very much working out went on, but you think you both needed this much more.

[dokeythings]

|drunk in love| (dokyeom)

dokyeom really is tired now, having all the sightseeing and group promo and practices catch up to him. however, he also is really excited to just sit down and enjoy a nice warm meal with all his favorite people in the world in one place. when he's tired he gets really touchy feely, and clings to you. thats usually the biggest tell for you to know when he's crashing after a long day of well, being dokyeom. while walking into the restaurant to find the table he clings onto your hand, making sure you don't let go. when you guys find the table his eyes light up at the sight of his members who he missed a lot. he lets go of your hand only to go around and greet everyone, throwing out high fives left and right. you watch him as he talks to them, telling him all about your day and them reciprocating. you've always adored how much they love each other, and you are so honored you get to see it first hand everyday.

he finds a seat, looking over at you to take your hand and sit you down next to him. underneath the table he rests his hand on your upper thigh, giving you butterflies as he taps his fingers lightly. the guys engage you in a conversation, making you laugh at the stupid things they say sometimes. the other half of the table starts talking to dokyeom, filling the restaurant with our voices. they all order a round of beers, ready to get chaotic. dokyeom wants to drink tonight, hoping to let loose and have some fun, shaking the sleepiness off. he won't get too rowdy, but just a little bit. you watch him as he talks to hoshi, bantering about some show hoshi was watching while we were gone, and the ramyeon he ordered in. despite being pulled into a million topics, he always stays attentive to you, maintaining some sort of physical contact. he holds your hand, leaves soft kisses on your cheek, and keeps his leg touching yours under the table. you reach over and put your hand on his knee, the touchiness rubbing off on you now. he smiles to himself and turns over to you. he sees you're not talking to anybody at the moment and turns his attention to you, shifting in his seat to fully face you.

"what are you thinking of eating, baby?" he asks, making sure you never feel left out.

you make small talk about all the options on the menu, settling upon making him pick for you. you say sometimes he knows you better than yourself, making him smile proudly at himself. he takes a few more sips of his beer, nearing the end of it. though he likes to pretend he's not, he's a lightweight. you know he will be tipsy soon, anticipating his personality becoming 10 times more dokyeom like.

"do you want to see some of the pictures i took on my phone today?" you ask, pretty proud of the mediocre photography work you did today too. you hope you're not tearing him away from the guys as you ask. that wouldn't even be possible in his mind, of course. he's so happy you're here, never tiring of talking with you no matter how much time you spend together. he's not even distracted, looking at you with full attention as you wait for his answer.

he places his hand on the small of your back gently. the heat from his hand reaches your exposed skin, sending a fleet of butterflies in your stomach. his small touches will never not give you butterflies.

"lets see them baby", he smiles sweetly, genuinely wanting to see your work.

you smile and quickly pull out your phone, going through your camera roll one by one. he rubs his hand on your back as he watches you proudly talk about each one, smiling at how precious he finds you. as he continues on another beer, he feels himself getting tipsier, and even more touchy. he loves you so much.

"i think you're giving me a run for my money" he smiles at you once you're done, kissing your forehead.

"nuh uh, you're still better" you state honestly, shaking your head.

"y/n!!!" you hear dino call from next to you. "play this game with us!" he says, wanting you to join in on the drinking game thats going on. you turn around and face that half of the table and join in, having to do a shot almost instantly as you lost the first round.

dokyeom is sucked into a drinking game on the other side, looking over at you every now and then to offer you a warm smile, just happy that you're happy. after a little bit you all are drunk now, to be blunt.

you're fighting with dino about how to properly eat this pasta, your voices getting louder and louder to top one another. after he reluctantly backs down and lets you win the argument, you see dokyeom stand up. he places his hands on your shoulders as he stands behind you. you lean your head back to look at him, to which he pecks your lips and says,

"i'm just going to the restroom, i'll be right back love". you pout at him as he walks away, holding onto his hand until you can't reach anymore. he turns around one more time wiggling his eyebrows and winks at you, making you giggle.

when he starts walking back to the table minghao shouts across the restaurant, "DK!! YOU'RE PAYING FOR DINNER!".

you watch as your boyfriend's eyes widen, his mouth opening widely in a mix of shock and a joking tone. he throws his arms in the air, answering back just as loudly as minghao started, realizing you are all being too loud right now. you watch him as he stays standing, bickering back and forth with them jokingly, doing his laugh and clap combo. you drunkenly smile at him, shamelessly watching him as he talks, falling more in love every second.

"and you just let this slide baby?" he asks, jokingly nudging you.

"don't look at me" you shrug innocently, smiling back.

he smiles, "come with me?" he asks, wanting you to go with him to pay.

you stand up for the first time all night, and it hits you quickly how drunk you are. you almost lose your balance as you feel a sudden rush of dizziness. you giggle at yourself, finding it extremely funny in your current state. you stumble into dokyeom, melting into him as he catches you. he slides an arm around your waist, steadying you.

"woah there, you okay baby?" he asks, meeting your eyes, giggling along with you.

you just nod, still giggling lightly. he holds his hand on your back again, touching the bare skin where your shirt doesn't quite meet your pants. you just stare up at him, not saying a word. you have a goofy grin on your face, making him raise in eyebrow in amusement. at this point he knows you are way more drunk than him, and he's taking it all in as it doesn't happen too often.

"whats up, silly girl?" he asks, yearning for the reason behind your look.

"you're pretty" you reply, crinkling up your nose.

he throws his head back, chuckling at your random heartfelt comment, and the way you said it with such urgency. he finds it cute how affectionate you are when you're drunk, something you had in common with him.

"i appreciate that, love" he says, pecking your lips. he holds you steadily as you both walk over to pay, his hand holding yours tightly. even as he approaches the worker and hands over his card and signs the receipt, he keeps one of his hands in yours. looking over at you as the worker prints another receipt, he mouths an 'i love you', smiling at you like its the first time he's ever said it. you mouth it back, smiling as you float up to cloud nine.

[dokeythings]

|soccer boy| (dokyeom)

"hand me that gatorade?" he asks, his voice traveling to you as he rummages through his duffle bag. you pick up the blue drink and tap his shoulder with it, making him turn around. 

he flashes a smile at you, humming a "thank you baby". 

him and some of the other members and their friends have been getting together to play soccer every weekend, "casually. well, it started out casually but has turned into full blown permanent teams and many competitive matches. dokyeom didn't care much for it at first, having trouble getting into the groove of it. after a couple games he was hooked, looking forward to it all week. you come along to watch whenever you can. you love watching him play when he's really into it. his tongue sticks out when he's concentrating really hard, and his eyebrows bunch up in focus. he always looks adorable in his little soccer outfits, the jersey hanging off his toned torso, showing off just enough. 

he pulls the shirt out of his bag, taking off his current one. you watch him as his back is facing you, your eyes traveling down the muscles all the way to his waistband of his boxers. once he throws the new shirt on he turns around, catching you staring at him. it's not an unusual occurrence, and you anticipate the teasing he' s about to give you. but he doesn't say anything, he just flashes you a smug smile, raising an eyebrow at you. he runs his fingers through his hair, letting it fall down over his forehead. its super fluffy today, falling effortlessly. 

you unknowingly let out a sigh, not knowing what to do with the affection you're feeling. you realize the sound existed outside of just your mind when dokyeom chuckles, 

"you alright there?" he asks, amused by your outburst. 

he walks closer to you, poking your stomach mockingly as he passes you to move to the mirror. you follow him and wrap your arms around him from behind, squeezing him as if he's gonna disappear if you don't hold him tight enough. 

"you look so pretty" you mutter into his back, feeling that no other phrase fits your thoughts best. 

you feel his body bounce slightly as his laugh fills the room. he turns around in your arms and faces you.

"well aren't you a sweetheart" he mumbles, connecting his lips to yours. you smile into the kiss.

when you both back away he continues to get ready, finishing up as you guys get into the car to head to the field. when you arrive, you get his bag from the backseat and carry it over for him, feeling like a true soccer girlfriend. you hand it to dokyeom once you reach the benches on the field.

"thanks, love" he smiles appreciatively. he sits down on the bench to change into his sneakers, and you stay standing in front of him. some of the others show up, greeting you guys as they arrive and everyone gets to talking and getting ready. 

dokyeom bends down to tie one of his shoes, and you notice his shorts ride up his thighs, exposing his skin. he stands up to say hi to one of his friends, tugging the shorts back down in the process. you are staring again, in awe of how any one could be so good looking. if he played soccer for a living, you don't think you would survive. you stand a bit away from the bench with your arms crossed, standing awkwardly as everyone is chatting but you can't stop looking at him. as he finishes what he was saying to one of the guys he looks up at me from his spot on the bench. he notices the awkward stance, and the staring yet again. at this point he should be used to it, but it somehow still gives him butterflies.

"c'mere you" he says, extending his hand out for you to take. he smiles wide at you, pulling you closer to him gently until you're between his legs. 

"you sure you aren't bored staying and watching?" he asks. he holds your hips, swaying you side to side a little as he waits for your answer. 

"oh trust me, i'm not bored" you say, reaching a hand up to run it through his hair, winking at him jokingly. 

he laughs at you lovingly and says "you know you can't wink for shit, baby. you're lucky you're cute" 

"hey! you can't wink either!" you fight back, pouting at him. 

"touché" he chuckles, showing off his failure of a wink as well. 

he pulls you down onto his knee, placing his hand on your back to keep you steady. you blush at the sudden action, smiling at the floor as he bounces his knee lightly to get your attention. 

"you know, i don't think i ever told you how much i love it when you're here" he says, placing a hand on your thigh. 

you smile at his sweet words, your cheeks yet again turning red. you don't think they are ever a normal shade when you are with him. you look into his eyes as he leans in to kiss your cheek, giving your thigh a light squeeze. 

"dokyeom! you ready?" the guys call out, indicating to get the game started. he gives them a thumbs up, answering a yes before returning his attention back to you. 

"good luck babe" you say, kissing his cheek in return. 

he scrunches his nose, "i think i'm gonna need a real kiss in order to have good luck" he says, pouting his lips. 

you shake your head at him, giggling as you lean in to give him a real kiss. he moves his hands down to your waist, holding you tight as he deepens the kiss. he closes his other free leg to secure you even closer to him. he bites your lip lightly, before pulling away and leaving you wanting more. you groan, wishing soccer would just cease to exist for right now. 

he lets out a deep chuckle at your response before gently picking you up off his lap so he can stand up. once he places you on the bench he puts his hands on your shoulders and turns you to face the field, 

"there you go, best view in the house. now you can keep staring at me the whole game" he says, mocking how you've been head over heels for him all day. he ruffles your hair, messing it up with a playful smirk as he walks away.

you stick your tongue at him as he turns around one last time before walking onto the field. he makes a heart with his hands, blowing you a kiss after. you giggle, sending him one back. as he plays, you do just as he said, stare at him the whole time, and cheering for him every step of the way.

[dokeythings]

you are in love (dokyeom)

*inspired by the song 'you are in love' by taylor swift <3*

"one night, he wakes.

strange look on his face

pauses, then says "you're my best friend"

and you knew what it was

he is in love". 

----------------------------

you lay down on the bed after our long day, nestling into the comforter as it swallows you up. the only light in the room is coming in through the windows, as the city that never sleeps stays awake. your boyfriend is in the shower, you close your eyes as the sound of the water lulls you closer and closer to sleep. when you hear the water turn off, more light floods into the room as the bathroom door opens, exposing him standing there with his towel around his waist. while your eyes are still closed, he admires you for a moment, smiling at you in awe. you open your eyes to see his back towards you, reaching into the closet for something to throw on. you keep your heavy eyelids open, watching him as he throws a t-shirt and some boxers on. he goes into the bathroom again, and your eyelids lose the fight to sleep. you feel the bed dip, and the familiar hands of your boyfriend wrap around you. you are pulled into him, into the only place you've ever felt whole. you're not fully asleep, but you like the idea that he thinks you are. you keep your eyes closed, nuzzling into his chest. he smells like warm vanilla and the autumn air, you don't think you could feel more content if you tried. a breeze flows in from the cracked window, brushing over your exposed legs. you feel the goosebumps first, then the blanket being pulled over you, followed by dokyeom's grip on you tightening. you let out a deep sigh, a sigh of comfort and coziness, showing that if you could stay here forever you would. 

dokyeom is looking down at you, staring at your innocent face being lit up by the moonlight. he doesn't feel like sleeping, he could look at you forever. he looks at your nose, thinking about how much he loves when it scrunches up when you laugh. he looks at your lips, thinking about how soft they are when he kisses them, and how they curl up at the corners when you smile. he looks at your eyes, watching as the lids flutter and thinks about the big, caramel iris's that rest beneath them. he thinks about how he had the best day with you today, wanting to relive it over and over again. you laughed at every dumb joke he made, and held his hand tightly wherever you went. the time he spends with you is his most precious thing. he knows you aren't really asleep, and he smiles to himself as he lets you keep up the act. he bends down to leave a light kiss on your forehead. he slides his hand up your shirt and rubs gently on your back, letting you know he loves you without any words. he closes his eyes too, letting the darkness take over. 

you open your eyes, smiling as you see him sleeping above you. his lips are curved into a smile, letting you know that he isn't asleep either. he can feel you looking at him, he opens his eyes to look into yours. 

after he scoots closer to you, his lips mere centimeters away from yours, he speaks the first words to be spoken by either of you since you got home. four words, spoken into the silence, four words that have a weight to them you didn't know possible.

his lips part, ready to speak. he stares at you in adoration, his pupils dilating at the sight of you. his heartbeat speeds up, he swears you can hear it echo through the room. he doesn't know how else to say it, sometimes he feels like 'i love you' isn't enough. he says the first thing that comes to mind, the words that hold so much truth. you are his favorite person, you are HIS person. 

you watch him, a strange look on his face. he whispers, the words breaking the distance between you two and landing upon your lips,

"you're my best friend". 

you close your eyes, feeling the tears brimming, an automatic response to his heartfelt words. in the moonlight, his eyes twinkling as he looks at you, you knew what it was. you can feel it in the silence, you can see it with the lights out. he is in love.