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waiting663-deactivated20211206

necrocanophile

yay pissing

fivethousandpoints

they're calling me lady punchbrains cuz of my brains that need punchin

ilikesoupandcookies

i love my job

witchking888

tracesofsandalwood

via Vanessa Fraser on Flickr

pawtheticpuppyboy

I think when a sub says "you can do whatever you want to me" what they're actually wanting is to not make decisions anymore, and they think by saying this they can foist the decision making off on the dom without having to do any of the work beforehand. But unfortunately to get to the Not Making Choices part of kink you do in fact have to make a Lot Of Choices beforehand and communicate those choices to your partner. This is an essential part of the process and skipping it is both unsafe and unfair for whoever you're playing with.

Not Making Choices is the reward for communicating clearly, not the default

dotdotsdotsdot

had so much lukewarm sex because of people doing this exact thing. I have learnt to either avoid people like this, or if it's someone I'm really interested in (and is clearly a inexperienced with kink) be world's brattiest domme & make them make some decisions in a very satisfying and sexy way. I really reccomend instructing them to hurt you & watching them fail to hurt you hard enough & insisting they go harder. really opens up the back & forth and encourages them to engage with the sexual improv, while maintaining the power dynamic they crave.

another thing I find in these sorts of people is a lot of questions like "is this fun for you?" "are you enjoying this?". it's always difficult to answer but I guess it's nice to remind them that you wouldn't be doing something you didn't enjoy. ideally I'd like to have a one word answer that summarises that there's nuance to that answer always but that I'm enjoying things enough to continue doing it. a lot of this early sex with people for me is just about establishing a dynamic & seeing how well we work together sexually. so the answer isnt always "yes.". the one time I got asked this and wasn't irritated by it was with a very trusted person I play with when we were trying something new for both of us & I had a face mask on. I'm pretty sure I said "yeah, a lot" & pulled down the mask to reveal the enormous sadistic grin I'd had on my face the entire time before we chatted about how hot the whole thing was & got right back to it.

I choose to have vanishingly little interest in running prediscussed scenes for people when I'm not aware of how much they can be trusted in that situation. it can be a little frustrating to sort of demand some degree of a vibes based sexual resume but a lot of people don't understand their doms as other people trying to enjoy the sex and if you haven't grasped that level of understanding yet I either need to teach you it or ask that you fuck off. I'd really like to navigate my practice to a level where I'm more secure in knowing I'll get enjoyment out of kink with newer sexual partners but I think this is a case of learning to understand a bit better exactly what I want out of kink too.

pawtheticpuppyboy

I think when a sub says "you can do whatever you want to me" what they're actually wanting is to not make decisions anymore, and they think by saying this they can foist the decision making off on the dom without having to do any of the work beforehand. But unfortunately to get to the Not Making Choices part of kink you do in fact have to make a Lot Of Choices beforehand and communicate those choices to your partner. This is an essential part of the process and skipping it is both unsafe and unfair for whoever you're playing with.

Not Making Choices is the reward for communicating clearly, not the default