lee seokmin x gn!reader, fluff, established relationship, suggestive, idol!au, touch-starved losers
SYNOPSIS : seokmin’s world tour ends and you go on vacation with him for your anniversary. from showers to midnights laying in bed together, summer gets hotter every time you’re near bare skin and affection.
WORD COUNT : 1.7k words
WARNINGS : not proofread, shirtless seokmin, nudity, skin-to-skin contact, they can’t take their hands off each other, kissing, description of sweat
NOTES : i had a dream…and the dream was this, imagine hugging shirtless dk, it’s sooo scandalous!! it’s almost summer time, so i hope this is a fun read! let me know what you guys think <33
MASTERLIST | TAGLIST ( OPEN ) | AVAILABLE ON AO3
Taking a break after being on a long tour singing around the world, Lee Seokmin decided to book both of you a flight to a famous beach where the skies always leave a set vibrant hues of pink and purple, and grains of sand never leave your skin.
Spending even just a few days with you is something he wants to make exciting. He made sure that no one would know where you two would be going, except, of course, some staff that he needed to tell, along the lines of, “Some alone time with my partner for our anniversary, and maybe to cool off.”
Eventually, word spread as his close friends eyed him up and down before cooing that, “Something is gonna change when you two get back to Korea.” Of course, he tries to debunk those ideas that now began running through his head, trying to attempt to ignore those playful looks on their faces as they began to poke him around.
“Take photos, maybe look for nice stuff near the shore? I want to see you collect seashells.” Some people thought differently as to how you two would spend your vacation together. Seokmin’s mother was one of those people; her voice bloomed roses as he called her up to let her know where he was going to take you.
“I will, I will.” His smile is evident when he looks up to you, packing your stuff in a suitcase. He notices your swimwear, the one that was placed on top of your nice top that was on theme with the one he had already set in his suitcase.
“Do you want me to bring you a souvenir?” Seokmin asked his mother, suddenly getting up and giving you the phone, you look at him, confused as to what he was doing, “They could buy you something, they know which ones are the best.”
“Hey! You’re the one who’s supposed to give something to your own parent.” When you hear the laughter that erupted from the speaker on his phone, you couldn’t help but smile awkwardly. You quietly take the phone as you have a conversation about souvenirs with Seokmin’s mother.
When you two landed, the first thing he felt was the temperature difference, as if there was a heatwave that slammed on his face even when it was already dark. Cold nights seem not to have existed in the area.
The two of you couldn't take the time to look around at how coastal towns spend their nights, as you found yourself jet lagged and sweating already, plopping onto the bed with your boyfriend. Did you two bother to unpack? No, this is part of the healing moments.
But not without prepping yourself for bed. You look at the time, it was already midnight, and Seokmin turns to look at you, propping his arm to support his head.
“Do you want to change?” He asked you, the hem of your top slowly being lifted as the dampness of your sweat just didn’t want to let go of it. Seokmin was getting eager.
You shake your head, you didn’t want to stick into fresh clothes.
“Shower first?”
You only hummed in response, not wanting to move at all, yet Seokmin dragged you into the bathroom to take a shower with him, the new soaps that you two had bought for this occasion finally being put to the test.
The feeling of his hands is gentle, and the look of joy on Seokmin’s face as you clean his face. There were still soap suds to the point of covering his whole face, but you wanted to kiss him at that moment as he washed your hair carefully, just the way you like it.
Seokmin liked how much you did everything you could to hug him, even in the shower as the two of you let the water run on your skin, falling on your back as the bathroom began to smell of sweet florals and his natural scent.
Shaaa…
And as you wrap up with your arms around the still-warm Seokmin in bed. Your face breathed onto his bare neck, not wanting to kiss away the lotion and many other skincare products that touched his face.
Seokmin had the smell of the fancy bar soap sticking in his skin and jasmine, and you wanted to wrap yourself around the smell of his favorite detergent scent that lingered on his clothes. You leave kisses on his neck.
You didn’t think mornings would be this soft, the white bed and dark blue covers, you always find Seokmin on the same side as you, not wanting to leave your side; it’s something you’re still getting used to.
Even when you two started dating, work had always found time to take him further and further away from you, with more promotions leading to more frequent video calls. Honestly, there were moments when he was on the other side, and you stayed up to listen to him rant about his days.
Now that you’re on the same page, it’s nice to wake up next to a still sleeping Seokmin. He was wearing his pajamas, a special pair, as he matched yours. Similar patterns of puzzle pieces.
The window that Seokmin left open for the cold air to enter blows the curtains gently as the cool morning breeze hits your face.
“Do you mind closing the window?” Seokmin suddenly said, turning away from the breeze, moving himself closer to you as he wraps an arm around you.
“You’re closer to the window,” you say, pushing him away as you turn your back on him. Of course, the “cold shoulder” never worked on Seokmin, with how quickly he immediately tackled you. Fluttering your face with kisses and marks of affection.
“Come on, you gotta close the window…”
“Seokmin, you’re so close you just need a finger—mmph!” You were interrupted with a warm kiss on Seokmin's lips. You sometimes forget how his lips always find their way to yours.
Seokmin loved summer and how it brought him every moment to be closer to you.
He remembers how you two first met. By the beach, you struck up a conversation with him, and he was ready to dive deep into the ocean for you.
He really was, his lips leaving pecks on your shoulder as you look at yourself in the mirror before getting ready to leave. He always loved how you wore sleeveless tops just for him.
Seokmin’s hat was snug around your head, pulling it up so that you could see his face. You instantly pulled it further away as you got a good look at him, even when the sun blazed through your face.
And just like the waves that hit the soles of your feet, the sun shines on Seokmin’s face just right. And you are absolutely floored.
“You’re not wearing the top?”
Of course, he wasn’t. It was the perfect weather for a good tan, though Seokmin looks at you confused when you ask him, holding out the shirt, he tilts his head.
“No, you don’t need to put it back on,” you say nothing else as you take the shirt away from him, the material felt loose when you put it over your shoulder.
It’s not like you haven’t seen him without his shirt on; you literally showered with him yesterday. Yet, seeing him smile at you, the more you realize the most unforgettable thing about him.
There was always a way he looked at you.
As you look at his empty hand, before grabbing it, the way it felt different compared to yours, and how you had always seen it through hand gestures in his dances, or the way he used the microphone. Feeling it holding on, you look back at Seokmin, who just so happened to be already looking at you.
“Wanna swim?” Seokmin asked, wearing his usual stupid grin, and with that usual smile, gave you a quiet kiss on the cheek.
Your body felt warm, but you knew it wasn’t because of the sun. Grabbing a palm full of the ocean, you splash it on Seokmin as he immediately lets go of your hand.
“You did not just—” You didn’t let him finish speaking as you splash him another one, really getting it into his face.
You immediately made a run for it, “You can’t get me!”
Seokmin wasn’t ready to lose by a measly splash of water. Trying to find ground, his feet sunk onto the sand before he sprinted to get to you. It wasn’t long before you could hear his loud voice yelling for you to get back.
You decide to make a turn in another direction, but Seokmin was just a little faster than you. Picking up speed, he corners you near the waves of the ocean. You were much closer to your doom than ever
Splash! Splash! Splash!
You’re downright soaked, even more than whatever kind of damage you gave to Seokmin, yet you weren’t ready to lose, still.
You splash more ocean water on Seokmin, spinning your arms like a propeller. Seokmin tries to do the same thing as whatever you did, but you were almost drowning him a little too quickly, moving closer and closer to his figure.
“Okay—please—ugh—stop!” Seokmin cries out through each water, almost hitting his eyes. He puts his hands in a surrender position, turning his back on you and from any other water that was about to come for him.
Seokmin does attempt to turn back, though flinching a bit when he sees you palming a small cup of water.
“I think that’s enough water for today.” You say.
“Yeah. We should probably get back, I’ve got another thing coming.” Seokmin said, grabbing his shirt that was now in your hand and using it as a towel.
“Is it more water?”
Seokmin thought about it. It would be much more fun if it were. But, as you two walk over to where you had placed your blanket, what he unloads from his bag is a small box. And as he hands you the box, he kisses you on the cheek before letting you open it.
“Happy anniversary, Baby.” Seokmin looks at the way you smile, pulling out a stringed necklace, the center of the blue shell shimmered white. You couldn’t let go of him as he hugged you.
Something did happen when you two returned to Korea. Seokmin had an obvious tan and many memories to talk to his friends about.
Other than stories, you wore the necklace and fell in love with Seokmin even more.
NOTES : does this show how much i need lee seokmin ….? because damn i really do
tropes: established relationship, clingy bf x clingy gf || warnings: fluff, bf seokmin, cuddling, a few kisses, giggles for days, skinship goes CRAZY, they're in love your honor, pet names: babe (for reader)
word count: 485 || writing for: @k-records || listening to: man i need - olivia dean
a/n: hi hi!! ummm new theme and layout....what do we think?? anyways saw this picture and got dragged by the collar back into my barefaced dokyeom era! consider this fic as me not trying to go insane because of how good he looks in a gray hoodie 😐
you know seokmin wants to be held the moment he comes into your shared bedroom without a greeting, instantly going to the bed and falling face first into your lap. he's bigger than you, body covering your entire lower half without a second thought.
putting your phone down, you bring your hand down to rub your boyfriend's back. after a few minutes of silence, save for his soft breathing, he looks up at you, brown eyes wide with desperation as he sighs aloud.
"hi to you too." you chuckle softly, and seokmin cracks a smile at that, bare face handsome and beaming as he speaks. "sorry i didn't say anything when i came in. didn't feel like it."
you knew something was off the moment seokmin came into your room without a word, but you didn't want to press him on the situation, nodding with understanding as you smile. "it's okay. i'm just happy to have you back with me."
"can we cuddle, babe?" seokmin asks, face in a pleading expression as he scoots further up on the bed to kiss your lips softly. "i want to be held by you."
his words hold so much vulnerability in them, you agree without a second thought. nodding, you smile as seokmin gets up, putting himself beside you in the bed as he leans on your shoulder. you take him in your arms instead, letting him press his head against your chest as he lets his eyes close, taking a deep breath.
"good?" you ask gently, and seokmin nods, voice low and relaxed as he replies, "better than good."
smiling, you press a kiss to his forehead, letting him wrap his arms around your waist and keep his head pressed to your chest. he smiles against you a few moments later, and you giggle at the phantom feeling of his face moving against you, questioning him on the change of expression.
"what's so funny?" you inquire softly, and seokmin shakes his head ever so slightly, laughing moments later.
"i can hear your heart beating." seokmin says, and you giggle, nodding. "yeah. it means i'm still breathing."
"i know that," you can hear the 'duh' in seokmin's voice before he continues on, "i was just about to say how fast it's going right now."
even though you've been dating seokmin for seven months, the fact that you get nervous when he's close to you like this never changes. it's no surprise that your heart is speeding because he's so close to you.
"i think it's so cute when you go quiet because you don't know what to say," seokmin says aloud, and you scoff, knowing your cheeks are a bright red as you sigh. "i should have thrown you off of me the moment you got on me."
that causes both of you to laugh, your head falling on top of seokmin's as he laughs lowly against you.
a/n: super odd ending but i'm out of practice and i lowkey am super sleepy so i'm not going to force myself to make an ending and then read it in the morning and hate it SO!!! hope u guys liked it
an... honestly this was so fun to make hehe thank you for the idea sam :D @joonsytip i made them EXTRA FREAKY for you ... i think this is the freakiest smau ive ever made... minors dni ty <3
a/n... i need a seokmin too... hope you guys enjoyed <3
⚬ synopsis: sometimes, right person at the wrong time doesn't result in end of relationships, but perhaps a pause on the things that constitute them. dokyeom and you share a sweet present and dream of an even sweeter future, then should the one thing that had historically gone a bit wayward deter you from trying again?
⚬ pairing: barista! lee dokyeom x fem! reader, uni au
⚬ word count: 7k
⚬ warnings: mentions of food, alcohol, implications of sexual anxiety/trauma.
⚬ smut warnings: virginity loss, fingering, oral (both receiving), cowgirl, missionary, slight innocence kink if u squint, dk is v chatty throughout it, MDNI
⚬ genres: fluff, romance, established relationship, shy reader
⚬ credits: to @wispyxfae for the dividers <3
⚬ playlist:
- sailor song by gigi perez(!!!)
author's note: part of my valentine's day event, lmk if you'd want to be tagged :)
The air of the campus's coffee-house is perfumed with the rich scent of toasted almonds and burnt coffee stains sticking to all surfaces by the time you pull your attention out of the document you have been working on and back into the space around you.
The half-eaten cream-cheese bagel has gone soggy by your side but the coffee cup still feels warm as you wrap your fingers around it. You bring it close to your lips, not quite drinking yet, but letting the sugary aroma of it settle like steam in between your breaths.
He must have replaced your previous cup that had gone cold with a fresh one without you noticing, for sure.
When you open your eyes and catch a glimpse of him ringing in the last orders of his shift with the same smile he had some four hours ago, you can't help but feel your heart thump in a sweeter melody behind your ribs. As if your gaze has a weight of it's own, Dokyeom feels it lingering on his skin and flicks his eyes up to catch you staring. And when he does, his flashy smile turns into something more honest and benign—the kind that you know is his most gleeful.
You gather your things in your bag and wait for your boyfriend to get free from his shift for a few more minutes, humming along to the songs strumming out of the cafe's music system that you know he must have been in-charge of queuing because it is your favorite playlist filtering into the buzzing space.
By the time he reappears from the back-room in his oversized soft pink hoodie and carrying an array of drinks and desserts boxed in a giant cardboard box, your stomach is grumbling and you crave your bed more than ever. Dokyeom places a lingering kiss over your head, pulling you closer into his chest with his free arm.
"How was your day?" He asks, rubbing your spine and making you sigh.
"Finished all my assignments while my boyfriend force-fed me enough sugar and caffeine to take down a Victorian child…you can say it went pretty good."
"Well I saw you withering away behind the laptop and knew it needed immediate intervention." he claims, frowning seriously.
The two of you begin walking hand in hand towards your dorms, opposite to most couples who were walking out of the dorms to spend the Valentine's evening outside the campus. Ideally, you and your boyfriend would be walking in that direction too. But with Dokyeom picking up many extra shifts at the coffee-house lately and your own grad-school applications demanding every second on your clock, you had unanimously arrived at the decision of just getting your favorites from the coffee house and cuddling in your dorm room all night.
His hand, despite the exhaustion of carrying scalding orders and packing delicate pastries all day, remains soft yet secure as it curls around you. The dorm halls are all nearly empty with the only sounds being those of your keys jamming against the old lock and a distant giggle of some girls getting ready for galentines in a room.
Upon entering, one of your hands fumbles for the switches to light up your room while the other pulls him in for a deep kiss. The bags fumble from his fingers carelessly onto your study table which is already swamped with haphazard notes and open, forgotten books. He angles his head and your lips melt against the heat of his, sliding against each other—tongue and teeth—slick with saliva, lipgloss and pure wet need.
It is only when he pulls you closer, almost bringing you on your tip-toes with his arm looped sure around your waist, that you realize just how cold you've been all day. Despite the coffee. Despite the air-con. Despite the golden sun of early spring. It is not until the press of his skin soaks his warmth into you that the tight coil between your shoulders finally unspools in slow, quiet threads.
You're breathless when you pull apart, skin flushed pink and eyes glossed over.
"I'm sorry," he mumbles watching you as you blink confused. His fingers come up to brush your air-mussed hair off your face, "this probably wasn't the valentine's you imagined."
You physically feel your smile falter when he says that, your chest caving in as something within it shrinks at his genuine, apologetic eyes.
Before you can say something, he continues, "I should have taken you out…"
"We always go out," you interrupt him, hands sliding up against the hem of his hoodie until your palms flatten against his chiseled abdomen, "and after a whole week of grueling assignments and terrible meetings with my advisor, staying in with you is exactly the type of valentine's I needed, Dokyeom."
"Joanne's that bad, huh?" He asks, referring to your academic advisor.
You deflate until you slump against his sturdy shoulder and pout, "she's the worst."
Dokyeom doesn't push at that, you've talked about her enough times for him to know just what about her way of stating what she needs to say rubs you off wrong. He is also aware, just as much as you are, about her importance at this stage of your applications. So instead of offering solutions that'd make you feel terrible about badmouthing your advisor in the first place or pampering you with unsure promises of it all getting better in the future, he makes today feels like its worth something.
Between kisses and running fingers over whatever skin you can find, he undresses you slowly and into his hoodie. And as he builds a cozy fort with all your throw blankets and pillows and comforters, you massage your vanilla-scented lotion into his naked back, nimble fingers carefully working around all the stiff knots.
"This is unfair!" you screech, lunging at him with a pillow when he brutally defeats you at scrabble, yet again.
Dokyeom barely gets the time to yelp before you're tackling him into the nest of blankets, the carefully built fort partially collapsing in the corner you push him against. The wooden tiles scatter everywhere, a few disappearing beneath the sheets or bouncing around before landing near the half-eaten desserts.
"You're just mad because I'm a genius," he declares, shielding himself with his forearm as you attempt to whack him again.
"You made up 'florp'," you accuse.
"It's a real word, check on Google."
"Google will say anything is a real word. But that's not how dictionaries work!"
"They do when you're pure of heart."
The entire fort crumbles around you in soft swooshes, cushioning your bodies when you fall on him. He instinctively wraps his arms around, pulling closer over the weighted blanket. You hit his bicep one last time, a light half-hearted attempt, before pouting and burying your face in the crook of his neck. The fading cologne of his is blanketed by the richer aroma of burnt coffee and buttered sugar, it shouldn't tempt you to inhale it again and again with needy drags. But you do. Your warm breath tickles his skin and you see them in real time as goose-bumps rise on the skin of his forearm which is visible under his half-pushed sleeves. You trace thoughtless patterns all over them, connecting them like stars in some constellation.
You don't know when it happens, or how it happens, but a few moments later you find yourself tangling your little, cold fingers between his much longer ones. A soft sound of amusement laced with something deeper, richer, escapes your lips when you press your palm to his and his digits slot so easily between your own. His hand is so big compared to yours, not just in size, but the strength, the surety of his grip and the protection of his hold as he contains you closer to his chest.
You run your fingertip over the back of his palm, and he stares at you intently trying to sync his breathing with yours with broken pauses when you speak, "I love your hands."
A warm chuckle rumbles under your cheek which is pressed to his collarbone.
"They're just hands," he says and you shake your head.
"No, they're the hands that replace my coffee without me noticing…the hands that braid my hair when my head hurts…hands that help me undress when I'm too overwhelmed to do so but too overstimulated to admit it out loud," you shift just enough to let your eyes meet his reverent ones, "they are the ones that write my name in every dumb little heart that you draw around my notes."
Dokyeom seems at a loss of words at your sudden confession, and even more so when you bring his palm up to press a kiss in the middle of it before proceeding to press it over your chest.
"You're being really cute right now," he attempts to joke, but you notice just how slightly his fingers shiver over your flesh.
Desperate and nervous at the same time, almost as if he wants to saturate his hands with the feeling of your skin until he has mapped out every single inch of yours fully, unabashedly. But at the same time, he realizes that this is you…the girl he has been in love with for over three years and the girl who had turned stone cold when he had tried to touch you like that for the first time.
It had been sophomore year, and the two of you were dating for around four months by the time. It was immediately after a party at your dorm-house. You both had been a bit tipsy, laughing too loudly in the empty hallway as he carried you on his back to your dorm-room. You remember catching a glimpse of yourself in your mirror when he led you inside and the view of your smudged-mascara paired with your gray sweater made you giggle. He kept wiping it away with the sleeve of his sweatshirt while you mumbled with a pout that you looked like a raccoon.
The gentleness, one you had grown to associate with him always, was there then too. His hands hovered before they touched you, his pleading eyes always asking before his fingers could make a move.
You had kissed him, assuring him that you wanted it…that you wanted his hands to be the one to take your clothes off and his eyes to be the first ones to see you naked.
He had taken his sweet time to get there, making out with every inch of your skin, slowly and with a wet heat that you still feel sometimes. You remember how your head had spun, the walls of the room warping in on themselves the more he worshipped you.
You had felt so cared for, so looked after.
But then, when his fingers moved from tracing your ribs to down where all your sensations had heightened, everything inside you locked.
You thought your body would continue welcoming him like it had been doing so far—skin tingling and eyes anticipating. But before his fingertips could even make contact with your growing wetness, your legs had snapped shut with such ferocity that it startled him to see you coil away like that. The more you tried to process it—the more you tried to bring yourself back into the room and in his arms—the shorter your breaths got, muscles pulling tight like wires.
Dokyeom had backed down comically quickly, and assured you with this immediate urgency that it was fine, that you didn't have to do anything.
Tugging you into a loose hug, he had lulled you back to sleep while you wept silently in his chest, murmuring how you didn't know what had happened and that you did want it.
Perhaps you weren't ready for it, perhaps it was another whim that you had been on ever since coming to University. But he had understood and agreed with any and all explanations, ensuring you that he didn't need them.
Always so gentle and careful, especially with you, Dokyeom had never tried initiating sexual intimacy after that. Neither had you, bound by the fear that it might lead to another disappointment and you were afraid that the devastation might kill you this time around.
But tonight, with his fingers stationed on your body like they had no intention of moving away unless you insisted and with love ebbing in your heart like the contents of an ocean poured into a lake, you feel surer than ever of it.
His breath hitches when you hold his hand between both of your palms and begin trailing it down below, under the sheet and closer to where you ache for him the most. He says your name like a plea, like a question.
You answer him by pressing your lips to his jaw. "I want it," you whisper, "I want to try again."
He doesn't ask you if you're sure, he leaves no window for you to second-guess that. Because the need for him to honor all your wishes is inbuilt within him like red to his blood.
"Tell me when to stop," he says before pushing himself up enough to hover over you.
You nod eagerly. He pushes your hoodie up to your chest with one hand while making sure not to disturb the blanket that covers you hips down. Perhaps it is one of your armors that might give you some sense of strength.
Your shy tendencies appreciate the additional layer that shields your nakedness, but you know that even if he were to undo it, you'd feel safe.
Because this time around, it's not a hasty decision to lose your virginity to your first boyfriend ever, it is rather a conclusion that you have arrived upon after sharing your life with him until your soul lay in his palm threadbare while you watched him hold it like his own life.
This time, Dokyeom holds your eyes when his fingers slip into your underwear. He hisses at the impact with your slick folds. "So wet," he mumbles, "how long were you thinking about this?"
All my life, you want to answer.
"All the time," you moan instead when they slip down to stroke your melting heat.
Dokyeom's fingers are so skilled at making you pulse more than you already are as they cover your entire cunt. Thumb drawing soft but contained circles over your clit, fingers soothing the folds that grow slicker with each movement, occasional pinches on your nub that make you whimper more than they hurt…he is everywhere.
And for the first time, the idea of sharing your most vulnerable parts with someone doesn't make you ashamed or anxious.
It rather thrills you, feeling how he pleasures you between your legs more than anyone—yourself included—ever could. Your breaths mingle into a steamy haze of moans and grunts as you kiss him.
He presses his forehead down on yours, biting his lips and savoring in this moment like this is as pleasurable for him as it is for you.
"Tell me," he huffs, "does it feel good?"
"So…so good, Dokyeom," you clutch the pillow hard.
"Yeah," he talks you through it as his fingers flirt with the idea of pushing inside your leaking hole, "does it feel as good as when you touch yourself?"
That makes you stutter a bit, just for a split second, because the very next moment he is pressing a chaste, open-mouthed kiss into the column of your neck and you feel your legs part even more.
"I never….I mean, I've tried," you admit. Your skin turns scarlet under him, and it is almost impossible for him to determine if it is because of your innocent confession or the things he is doing between your thighs.
Something soft and broken flashes across his face when you tell him that you've never been able to make yourself come this way. But a playful determination overtakes it when he finally pushes one of his long, sturdy fingers inside of you and instead of clenching up painfully, you only tighten around him when he tries to pull it out.
"So sweet," he praises, kissing the stray tear from the corner of your eye, and feels you ease up again when he pushes the finger back in, "so eager, my love."
"D-Dokyeom," you hitch when you feel his another finger at your entrance…you had barely accustomed yourself to one of them.
"Shh baby," he insists, "you can take it, I know. You are doing so well so far…and if it hurts, we stop, okay?"
Your eyes search for anything akin to a doubt in his eyes. When you find none, you feel yourself easing up in his steady embrace. The trust you have on him in this moment is beyond any worries of yours. And so, you let him wrap one of your legs over his hips with one hand while he pushes another finger into your warmth.
"Just like that baby," he groans when his fingers ease up without strain, snug and warm inside of you.
Your back arches of the ground when he begins pumping them with a certain rhythm and you press yourself closer to him until you feel his heartbeat right against your own. The orgasm that washes over you is so inevitable, yet it takes you by surprise when you scream out his name. His fingers only pick pace up, the squelching sounds intensifying now that the sweet evidence of your love for him flows down in messy waves around his fingers as you fall apart.
Your body buzzes with the intensity of your orgasm, so you are not fully aware when he pushes your underwear down your legs and disappears down the blanket. The loss of fabric isn't noticeable for long though, because he instantly covers your soaked cunt with his mouth. Your thighs had gone limp on either side of him, but they tighten and coil around his neck when he begins cleaning you up with hungry licks.
He doesn't eat you out, he ravishes you like a man parched. His nose presses down against your sensitive nub, but he is determined to press as many kisses to your blushing core as you can take without pushing him away.
Someone so devoid of sexual intimacy, now overdosing on it.
You are no better though. Even as your limbs scream to rest after the overwhelming climax from some moments ago and your back aches from arching so much, you can't help but press yourself deeper and deeper into his mouth, welcoming him he begins sucking on your engorged clit.
Your legs shake and your fingers knot into his hair when your second orgasm crashes down on you earlier and harder than your last one, thanks to your overused and sore nerves.
Your boyfriend emerges flushed, soaked-lipped and breathless from between your legs, but not before littering the flesh of your abdomen and thighs with a hundred tiny kisses.
He stares down at you for long, silent moments, trying to catch his breath that he lost somewhere between kissing you and claiming you. You hold onto his arms, your own breathing rapid and ragged while you wait for his next move.
"Wanna go further?" he finally asks, toying with the hem of your sweatshirt.
With your legs still parted and coiled around his hips as you occasionally rub yourself against his hard body, he already knows the answer, but he wants to hear it from you no matter how gone you are.
"Yes," you hiss, flexing your hips again against the rough fabric of his jeans, "fuck yes."
A single flick of his wrists undoes the hoodie and has you naked and writhing underneath him. Subconsciously, you brace yourself for the ancient pang to hit you again, one which is often accompanied with the urge to cover yourself up.
But nothing happens.
Because the more Dokyeom's eyes darken with pure, molten want, the more pride you feel in your skin. You don't want to hide, even though he is fully clothed above you. It only pushes you further to tug at his shirt, silently prying him to join you. He ignores it though, because all his senses are zeroes down on the hardened nipples on your breast. He swoops down to capture one of them between his lips. His slick tongue that is still coated with your arousal, drags against them over and over again until you are keening below him, now shamelessly rubbing yourself all over your boyfriend.
You chant his name because it is the only appropriate word that occupies your mind as you undo the buttons of his shirt. Frustrated, you pull at the fabric until they give away at once.
"Fuck I love it when you're fiesty," Dokyeom doesn't even have the decency to detach his lips from your breasts when he speaks.
His fingers undo the zipper of his jeans and push it along with his boxer down his legs somehow while ensuring he doesn't stop touching you. His legs get caught up in the hurried movements and you break into a fit of giggles, covering your eyes.
"Hey, that's insulting," he pouts, assuming that you're laughing at his nude form.
"No!" you say, pressing your palms over his abs, "you're just so silly."
"Am I?" he says, trying to keep the lightheartedness alive as he fishes for a condom in his wallet. You're grateful for it though, because it distracts you from the thoughts of what you just glimpsed at and if it is going to fit. For a moment, your head gets swarmed by all the Buzzfeed horror stories you read as a teen about 'it' getting 'stuck' painfully. But then, you also remember reading in some self-help book about taking charge and facing things that scare you.
In this case, your boyfriend's huge cock.
And so,
"I wanna blow you before you fuck me!" you announce out of nowhere.
Dokyeom is in the middle of ripping the packet of condom between his teeth when you say that. It falls down and lands over your stomach.
"You what?" he blinks.
"I wanna suck your dick."
"Oh."
Slowly, he shifts back, allowing you space to get up from the ground. You somehow push yourself up to your elbows and watch him as he leans against the wall, his hand stroking his member as he waits for you to do what you want to do. He looks so clueless at your sudden enthusiasm that it makes you laugh. Surely, haunted by the last time the two of you tried having sex, he must have thought that this time too, he should take his careful, sweet time to ease you into it…clearly unaware of what had shifted within you over the years.
Your outspokenness isn't a switch flipped, but something that you have been eased into with him.
You are still smiling when you crawl until you reach his lap. And once you do, you do not waste much time before applying what you had seen quite a few times in movies by kissing the tip of his cock as he fists it aggressively while keeping his eyes on you. Moisture gushes behind your lips at the view of his flushed cheeks and eager hips as he ruts them towards you.
You give him what he silently begs for by gently tucking your hair behind your ears, wrapping your lips around his shaft and making yourself push down on him as much as you can until you feel your throat close up around him.
"Fuck baby yes…." he hisses, fluttering lashes drinking in the image of you as you hold his gaze and slowly begin bobbing your head.
One of his arms creeps up behind your neck to aid your movements while the other gathers your hair up in a ponytail in his fist. Maybe he did that with the intention of providing you some extra support as you sloppily suck his cock for the first time as best as you can. But when the slight pressure on your neck and the pull of hair in his fist begins making your vision double, you realize it is more about him trying to regain some sort of control as everything slips away from him under your ministrations.
"Such a pretty cocksucker," he praises, brushing your cheek with his thumb just when you pull him out of your mouth with a fit of coughs.
With a little nudge of his hands, he tries to move your pretty, swollen lips back onto his cock, but you protest, "I can't wait anymore."
Your nails scratch his chest as you haphazardly climb his lap and kiss him.
"Won't it hurt you more this way?" he manages even though your teeth are pulling at his lips.
"No I think this way I'd be more in control of it," you ramble almost enthusiastically, but then when you wrap your fingers around it and remember how you barely had been able to take him halfway down your throat, you begin to dim, "at least I think so…"
Your dubious eyes flicker up to his, glassier and wider than ever. The slight tremble in your lips makes him tighten his hold over your hips like a promise.
"I'll help you through it," he says. And even with his rumpled up hair and flushed face that make it seem like he can barely formulate a coherent thought under the weight of this moment, he sounds surer than ever.
Your words fail you as the gravity of what you're about to do tightens around you. You feel like you are confined inside something thick, yet sweet. You rope your arms around his neck and kiss him through it as you begin to descend your hips down until he is perfectly aligned with you.
Both of yours' eyes meet and darken in tandem as the realization hits you...just one push, that's all it will take for you to finally lose your virginity.
He licks his lips, "May I?"
"Yeah," you gulp, "yeah, please."
He flexes his hips gently but with intention, and at the same time, his hold over you tightens. The stretch of the first half of him makes you double down until you're pressed chest to chest, your face finding home in the crook of his neck as uncontrollable tears begin rushing down. He doesn't move any further, just pats your hair all while mumbling sweet nothings to you.
"You're so….so beautiful my love," his voice is lush yet contained, like velvet forced between concrete, "you feel better than I ever imagined."
You continue to whimper into his neck, not knowing whether to move up or down.
"Relax," he says, almost as if he senses your strain. "let it flow…listen to your body babe."
Your eyes flutter shut, all the worries that you had about doing something wrong dim at his reassurances. You take a few breaths, no matter how jagged.
"I love you," he reminds you and you are so grateful that he does. Because with his confession, something loosens within you…almost like sugar melting above open fire and turning into syrup. You feel your hips relax, and you effortlessly slide all the way down until you are flushed fully down on him with a broken gasp.
Your body continues to shiver, it is a strange sensation, but a pleasurable one. One that you want to accustom yourself to. One that you want to feel again and again, even when it makes you cry.
His big hands hold your hips gently, fingers twitching as if he's trying to resist gripping you tighter. Your unfocused eyes blink up at him to see his reaction, but the feeling of him, the weight of him, the hardness of him makes it impossible for you to stay still and focus. His body trembles against yours when you frantically begin rutting your hips in whatever motion you can. Up, down…or grinding when your thighs begin to ache.
It doesn't take long for your body to turn pliant and exhausted with the effort and when you whine his name yet again, he helps you by taking charge and bucking his hips against you, doing most of the work as you nearly give up on riding his enormous, girthy length.
His fists gather the flesh on your bottom as his movements become more and more commanding. He easily moves you up and down his cock, the only evidence of any strain being the slight bulge of the veins on his hands. His head falls back as your moans turn into screams and eventually tears—music to his ears.
"You feel so warm and so good," he says while you mewl at the slow drag of his cock as he begins slowing down to savor it more, "thank you baby…thank you so much for trusting me with this."
He makes a point to emphasize that when his fingers slip down from where they were toying with your breasts down to stroke your clit and you feel like he just lit you alive.
When a jolt of pleasure between your legs threatens to break you apart, you fully collapse on top of him, latching onto him like your life depends.
"No no no," he blabbers almost urgently, "look at me, please look at me!"
Thrust down in a place too deep, dark and hot, you fail to even lift your head as your orgasm washes over you. Dokyeom surges with you until your back hits the ground, all while he continues pistoning in and out of you with even more urgency, trying to intensify your pleasure the best he can.
"Baby, please open your eyes, just for a moment," he pleads, his voice cracking as he cradles your face. Wrapping your legs around him for some sort of support does help you calm down enough to tilt your head and honor his wish and your breath catches at the sight of him.
He looks so owned, so wrecked, so gone….just yours.
His lips are slick with your saliva, parted and panting right above your swollen ones which tingle with the ghost of his heated kisses. The wetness between your thighs pools down below on the mattress from overuse and you moan at the lewd sounds of his sweat-soaked skin slapping against your spent one.
"Dokyeom…" you sigh, fingers holding onto his shoulders as he shudders at the utter nearness of his climax. You try to clench around him harder than you already are, but it is your words that break him. "I love you…I am yours, now more than ever."
He grunts as he spills apart inside of you, the condom from earlier lying forgotten somewhere between the pillows. But your mind doesn't rush there, not at all, especially not when the love of your life continues filling you with the shy evidence of his devotion to you. You arch above the ground, almost like him spilling inside of you pumps something new, something raw within you.
"Now more than ever," he repeats your words from earlier, face still buried in your hair while his fingers shiver on the pillow your head rests upon, "now more than ever."
By the time he returns back to bed after having put all the soiled sheets and pillows away, you are arousing from your languid nap that had engulfed you somewhere between when he carried you to the bathroom and when he was massaging your head with your coconut scented shampoo. He had already tucked fresh sheets in your bed and the comforter he had wrapped over you feels nothing short of a warm cloud when he slips in.
You smile up at him shyly, the raw act of intimacy that you had indulged in with him over and over again not even an hour ago seems to have stirred something new into the sweet concoction that was your relationship. A brighter colour flushes your cheeks when you remember the ragged state of him when he came inside you. A sharper spice settles down in your lower abdomen that still aches with the need for his intense lovemaking all over again.
But you know better than overdo your sore body so you allow him to just pull you gently closer under his arm and onto his chest, all while trying not to remember the smidge of the deep, dark crimson that coated his length as well as the sheets when he had finally pulled out. Your blood, the loss of which doesn't feel like bereavement at all. Not something taken away from you, but something replaced within you. A new sensation, a new definition of need, a new act of love.
You find yourself pressing your cheek deeper into his collarbone, breathing in the scent of your soap on his skin.
But Dokyeom doesn't seem relaxed, because you know what that looks like by now. His breathing doesn't get even neither does he crack some flurry of dumb jokes that will have you fall asleep with a smile on your lips and contentment in your heart. On the contrary, you can feel him fidget with something in his other hand that he doesn't wrap around you.
Strange.
"Kyeom?" You ask.
"Mhmm?"
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing babe...why would you ask?"
"You seem...tensed," you begin to move away from him when a thought begins to form that you'd rather not think about, especially not after what just happened. Your fingers tighten over the comforter over your chest when you say it out loud, "do you...do you regret it?"
His eyes widen when you say that, and despite the glow on his face and the boyish charm of the hair falling over his eyebrows, he looks like someone who has witnessed war.
He shoots right up, his arms already reaching for you but you only pull back.
"Was it not good?" you ask, trying your best to fight the tears that threaten to spill, "because I liked it very much...but if it wasn't as good as you, I-I'm ready to hear it. It's just it was my first time and I didn't know-"
"Babe!" he says, his voice a bit louder as he finally grasps onto your arms desperately, "please, no...that's not...that's not what I'm thinking. It was the most beautiful night ever, really. Regret is the last thing I am feeling right now."
Dokyeom's eyes gleam with this longing plea for you to trust him, the intensity of which renders you doubtless about his words.
"Then what is it?" You ask meekly, a bit embarrassed of your earlier rant.
A hollow silence lingers in the room around you. You wait for him to meet your eyes, but all he does is fish for something in his pocket and holds it between the two of you. A small, butterfly shaped pendant captured between two pearls dangles down a long silver chain from between his fingers like a fragile taunt.
When he looks up at you, there's a blush on his cheeks, "I...uh, I bought this for you. For Valentines. But I...I didn't find the time to gift to you earlier."
Your fingers reach forward to feel the pearls on either side of the pendant, barely caressing them. You have always adored pearls just as much as you have loved butterflies.
"Dokyeom, it's perfect...it's everything I love," your eyes shine with undiluted wonder, "It must have taken you so much time to find it."
"It didn't actually," he says, scratching the back of his head, "it was quick."
"What do you mean?"
"Uh...it is...it is custom."
"What!?" your sharp voice startles him, "you got custom jewlry made for me?"
He laughs, a little nervous, "It's not much...just a pendant. But yeah, I wanted to give you something that I know you would love."
"But it must be so expensive."
"It wasn't a pressure, really."
"Wait," you begin deflating on the bed, the mattress sinking down with your weight as you shrivel, "is this why you had been picking up those extra shifts at the coffee-house?"
Dokyeom purses his lips, this isn't the worrisome reaction he wanted from you. "Baby, really. Don't worry about the cost of it...I really wanted to gift you something like this."
"But-"
"You have already given me so much," he says, whispering your name like a prayer. You notice how his voice wobbles around it, like he is treading carefully, "all your busy days that you somehow squeeze me into, even if it means walking twenty-five minutes from the cosy library to study in the uncomfortable, loud coffee-house just to spend some time with me, albeit at a distance. All your smiles and tears that you share with me, making me feel like the luckiest man alive...and when you let me hold you between my palms, it's like all my dreams and wishes finally made flesh and bones."
Your fist over your blanket tightens, your tears falling down on it like rain.
He licks his lips, wiping your tears before continuing, "So trust me when I say that tonight...especially after what happened tonight, this necklace feels so insincere against what all you've given me."
The blanket falls between you, catching between your tangled limbs as you throw yourself at him, hugging him close. All the bruises of his teeth on your chest burn when you press him close, but you don't care.
Somewhere between ugly tears and blubbering confessions and reaffirmations of love, you convince him to put the pendant on you. His fingers shiver and knot between your hair as he attempts to secure it in place, and tells you how he was hesitating about when to give it to you because he didn't want you to think that he was gifting you something in exchange of tonight but that he also wanted you to feel appreciated. An unnecessarily dilemma, you conclude. Because how could anything from him to you ever feel insincere?
He doesn't stop caressing you--your back, your neck, your lower abdomen, as he lies you down back on the bed. And though there has been an undeniable shift in your relationship moving onwards, with the warmth of his generous touch and a token of his adoration hanging around your neck, it all only feels like an addition to what you already have.
What you've always had.
.
a/n: hi hiii! sorry for being mia for around a month now i know this is so late but i think i've hit another writing slump skibgjkebgrj i will still be finishing my valentines event before taking a rest/starting a new project tho! thank u for being so patient w me <333
pairing: dk x gn!reader
wc: 0.4k
genre:: fluff
(a/n): this is a request by (@teddy0809) thank you for the cutest idea ever!! lipstick tests + seokmin being all soft and giggly?? yes please. i had way too much fun writing this one hope you like it!
“Okay. This one’s called Endless Cherry Kiss.”
You hold up the tube dramatically like it’s some sacred artifact. Seokmin, sprawled across your couch in a sweater two sizes too big, squints at it.
“Endless?” he echoes, poking his cheek. “Like, endless kissing?”
You ignore the way his ears go a little red and nod seriously. “We’ll see if it’s worthy.”
He sits up straighter, already bracing. His cheeks are a watercolor painting of reds and pinks, each smudge more enthusiastic than the last. Lipsticks are scattered across the table in front of you like little soldiers who’ve already lost the battle.
You apply the new shade carefully, then turn to him. “Ready?”
Seokmin smiles—big and bright and totally unbothered by the growing lipstick museum on his face. “For you? Always.”
You lean in and kiss his cheek, soft and quick.
Both of you pause.
He blinks at you, hopeful. “Did it… work?”
You lean back and squint. “Nope.”
Seokmin pouts immediately, lifting a finger to the new cherry print. “You said this one was endless. I feel lied to.”
You burst out laughing as he flops backwards with a dramatic sigh, arms splayed out like he’s been emotionally betrayed. “We’ve tested twelve,” he says. “Twelve! That’s, like… a dozen kisses!”
“I can do math,” you tease, picking up another lipstick.
He peeks at you with a small grin. “I’m just saying… if we don’t find a kiss-proof one, I wouldn’t be that upset.”
You glance at him, cheeks warm. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he whispers, eyes soft now. “This is kinda my favorite experiment.”
You pause. Then lean in and kiss the tip of his nose.
IN WHICH The dreams you once had have died a long time ago. You realized you and music weren’t meant to be, and you learned to be okay with that. While it once ate you alive, you are better now. Knowing you can help aspiring artists pursue their dreams is better than trying for your own anyway. Seokmin doesn’t see it the same way, though. And while he loves your radio show with his whole heart, he loves you just a little bit more. Everyone knows love makes you do stupid things, and it’s no different for him.
pairing » singer!seokmin x radio host!fem!reader
genre » fluff, smut, tiniest bit of angst
featuring » BSS, dino, jennie
contains » strangers to lovers, radio show setting, BSS as an artist group, self doubt, lost of passion, green flag!Seokmin, nicknames (pretty, princess)
warnings » dry humping, voice kink, lots of eye contact, he wraps it up, fingering
word count » 13.5k
↪ izzy adds... oh Seokmin please tell me I didn't do you too dirty akdgakhdgakg I tried I promise. This is only lightly proof read, bear that in mind.
A huge shout out to my favorite banner maker @livmarauder, who did this beauty for me again <33 Also a shout out to @studiosvt for making this amazing collab happen! You all know how much I love our little (big) group.
seokmin masterlist | first time caller
If there is one thing you are unable to live without, it's music.
Humming as you walk the company halls, you allow yourself to only focus on the song playing in your headphones, everything around you becoming blurry. LNGSHOT has been playing on repeat lately, and you can't wait to have them on the show next week.
"Where have you been? I've been texting you all morning!" Chan's voice reaches you as soon as you take your headphones off, a heavy sigh leaving your lips as he disturbs the melody still playing in your head. You take your time getting your jacket off and hanging it on the wall right beside the entrance, turning around just to find your best friend looking at you like he is not happy with the shit you're pulling right now.
You met Chan back when you were twenty one, still struggling with being comfortable with music. It was weird back then but thanks to Chan's constant meddling and encouragement, you managed to love music again. You don't tell him enough, but you are extremely grateful to him for what he did for you all those years back, despite him not even knowing about it.
It's not like he did much in theory, but to you it felt like he did everything. He reminded you why you always loved music, and that was more than anyone else has done for you in a while. He became your best friend shortly after, your shared hobbies and opinions drawing you closer together.
"I'm sorry," you apologize as you cross the room and take your seat beside him. "I didn't notice you were texting me, and I thought I'd take my time this morning when we aren't going live today."
He sighs, unable to be mad at you for long. Taking his phone out, he lays it out in front of you, clicking though multiple tabs before finally landing on the YouTube one. You blink confusedly, your eyes flickering between him and his phone. Chan's weird, that's nothing new, but he is the loud, excited, and overly joyed weird, so seeing him just click through things without saying anything catches you off guard.
"It feels weird since it's my friend I'm talking about here, but he's got a band and they just released their first album and it's really fucking good. I wanted you to listen as soon as I heard it to see what you think," he explains as he clicks on a music video titled CBZ and you finally realize why he's so serious. This is work related.
Focusing instantly, you close your eyes in order for the music to do what it knows best—impress you. You categorize all the voices in your head, the melodies, rhythm, and lyrics. You nod your head in the rhythm, letting yourself enjoy it. Despite you liking a variety of genres, it's still hard for songs to be to your liking. This one though—you are not disappointed. You open your eyes to try and grasp the video as well, but with how short the song is, it switches to a different one at the exact same time.
It's another song by them, by BSS, titled Love Song. Right off the bat, it's different from the first song, but still as good. You like what they have going on, and by the look on Chan's face as he listens with you, he does as well.
"Who is this friend of yours?" You question as the second song comes to an end.
"Seungkwan. Boo Seungkwan. I've known him for a few years and he texted me a few weeks ago asking for my opinion on their CBZ demo. I told him then that it was perfect and it's even better now."
"They write their songs themselves?"
"Yes and no. They have a part, but most of it is by Woozi."
"They got Woozi on this?" Your eyes widen and he laughs at your reaction. "Man, you can't just casually tell me one of my favorite producers was on the team!" You nudge his shoulder. Woozi producing these songs explains a lot—like why you already love it so much.
Chan laughs, the serious tone in his voice disappearing again, like it tends to do around you. You can't blame him because you're the same. Every time you try to be serious at work, it leads to moments like these. It's not your fault. You promise it's not. It's just what happens when your coworker is your best friend. Especially when you get paid for talking together on a radio show about the things you love the most. "I was thinking about pitching them to Jennie. What do you think?"
"I think you should," you encourage him. "I'd love to have them on. I think they fit us. And I'm not saying that because Woozi produced the song," you roll your eyes when he gives you a knowing look. Having Woozi helped, but you seriously think they have a talent. "Talk to Jennie about it first and then send Seungkwan an official email so we can plan further."
"Yes, ma'am," he salutes, causing you to shake your head at him.
♡⸝⸝♡⸝⸝
Seokmin always dreamed big. From wishing he'd grow as tall as his father when he was a child, up to this day, hoping for his career to take off and showcase his voice to the whole world. He's one step closer to that goal now that their first album has been released, and he couldn't be happier. The first hundred views was already a blow, but nothing could prepare him for how it'd feel to wake up and their song to blow up.
He's been buzzing all morning, constantly texting all his closest friends and freaking out about it. It's a dream coming true, and with each new compliment he sees, his love for music only grows.
But what makes him jump up from his bed entire is the message sent into the BSS group chat just a week after CBZ was released. There are many things Seungkwan could say—they are trending, people hate their song, people love their song, Woozi wants them to get into the studio again, or maybe that Seungkwan's mom is inviting them for dinner again—but a forward of an invite for behind the mic, one of Seokmin's favorite shows, is on the very bottom of things he expects.
It only takes him a few clicks before he is on a call, waiting for both Seungkwan and Soonyoung to join. "You're serious, right? This isn't a joke of some sort? Because if it is, Kwan, I cannot promise you I won't slap the shit out of you."
"Whoa, violence," Seungkwan raises his free hand up in surrender, blinking at him. When he joined the video call, he was not prepared for Min to start with this without any greeting. "It's real. Remember the friend I mentioned before, Chan?"
"The first person who listened to our song? No, how could I remember him?" Seokmin fakes a confusion, causing Soonyoung to snicker as he hides his laugh with his hand.
"He is a host on the show. They want us on sometimes next week. We need to tell them what day we're free as soon as possible."
"How did I not figure out your Chan is Lee Chan?" Seokmin curses at himself quietly, plopping down on his bed again. "This has been a milestone ever since they first started broadcasting, you don't get it."
"Trust me," Soonyoung starts, smiling awkwardly as he passes a group of people at the store he's at, "we've heard plenty enough about them from you to get it."
"As if you didn't find a bunch of new artists you listen to through them," Seokmin scoffs.
"Never said otherwise."
Behind the mic started broadcasting three years ago, with you and Chan as the hosts. He was on his way to visit his family back then, the car radio on a random station. It was a coincidence, really, but Seokmin likes to call it fate. He remembers Sombr being on that day after his first EP was released. He debated changing the station to something more popular when he stopped at a red light, but your voice stopped him. He couldn't tell what it was you were talking about, but he certainly remembers the pull he felt.
He's been tuning in at two pm every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday like a clock, looking forward to the new artists you were going to introduce to him and finding out more about them. To now be offered the same opportunity, to sit in the studio with both of you and talk about the process behind writing CBZ and what he does in his every day life, truly feels like a dream come true. Not only will it bring new fans their way, but he will also finally get to talk to the two people that have been brightening his days for the past three years.
If he is honest, he might be looking forward to one of the hosts more than the other, but he wouldn't dare to say that out loud.
Friday is what they guys have decided on, Seungkwan sending Chan a message as soon as their video call ended and Seokmin stopped freaking out over being on his favorite show. His friends can't blame him though, they would have done the same had they been in his shoes. So they sat there patiently on the call with him, letting him talk their ears off.
Just like the week ago, and the week before that, and the one before that, Seokmin turns on his radio right on time, finding the right station. "That was amazing, 16," your voice rings in his ears. He's a little late today, so he didn't get to hear the first song, but it's okay, he's surprisingly always preferred the chatting segment more either way. "Can you tell us more about the process behind writing Not Anymore so the fans can get to know the song a little more before they get to know you?"
Seokmin listens to the radio as he paces around his room, taking the time he has on hand to clean his room. He stops in his track every once and then when you say something that catches his attention, taking the time to listen to what you have to say or ask before he resumes what he was doing.
One may call him biased, but he swears it's not like that. You just happen to ask the more interesting questions, while Chan is the one to make the chats more funny. You each have your own strengths, and he just sometimes prefers the interesting questions over funny moments.
He listens till the end, staying for the ending song Make no sense as well and adding it to his playlist before turning the radio off again as your broadcast comes to an end. Checking the time as if he didn't already know the show ending means it's three pm, he quickly collects all his things before rushing out of the apartment to get to the studio.
Soonyoung will complain he is late again, but it's not his fault. He needed to listen to today's behind the mic, otherwise the rest of the day would just go wrong.
♡⸝⸝♡⸝⸝
You've met many artists since you started behind the mic with Chan. Much more than you could count if anyone asked you. But you are certain none of them were ever as excited as the man standing in front of you right now. His eyes flicker all over the room, taking in the sight of the studio. It's not much, but it's enough to have your show running. Neither you or Chan ever troubled yourself too much with how the interior looks since the fans can't see it anyway.
The walls are all white, decorated with different kinds of paintings and awards you got. There is a large black desk with six chairs and a dark green couch in the corner that Chan likes to occupy during his break. Despite your show only being on for an hour a day, there is a lot more work the two of you do. Planning future broadcasts, scouting artists, budgeting their fees, helping your other coworkers when they need, and even making music together.
Chan is the only person you're comfortable around enough to show him your music and have him hear your voice, whether that's through singing or simple lyrics composing. You know you will never showcase it to the world, you've made your mind on that back when you were fifteen, but he likes taking his ideas to the finish line and consulting you along the way. He released his first song two years ago, and you couldn't be prouder of him. You still have the demo version of Wait somewhere on your laptop, thinking about the day he let you listen to it for the first time whenever you question if what you're doing is really the right move for you.
Being reminded of the smile on his face when he showed you his song, and then the one he wore as he talked about his single on the show always reassures you that you are right where you're meant to be. Making your own music and showcasing it to the world might not have been in your cards, but helping others reach their goal and support them on their way certainly is.
"Please, take a seat anywhere," you smile at the three guys known as BSS. "We are sorry if calling you here so early was an inconvenience for you. We just need to go through some things before the broadcast starts and there is no way of knowing how long that will take."
"We used to meet thirty minutes before the show would start and it always ended up being a mess, which is why we prefer it this way," Chan explains, motioning towards the couch with his hand for them to sit.
"No worries, we cleared our schedule for today in advance," Seungkwan brushes him off before shooting Seokmin a look, almost as if it was his fault. Well, it might have been. With how he wouldn't stop talking about it, it was the only way they could get him to shut up. "Thanks for having us," he smiles, pulling Chan into a hug.
It's the first time you've had someone he knows on the show, and the vibe is already entirely different. It tends to be awkward at times at first, but thanks to how comfortable the guys are together, you don't think you'll have to worry about that.
You watch them with a smile before turning on your heel and going to one of the drawers you have, pulling out three papers from it. "These are some of the questions we ask on the show. Please, look through them and let us know which ones you don't want us to ask, for whatever reason. On the other hand, feel free to mark, underline, or anything else, with the questions you want us to ask. It's nice when we can talk about something that excites you, whether that is your hobbies outside of music, your family, or how you grew up."
They all nod as you hand them the papers. They all tower over you, so you appreciate it when they all sit down on the couch and you don't feel so little anymore. Chan takes the opportunity and reminds you of their names as they study the questions, only Seokmin raising his eyes from the paper when his name falls off your friend's lips.
"Lee Seokmin," he grins, extending his hand towards you. You return his smile, holding his hand in yours as you name slips past your lips. "I know," he chuckles. "Kind of a fan."
"Kind of," Soonyoung laughs and Seokmin shoots him a glare. "Should have seen him when we got the invitation."
"Soonyoung is known for lying any chance he gets, please don't listen to him."
You laugh at their interaction, shaking your head before turning to your colleague. "Coffee time?" He immediately agrees, and so you ask the same question the other three.
Seokmin watches as you leave the room to make coffee for everyone, nudging Soonyoung's shoulder harshly when the door closes. "Can you not embarrass me? I know a lot about you, stuff that I could talk about when the show starts."
Soonyoung raises his hands in surrender, "I only spoke the truth. In fact, by the smile on her face I believe she liked it."
"I thought you guys were here to promote your music?" Chan raises an eyebrow as he watches them, a teasing tone lacing his voice.
"We are," Seungkwan assures him quickly, not catching the hint of amusement on Chan's face. "Seokmin is a fan, though, and by how much he talks about the show and how excited he was when he found out we would be on, one would think he is in love."
"I love the concept you two built," he jumps right in, ignoring the comment about him being in love. Because he isn't. It's normal to have a favorite broadcast and to tune in every time it's on. Many of your fans do it, so why would it be any different for him? He simply enjoys listening to you talk and learning more about great artists. "It's nice to look at music from a different perspective and learn not only about how the song was made, but also about who made it."
"A lot of the artists you guys introduce are either freshly on the scene or aren't as popular as others, so their fans don't have many sources where they could learn about their lives, but you provide that. You allow the fans to learn about the person they listen to while still promoting their music," he finishes his rant, his cheeks heating up when he realizes how much he said. He's glad you're out right now and he saved this embarrassement from at least one of the hosts.
But Chan's lips curve up into a smile much to Seokmin's surprise. "You should repeat that when she comes back if you want to make her even more excited about working with you. It was her idea, really. I just chased her around and complimented her until she allowed me to be a part of this project. I still don't get how it worked out."
His words ring in Seokmin's ears loud and clear. Chased her around and complimented her until she allowed me to be a part of this. It's definitely not an advice he should take, those are completely different situations and most importantly, how he feels about your radio show does not mean he also feels a certain way about you like his friends tend to believe.
He has always been good at chasing and complimenting, though.
You come back into the room with a trail full of coffee mugs and Seokmin stands up from the couch as soon as he notices you, crossing the room in a few long strides. "Here, allow me," he offers with a bright smile, taking the trail from your hands.
Blinking up at him, you let your hands drop down to your sides. "Thank you," you return his smile, your eyes flickering to the rest of guys in the room. They're all watching you for some reason, making your cheeks heat up. Clearing your throat, you quickly avert your eyes from them and fix your shirt, letting them each take a cup.
"Thank you for inviting us," Seokmin says as he approaches you again, leaving the trail with two cups—one for you and one for him—on the table. "Like I said, I'm kind of a fan," he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, his eyes closed and an adorable smile on his lips. "And maybe Soonyoung wasn't so far from the truth. It does mean a lot to be here."
"We aren't anything you should freak out over," you shake your head, even though a smile creeps up on your lips as you listen to him. "Wait for when you get a Buzzfeed invite."
"As great as it would be to be on Buzzfeed, Behind the Mic means the same to me," he assures you. "I've been listen to you guys ever since you started, and I just want you to know how much I love what you and Chan built together. It's a great opportunity for artists to introduce themselves to fans and get out there."
Seokmin watches as your cheeks catch the color red, your eyes flickering all over your face, as if trying to find a proof of him not being real. He has to admit, you're cute. With your eyes focused on him, a soft smile playing on your lips, partly in disbelief and partly from how proud of yourself you are, and your hair framing your face, you exceed all expectations he's ever had of you.
He's seen you before, of course he has. Shortly after finding your broadcast, he started following both you and Chan on instagram. It helped him put a face to the voice he is always listening to, but if he's honest, you look so much prettier in person. He would never dare to say you wouldn't be beautiful in the pictures he saw you post on your feed, but the camera simply doesn't capture your beauty as well as his eyes do.
"You've—" you pause, trying to grasp the situation. You know people listen to your radio show, you know you have fans who have been here for a while and all that, but it's the first time you're standing in front of an actual artist who just expressed to you he is probably a bigger fan of you than you're of him. "How long have you been listening for?"
"Got here when Sombr did." You don't have to do the math in your head, knowing exactly when that was. You had him on at the very beginning, your room half the size it's now as you were just starting and your boss wasn't sure how well you'd do. Three years. This man has been listening to you and Chan talk for three years. Oh God. Is this the right time to freak out?
You snap out of it, trying to look as unbothered as possible as you reach for your cup of coffee and bring it to your lips. "Thank you for sticking around for so long," you mumble, looking at him briefly through your eyelashes. "We appreciate it a lot." The smile never leaves his lips, not as he takes his own cup with his eyes never leaving yours, not as he tells you about his favorite interviews so far, and definitely not as you admit you really loved their first album.
"We are on in ten," Chan interrupts your talk with Seokmin as he passes by you. Your eyes widen at the realization of how long you've been talking to him for, panic taking over you in worry of things not being ready.
"Fuck," you curse, standing on your tiptoes to look over his shoulder at his two band mates. "Are there any questions you guys have for us before we go live? Anything you want to know about? We need to talk about how it's going to go, what segments will be on and if you're okay with everything. We don't want to share anything you aren't comfortable with."
"Calm down," Seokmin's voice reaches you at the same time as his hands do. He's holding both of your shoulders, his eyes reminding you it's all okay and there is no need to panic.
"I already went over it with them," Chan smiles, but it's not as reassuring as Seokmin's smile is. No, his is much more teasing, as if he was trying to tell you something with it. You don't pay it any attention, shifting your attention back to Seokmin. You like looking at him more than looking at your coworker anyway. "Hope you don't mind we did it without you, Min. You just seemed so occupied."
You catch him rolling his eyes a bit as he shakes his head. "I'm sure whatever you guys decided on is great. As much as I hate they do, the two of them know me more than I know myself."
Soonyoung scoffs behind him. "Took you long enough to realize."
"Just about what? Three years to accept what we've been saying this entire time?" Seungkwan is smiling as well as he walks past you, patting his friend on the shoulder before sitting down at the table. Soonyoung follows suit, and it's only then that Seokmin let's go off your shoulders again. He shoots the guys a look you can't read, making your brows furrow as you look at them. You have a feeling there is more to what was just said than you can understand, and you hate that Chan's teasing grin makes it look like he is in on whatever is going on.
"Just so you know, you are still full of bullshit," he points at both of them. You take a step aside from the table and he smiles at you once more before taking a seat. "I'm just growing and realizing some things. Neither of you have anything to do with it, though."
"Sure we don't," they scoff at the same time and Seokmin rolls his eyes. You round the table to take your own seat, collecting the papers with questions from the guys and taking a look at them.
"We have two of your songs ready," you proclaim as you look up. "One is going to play at the beginning before we start talking, and the other is going to end our segment. Would you like for CBZ or Love Song to play first?"
"Let's play Love Song first," Seokmin decides. The guys don't question him in the slightest, nodding along. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but more people are listening at the end than right at the beginning."
"You're right," you blink, amazed by his knowledge. Your eyes stay on his and his smile grows, easily one of the prettiest ones you've seen in a long time. You shake your head out of it, glancing at your colleague. "Ready?"
"I always am," Chan grins, checking the time once more before changing the radio status to live.
♡⸝⸝♡⸝⸝
As the live light turns off again, you lean back in your chair, stretching your hands above your head. "Good work today, you all did awesome," you praise them, catching Seokmin's eyes. The two of you have been playing eye tag the entirety of the broadcast, checking each other out as sneakily as possible.
At least that's what you think you've been doing. You can't exactly see inside his head and read his thoughts—even though you'd love to be able to do that—but you can speak for yourself and the longer you look at him for, the more attractive you find him.
You'd like to blame it on the fact you love his music, and so it's only natural to be curious about him, but in the last three years, you never felt like this while on the show. Sure, you had a bunch of artists you admire and look up to, but that's all it is, admiration. When you look at Seokmin, and catch the smile on his face, it's attraction much more than anything else.
"It was great having you guys on," Chan adds, extending his hand forward over the table for them to shake it. Soonyoung is the first one to reach towards him, praising the work you two did as he shakes his hand. Seokmin follows right after, until finally, Seungkwan stands up from his place and instead of just shaking his hand wraps his friend in a hug.
Seokmin watches you as you get up to clean the papers with questions back to where you took them from, exchanging a glance with the other guys. "Go for it," Chan chuckles at him, shaking his head slightly before continuing his conversation with Seungkwan. They did perfectly until now, so who is he to stand in Seokmin's way when he saw how much you laughed with him before they went live?
"Hi," whispers as he joins your side. You glance at him over your shoulder, greeting him right back. "I still can't believe I just did that."
You roll your eyes playfully, "We aren't a huge show," you remind him, but you're sure he doesn't pay much attention to your words. It's nice to know someone thinks so highly of the show you created and supports it with his whole heart.
"You are huge to me, though."
You keep your eyes on the cabinet in front of you, reorganizing things as if there was anything that would need fixing. Truth is, you just don't want him to see how red your face gets when he talks to you. You enjoyed today's broadcast more than others, partly because of how friendly the atmosphere was, but mainly because you got to know him more.
Who would have thought this man was in a rock band when he was in middle school, that his role model is Yoon Dohyun, or that he likes anime? He walks around you, leaning on his side. You glance at him briefly before looking down at the cabinet again, ignoring how handsome he looks while watching you.
"I enjoyed today a lot, being able to sit here and be on the receiving end of your questions instead of just listening over the radio," he tells you. "Knowing how it actually works now, I think I'll like your show even more from now on."
"It's not just my show," you remind him, finally looking at him properly again.
He shrugs, his significant smile on. "That's true, but I learned I tend to care about you more than Chan, so I think I'll keep addressing it as such."
The last thing you expected today is to have the guy you were just interviewing to be so openly flirting with you. Is this how Hailey felt when her favorite artist started flirting back with her? You bet it is. Quickly shutting the cabinet close, you look at him in panic. His eyes soften as soon as he meets yours, offering you a gentle smile.
"Min, we should get going."
Seokmin doesn't look at his friends as he answers, keeping his eyes on you, "Just a second!" You swallow under his gaze, feeling more and more nervous. As much as you liked playing eye tag with him during the interview, this is a completely different situation. You didn't have enough media training. You have no idea what you're supposed to do when he looks at you like he's just as—if not more—interested as you are.
Have you lost your mind? You might have if you think it's okay to look at him like this—like you want him to cross the invisible line you're trying so hard to draw. Okay, trying might be a strong word.
"What are you doing on Saturday?" He tilts his head. You shake your head quickly but his smile only grows. "You're not doing anything or you're already rejecting me?"
"Is there anything to reject?"
"If you'd like for something to be there," he shrugs innocently. "Any plans for Saturday?" He repeats his question when you don't give him a clear answer.
You hesitate, your eyes flickering all across his face, trying to decide what the right answer is. It's not helping that you can feel Chan's eyes on you. As much as they're pretending to be busy in a conversation, you know all three of them are watching you and waiting for what you have to say.
You wonder what Chan would do if he was in your position. If someone from a girl band flirted with him and gave him the opportunity to take her out, would he go with her? Thinking back to all the times he talked your ears off about some female celebrities and how he swore he would shoot his shot with them if he ever met them because he only lives once, you think he would.
"Whatever you have in mind?"
"Perfect," Seokmin nods. He digs his phone from his pocket, unlocking it for you before extending his hand towards you. You blink at the screen for a second before taking it from him, typing in your number.
As much as it feels like a dream to have your number in an artist's phone, it's scary. What if your boss finds out and decides you're being unprofessional? What if it causes a scandal that will destroy everything you worked on until now? What if even the last one of your dreams gets buried because of the fact you decided to be selfish for once?
"I'll text you," Seokmin's voice brings you out of your thoughts again, his proud grin reassuring you that whatever happens, it's okay to see it though first before panicking. He joins his friends, wrapping his arm around Soonyoung's shoulder and showing him something on his phone—your number, no doubt. You shake your head at them, unable to hide your own smile as you watch them all say their last goodbyes before leaving the room.
♡⸝⸝♡⸝⸝
Just like he said he would, Seokmin texted you that night. At first, you simply exchanged a few words about the interview earlier, but those messages shortly turned into him trying to get to know you more.
Asking anything that came to mind as well as sharing random things about himself, he managed to completely forget about the show playing on his TV screen. He could not say what the last thing that happened there was, but he could confidently talk about what your favorite show is, or your favorite color, or the flowers you like, or literally anything you told him about yourself in the past hour.
You're not doing any better. The songs you put on as background noise while cleaning your kitchen after dinner have long been forgotten, and so has your kitchen, sitting still as messily as it did before you ate your food. Leaning against the kitchen counter, you keep a smile on your face while exchanging messages with Seokmin, your interest growing with each thing he tells you about himself.
He is adorable. His favorite movies are the Harry Potter movies—and as much as you don't share the same interest, you are convinced you could listen to him talk about it for hours—he loves sunflowers, all kinds of sports, and apparently used to act a little before forming BSS with his friends. You will never regret asking him more about it, because as soon as you did, you received not only pictures of him when he was playing in the theater, but also pictures of his other hobbies, including a photo of him in the swimming pool, which you know he sent on purpose.
You certainly don't mind, taking a good look at him before answering, teasing him about how hard he's trying. When he asks you back if it's working and you admit that it is, you create a smile on both your and his face.
Saturday comes around quickly, and you find yourself in front of a coffee shop, the first stop on today's plan as he informed you. Fixing your hair one last time, you walk inside and immediately search for him. It's not hard when your eyes find his instantly, the smile he offers you as you walk to the table he is occupying causing a warm feeling in your chest.
"Hi," he greets you softly.
"Hi."
He goes order for the both of you, using what he's learned about you last night to order your favorite. He's cute. You watch him as he does, admiring him from afar. He's dressed in a white button up, his sleeves rolled up slightly to show off his forearms, blue jeans, and there's a black jacket hanging over his chair. It's simple, and yet you still can't stop looking at him. He's handsome, radiating off this energy you feel drawn to.
He places a latte in front of you and you bring it closer, thanking him for buying it for you. He brushes you off, acting as if it wasn't anything as he takes his seat. Resting his hands on the table, he let's his coffee sit for a while, simply watching you. You feel your cheeks flush under his gaze, looking down at the table. "You didn't tell me what the rest of the plan is," you mumble, suddenly nervous as you sit in front of him.
"I want for it to be a surprise. And, truthfully, I'm scared if you're going to like it or not so I'm deciding not to think about it and stay in the moment instead."
"As long as you're not planning to feed me to the sharks or something, I think we're good," you glance up at him again, a reassuring smile on your lips. He returns it, his nerves slowly disappearing. He can do this. What's the worse that could happen? You tell him to go fuck himself and he won't be able to listen to your show anymore without feeling like shit? Oh yeah, there's nothing to worry about today.
The shift in the vibe as soon as he starts talking about what he did in the morning is obvious, both of you getting more relaxed. He tells you about another interview they did this morning, and how he completely memorized the story meaning behind their music video now, telling you all about that as well when you ask. You keep nodding along, unable to look away from him when he speaks so excitedly. You can tell he is genuinely proud of himself and the guys.
"That's incredible, Min," you praise in awe after he shows you how well their songs are doing right now. You knew they would right away when you first listened. "You deserve all the love— Fame. I meant fame," you quickly correct yourself but it's too late already, his easy going smile is now replaced with a teasing smirk, his chin resting in his palm and his head slightly tilted.
"I deserve the love?" He repeats, the grin on his face so annoying you just with to slap it away. Or kiss it away. Both options work for you at the moment. "I know of one person's love I want. And if you think I deserve it, then surely it's possible."
"Love? I didn't say love," you shake your head, acting as if nothing happened. "You must be hearing things. The fame probably got to you already and now you're imagining things."
"What does one have to do to have you admit you are also interested in me," he sighs, but nothing about it screams exhaustion like he probably wants. If anything, he sounds dreamy, holding back his smile as he bats his eyelashes at you. "At least a little bit."
"A little bit," you nod, keeping your eyes on him as you do. You see his back straighten immediately, his grin growing. It makes you laugh. He looks like a little puppy, excited because his owner just said he'll give him a treat. He truly is adorable. It'd be a lie if you claimed you aren't interested, or that you don't wonder what he'd be like in a relationship, how he'd act and if he'd treat you well. Something tells you he'd be a perfect boyfriend.
If you're lucky enough, maybe you'll be able to find out.
"Tell me what you did this morning," he prompts, doing nothing to hide the fact he is excited like a little kid. "I want to hear all about it."
You take a sip of your latte in an attempt to not dwell on his words and fall for him right then and there, but it doesn't do much to help. Clearing your throat, you glance at him briefly before letting him know you visited your sister earlier. When he asks further, you also tell him what you talked about together, and what you watched. When he says he'd love to watch a movie with you another day as well, all your hopes at staying sane vanish out the window.
You leave the café an hour later, walking side by side with him. Your hands keep brushing against each other, but he doesn't do anything to pull away, so you don't either. There is constantly a smile on your face when you're around Seokmin, and if the easy conversations you have with him didn't already convince you enough to want to pursue this further, this certainly does.
You still don't know where you're headed next, blindly following Seokmin as he guides you through the streets. At one point, when you are about to step on the crosswalk at the same time as the green light switches to red, he grasps your hand in his, pulling you back until you hit his chest. Gasping, you quickly raise your eyes to meet his, obviously panicked while he just carries his carefree smile. You push yourself off him again, but let him keep holding your hand. As not to get lost, you convince yourself.
When you see how happy he is from the simple act, from being able to hold your hand for a while, you stop convincing yourself of anything and admit to yourself you also want to hold his hand. You lace your fingers with his, tugging your free hand into your pocket and looking down at the ground beneath your feet as you keep walking, the conversation with him never dying.
Finally stopping again, you look up at the building you're standing in front of, trying to figure out where he took you. "Oh no," you quickly shake your head as you read the name, facing him. "Let's not do this. Let's go somewhere else. I'm sure there is something playing in the cinema, or maybe we could go get dinner? I could even go for a swim with those sharks right now."
He chuckles at your reaction, thinking you're just joking around. But honestly, karaoke is the last thing you want to do right now. When he notices your eyes full of distress, he raises your connected hands and draws small circles on the back of your hand with his thumb. "It'll be fun, c'mon. Please, the fact that I'm technically a singer doesn't mean I'm good at karaoke," he smiles, hopping to make you feel better about this. He managed to completely forget about his worries of you not liking this as he was talking with you, but it's all slowly coming back to him now. "We don't need to be serious about this at all. Let's just laugh together and order some good food to it, hm?"
Your eyes flicker all over his face, debating turning around and running away for a good second. As much as you don't want to do karaoke tonight and find out what he thinks about your singing, you don't want to leave, though. You want to stay with him, listen to him singing, laugh a lot with him, and eat that delicious food. So, after giving it a second though while gazing into his eyes, you sigh. "Let's go in."
"Yes! You won't regret this, I promise. And, who knows, maybe we'll find out you're a much better singer than I am."
Yeah, you're convinced that won't happen. If anything, you're expecting for him to run away the moment he hears you singing, realizing you're just embarrassing and whatever he saw in you before is now gone. People tend to do that. And as much as you don't want him to be like that, you're always expecting the worst when it comes to you and music.
The karaoke room is pretty, white walls lined with colored lightnings that change it to purple, a nice brown couch that could easily fit an entire party, and most importantly, a karaoke machine with a projector. Seokmin doesn't hesitate going to the machine, already looking through the song list while you take a seat on the couch, looking around the room.
It's been a while since you last visited a karaoke place. Almost ten years, if you remember correctly. Who are you trying to fool here? You know exactly when the last time you were here was. You were fourteen, going out with your old friend and a bunch of her older friends. You were the youngest of them all, and the one in love with music much more than they were.
Thinking back to it, it was just your fault, really. Hadn't you tried so hard, hadn't you hoped for one of the older guys to notice and praise you, you would be saved from the embarrassement that followed. But at fourteen, you couldn't possibly know guys don't like music like you did, that they go here just to laugh and joke around instead of actually trying.
You thought singing your heart out would give you the attention of the boy you liked, and it did, but in a completely different way than you wished for. You still remember the Britney Spears song you sang, and how everyone looked at you weirdly when they realized you weren't just playing around like they were. They claimed you tried to embarrass them by being better, that you did it on purpose to make yourself feel superior. You tried to argue, explain the situation and apologize, but before you could do any of it, you were interrupted by who you thought was your friend. "She does this all the time. She thinks she's going to be a singer or whatever. Her notes are all full of texts she wrote in class, look."
You felt proud at first when she pulled out your notes book from your bag, but as soon as everyone started laughing while flipping through the pages, your smile quickly fell off. You quickly dropped the mic, trying your hardest not to let their words get to you and snatch the book away. At fourteen, though, it's not easy to ignore what others say about you and how they feel about the things you love.
It was never easy to ignore how others perceived you, but at that moment, even the last bits of accomplishment left you. You stopped loving music for years, completely giving up on the dream you once had. There was no reason to continue trying if what you got in return was this.
It was only after Chan came into your life that you managed to stop hating music again and pick up your old notes, smiling as you red through the lyrics you wrote as an early teen.
Sitting here now, all the bad memories you have with music come rushing back, the image of Seokmin replaced with the image of your old upper classmates, the pretty smile on his face gone and a loud, mocking laugh facing you instead.
You quickly shake your head, but the image doesn't disappear until finally, finally, Seokmin's voice reaches you, the call of your name making you snap out of it. "You're in your head," he says, not in a way that would be meant to accuse you, but rather wondering what it is you're thinking so hard about. "Do you really hate this?" He tilts his head and you're about to burst from how pretty you find him. "We can leave. I should have asked properly first if you wouldn't mind going here, I was selfish deciding on what I wanted instead of thinking about you—"
"Let's stay," you interrupt him with a smile. "I want to hear you sing live. And, I was promised some delicious food." He smiles again at your words, nodding enthusiastically.
The first song starts—a Korean ballad you heard a few times when you were little—and Seokmin's voice echoes loudly in your head instantly, helping you stay grounded in the present. He pushes aside all the bad memories of this place, doing his hardest to replace them with happy once without even knowing it as he sings while looking at you. His eyes stay locked on you, and you happily nod your head along to the rhythm, only focusing on the music.
He's great. You knew he was, but getting to hear him sing in person, his raw voice the only thing you hear in this closed room, is so much better than you thought it'd be. He motions with his hand for you to stand up and join him, but you just shake your head, refusing. When he lowers his mic so you can see his face fully, his eyes gently commanding you to listen to him, you do as he says and get up. Your steps are hesitant as you cross the room to him, but he doesn't seem to pay it any attention.
Lowering the mic to your height, he encourages you to sing with him and turn the song into a duet. You don't. Keeping your lips shut, you let only the melody play in the background with no support of the vocals. Seokmin reaches for your hand with his free one, lacing his fingers with yours again. His voice is closer to a whisper now as he continues singing, keeping your mind wondering what the right move here is. Deep down, you want nothing more than to sing with him and give into your passion again, but you're also freaked out.
You're not sure how long you just stand there for, but eventually, once a different song is on, you join in. You keep your voice quiet, enough for the mic to pick it up but not loud enough like he did before. A smile spreads on his lips—wider than before—instantly, squeezing your hand gently. It takes a moment for you to get comfortable, but as soon as you do, it's a lot easier to have fun again.
He spins you under his arm, laughing into the mic while also trying his hardest to keep the song going, glancing on the wall where the projected screen falls to check on the lyrics every now and then. You laugh with him, dancing with him to the Korean ballad he sings that certainly doesn't suit this dance. Neither of you care though, and it helps you forget about the bad memories.
Eventually, you even take the mic from him, choosing your own song to sing. He takes a seat on the couch, watching you with such a proud smile you feel like you can do anything at the moment. It's definitely thanks to him and his continuous cheers that you get to let go of your worries and sing loudly again, completely forgetting about why you stopped loving singing in the first place.
You watch the lyrics on the wall, doing your best not to mess up while he whistles behind you, causing a laugh to bubble out of you. The food he ordered after the first few songs arrives in the meantime, but you don't look back to acknowledge it. Not until the song ends and you look at Seokmin to see what he thinks.
Clapping loudly, he is unable to take his eyes off you. "Encore! Encore! Encore!" He shouts, making you laugh. You shake your head at him, taking a seat beside him on the couch and leaving the mic to rest on the table for now. "You are so amazing. I don't get why you didn't want to sing right away."
"I'm not really good," you shake your head. He doesn't need to say what he thinks about the bullshit that just left your lips, his gaze giving it away clearly enough.
"I'm not even kidding, I wonder how on earth BSS is doing so good when there are singers like you out here. You're going to steal my job," he nudges your shoulder playfully. You roll your eyes at him, but it'd be a lie to say his words won't be on repeat tonight. Your name leaves his lips, a hopeful attempt to get you to look at him again. Once you do, he offers you one of his smiles. "You are an incredible singer."
Is this what it feels like to fall in love? Your head spins. You feel drunk, drunk on him and his words. It's the same thing you've wanted to hear for ages, words of encouragement you needed so desperately when your life was falling apart at the mere age of fourteen. You could cry. You're pretty sure if he says anything else, you actually will.
So, before he can do that, you lean forward and press your lips to his.
The shock he feels is evident, but it's also gone as fast as it appeared, his hands finding your waist with ease and pulling you closer. His lips mold perfectly with your own, his hands on your skin burning in just the right way, making you feel like that's exactly where they are supposed to be. Your body inches towards him on its own, melting into him.
"Thank you," you breathe out against his lips, your voice barely above a whisper.
He watches you, a little confused and blown, his eyes flickering from your lips to your eyes. "I didn't do anything," he shakes his head gently, but that's not true. He did everything you could possibly want him to do.
You had relationships before, casual hook ups but also things more serious. Not once were you told what he managed to assure you of on your first date together. Maybe it makes you easy, maybe it screams how broken you are, but you could not ask for more. It's the only thing you always ached for, to hear you shouldn't give up on your dreams and that you have potential. Your sister tried, but it never felt the same coming from her like it does hearing it from him.
"I should have asked first," you pipe nervously, still not moving away, staying with your face inches from his.
He shakes his head again, "You don't have to. In fact, please kiss me whenever you like." You chuckle at his response, his eyes desperate, never leaving yours. You nudge his shoulder with your palm, only for him to catch your wrist and lean forward, kissing you again. The smile is evident on both your and his lips as you kiss, moving closer and closer, until you're practically sitting in his lap.
You fight the urge to thank him again, for making you feel so comfortable, for making you forget about stuff, for reminding you how much you love singing, for being here with you. There is a lot you want to thank him for, but you decide not to for now. For now, you'll just settle on kissing him until you're sure he knows exactly what you're thinking.
It doesn't feel like the first date anymore as you eat, sharing giggles over the dinner. You can't explain it well, but being around him makes you feel like you've known him for years. It's easy with him, just like you always thought it was meant to be. "What's the plan after this?" You wonder, interrupting the song he is in the middle of right now. He finished eating just a few minutes back, picking up the mic right away.
He glances at you, forgetting all about the right lyrics and answering you instead. "Whatever you'd like to do. I'm open to anything. Unless you want to feed me to the sharks," he grins.
You think for a moment, your eyes flickering from his lips to his eyes, wondering where the line lies in his head. "We could watch a movie or something?" You suggest nervously.
He brings the mic to his lips, not hesitating in the slightest as he loudly sings, "Yes. Let's do that," into it.
You let him hold your hand again as you walk through the busy streets, following him to his apartment. When you suggested watching a movie, there was a lot more on your mind than just a piece of some filmography, wondering if he'd take you home with him. And now that that's exactly where you're headed, you're rethinking yourself more and more. Because while you want nothing more than to kiss him all night long, you have no idea what's going on in his head.
Seokmin's place is exactly like one might expect; clean, organized, filled with only necessities and his hobbies. There are traces of music everywhere you look, and you could not love it more. Taking off your shoes, you follow him into his living room, taking a seat on his couch while he disappears into the kitchen to fetch you something to drink. You take your time looking around, taking in the sight of his apartment.
You make yourself comfortable on the couch, waiting for him to join you. He comes back with not only a drink for the both of you but also a bag of chips, placing it all on his coffee table before taking a seat beside you. You look over at his, your expression a mix of nervousness and joy. He meets your gaze curiously, waiting for you to say what's on your mind. "What if I'd like to kiss you again?"
His smile grows. "Then I'd tell you to get here," he motions with his head for you to move and you do, allowing him to pull you into his lap. Wrapping your hands around his shoulders, you take your time looking at his face. He brushes your hair behind your ears, cupping your face gently as he leans forward and kisses you.
With one of his hands on your cheek, he grips your waist with the other, keeping you close. You ran your fingers through his hair, causing a groan to escape his lips. You feel the sound in every inch of your body, moaning into his lips yourself. You're quick to close your lips shut after, refusing to open your eyes and look at him. "Come on, pretty," he kisses the corner of your lips, and you're not sure if it was on purpose or if he missed. "Give me another one of those sounds."
You shake your head, keeping it in. Slowly opening your eyes, you find him already looking at you, his eyes full of the need and desperation you feel deep as well. "Please," he nudges your nose with his, his lips hovering over yours. "Let me hear more of you." A whine leaves past your lips as you feel him grow hard under you, the boner in his pants showing you had nothing to worry about when you thought he'd find you weird for wanting him so much already.
Sliding his hand under your shirt, he presses his palm against your hot skin, staying in place until you tell him otherwise. "Tell me what you want, hm? Where do we go from here?"
You think about it, unable to voice what you want out loud like he wants you to. Instead, you slide your hand under his shirt, feeling his abs tense under your fingertips. You trace his body, feeling his chest and then shoulders, keeping your eyes on the skin you're exposing. He let's you watch, let's you take his shirt off, and even let's you rock your hips forward on top of him. He doesn't do anything, though, waiting for you to answer like he asked.
"Min," you plead, itching for more.
"What do you need, princess?" The nicknames makes you bite your bottom lip as you glide your hips forward again, his clothed cock pressed against your core. "Do you want me to do something?" You nod, desperate. "Use your words. I want to hear you."
"Touch me, please," you beg, his smile showing that's exactly what he wanted to hear.
"Where?"
"Anywhere," you sigh.
It doesn't seem to satisfy him enough, but he he moves for now, sliding his hand up until he cups your breast. He works your shirt over your head, groaning at the sight of you in your bra. A lacy white fabric covers your breast, and as much as he knows you probably didn't wear it with the intend of him seeing it tonight, the possibility of it being true after all gets him so much more worked up. "Will the bottom match?" He trails his fingers down your skin until they land on the zipper of your pants, looking up at you.
You bite onto your bottom lip in an attempt to steady yourself, nodding. "I didn't— I didn't plan for us to end up like this—" you try to excuse, knowing exactly how it looks like. God, what will he think of you now?
"Fucking hell," he curses, a low sound that sends a shiver down your spine. "You're so beautiful. All for me, hm?" You nod again, unable to think much about it. You're certain you'd say yes to anything right now if it means he gets his hands on you again.
Gripping your waist, he helps you roll your hips over him. You don't hesitate, leaning down to kiss him again. Feeling his muscles as you kiss him, you keep riding him, chasing after the pleasure you so desperately need. "Tell me what you're thinking about," he prompts, another whine leaving your lips upon losing the feeling of his lips on yours. "Please, talk to me."
"About how much I want this off," you tug at the hem of his pants. "And this," you do the same with yours.
He nods, "I can take care of that."
"Please."
"I'm also going to change the setting, okay?"
You nod, not questioning him in the slightest. Standing up from the couch, he grips your ass, carrying you into a different room. You wrap your legs and arms around him as quickly as you can, resting your head on his shoulder. Seokmin takes you to his room with ease, only letting you go once he is standing in front of his bed.
"I'm sorry but I don't think we're going to watch a movie anymore."
"I never wanted to watch one anyway," you shake your head and his soft smile gets replaced by a teasing smirk.
"Oh? Is that so?"
You feel your cheeks redden under his gaze, moving back on the bed until you hit the headboard. He climbs in after you, catching your ankles to pull you back to him. You yelp, but don't do anything to get from him again, getting lost in his eyes as he hovers over you. Shirtless, horny, and looking like he is absolutely gone for you—do they even get any better?
"I'm pretty sure I've liked you for the past three years, so I'm good at waiting. We don't have to do anything tonight," he assures you, just in case you'd have any doubts. "Or we could only do some things," his eyes trail down your body, his fingers coming to circle your clothed core. "I could just take care of you."
"You're pretty sure you've liked me?" There is a smile on your face as you repeat his words, watching as he scoffs in embarrassement, his red ears giving him away.
"That's the thing you decide to focus on?" You nod and he shakes his head. "I need you to tell me how far you want to go today."
"All you want me to do is talk, talk, talk," you roll your eyes before wrapping your legs around his waist and pulling him flush against you. "I want to feel you inside me, Min. I want to come on your cock."
He groans as soon as you finish the sentence, thrusting his hips against you. Your lips part, which he immediately takes advantage of, stealing another kiss. You wrap yours hands behind his neck, playing with his hair as he works your pants down, not hesitating anymore. You don't stop kissing him until all your clothes are off—or at least as off as he can get them without pulling away.
Throwing them aside, he takes a moment to admire your naked body, eyes scanning every inch of your skin, memorizing it. You feel nervous, especially when he locks his eyes with your wet pussy, licking his lips at the sight. It's hot, he's hot.
Undoing his jeans as well, he gets rid of the last piece of clothing in the way, and you instantly let your eyes fall to his bare legs. You do the same as he just did, taking your time with memorizing every inch of him. Not only does he have a handsome face, his build is equally hot.
"Get here already," the command is laced with the need you feel, causing him to chuckle as he joins you again. You don't hesitate, wrapping your hand around the length of his cock as soon as he's in your reach. "I need you in."
"Keep talking and I'll come before even getting to it," he groans. "I love your voice."
"Yeah?" You tilt your head prettily, loving how desperate he looks between your legs with your hand on him. "Is that why you want me to talk so much?"
"Yes," he nods without giving it a second though. You slide your hand over his tip and he whimpers. This man fucking whimpers. Your eyes widen at the sound, your pussy clenching around nothing. There is no way you're coming back from this now, from knowing how he sounds when he is completely and utterly gone.
He pushes your legs up to your chest and you let go off him just to hold them up, watching him as he reaches for a condom and rolls it over his length. He doesn't give you what you want right away, though. Your eyes flicker over him confusedly as he doesn't move, begging him to do something. "Don't worry, pretty. I got you," he assures you, his eyes locked on your pussy.
You figure what he meant as he spreads your folds with his fingers, collecting your wetness before dipping two of his fingers in. A whine leaves past your lips as you watch him. It's crazy how good he makes you feel with just his fingers, spreading you open for him. "Min," you plead. "More."
"Don't you want to come once before?"
You shake your head quickly, not caring about that. "With you. I want to come with you."
He doesn't need to be told twice, pulling out his fingers and bringing them to his lips to taste you. You miss his fingers already, a disapproving whine escaping you. He moans at the taste of you, giving his cock a few pumps before aligning himself with your pussy.
Thrusting into you with ease, he leans down and wraps your legs around his waist instead, connecting his lips with yours again. You kiss him back, scratching his back gently as he starts to move. Digging your heels into his lower back, you keep him as close as possible, the way he makes you feel so full making your head spin.
His moves are slow and steady at first, but as soon as you moan into his ear, asking for more, he shifts his pace to suit your needs. You melt together completely, mixture of your and his moans filling the room. It's lewd, the sounds you let out, but you can't care less right now. All you care about is satisfying your urges.
He rubs your clit with his thumb, helping you get where you need. You feel every one of his veins inside, your walls clenching tightly around his length. For a second, you wonder if there is anything this man is not absolutely amazing at. Not only is a an awesome singer with a great face, full of kindness, he's also incredible at fucking you in the exact way you want him to.
"Almost there," you gasp, your mouth hanging open. Your breathes mix together due to how close you are to one another.
He nods, looking down at your connected bodies. "Me too. Just a bit more, yeah?" You nod frantically, rolling your hips forward in response. He curses under his breath, pinching your clit. Your legs shake around him as you reach your high, his name falling off your lips like a prayer.
He's right behind you, burying his head in your breast as he fills the condom, slowly thrusting into you even after to let you both ride it out. "Thank you," you breathe out, exhausted.
"Anytime," he chuckles, the easy smile you're learning to love spreading on his lips.
♡⸝⸝♡⸝⸝
The sound of your phone blowing up stirs you awake in the morning. You open your eyes with much more effort than you're used to, remembering where you are once you see the room. Prompting yourself up, you search for Seokmin with your eyes. He's nowhere to be found, but judging by how warm the side of the bed he slept in still is, you're assuming it's not long since he woke up as well.
After showing together last night, and getting one more orgasm out, you fell asleep in his shirt and boxers, cuddled up in his arms. It felt amazing to be held like that, dreams coming easier than ever before.
Remembering why your sleep was interrupted, you reach for your phone on his nightstand. Thankfully, you brought it over here before going to bed last night, otherwise it'd be going off in the living room where you originally left it.
There are messages from both Chan and your sister, but the one that catches your attention the most is from your boss. Jennie doesn't text you much unless it's important. Opening the chat with her, you find a link attached with a simple question: 'That's you, isn't it?'
Before you can think properly, realize what you're watching, you're rushing out of the bed, searching for Seokmin. "Good morning," he smiles at you warmly, a plate filled with scrambled eggs and bread in his hands, a matching one lying in front of him on the counter. He opens his mouth, probably to explain he made breakfast for the two of you, but closes it again when he sees your face—your eyes wide, clearly panicked and distressed. "Is everything okay?"
You shake your head, unable to look away from him as you grip your phone in your hands. "Why did you— Why did you post that?" Despite trying your hardest not to, your voice stutters, partly from the betrayal you feel and partly because what the fuck? Why would he do that to himself?
His brows furrow, confusion written all over him. Not because he wouldn't know what you're talking about, he knows exactly what post you're referring to, but no matter how hard he tries to, he can't seem to understand why you're so upset, why you're looking at him like he just pointed the gun at you.
"What— Let's sit down, pretty, okay? Let's talk about what's bothering you. Tell me what goes in that head of yours." He places the plate in his hands down, not hesitating to cross the room and get into your space.
"You need to delete it," you state quickly, not stepping away from him but also not inching forward. "You—" You frown when you see the look in his eyes. "How does none of this bother you? Have you even checked to see what people are saying? How your followers count changed? What this can do to BSS? The guys or—"
He doesn't let you go into a spiral like you'd like to, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and pulling you into him. "I didn't check because I don't care," he whispers into your hair. You hesitate about hugging him back, carefully wrapping your arms around his sides when he doesn't let go off you. "I wanted everyone to hear how great you sound, so I shared it."
"I care though," you complain. "You need to delete it." He shakes his head against you, but doesn't verbally argue again. "This is going to be bad for your image."
"I don't care," he repeats. "Let it be bad for me if it's good for you. Let the world hear your voice, it's beautiful." You take a step back, looking up at him and shaking your head. "I've known this ever since the day I first heard you, and they should all know it too. Who cares if some people don't like me because they're insecure I might have a girlfriend and they don't—which I'm not labeling you as, I swear. I'll need a date or two before I ask you for that title." His rush makes you chuckle, but it doesn't help how you feel about the situation.
You gave up on music when you were still a child because of this exact reason, because you let people hear you sing. You don't want to hate music again. You're desperate to not let it come to it, and the only way you see possible is to convince him to delete the video off his feet and pray no one saw it. You can only see the laughs, the faces of your childhood friends, or what you thought they were, as they laughed at you for having a passion, as they made sure you wouldn't dream about something so stupid again.
It's not only that, though. As much as you're scared for yourself, you're scared for him. For him losing his passion, his love for music, all because he decided to post a video of you singing on his account, thinking it would be good for you.
This can't be good for either of you. You're convinced.
"You need to delete it," you beg again.
He doesn't acknowledge your comment, simply smiling at you. "Let's have breakfast together, hm?"
Sitting on his couch, your knees pulled to your chest, and an almost empty plate in your hands, you bring it up again. "Seokmin, I'm serious. I need you to delete the video. Now."
He sets his empty plate on the table, turning to face you in his seat. "If that's what you really want me to do, then I will. But please, tell me you don't want me to just because you think it's going to hurt my image or anything like that. I'm also serious, and I think you deserve all the love in the world. I think you deserve for your voice to be heard and appreciated by not only me, but everyone else as well."
You swallow as you look at him, letting your gaze fall down to your legs. How do you explain to a man as perfect as him that, even though it's been ages, you're haunted by the memory of your peers making fun of you for the exact same reason he now wants them to appreciate you. How do you tell him that you fear other people's opinions more than anything else in the world, and have no idea how to move without letting it consume you?
"I could get fired," you whisper. "For being with you. Crossing the line." You're not sure if Jennie would actually fire you for this, but you can't cross the option out. It's not only you who depends on people's views, it's also the radio, Chan, and Seokmin's group too, no matter how much he says he doesn't care. "It's not professional."
He moves closer to you, cupping your face so you'd look at him. "We could figure that out together. I could help, if you'd let me," he tries to hard to find a solution for you, to show you how much he wants to keep the video out there, to have you out there. "You don't always have to do the right thing. The professional thing. The grown up thing."
You frown, because you're pretty sure you do. You need to be perfect to save yourself from those disgusted looks again. "It's okay to be selfish sometimes. It's okay to chase after things you want, even if it means being immature." Your eyes soften instantly, because you're sure you heard similar words before. From Chan. When he first found out you love music like he does, and that you can produce it even though you keep from it, he said something along the lines as well. He didn't know anything about why you were so keen on not being involved with music so much, still doesn't, but he probably had an idea unlike Seokmin, who is trying his hardest to assure you it's okay to want this without even knowing what it is that bothers you deep down.
"Do you know how many times I've been called a child?" You don't answer, letting him continue. "If you let me help, I promise I'll take care of everything that worries you. I'll make sure nothing happens to BSS or your radio show, that you can stay with Chan and do what you love. And if it's what you want, then I'll also love to help you purse this career, because I truly believe you should. I think you should sing, if that'd be something you'd enjoy."
"It would," you admit quietly and his smile grows wider. "It always has been."
"Okay," he nods, pressing his lips to yours in a gentle, tender, kiss. "Then let's do something about that, hm?"
♡⸝⸝♡⸝⸝
If someone told you weeks ago that you'd be in the recording studio with Woozi and your boyfriend on the other side of the glass, you would have laughed in their face.
You're not sure if the fact Woozi is helping you produce this song or the fact you get to call Seokmin your boyfriend that is more unbelievable right now.
You let him keep the video of you singing at karaoke up, deciding to face your fear and see what would happen if people heard you sing. To your surprise, except for the few people hating simply for the fact you were suddenly on their artists' feed, others were supportive of you getting into the music industry. Fans who already knew your from the broadcast were amazed when they heard you sing, and the rest were immediately asking for your social to see more of you.
You couldn't have been happier at the moment.
"Let's go from the top again," Woozi tells you and you nod, glancing briefly at Seokmin, who wears the proudest smile on his face as he watches you record your own song.
It's a dream come true, really.
You called Jennie as soon as you decided to trust Seokmin and believe it'd be possible to pursue this, asking her if she's mad at you and needs you to take the video down anyways. She laughed into your ear before assuring you that's not why she texted you. She explained how she looked at you at the studio as soon as the video reached her, wanting to question you for not telling her you have such talent way sooner, only to find a giddy Chan in the room. He took his time talking about all the times you spend writing lyrics with him and helping him produce his songs, praising you to her just like he always did.
Both Seokmin and her decided to call a few people that day, trying to make sure it doesn't cause any damage to him or BSS as you worried, and also to see if there's a way to get you into a studio.
Which eventually happened. It happened.
"Great work today," Jihoon praises you with a smile. Your cheeks flush, but before you can thank him, Seokmin steps into your vision, opening his arms for you. You gladly steps into them, offering him a kiss.
"The best," he praises. "My pretty girl who can just do about anything."
You shake your head at him, wondering what you did to deserve all this. "Thank you," you whisper so only he can hear, stepping away again to look at your favorite producer. "Thank you for helping me so much. I hope I don't leave you disappointed with the result."
Jihoon shakes his head. "You have a great voice, and we all know it. You won't disappoint me or anyone else for the matter. Just keep chasing."
💌 s u m m a r y: in which seokmin and you go through the various trials and tribulations of love together to finally realise that remembering is, ultimately, one of the most romantic love languages.
inspired by @/prestonrack on instagram.
to be loved is to be remembered
Seokmin was a particular man.
Sweet-natured, kind, and warm -- in all the ways a lover should be. Consistent, patient, and dedicated.
He was choosy about the small things in life -- his favourite brand of orange juice (it couldn't be too tangy nor too sweet), his detest of peanuts in food (according to him, they didn't belong anywhere except in airline snack packets), and a hundred other things about him that you'd grown to learn by heart.
Living together and learning how to co-share a space was another curveball in your relationship, and the biggest reason that you both knew each other inside out. Which made it that much harder to kick those habits when you broke up, four years after he asked for your number during a disastrous party hosted by a colleague.
The worst part, you mused, as you lay on your friend's couch with an unreasonably big tub of popcorn while watching a show you couldn't remember the title of, two weeks after the break-up, was that there was no angry ranting to be done, no frustration to be expressed, no one to blame. The truth was, no one was truly in the wrong. There was no screaming and crying, no major disagreement that tipped the relationship off balance. Rather, it had been a once passionate river calming itself, soothing its waves, and then finally reducing to silence. What used to be exciting conversation faded into one-liners. Maybe some things just weren't meant to work out.
You considered being angry at him. After all, anger felt better than regret, and regret was a particularly sour lemon on your tongue. But try as you might, the anger wouldn't come. And for that, you felt even worse.
But life went on, didn't it? The earth continued spinning, and no matter what happened, there would come a day when you finally got up, dusted yourself off, and moved forward.
You like to think that you have moved forward, but no one said you couldn't look back once in a while.
Seokmin, according to mutual friends, had gone through a slump similar to yours. Of course, he was back at work, living as per normal, but there would always be nosey friends who nicknamed the two of you as "parents", and others who proclaimed that they'd never believe in love again if the two of you broke up...
Why? Their number one reason would always be: "Well, you two just always knew each other. Down to the core."
And you did. It wasn't just you who had managed to learn everything about your other half. Seokmin knew you just as well, remembering every little thing about you: the way you liked your noodles, and how you somehow always forgot your scarf and often had to buy new ones.
That was maybe the biggest thing you both had one thing in common: Knowing that to be loved was to be remembered. In the words of internet slang, remembering each other was your top love language.
Even now, more often than not, you found yourself picking that specific brand of orange juice at the supermarket, striding past the shelf selling assorted nut snacks without a second look, and doing a hundred other things you had come to learn and love about Lee Seokmin. That subconsciousness irritated you to no end.
And God, you missed him. More than you cared to admit. This was so much more heartbreaking than anything you ever went through. How were you, you sighed while putting away your load of shopping (sufficient for 1), to simply pretend you didn't know him, act as if he wasn't your whole world? How could you move on as easily as breathing, when the man who had seen you, loved you, known you the best, occupied every moment of your days? How could you admit to him, and yourself, that the boring conversations were all you wanted now?
It was almost too predictable that you crossed paths again, barely half a year later. At a New Years' party hosted by God knows who, he spotted you the same moment you made eye contact with him.
"Hi."
"Hello."
Awkward was never a word you'd use to describe your interaction with Seokmin in the near five years you'd known him, but it certainly felt that way now.
As he grabbed a bottle off the table, unscrewed the lid and filled his glass, you tried to do the same, to look as unaffected as he did, but both of you knew it wasn't working. For starters, he never drank vodka.
Seokmin would only admit this to you some time later, but he was feeling just as conflicted. And as you both walked back to your respective dates, him to a smiley girl whose name he forgot by next morning, and you to a man who kept thinking you liked spicy beef noodles (you didn't), he couldn't help but wonder if you both had gotten it all wrong.
Somehow, try as he might, he couldn't remember a place where he'd been happier than in the home you once shared.
The truce only lasted another three months.
Three months of Vernon telling Seokmin to wake up and think clearly, and of your friend griping that you were almost never back at your place apart from work.
The truth is, he couldn't escape the personal hell he'd created for himself, watching everyone except for him move on, he admitted to you one night in the pouring rain when both of you just couldn't hail a taxi home from a typical friend hangout.
"I thought we were permanently done," He told you, his teeth chattering as you finally waved down a car and told him to dry up at your house with the promise to "talk later".
And when he walked into your once-shared home, with all the little trinkets and corners full of shared memories you'd built together still on display, the dam finally broke and flooded over.
"You still kept everything." He said, almost in disbelief as he gazed at the ceramic plates you had painted together.
"I couldn't just throw everything out, it would be like throwing you out." You simply replied, reaching for a warm towel for him to dry his hair, and passing him a shirt he had never collected from you. It was your favourite clothing piece of his. He would never take that from you.
And when you helped to wipe the small of his back for him, the one spot he always found hard to reach, Seokmin shut his eyes and decided then that enough was enough. End of truce. He couldn't even remember why you split up now. All he knew was you.
He thought about what you said, finally resorting to thanking his stars that he couldn't throw you out of his life either, all as he strode forward to catch your arm, drag you into his lap and kiss you breathless before you left the room.
And thank goodness, he breathed in relief as your hand cupped his cheek, the familiar warmth springing fresh tears to his eyes, that even when you did try your best to throw him out, you left the door slightly ajar for him to come back.
Things were different from before. The seemingly mundane routine of daily chores and everyday small talk became a blessing. You would never forget when you wished for this a thousand times more than his absence. Life was back to normal, to just-right orange juice and chewy noodles.
It, too, felt like a thousand years ago as you finally looked back at every decision you made, even in Seokmin's absence. At all the times you found him in the fruit juice aisle, in the snacks section, in the thousands of small choices you made without thinking. Somehow, his favourite things had become yours too, because he was now your love language.
And you smiled, thinking of all the cold days when he must have walked past the knitwear section in a store, wondering if you had your scarf . All the other hundred little things he remembered about you, just like you did for him, because...
To be infinitely loved was to be remembered. To be loved was when your better half remembered to keep the door open, just enough so that both of you could always come home...
main masterlist
author's note: just had to drop something that's been sitting in my drafts for a while :) wanted to also do this for valentines' day but alas it is now mid march hehehe
dokyeom, stage name DK, is the most infuriatingly successful actor you’ve ever crossed paths with, and you’ve known him since elementary school… let’s just say it’s been a long twenty years. after two decades of him one-upping you without trying — or even noticing — it’s your time to shine in a show of your own. just one problem: he’s your character’s new enemy with benefits. actually, more than one problem because the writer’s room is getting real demanding about these intimacy scenes and that curse you so heroically took on for ruby (yes, the sex killing curse, what other curse?) is starting to pick off past love interests from this very set
click more for an in-progress masterlist
this is a blockbusters collab work. thank you to em @gyuswhore, izzy @jakedustry, luna @belovedgyu, and rae @nerdycheol for giving smaller writers a platform of our own to find our voices ❤️ and to my fellow collaborators @chogiwaw @paradiseonthemoon @onionhassayyo @caratchronicles @livmarauder @cxffecoupx @cherrymayz @mellowgyu @gentleisa @hopecutie @luvrung and @choco-scoups for all y’alls support and hard work!!! please check out their fics, they deserve all the love 💕💕💕
and a VERY special thanks to the friends i’ve made over my short time on caratblr!!! yapping at y’all makes me not wanna pull my hair out writing this 🥲 my loves @thetjtales (couldn’t be happier to be writing with you friend, cannot wait to freak out over your joshie fic in a thirty minute voice note 😭😭) @akeminy (manifesting that everything works out for you and mingyu is under your tree in time for christmas 🤭 we’re making this year your year!!!) @her-bosom-buddy (you deleted the app and left me here wifey 💀 nebbie lovie if you see this, go study and pass them exams so i can whisk you away on our honeymoon 🙂↔️) @phantom-webber (TWINNNN congrats on everything that’s happened lately!!! you deserve it more than anyone 🫶🏾 may this be an amazing new start!)
banners presented by the lovely @bronzewasp
teaser-trailer
chapter one
chapter two
chapter three
choose your own ending 🤭
last updated: 3/13
hi y’all! expect the teaser, first chapter, and some more info through this weekend. check back soon!! i’m so nervous so thank you very much for your patience ❤️
