dominique

[dominiquebleue]

It’s been a weird day as I spent half of it sleeping with the tummy ache… But then I guess I healed my weird humor and came back with motivation to paint. My still life for art portfolio is in progress and I am proud if it.

What I wanted to write about is my sense of loneliness of mine and eager to meet with HIM. I know I could be disappointed but there are plenty of scenarios in my mind that I hope are willing to happen… I guess I am still of of those romantic girlies such as one who love what Kafka was writing about Milena or what Milan Kundera did with Tomasz and Teresa in the Unbearable Lightness of Being. I have to accept my fate of not being satisfied for the half of my life (I guess the other half is when I was loved by my father…..). Is it something I should turn outside down and make my strength or is it something that will destroy me at the end. I guess I will find out but there is no such a thing as good moment to discover your fate.

I’ve seen the pictures of ancient corpse today and It reminded me of what will happen to all of us. We will end up as bones under the ground and it doesn’t make me calm at all since I am really scared of dying and of not being what I planned to be. The irony is how much importance I put to the success I want to achieve even if it is the matter of the death.

[dominiquebleue]

Yesterday I turned nineteen. I guess I am out of ”being ashamed of my age” era which was somewhere in me for the whole life of mine (I was a 7-year-old girl who thought about being an adult). Actually, I spend my day being very happy, what suprised me the most was the birthday wishes from David which were longer than the usual ones and very heartwarming, felt like something that person leaves in the notes app. Then, I went out with my friends and we were sipping our pornstar martinis and eating some french pancakes with the orange homemade jam. Sounds like heaven which was interrupted by the most ridiculous film we have seen in the cinema, very camp. There was so much fun! Days like those make me think that struggling with daily duties is worth it, or just better than not existing at all.

[dominiquebleue]

[dominiquebleue]

inside of the bar bathroom, welcome in 2023

[liefst]

four metal chopsticks engraved with a quote from the poem "north country" by mary oliver:

you listen and you know you could / live a better life than you do, / be softer, kinder. and maybe / this year you will be able to do it.

[yo0narchive]

Veronique Leroy SS 1999

[dominiquebleue]

New year, same old shit, they would say. But acting naively, I started my new year with writing down some resolutions. The thing I want to work on is my spine ache, which is not letting me live peacefully. Actually, I’ve worked out twice (pilates and yoga) and it feels so nice not to suffer physically… If only I could keep on doing it.

Next thing I have planned is to visit Jassmine, beautiful place in Warsaw which is underground the Nobu Hotel. The thing is, they have so many interesting jazz concerts. To me, it would be so exciting to be the part of some jamming session! Also the whole place is so ethereal: dusty and giving this strange nostalgia feeling. There is no many places left like that.

Also, I posted on my Instagram! It is so ridiculous to call it a resolution but I really want to be more active there. Mainly to bulid a group of people who are interested in my art, to have the urge to show it to people instead of keeping it deeply hidden in my small room. What is more, the feedback is so nice, I literally feel like some kind of a cool person: even while being at school an unknown girlie told me a compliment… It made my day, truly. I do think there is no other option that continue my picture-posting journey.

[dominiquebleue]

les petites choses, 2022

[dominiquebleue]

A crazy moodboard with picture taken by my 11-year-old brother (I love you Karol, life is a blessing when I can always turn out in your room and start watching next series not thinking about even the tiniest worries of mine).

I am extremely insecure in front of the camera being scared of the real perception of mine and how people truly see me. There is no problem with posing around my brother, never feeling judged (even when he photographs me in briefs and tights: zero comments from him, only that the pictures are pretty). There is something amazing in the confidence you gain around people you can trust endlessly, it is not easy though. At least for me worrying a lot about my appearance and being judged all the time. So when my heart is opened up, I can truly see a vast difference and appreciate it. I only hope that I will find people who support me in my visions and want to make me the best person I could ever become. One day it can happen.

The last picture is one and only, Divine. I love her for the authenticity and craziness of her play, especially in Female Trouble. My favourite Waters’ film, filled with the abstraction and finest selection humour. (finest selection is subjective, okay???)

[dominiquebleue]

don’t you know the spark

coming out from the inside of the hollow

of the one you despise, the anger in your eyes

the eager to burn it down

don’t you know the spark won’t go away

[handsomegeniusoffline]

"Thank You Kiichiro Toyoda"

plastic Toyota logo (salvaged from 2014 Toyota Tacoma), plastic Crucified Christ figure.

Every car I've crashed was a Toyota, every time I walked away unharmed, and every one of those cars made a full recovery. A cross to hang above your front door to bless your travels 🙏

[687687675765-deactivated2023011]

@deathandsensuality

[dominiquebleue]

Me on my father’s amp

[dominiquebleue]

I realized how stuck i am to the repetitiveness of my life and every action I take. My life consist of the meetings which always look the same and I am so used to it that I am scared how it is going to look in the future. There is nothing spontaneous in my actions, I have never truly lived and everything is just passing by and accumulating to the sad moment of realisation that there is no time left. I am so done with the routine of mine and my art teacher who can’t see that I am the seperate entity from her. Forcing me to fit into the box is only making everything harder. I want to dream and I want to grow and I know I have done a vast progress suffering from depression and I have beaten it but for what? Impassivity is something that is coming back to me more often than I would like it to… Today is the day of blue thinking and being really worn out but I guess it will pass.

The sketch is inspired by Fred again and his song which David showed me.

We’ve lost dancing…

[dominiquebleue]

Natalia Lach Lachowicz, Sztuka zwierzęca, 1977.

[dominiquebleue]

I’ve been to Warsaw for a few days and it made me truly depressed lol. But there are some positives such as seeing A Triangle of Sadness by Östlund or Fangor’s art in real life! And what could be better than buying candles and a sketchbook in Muji store? Or having whole ass naked Carla Bruni in your bathroom? Disco ball at the cinema? I believe in small things that makes the world pleasant to look at… or that make you feel something.

[dominiquebleue]

Swirl, 2022

An artwork I have done during summer holidays, inspired by the oneiric world created by Maya Deren: almost hallucinatory, lynchian in a way.

[vampilllia]

「夢の続き DREAM BLUE」 the kiko mizuhara x monika mogi